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Back to College Reflections ‘The Pause Button’ … and Accepting Change

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Me, just chilling at home, like I’ve been
doing for MONTHS.

Growing up, I was always that kid who called their mom to pick them up from sleepovers. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t like being away from home or because I missed my parents too much. Maybe it was a combination of both.

It’s funny because I was the one who started researching sleepaway camps and eventually found the one that my sister and I went to. I think it’s because I felt like it was something that big kids do. And yet, every phone call would end with me gulping down my tears, every visitor’s day would end with a counselor needing to calm me down and one year, every night I would fall asleep listening to my parent’s wedding song. It’s okay, laugh at me. My parents do.

When it came time for me to go away to college, I was so nervous. Would I be okay on my own? Surprisingly, I was fine! I mean, I ended up transferring but that’s a story for another time.

Like people say when relationships fall through, I’ve come to the realization that it’s not “you,” it’s me. It wasn’t where I was sleeping over or the summer camp I went to. I am just a homebody. I like having my two feet on the ground where I am most comfortable.

So when COVID hit and the world came to a halt and all college students were sent home, I really wasn’t devastated by the move.

I was made for this!

While a lot of my friends cried and were really sad to leave college, I came to terms with it pretty fast. Yes, I was sad that I’d be missing my first spring in Boston. Yes, I was sad because I finally felt like I found my groove in a new city and was finally enjoying college and it was put on pause. But…

I get to hang out with my twin sister, my parents and my dog? Sleep in my own bed? Not have to shower with shower shoes? This was a deal that I could be okay with.

Being someone that loves a routine and hates change, I found a good system at home that I have stuck with since March that consists of exercising daily, making pancakes way too often and putting most of my energy into my blog (shameless plug for operationhappinessblog.com or @operationhappinessblog on Instagram). Oh yeah, I also had online classes I had to squeeze in. But those didn’t cause any stress, just a lot of snack breaks and a severe focusing problem toward the end.

Initially, I would talk with my friends from school 24/7. It was like we never left. But as the months went on, I noticed that every day it would basically be the same: Hey, miss you! What’s new? Nothing? Same.

It became harder to talk to my friends every single day when there was literally nothing else to say. How was texting supposed to be the main form of communication I’d have with them for the next six months? Long distance is hard, especially when both parties are stuck at home doing nothing.

While I cherish my friendships greatly, if you know me, you know how important my family is to me. In high school, there were plenty of Friday nights where I said no to plans with friends because I would rather sit on the couch with my parents, eat candy and watch a movie.

Well, as you can imagine, there’s been plenty of candy eaten and plenty of couch sitting since March as a family. My parents were no longer empty nesters for a span of six months and I suddenly became attached to being home more than ever.

I was content. I couldn’t relate to the feelings of my sister or peers who were saying they just HAD to leave home and go back to school. Of course I want to go back, see my friends, decorate my apartment and eat from my favorite takeout place. I also know that if we were sent home again, I would be totally fine.

I can’t help but worry that leaving for my junior year of college is going to be much harder than leaving for school my freshman year. Things have changed. The world has changed. I’ve changed.

School is inevitably going to be different because of the times we are in. But I have a feeling that my habits will remain the same, now more than ever…me, sitting on my nonexistent couch because my apartment is the size of a toddler’s shoebox, eating candy and watching a movie with my roommates. Sorry Mom and Dad, you’ve been replaced. But I’ll be home soon.

Anti-Racist Action Emphasized at New Castle Rally for Change and for Standing Up Against Racial Injustice

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Member of New Castle Against Racism, Urka Swinney

Chappaqua, NY— Over 100 people attended “A Rally for Change-Stand Up Against Racial Injustice” on June 13 to demonstrate their commitment to making a change going forward. Horace Greeley High School alumni and members of the New Castle Against Racism group, Urka Swinney and Lara Fuhrer, organized the event working with other groups to make the rally possible.

“New Castle Against Racism is a group of Greeley students and alumni that just wanted to come together and make a change. So, we paired with Up2Us and some other small Facebook groups to put on this rally for change so we could make progress in the community,” said Swinney.

In addition to Up2Us, the group worked with the New Castle town board and with the Town of New Castle Holocaust and Human Rights Committee.

As of Friday morning, the day before the rally, the group had two speakers confirmed but dedicated energy and resources to securing others to ensure the rally would be a success. By Friday evening, the group had 15 speakers* lined up.  (See the full list of speakers at the end of this article.)

“I am proud to have been one of many involved in organizing A Rally For Change. The entire process was inspiring and encouraging to see how many individuals were dedicated to making this happen,” said Fuhrer.

