The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Humor

What your Favorite School Supply Says About You

by

Inside Press intern Mia Brown reveals her favorite school supply item!

As we begin the upcoming school year, back-to-school shopping quickly enters everyone’s lives. While school supply shopping can be a hassle, there’s always at least one item that we have a soft spot for. Whether it is a backpack or just a simple eraser, your favorite item has a lot to say about you, and here’s what I personally think they say. See if you agree.

Backpack

You buy a new backpack every year and conduct a deep search to find the perfect one. You start your back-to-school shopping in the middle of July because you want the best and nothing less. After mom and dad set a budget on it (groan…) you choose a little less expensive one but still snazzy. When you walk down the hallways in September, you eat up the compliments. You want school to start now. What it says: You are Fashion Forward but also growing savvy about a good deal!

Calculator

You love math and science and are probably taking rigorous courses in that area. Math has always been easy for you. You would rather spend time solving math equations than ever having to read a book or write an essay. At this point in your math career, you have games downloaded onto your calculator for when class is boring because it just isn’t hard enough for you. What it says: You also have big dreams and can’t wait to continue your learning this school year!

Laptop

You hate pens and pencils and wish you never have to write on paper ever again. You take pride in being a Google Chrome or Safari user and will only stick with one search engine. You try to carry as few things as possible with you and keep everything you need on your computer. What it says: You are extremely tech savvy and will be taking an engineering class in the fall.

Notebook

You are organized and take pride in it. You are always willing to show off your beautifully categorized notes to help your friends out when they are struggling. Being in the top of your class is a priority, but you somehow manage to do it with ease. You are the classmate that can always manage to give your peers a piece of paper if they don’t have any… and they all are extremely thankful for that. What it says: You are pumped up for the school year and can’t wait to see your friends in the fall!

Pencils

You have a strict preference between mechanical or just a simple number 1 pencil. You either are an incredibly talented artist who can transform any sheet of paper into a masterpiece or just hate that pens aren’t erasable. The only thing that you don’t like about pencils is when the eraser runs out. What it says: You are excited to meet your new teachers and can’t wait to be back at school again.

Pens

You have a h3 dislike for writing with pencils and hate making mistakes. English or history is your favorite class because you enjoy being able to write on paper instead of typing on your computer. Your goals for the school year include getting straight As and perfecting small doodles on the side of your paper without ruining the rest of your school work. What it says: You’re a hard worker who wants to excel this school year and won’t let anything get in your way.

Post-It Notes

You like to pass notes during class and think it is better than secretly texting on your computer. When shopping for Post-Its, you like to get a variety of colors. You are a bubbly and vibrant person. What it says: Seeing your friends is Priority #1 when you go back to school.

White Out

You often make mistakes, but you also know that mistakes are the foundation of learning. You are probably taking difficult classes this year and are preparing for the worst, but you are also ready for the challenge. In class, your friends thank you for helping them cover up their mistakes quickly. When you get bored in class you paint your nails with White Out or draw with it on the side of your paper. What it says: You know school is always a wild ride and you can’t wait for it to begin!

‘The Points Daughter’ Tells All!

by

 

The author and Cindy Greenstein, aka The Points Mom

It’s not easy being the daughter of The Points Mom. Whether I must snap tons of photos for my mom’s Instagram or listen to my mom talk shop constantly, my job as “The Points Daughter” is somewhat difficult. At restaurants with my friends, before COVID-19, I was fearful that I would pull the wrong card out of my wallet. I always prayed that I was not the family member that must plead guilty to my mom’s text “who used the blue card for dinner”? It’s hard to hide the mistakes when the bill comes. Luckily, the extra time with quarantine has pushed me to memorize which card to use when: gold for food, blue for everything else. Needless to say, she makes us use our credit cards for everything. I don’t mind though, she pays my credit card bill!!

My mom is always looking to expand her audience, especially with teenagers. She would insist my friends follow her on Instagram (thepointsmom_) and like her Facebook page. My mom has also been spotted in her prized t-shirt donning The Points Mom logo. She often wears this shirt at big tourist attractions, but now on Zoom calls. Can someone else walk next to her please?

My mom is always looking for more content for her website. She loves stealing articles from my website, kiddingaroundtheglobe.com, for her website, www.thepointsmom.com. I think that’s plagiarism.   

