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Reflections

Goodbye Armonk: Gratitude, Reflection, & Vision for a Prosperous Suburb

June 1, 2022 by Andrew Murray Dunn

After a generation in the community, my family is moving on, which is bringing up a range of thoughts and feelings. In reflecting on how Armonk shaped me as a person, I’m struck by how much of a gift it was to grow up here: the natural beauty, sense of safety, abundant opportunities. And how no gift comes without its price. 

For me, a town like Armonk’s most potent gift is achievement culture. Like many families who flocked here in recent decades, we were drawn by the quality of the school district. My siblings and I dutifully jumped through all the academic hoops, orienting towards what seemed like a shared north star of get good grades, to get into good schools, to get good jobs, to afford good things, to have a good life and create a better one for our posterity.  

But because that cycle had been spiraling upwards for three or four generations, and then comes along little anxious Andrew in one of the wealthiest and most academically competitive zip codes in the United States, the story I internalized was that I had to do something BIG in order to feel complete, loved, accepted. Which would look something like brute force way into Ivy League, let loose to compensate for emotional and spiritual malnourishment, burnout and move to India for detox and balance. Then brute force way through Silicon Valley, get lost in the clouds of saving the world, go to my room to think about what I’ve done. In both cycles, I almost didn’t make it out alive. 

Acknowledging the multiplicity of backgrounds and ways that others experience this neck of the woods, I wonder why we don’t give more attention to the impacts of pressure of expectation and narrow definitions of success. Especially amidst an exploding global mental health crisis and increasingly destabilized society. It makes me wonder if poor mental health and resilience are the biggest prices we pay to live in a place like Armonk or countless other suburban, achievement-oriented communities around Westchester and the world. And if so, how can we acknowledge and shift that in a good way? 

Beyond mental health, what if overachieving atrophies our capacities for resilience? Rigid identities (“I am my job”) and expensive habits (“my net worth is my self worth”) can lead to isolating cycles of wealth accumulation in which we meet more of our needs through buying things instead of through community support, making us more fragile to shocks to the system and less adaptable to change. I’m not against wealth. I am for awareness of the tradeoffs; especially the unnecessary suffering in pursuit and as a result of wealth. 

I’m also curious about the impact of achievement culture in this historical moment when it has become clear that our Western consumerist lifestyles bear the bulk of the responsibility for the planetary crisis. With an estimated one billion humans displaced by 2050, will we environmentally, socially or spiritually be able to pursue a high earning career, that will afford a McMansion(s) life, with multiple new of every thing every time it breaks or the styles change, to then herd our kids into elite educational and professional paths that exacerbate the situation? Whew. The complexities of navigating life during the sixth mass extinction are heavy. Compassion all around.

Educator Zak Stein in Education in Education is the Metacrisis points out that when social systems are in periods of rapid transformation, the role of schools becomes contradictory. They teach knowledge that is no longer relevant, socialize individuals into roles that no longer exist, and provide the mindsets needed to continue ways of life that are rapidly disappearing. Zak argues that students deserve an education relevant to the world they inherit, and that the future depends on the articulation of a new vision of humanity. What might that look like? 

In 2018 I received a tear-jerking vision for Armonk’s future during a meditation session. I saw the possibility of: flourishing individuals, families, and community. Children coming alive, discovering their authentic passions, bringing their fullest expression forward, cultivating healthy lifestyles. Beautiful threads of love and healing, weaving the fabric of our social relationships into a beautiful tapestry. Joyful, educational, and supportive interactions between neighbors, generations, and unlikely friends. Group therapy for those wounded by the common thread of pressure of expectation to conform to a narrow life path and identity. Excess resources flowing naturally to the areas of greatest need. Courageous gestures of resistance and care amongst those in positions of power. A shared motivation to leave Armonk better than we found it. The potential of Armonk as a role model for upper class achievement communities. 

Utopian fantasy, or within reach and worth orienting towards? What is the role for a resourced, elite-adjacent (2%?) community like Armonk in the transition from here to there? I’m encouraged by initiatives like the Byram Hills Challenge Success program to center student wellbeing, and the Buy Nothing community on Facebook to promote sharing economy principles. I believe our religious institutions have a significant role here, with time tested wisdom that holds clues to the big questions, including how to build resilience. And I believe in every person. Any citizen can step into leadership now. We can choose what happens next. We vote everyday for the town we want with our words, dollars, choices and ideas. What would a Renaissance of civic engagement look like? What do you perceive is imbalanced in Armonk? What are you positioned to change? What is your unique perspective that gives birth to your unique gift?