Co-administer of Chappaqua Anti-Racism Dialogue Group: Reconciling Privilege, Juliette Harrison

Another Facebook group New Castle Against Racism paired up with is one that is co-administered by Horace Greeley High School alumna, Juliette Harrison.

“I think people in town need to start focusing on practicing anti-racist action which is one of the reasons I created the Facebook group the dialogue for anti racism where hopefully we can have zoom conversations to get that face to face interaction where the conversation is humanized a bit,” said Harrison.

Community members eager to both learn and to support black voices filled the rally.

New Castle Town Councilman Jason Lichtenthal said he attended the rally to continue to learn and to translate that education into action.

New Castle Town Councilman Jason Lichtenthal

“It’s important for me to be an ally for those who struggle to have a voice and to make sure that as a white cisgender heterosexual male that it is my job to listen and then go and act. I find that incredibly important,” said Lichtenthal.

Greeley senior Jacob Miller also attended the rally to continue to learning how to become a stronger ally.

Horace Greeley High School senior Jacob Miller

“I really wanted to come today because I think Chappaqua, along with the rest of the country, still has a long way to go in terms of overcoming its racist tendencies and I think just by uniting and listening to people in the community and hearing their stories, I will be better able to understand what I can do to be a better and more supportive ally,” said Miller.

Fuhrer also understands the importance of listening to become a stronger ally.

“It is important for our BIPOC community members to see and hear that they are not alone, anymore at least, and that we want to amplify their voices and for our White community members, like myself, to hear their stories and learn to become better allies. This is a movement that our community is dedicated to for the long haul,” said Fuhrer.

After the space began to fill with people wearing masks, holding signs and socially distancing, Swinney gave an introductory speech emphasizing the importance of committing to making changes going forward.

Then, a list of names was read. These names belong to black people who lost their lives to racial violence such as Eric Garner, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd and D.J. Henry.

Henry was a college student at Pace University when he was shot by police in Thornwood, New York in October of 2010. His name was on posters at the rally on Saturday and shouted when the timing was appropriate as his death took place nearby.

After the reading, the crowd observed a moment of silence before the speakers addressed them.

People from different backgrounds ranging from current students in the Chappaqua Central School District to local clergy and to the current New York State attorney general shared their insights and encouraged the crowd to continue to take action and make a difference. The sole person of color on the Chappaqua School Board, Victoria Tipp, gave an impassioned account of her own background, and stated powerfully at the outset: “We know systemic racism is a death sentence for black people and people of color. We are here to reject the myth of ‘the other’, to affirm our common humanity, and demand bold changes in our institutions.”

Victoria Tipp, CCSD board member and president of the Westchester Putnam School Boards Association

New York Attorney General Tish James summoned loud applause from the community members in attendance when she used part of her time to discuss how to learn, how to grow and how to make change come from this experience.

New York State Attorney General Tish James

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I see this really as a teaching moment that we need to be reminded of the words of Dr. Martin Luther King-that power is the strength required to bring about political, social and economic change,” said James. “And that power at its best is love, implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is love correcting everything and everybody who stands in our way for a more perfect union.”

Emily Nobel, HGHS Class of 2020

The momentum continued to build as Emily Nobel, a Horace Greeley senior, shared a statement she read at the interfaith vigil held on June 7.

“I don’t want the only place I ever feel completely safe to be my own bedroom, the minute I step outside my door, my pigmentation will determine how I am treated and it’s overwhelming,” said Nobel. “I don’t always want to be reminded that my skin color, something I had no choice over, something that I was born into, could be the same reason that I am perceived as a threat, that I am the one who is dangerous when all I ever did was live. That’s all we want to do. We want to live.”

Nobel expressed that she was nervous to speak among the voices of impactful leaders as a high school graduate but is learning what it means to be powerful.

“I’m a small part of a movement that’s been going on before I was born. It’s almost comforting to know I’m only a very small part of this movement, because that means that there’s many people working to make this movement provide long lasting change. I feel that the only thing I really know is how I feel. Trying to describe how I feel to people, so they can understand just a glimpse of what it’s like to be me, has been most effective in making my own impact,” said Nobel.

New York State Senate Majority Leader Andrea Stewart-Cousins spoke about the 1999 Bruce Springsteen song, “American Skin (41 Shots)” written about the police shooting death of Amadou Diallo, a black man killed in the vestibule of his apartment in the Bronx by four New York City police officers. The officers fired a total of 41 shots hence the name of the Springsteen song.