People are always asking my mom for advice. She does Zoom consultations and gives lectures and her clients never hold back to shoot her texts and calls. I don’t know how anyone can listen to her talk about points for so long. However, she does seem to know what she’s talking about. I have picked up on some of her lingo like “maximizing points” so that whenever my friends ask why I use this or that card, I can truly answer as ‘The Points Daughter’.

My mom even offers advice to strangers when she sees them using the wrong card at the supermarket, or, pre COVID-19, at the airport paying for bags. She makes sure to offer advice about using “the right card.” My brothers and I make sure to run away or hide when my mom does this.

Travel is one of many things that I miss. My mom alleviates lots of the stress that comes with travel. TSA PreCheck and Clear offers us expedited security checks. My family no longer needs to yell at one another to rush out of the house, or wake up 30 minutes earlier to beat the line. Airport lounges are also the best; we get them for free. My family gets to stock up on nuts and pretzels, recharge our devices, and relax before our flight. But, I mostly like them for the free food.

Unfortunately, airplane seats are never favorable. We often arrive at the airport with “no seats,” a price you may pay for booking using miles. We frequently end up sitting far apart. In fact, we often have one person in row 5, while another is in the back row in a middle seat; this person is usually my dad. However, sitting alone taught me at a young age to fare for myself on a plane. I have even mustered up the courage to order my own snack box. I know what card to use and exactly how much I need to spend on each plane ride. My brothers and I always have to buy snacks on the plane to use up free airline credits–even if we aren’t hungry.

My mom is always doing things for “credit.” On one trip, we had to order breakfast from a hotel down the road to use up my mom’s free hotel credit. And when I go to my yearly swim meet in Florida, we stay at a Hyatt, while the rest of my team stays at the Hilton, because we get free nights with my mom’s Hyatt credit card. Luckily, over the years, my mom has convinced other swim moms to get a Hyatt credit card too.

As annoying as her know-it-all remarks are, she knows her stuff. One day, I hope I am as passionate about something as my mom is about credit card points and travel. I am inspired by her commitment in helping other families travel for free. It goes without saying, but thank you mom. Our family vacations have been great, even if you take way too many pictures. I am excited to see what you have to bring in the future and I am proud to be The Points Daughter.

A Dog’s-Eye View of Protecting Against Coronavirus

by

Dogs. Perfectly situated to relay the weirdness, but also the silver linings of families staying home and staying safe.

Something seems strange in our once very predictable world and we are having trouble putting our paw on it. We used to wake up in the morning and after a hearty breakfast and a scratch behind the ears, our family would depart.  Now, suddenly, our family doesn’t leave in the mornings anymore. In fact, they don’t leave at any time during the day. They are home all day long, all five of them, from the time we roll out of our crates in the morning to the time we head back in at night. And why aren’t they getting dressed? Something has definitely changed and we can’t decide if we are happy about it. What we know for sure is that we are being affected, both positively and negatively, by the change in their daily routines and accordingly in ours. 

We used to lay around most of the day, resting and dozing in our curled up positions on the couch in our calm house.  Now it is impossible to get any peace and quiet as the five of them are constantly arguing about what’s for dinner and who gets the X-Box in the basement that night. They are so loud; we just want to nap!

As for our comfy couch, it has been replaced by the not so comfy floor as there is always someone in our familiar spot either watching tv, doing homework or zooming with their friends.  However, lucky for us, they brought back family movie night, a tradition of days past. During these times the eight of us sit together on the couch. We get snuggled and kissed a lot and they even share their snacks with us. We really like family movie night.    

And what is with all the exercise?!  We have gone for more walks over the last 2 weeks than we have in the last 2 years. And it’s not just us. Suddenly our neighborhood is filled with our friends and their families. It is so nice to see everyone and show off our new and improved physiques. Have you seen the rump on that one?  

Unfortunately, we would love to go up to our friends for a sniff, but for some strange reason, all the humans stand on opposite sides of the street when they chat. They make jokes about a new term called social distancing, but does it apply to dogs too?  Smell ya later Chase.  

And the food! Everyone in the house is always, I mean ALWAYS eating. There is always food on the counter for one of us to try to steal and lots of crumbs on the floor for us clean. It’s a good thing we are all getting the extra exercise. We sure do need it. 

My family is also doing some very unique activities. My mom and sister have just started doing a jigsaw puzzle and they seem to be getting along.  (The second part is very unique!) My dad is finally fixing things around the house that he “never had time” to do before. My youngest brother is growing a beard. My mom is cleaning all the drawers and the closets (head to Jessie’s room please) and they keep sending out my oldest brother for toilet paper.