What if all the achieving and wealth accumulation was in service of freeing up time so that we might focus on cultivating resilience, healing, self and community actualization of the next generation? I hope that children who have such a large safety net(s) may be fully supported in becoming artists, activists, healers and roles of service we can’t even imagine. That one of the primary goals of Armonk be to identify their true gifts, and help them bring them into the world in a good way.  

Many in Armonk have the privilege to think about these bigger questions, take risks, rest and play and create. Let’s play with the levers to balance things out: less virtue signaling, more vulnerability. Less wealth, more health. Less mundane, more sacred. Less consumption, more creativity. Less avoiding pain, more attaining joy. Less external power, more internal strength. Less speed, more depth. Less security, more choice.  

At the end of the day, there’s no perfect town. There are no easy answers here. Armonk is a mixed blessing for many. Perhaps this is our unique paradox to wrestle with: how to create the best life for ourselves and the next generation, without crushing them, atrophying resilience, and harming people or planet. Maybe it’s one we’ve been wrestling with since time immemorial. 

The unabridged version of this letter was first published on Medium in late 2021.

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: achievement, achievement culture, affluence, Andrew Murray Dunn, Armonk, Essay, Gratitude, Reflections

Back to College Reflections ‘The Pause Button’ … and Accepting Change

August 24, 2020 by Megan Klein

Me, just chilling at home, like I’ve been
doing for MONTHS.

Growing up, I was always that kid who called their mom to pick them up from sleepovers. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t like being away from home or because I missed my parents too much. Maybe it was a combination of both.

It’s funny because I was the one who started researching sleepaway camps and eventually found the one that my sister and I went to. I think it’s because I felt like it was something that big kids do. And yet, every phone call would end with me gulping down my tears, every visitor’s day would end with a counselor needing to calm me down and one year, every night I would fall asleep listening to my parent’s wedding song. It’s okay, laugh at me. My parents do.

When it came time for me to go away to college, I was so nervous. Would I be okay on my own? Surprisingly, I was fine! I mean, I ended up transferring but that’s a story for another time.

Like people say when relationships fall through, I’ve come to the realization that it’s not “you,” it’s me. It wasn’t where I was sleeping over or the summer camp I went to. I am just a homebody. I like having my two feet on the ground where I am most comfortable.

So when COVID hit and the world came to a halt and all college students were sent home, I really wasn’t devastated by the move.

I was made for this!

While a lot of my friends cried and were really sad to leave college, I came to terms with it pretty fast. Yes, I was sad that I’d be missing my first spring in Boston. Yes, I was sad because I finally felt like I found my groove in a new city and was finally enjoying college and it was put on pause. But…

I get to hang out with my twin sister, my parents and my dog? Sleep in my own bed? Not have to shower with shower shoes? This was a deal that I could be okay with.

Being someone that loves a routine and hates change, I found a good system at home that I have stuck with since March that consists of exercising daily, making pancakes way too often and putting most of my energy into my blog (shameless plug for operationhappinessblog.com or @operationhappinessblog on Instagram). Oh yeah, I also had online classes I had to squeeze in. But those didn’t cause any stress, just a lot of snack breaks and a severe focusing problem toward the end.

Initially, I would talk with my friends from school 24/7. It was like we never left. But as the months went on, I noticed that every day it would basically be the same: Hey, miss you! What’s new? Nothing? Same.

It became harder to talk to my friends every single day when there was literally nothing else to say. How was texting supposed to be the main form of communication I’d have with them for the next six months? Long distance is hard, especially when both parties are stuck at home doing nothing.

While I cherish my friendships greatly, if you know me, you know how important my family is to me. In high school, there were plenty of Friday nights where I said no to plans with friends because I would rather sit on the couch with my parents, eat candy and watch a movie.

Well, as you can imagine, there’s been plenty of candy eaten and plenty of couch sitting since March as a family. My parents were no longer empty nesters for a span of six months and I suddenly became attached to being home more than ever.

I was content. I couldn’t relate to the feelings of my sister or peers who were saying they just HAD to leave home and go back to school. Of course I want to go back, see my friends, decorate my apartment and eat from my favorite takeout place. I also know that if we were sent home again, I would be totally fine.

I can’t help but worry that leaving for my junior year of college is going to be much harder than leaving for school my freshman year. Things have changed. The world has changed. I’ve changed.

School is inevitably going to be different because of the times we are in. But I have a feeling that my habits will remain the same, now more than ever…me, sitting on my nonexistent couch because my apartment is the size of a toddler’s shoebox, eating candy and watching a movie with my roommates. Sorry Mom and Dad, you’ve been replaced. But I’ll be home soon.