“Bruce’s haunting refrain was ‘it ain’t no secret, no secret my friend, you can get killed just for living in your American skin.’ That was in 1999 and I for that brief moment thought that there were people other than people of color who understood what was happening to communities of color, I thought surely the working class hero that people admire and love would be able to break through that barrier but it didn’t happen,” said Stewart-Cousins.

Fuhrer received notes after the rally about how appreciated and inspiring the event was. One note in particular stood out to her.

“One of the Town Board members shared that her 11-year-old son told her after that he “felt a new understanding after hearing the speeches” and this deeper understanding is exactly why a rally like yesterday’s is important. It forces us to acknowledge our bubble of Chappaqua and challenges us to begin deconstructing our privilege and become accomplices in the movement,” said Fuhrer.

New York State Senate Majority Leader Andrea Stewart-Cousins
Westchester Deputy County Executive Ken Jenkins
16th District Legislator Christopher Johnson

 

 

New Castle Town Supervisor Ivy Pool quoted Senator Kamala Harris stating, “This is not a moment. This is a movement.” With Deputy Supervisor Jeremy Saland (left) and Town Council member Jason Lichtenthal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*SPEAKERS

Alyssa Ashley, recorded statement – Horace Greeley High School class of 2014

Eric Berkeley– Horace Greeley High School class of 2014

Adam Cisse, recorded statement – Horace Greeley High School class of 2017

Monique Dorsey – Community business owner: Double Dees Catering and Wrappers Delight located in Mt. Kisco

Vedat Gashi– County Legislator and Muslim immigrant, statement read by Rrita Osmani– a Chappaqua resident, recent Cornell graduate and former campaign staffer. 

Teddy Graves, recorded statement – Horace Greeley High School class of 2013 

Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe – Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester, Chappaqua, New York

Tish James – Attorney General of New York

Ken Jenkins – Westchester Deputy County Executive

Christopher Johnson -Westchester County Legislator of the 16th district, Yonkers

Ivy Pool and Jeremy Saland– New Castle Town Supervisor and Deputy Supervisor Pool is starting a Council on Race and Equity to create an action plan for our community.

Zabeen Mirza – Interfaith Council & Community Outreach Ambassador, Upper Westchester Muslim Society, New Castle Resident, Chappaqua Mom

Emily Nobel – Horace Greeley High School class of 2020

Andrea Stewart-Cousins – New York State Senate Majority Leader

Urka Swinney – Horace Greeley High School class of 2015

Rene Syler, recorded statement – Community member and American broadcast television journalist 

Victoria Tipp– Member of the Chappaqua Central School District Board of Education, president of the Westchester Putnam School Boards Association representing 54 school boards in the two counties, on the steering committee of the Lower Hudson Education Coalition advocating for the 77 school districts in Westchester, Rockland, Putnam and Dutchess Counties.

Photo Credits: Photos of Urka Swinney, Juliette Harrison, Jacob Miller and Jason Lichtenthal by Lauren Rosh. Additional Photos by Grace Bennett

Impact of Racism Hits Home as a School District Self Examines and Commits to Change and Growth

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Chappaqua, NY— Growth. The banner sign outside the administration building for the Chappaqua Central School District could not be more symbolic. For we are all learning. No community is immune or free of the ravages of systemic racism that is being addressed in unprecedented protests in cities and towns around the nation following the death of George Floyd while in police custody-aggravated by the delay in bringing murder charges against the Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin’s for his actions in Floyd’s death. 

That includes the community of New Castle, where last night, the Inside Press learned, a group of Chappaqua students and parents, especially those who have been directly impacted, are holding the Chappaqua school district and school board accountable for experiences they say indicate a tolerance for systemic racism within the school district.

Currently, a Tik Tok video circulating in social media depicts a group of Greeley teens offensively using the N-word. According to parents calling out the incident and by those discussing it in social media, there was a weak/inadequate disciplinary response–a brief suspension. A new source points out, however, that the video was withheld from the school district for an unspecified period impacting the disciplinary action. But the problem is more ‘systemic’ too, according to these same discussions.

An on the record open letter received last night by one former Greeley student to the Inside Press was within hours retracted by a legal team for this student who reversed course and asked that it not be published. The student offered, however, that it can provide insight of pain and trauma experienced by students of color inside the school district.

The Chappaqua School board,  in the meantime, this morning responded to a collective voicing of “grief and outrage” with the following statement promising to bring about change:

Dear Chappaqua Central School District Community, 

As our nation confronts the continuing scourge of racism and oppression faced by African Americans and people of color, and as we continue to witness horrific and brutal events around our country and racist incidents in our own community, we know that we must commit to change.

