The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Inside Thoughts

Blanketing the Town with Love

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There’s Elf on a Shelf and there’s Mensch on a Bench, but we have a “Mystery Mensch” in our midst. Mensch is the Yiddish word for a good person. Our Mystery Mensch got busy crocheting colorful throws to keep her busy since March and quarantine set in. More than a dozen of these handcrafted gifts were sent by the Mystery Mensch who had lived in Chappaqua for 20 years before relocating to Virginia.

The Mystery Mensch doesn’t necessarily know all the people she crochets for. She asked friends in Chappaqua to recommend recipients. “They have to be a good human being who does good for the community. I would ask people who they thought I should make a throw and they threw out names to me. Cristina Lee was one of them.” The Mystery Mensch would contact the recipient and ask them to send her a picture of their couch and four of their favorite colors.

“I was very grateful to be chosen,” said Cristina Lee, a founder of the Tri-State Mask Making Group. “It’s a very special gift, especially because she made it with so much love during COVID. She did it for special people and I’m honored.”

Our Mystery Mensch has a history of performing acts of kindness. The former Westchester County parole officer organized a meal train for someone who was undergoing treatment for cancer whom she only knew from Facebook. She took her to the doctor and checked in on her regularly. She was a source of comfort to this woman who says she will be forever grateful to her.

When she moved to Richmond three years ago to be near one of her children she continued to do good deeds. Last year she made scarves for first grade children in a disadvantaged school in Richmond. “I don’t have the social life I had in Chappaqua,” the Mystery Mensch explains. “I needed something to do.” She plans to crochet scarves for the Kindergarteners in the school.

Two years ago, she got involved with another project. She joined a small group of people who would meet immigrants at the Richmond bus station coming from Honduras, El Salvador and Guatemala who were on their way north from Immigration camps in Texas.

The group of volunteers brought them care packages of food, clothing and drinks.  “Many of my Chappaqua friends sent me boxes of food and treats and drinks. I couldn’t afford to keep buying things. It was my Chappaqua friends who stepped up and sent me stuff. That’s when collaboration became one of my favorite words.”

The Mystery Mensch also started what she calls “Bagel Thursday.” “I have been getting donated bagels and people come to my house and pick them up from my porch.”

Crocheting the multicolored striped throws was beneficial for the Mystery Mensch as well as the lucky recipients. “I don’t have much to do since retirement and not being able to socialize now because of COVID-19, I needed to keep busy.” She watches a lot of television while she crochets away. “I miss going out for coffee and lunch or dinner with friends.” Prior to COVID-19 she traveled a lot to visit her children and has been to South Africa since her retirement.

When asked what lessons she learned in life, she said, “I’ve learned to be humble.” That explains her wish to be anonymous for this story and sums up the Mystery Mensch quite well. An unpretentious person doing good for the pure joy of the deed. A real Mensch!

A Search for Joy in ‘Something New’

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Contemplating the Holidays Without My Extended Family

One of my brothers-in-law recently noted that the lack of family gatherings over the last seven months has thrown off his internal calendar. We have a large extended family–and it’s the celebrations and gatherings with those relatives that help mark the passage of time and distinguish one week, one month, one season from another.

If ever there was a time that we could benefit from the rhythm and joy of family gatherings, it’s now. And yet, if ever there was a time that we could benefit from staying away from each other, it’s now.

In past years: The author’s extended family at Christmas

So, what to do with the holidays? In normal years, we would host anywhere from 20 to 30-something on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Our mid-century modern house isn’t huge, but its open floor plan allows everyone to be together in the same space whether cooking or engrossed in conversation. On Thanksgiving, we drag extra tables and chairs up from the garage, and each individual family contributes dishes and their labor to the effort. On Christmas, the base of the tree is smothered in gifts we exchange through Secret Santa and a hilarious Yankee Swap. I love watching the cousins of my children’s generation curl up together on our wraparound sofa like one long genetic sequence.

We are lucky: there is no embarrassing drunk uncle disrupting dinner. I am lucky: I never feel burdened by the toll of the work because there are so many hands offering help. If it sounds nauseatingly civilized, I suppose it is. I embrace the winter holidays with a passion that would provoke eye rolling among cynics, an association to which I belong the other ten months of the year.