Finally, we have become show and tell objects. My brothers and sister are constantly talking to their friends through their computers and they keep making me wave my paws at the people in the screens. Annoying! I never had to engage with these people before, why am I now being introduced to new people now?  How about a little social distancing please!

Comedy in the Time of Corona

by

“Mind if we watch another Curb Your Enthusiasm?” my husband asks at midnight. Nobody has to get up before 8:30 a.m., so why not? It’s become something of a ritual: we started watching the new season of Larry David’s sitcom a few weeks ago, and then returned to the early episodes when Larry was – gasp – younger than we are today. And slightly less prickly than Bernie Sanders’ doppelganger is now in his seventies, making him expendable for the sake of the economy, according to some politicians. Turning off Brian Williams and turning to comedy has become a way to mitigate the stress of anxiety-tainted days. We sleep better when the night’s last note is hilarity rather than foreboding.

Comedy television is no panacea for a world on fire, but it does provide temporary relief from the flames. Some mornings I wake up and feel the weight of all the generations of my immediate and extended family. The most difficult has been my older sister’s failing health, and the barrier that the coronavirus has erected between her and a safer, healthier day-to-day life. She and her husband, who has Parkinson’s, were planning to move from Rhode Island to an assisted living community in Wisconsin near one of her daughters, a herculean effort for some of us in the days leading up to the move. The complex went on corona lockdown fifteen hours before her flight was scheduled to take off.

There seemed to be no humor in that moment– just disbelief at the unluckiness of our timing.

But isn’t that where humor is often buried? In irony, in bad luck and misfortune? My friend Eileen, one of the funniest people I know, helped me laugh at the absurdity of the situation for the first time. If you Google humor quotes, you’ll find the inspirational words of everyone from Erma Bombeck to Langston Hughes. Some are more profound than others. I like these words from (the also expendable) Mel Brooks, “Humor is just another defense against the universe.”

We need all the defenses we can muster these days. Cue Curb Your Enthusiasm’s clownish theme song. Larry David’s petty grievances, politically incorrect rants and personal interactions are so ridiculous and cringe-worthy that my husband and I can’t help but laugh for the twenty-five – forty minutes that each episode lasts. It’s enough time to forget that our college senior didn’t get to finish her final year at the school she loves and will probably have a hell of a time finding a job; or that our college freshman wasn’t able to complete his first year of independence and is now stuck with us for at least six months. (There is a silver lining in having our adult children home a little longer.)

Some people will be unable to find any silver linings in this time of crisis. Too many have already have faced unimaginable tragedy and thousands more will follow. As another elder statesman of comedy, 98-year-old Carl Reiner recently tweeted, “For the first time in memory I see nothing in this world about which I care to joke.” Agreed. But it is precisely the time that we can look to the fiction of television and film comedy for the jokes, for the respite.

Maybe Larry David the TV character can worry so freely about life’s nothings because he has no kids to worry about, and enough money to be insulated against economic anxiety. Oh to be wealthy and frivolous enough to open a coffee shop just for spite. That was so 2019.

2020 will be a year of financial reckoning for many. There is someone in our extended family whose company is struggling for survival. Another two who have been looking for a job – that task will be more difficult now than ever. We have two young nurses in our midst – one waiting for the dreaded peak, the other at home with a ten-week-old – my grand-niece – worried about going back to work in this inhospitable climate. And there’s the patriarch of our extended family who is ninety-two and in relatively good health for his age. But he is ninety-two – one can’t help but worry about him and his peers.

This virus is a multi-generational scourge: it may prefer the elderly, but it does not discriminate against the young, as we have begun to learn. And as the long arm of its economic fallout reaches into the 401k’s of our retirees, it also empties the wallets of the working class, feeds the instability of our hourly workers and undercuts the fragile economies of our newly minted high school and college grads. Many of our waiters and service workers are young or supporting young children. And many are society’s most vulnerable members.

Humor will not play a part in the economic stimulus package, of course. But humor can provide an assist in our psychological recovery plans that reaches across generations. Fleabag, Veep, Big Mouth, SNL, I think You Should Leave, Barry, Schitt’s Creek – their comedic social commentary can help us get through the night and redirect us to a future when this virus is in our rearview. (Save too-close-to-home dramas like Years and Years for post-pandemic viewing.)