We are appalled and devastated by racially divisive incidents in our schools and our society as a whole. We know that our staff, students, parents, alumni, and community feel the same. From the many letters which were sent to us today by our students and alumni, we are bearing witness to an outpouring of grief and outrage, and the recounting of personal experiences of racism in our school community. We thank you for reaching out to us and want you to know that the actions you have taken will make you a part of the solution. 

We are resolute in our commitment to address and support social justice education in our schools. Here are some examples of what we are doing to help bring about change:

  • The District will continue to work with Facing History & Ourselves so that our curriculum can better address and examine racism, anti-semitism, and prejudice at pivotal moments in history, and so that we may help students connect choices made in the past to those they will confront in their own lives.
     
  • Our faculty will engage in professional development to help facilitate important conversations with our students that address racism and enable all of us to meaningfully process the events unfolding in our country and our community.
     
  • We have made a commitment toward addressing diversity in our staff, and have made progress in doing so, through our involvement in the Regional Diversity Recruitment Fair.
     
  • The District has created an Equity P.R.I.D.E. (Promoting Racial Inclusivity, Diversity & Equity) Fellowship. This is a team of K-12 educators who will focus on understanding bias and how it impacts our work as educators as we strive to promote equitable, diverse and inclusive learning spaces where all learners, both adult and student, can feel seen, heard, valued and respected. The Equity PRIDE Fellowship will analyze feedback sent to the Board of Education and our District Administration as a part of their work. They will present recommendations to the Board of Education on how we can enhance our social justice instruction District-wide.
     
  • We continue to support student-led initiatives including the Black Student Union and ENOUGH at Greeley, and the Diversity Clubs at both middle schools. These student clubs are focused on promoting equity, inclusivity and diversity in our schools and the larger community.
     
  • The Board of Education has recently accepted a substantial grant from the Chappaqua School Foundation, which will enable us to further diversify our elementary classroom libraries.   

We acknowledge that we can, and must, do more as we work and interact with our students, especially students of color, to listen to and understand their experiences with incidents of racism in Chappaqua schools. We will continue to review our curriculum to ensure that we are educating our students and school community about systemic racism which continues to perpetuate discrimination and oppression in the nation and within our own school community. 

We are committed to doing better and will work to do so by maintaining and promoting an anti-racist stance. Please continue to provide feedback. Please continue to report incidents. We will listen, we will share information with our community, and we will hold ourselves accountable in helping our district bring about change.

Sincerely, 

The Chappaqua Central School District Board of Education

Jane Kimmel Shepardson, President
Holly McCall, Vice President
Hilary Grasso, Member
Warren Messner, Member
Victoria Tipp, Member

 

A Dog’s-Eye View of Protecting Against Coronavirus

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Dogs. Perfectly situated to relay the weirdness, but also the silver linings of families staying home and staying safe.

Something seems strange in our once very predictable world and we are having trouble putting our paw on it. We used to wake up in the morning and after a hearty breakfast and a scratch behind the ears, our family would depart.  Now, suddenly, our family doesn’t leave in the mornings anymore. In fact, they don’t leave at any time during the day. They are home all day long, all five of them, from the time we roll out of our crates in the morning to the time we head back in at night. And why aren’t they getting dressed? Something has definitely changed and we can’t decide if we are happy about it. What we know for sure is that we are being affected, both positively and negatively, by the change in their daily routines and accordingly in ours. 

We used to lay around most of the day, resting and dozing in our curled up positions on the couch in our calm house.  Now it is impossible to get any peace and quiet as the five of them are constantly arguing about what’s for dinner and who gets the X-Box in the basement that night. They are so loud; we just want to nap!

As for our comfy couch, it has been replaced by the not so comfy floor as there is always someone in our familiar spot either watching tv, doing homework or zooming with their friends.  However, lucky for us, they brought back family movie night, a tradition of days past. During these times the eight of us sit together on the couch. We get snuggled and kissed a lot and they even share their snacks with us. We really like family movie night.    

And what is with all the exercise?!  We have gone for more walks over the last 2 weeks than we have in the last 2 years. And it’s not just us. Suddenly our neighborhood is filled with our friends and their families. It is so nice to see everyone and show off our new and improved physiques. Have you seen the rump on that one?  

Unfortunately, we would love to go up to our friends for a sniff, but for some strange reason, all the humans stand on opposite sides of the street when they chat. They make jokes about a new term called social distancing, but does it apply to dogs too?  Smell ya later Chase.  