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: Accepting Change, Back to College, change, Chilling, Chilling at home, College, COVID, Family, Operation Happiness, Reflections, school, summer

“Hometown” of Reader’s Digest Leaves Surprising, Lasting Impact

August 24, 2020 by Dietrich Gruen

Pleasantville-Coach K with a helmetless Dietrich at his side

It was a bright and sunny day–in the 70s–the 1970s. Not much else is memorable–except how we were greeted upon introducing ourselves to Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion, being broadcast from St. Paul, MN. So we stood tall, saying: “We’re from Pleasantville, New York,” adding, “home of Reader’s Digest.”

To which the radio host quipped: “Funny,… you don’t look condensed.”

The whimsical Keillor knew that Reader’s Digest is renowned for hardcover anthologies of “condensed” books and other easy-to-digest articles, humor, and whimsical anecdotes about “Life in these United States.” Also well-known is that Reader’s Digest calls Pleasantville, NY, its hometown. Great made-up name, right? Almost as fiction-sounding as “Lake Wobegon” is for Garrison Keillor and his prairie home companions.

Pleasantville is a real place, but did you know that name is used by ten other towns in these United States? (DE, IN, IA, MD, NJ, NC, OH, PA, TN, and WI.) I learned that much when the coming-of-age movie, Pleasantville, debuted in 1998. I had insisted that movie featured my hometown but was told otherwise–that it was based on a composite fictional Pleasantville.

Nothing fictional about where I grew up–except for the fiction that Reader’s Digest is located there. While most Americans would connect the Reader’s Digest Association with the Pleasantville in NY, all their books and magazines were produced in the next town over, Chappaqua. But my Pleasantville won its USPS contract, which accounted for 96% of all mail passing through our post office.

I hasten to add: The Readers Digest Association did start in Pleasantville in DeWitt Wallace’s garage in 1922. Over the next 17 years, it occupied 14 overflowing office spaces throughout our little village. It moved to a 116-acre campus in Chappaqua in 1939, remaining there 71 years until declaring bankruptcy and reorganizing. At its peak in the 1980’s, Reader’s Digest reached 100 million readers in 163 countries, with 48 editions and 19 languages. Westchester County, NY, is still home to all U.S.-based Reader’s Digest editorial members.

An injured Dietrich cheers on his team

Because of its Pleasantville origins 98 years ago and the still-current USPS connection, the Reader’s Digest Association put my little hometown (circa 7000 pop) on the map. Otherwise, we are a tiny bedroom community of suburban NYC, my household blending with 25 million others within an hour’s drive.

I grew up as one piece in a 1000-piece puzzle, trying to figure out how to fit into the bigger picture. Little did I know then how much that little town in the shadow of

the Big Apple and its association with Reader’s Digest would influence my life and chosen livelihood.

I was raised by a stay-at-home mom and a commute-to-NYC dad who worked 55 years for one company, tackling enemy combatants in WWII and all manner of epidemics since, missing just two days of work. Companies facing today’s pandemic shut down and furlough workers–but not then, not to the Greatest Generation. They would mask-up and make sacrifices to combat COVID-19.

A village of parents sacrificed themselves to rescue me from a reckless life and ‘enemies’ that plagued me. A local pastor and his wife, John & Muriel, became my second parents, turning me to Christ and his church. I also grew up under Pleasantville’s Coach K, a Vince Lombardi-type football coach who always had us ready to tackle enemies within–and those across the scrimmage line. To this day, thanks to the influence of a small village, I am loyal, well-prepared, disciplined, passionate, and ready to tackle giant obstacles like COVID-19.

Pleasantville not only turned my life around, but shaped my livelihood, too. I am now a copywriter whose writing niche includes book summaries, people profiles, populist blogs, study notes and reflection questions with whimsy–all to bring meaning and life application out of good books and the Good Book. I used to collect, from garage sales, anthologies of Reader’s Digest book summaries. I was busy, lazy and a slow reader, so this was just compensation for my deficits. I later figured others like me could benefit from a digest of Christian resources to make the Bible and its truth more accessible.

Yet all this time, I had not subscribed to Reader’s Digest. After they tracked me down online, I yielded. What is more, I gifted a subscription to my brother in DC. As we move into retirement, we have more time to relish this timeless treasure.

Reader’s Digest–with its small hometown values and giant legacy–affirms the idiom that “what goes around comes around.”

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: Coach, DeWitt Wallace, Essay, Football, Garrison Keillor, Hometown, Lake Wobegon, Personal Essay, Pleasantville, Reader's Digest, Reflections, USPS

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