There should be no guilt in alleviating the darkness of the moment for a short while, especially in the hours before we sleep.

With every episode we watch of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I hope HBO does a coronavirus season next year. Just imagine Larry David fumbling with this crisis – infuriating people, saying and doing all the wrong things, paranoid about every sniffle and cough. They probably won’t touch the subject for good reason, but maybe David is just irreverent enough that he will. And maybe it will be the balm we need when this is all over.

Bear Hunting in the ‘Burbs with My Son

by

One of the bears sighted during our hunt
PHOTO BY Jennifer Drubin Clark

We were bored. REAL bored. “We” being my 3-year-old son and myself. The school day was over, our stomachs were full, the weather was crummy, and we had just about exhausted every activity within our house AND the tri-town area (Armonk, Chappaqua and Bedford as we refer to them). It was then, with fierce intent, the idea-heavens rained down upon us. Before we knew it, we were packing up bags of snacks, clothes and shoes suitable for any terrain, binoculars, a camera, and a pen with paper…we were going on a bear hunt.

Perhaps Michael Rosen, the famed author of “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” got into our heads?

The car was packed and I found myself more excited about this adventure than any other we’d gone in the past. Why? Because I, mommy here, actually had NO idea where on Westchester’s green earth we were going to find a bear. Yes, a fake one…although I wondered at times if we would have more luck finding a real one?  Anyways, off we went!

The sun shade was down and his binoculars were in full effect as we cruised towards Main Street. Never thought my child could be so silent on a car ride. Bless this bear hunt.

Growing up in the Rocky Mountains, surrounded by carved wooden bears, I had a premonition that we might have a sighting if we headed towards Hickory and Tweed. After all, biking plus skiing = wildlife! The door made its’ familiar jingle as we entered and I secretly prayed that our first bear sighting was going to be just around the corner, literally. FAIL.

“Hi, can I help you find something?” a nice saleswoman asked as Spencer knelt down to focus his binoculars on a piece of dirt.

“Um yea.  We’re actually looking for bears….,” I said.

Spencer looked up at me annoyed that I asked for help. He really wants to feel the hunt. I saw it in his eyes. That’s when the saleswoman and I locked eyes, she must have her own kids…she “got it”, and she “forgot” I asked for help as she motioned her eyeballs up the stairs (where they do rentals/ fittings).

“Momma, there’s no bears in here,” he said.

“Wait bud, let’s check upstairs!,” I replied.

Lo and behold, the carved wooden bear I was hoping to see. He stands tall. My son is beside himself. We document our first sighting with time and location, and snap his picture. I give the nice saleswoman a nudge as we walked out in pure elation and off we went to find our next “furry” friend.

This next one wasn’t so easy, BUT the powers of the universe have a funny way of showing us that they’re paying attention. Spencer NEEDED hot chocolate to carry on. He was just so exhausted and that was the only thing that could bring him the energy we needed to keep on trekking. Keeping in line with our animal hunt theme, we landed at The Beehive.  He opted for whipped cream and I took a pass.

Now, this time for real, no help here, we get back in the car, I do the loopty loop to get out of the parking lot, and I hear and feel violent jeers coming from the back of the car.

“BEAR, BEAR, BEAR, BEAR, BEAR, BEAR,” my son screams excitedly.

Holy crap. Kid scared the freaking hot chocolate out of me. But he wasn’t lying and he sure wasn’t seeing things. There he stood, our next beautiful sighting; perched nicely above the westward parking lot.  Anyone wondering how old a kid is before they’re capable of shedding joyful tears? Three. We jotted down the details from our second sighting, snapped his photo, and slowly regained normal heartbeats.

How were we ever going to top this?!!! I mean we went on a bear hunt and actually found a bear all by ourselves!

As I glanced into my rearview mirror, I saw the yawns coming. My hunting partner was starting to fade. It was 4 p.m. and if I let him fall asleep then, bedtime would be brutal. This is when you pull out your mommy tricks…

“Bud, we did so good today. I can’t believe we found TWO bears!  Ice cream time?” I ask.

He stays up. Our bear hunt ends with us sitting on a cow licking ice cream cones for the day. A few days later, we decided to go on another wildlife hunt. As luck would have it our town is a hotbed of other wildlife including the Armonk Eagle and the Guardian Lions sitting outside of David Chen.

Can you help us find more animals in Armonk? Pack up your kid and your car and go and get your hunt on!