And the food! Everyone in the house is always, I mean ALWAYS eating. There is always food on the counter for one of us to try to steal and lots of crumbs on the floor for us clean. It’s a good thing we are all getting the extra exercise. We sure do need it. 

My family is also doing some very unique activities. My mom and sister have just started doing a jigsaw puzzle and they seem to be getting along.  (The second part is very unique!) My dad is finally fixing things around the house that he “never had time” to do before. My youngest brother is growing a beard. My mom is cleaning all the drawers and the closets (head to Jessie’s room please) and they keep sending out my oldest brother for toilet paper.

Finally, we have become show and tell objects. My brothers and sister are constantly talking to their friends through their computers and they keep making me wave my paws at the people in the screens. Annoying! I never had to engage with these people before, why am I now being introduced to new people now?  How about a little social distancing please!

The Adventurous Spirit

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Jodi Baretz at the Grand Opening of the Center for Health and Healing in Mount Kisco where she is a practitioner
Jodi Baretz at the Grand Opening of the Center for Health and Healing in Mount Kisco where she is a practitioner

By Jodi Baretz

Endings are naturally sad and beginnings are naturally scary. The end of the school year is bittersweet. June is full of graduations, whether it be from high school or simply moving up to the next school or grade. Wrapping up the year comes with many feelings, some of accomplishment, pride and excitement, and some of sadness for it’s the end of an era. It simply can have many meanings to different people based on their experience and where they are in life.

Moving up and moving out for our seniors can be an adventurous time. What will the next year be like? Will they make friends? Will they be happy? Will they survive? There is plenty to be nervous about. While there is plenty of uncertainty and unanswered questions, going into the unknown with a spirit of adventure can definitely allay some fears. Embracing this time of life, and being confident that all the preparation they have done has gotten them ready for this next phase is key. They are warriors and will prevail. While it’s all a new adventure, be prepared for the ups and downs. Be accepting of the fact that it’s ok if all doesn’t go perfectly.

“Always remember, it’s simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.”
–Sarah Ban Breathnach

When we learn and grow, there may be some obstacles along the way, but that is what makes it all the better when we succeed. When we hold on too tightly to the notion of perfection, we fear the house of cards will fall at any time, so we can’t relax and enjoy the journey. Believe that you will be able to handle whatever comes, and so will they. There is nothing in life so far that you couldn’t handle. We get through it all, and the fears and stories we tell ourselves are so much worse than reality.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all; in which case, you’ve failed by default.”
–J.K. Rowling to Harvard in 2008

My oldest son will be a senior at Greeley next year, and there are so many emotions that go along with that. There are many ways to look at this, and based on the way I think about it, will determine how I handle this transitional period in our lives. I know that it will be time for him to go, and he will be ready for his adventure. However, every time I think of him moving on, I become an emotional wreck. I keep reminding myself that this isn’t about me, and he is ready. We can’t freeze time. On the other hand, I am ready for my next adventure.

While I thoroughly enjoyed raising my kids, (for the most part), now it’s time for me. It’s time to travel, dive into my career, and do things that I am passionate about. So many of us tend to lose ourselves when we are tending to our kids. I see this often in my practice, and it’s so important for us to have our own adventures, desires and time for ourselves, even while the kids are still home. Making time for yourself is not selfish, we become better parents and people when we have things in our life that have meaning besides our kids.

When my children were younger, my husband told me that I always seemed to be “searching” for something. I needed my adventure, and to find something I felt good about doing.

I got out there and tried many things until I found what I loved to do. I talk a lot about how fear holds us back, especially a fear of failure. Yes, you may fail. I have many times, and each time brought me to my next step in my journey. Failure just means you had the courage to get out there and do something.

Begin Again

So whether it’s you or your kids, we all have adventurous spirits inside of us, and need to get out there and do what we love to do. Beginnings are scary for everyone, and things may not always be perfect, and that is ok. Perfectionism is way overrated, and living and embracing all that live has to offer is way more important. Congratulations to all the graduating seniors and empty nesters that have successfully raised their children. You will both be off on your own adventures…be that warrior, take your spear, and don’t fear the peaks and valleys.

Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC is a psychotherapist and holistic health coach at The Center for Health and Healing in Mt. Kisco. She specializes in helping busy men and women reduce stress and anxiety using mindfulness and meditation. Jodi runs a Mindfulness Bootcamp group called “Mindful is the New Skinny,” and speaks to various groups, schools and organizations on the topic. Please visit www.jodibaretz.com.