This year with the pandemic still raging and travel fraught with peril, some of our family members are spread far enough away that they might as well live on another planet. My daughter, who just graduated from college in May, will be spending Thanksgiving in Alaska where she currently lives, returning for a week or two at Christmas. My son, a sophomore in college, is not allowed to come home for Thanksgiving unless he stays here through Christmas and winter break. So, we will be empty nesters for the first time ever at Thanksgiving. My sister recently moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin, to be with her daughter. I have two sisters-in-law who, with their families, live flights away, one in Europe. They haven’t seen any of their siblings (there are seven) or their ninety-three-year-old dad in nearly a year.

We’ve had a few conversations about the possibility of mini gatherings of six-ten. We’ve also considered the question, could Thanksgiving be held outdoors? We bought a restaurant-grade deck heater that could warm a handful of guests. But what if it rains or snows? We’re fortunate that our kids will be able to return home for Christmas. But because one will have been on a plane, the other on campus, we will likely stay clear of our extended family in December.

None of this is tragic of course–we are healthy, for now. More intimate versions of yearly traditions are hardly a disaster. The upside: a reasonable size turkey, one less tray of stuffing and more in-depth conversation.

I’ve noticed that my family and friends are careful not to complain too much about their pandemic malaise, acutely aware of the kind of emotional, physical and economic suffering that plagues so much of the country. There is guilt attached to wallowing when others have it worse. But perhaps one holiday gift we can give ourselves and those in our orbit is the freedom to acknowledge how much this has impacted us–changed us–left us without many simple joys, like connecting over a turkey and stuffing, around a tree, or to light candles.

As anyone who has had a birthday in this pandemic season understands, our celebrations this holiday season will be different–or at least they should be. And while they will be stunted, we may find in them something new, and some familiar comfort in their rhythms and joy.

Back to College Reflections ‘The Pause Button’ … and Accepting Change

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Me, just chilling at home, like I’ve been
doing for MONTHS.

Growing up, I was always that kid who called their mom to pick them up from sleepovers. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t like being away from home or because I missed my parents too much. Maybe it was a combination of both.

It’s funny because I was the one who started researching sleepaway camps and eventually found the one that my sister and I went to. I think it’s because I felt like it was something that big kids do. And yet, every phone call would end with me gulping down my tears, every visitor’s day would end with a counselor needing to calm me down and one year, every night I would fall asleep listening to my parent’s wedding song. It’s okay, laugh at me. My parents do.

When it came time for me to go away to college, I was so nervous. Would I be okay on my own? Surprisingly, I was fine! I mean, I ended up transferring but that’s a story for another time.

Like people say when relationships fall through, I’ve come to the realization that it’s not “you,” it’s me. It wasn’t where I was sleeping over or the summer camp I went to. I am just a homebody. I like having my two feet on the ground where I am most comfortable.

So when COVID hit and the world came to a halt and all college students were sent home, I really wasn’t devastated by the move.

I was made for this!

While a lot of my friends cried and were really sad to leave college, I came to terms with it pretty fast. Yes, I was sad that I’d be missing my first spring in Boston. Yes, I was sad because I finally felt like I found my groove in a new city and was finally enjoying college and it was put on pause. But…

I get to hang out with my twin sister, my parents and my dog? Sleep in my own bed? Not have to shower with shower shoes? This was a deal that I could be okay with.

Being someone that loves a routine and hates change, I found a good system at home that I have stuck with since March that consists of exercising daily, making pancakes way too often and putting most of my energy into my blog (shameless plug for operationhappinessblog.com or @operationhappinessblog on Instagram). Oh yeah, I also had online classes I had to squeeze in. But those didn’t cause any stress, just a lot of snack breaks and a severe focusing problem toward the end.

Initially, I would talk with my friends from school 24/7. It was like we never left. But as the months went on, I noticed that every day it would basically be the same: Hey, miss you! What’s new? Nothing? Same.

It became harder to talk to my friends every single day when there was literally nothing else to say. How was texting supposed to be the main form of communication I’d have with them for the next six months? Long distance is hard, especially when both parties are stuck at home doing nothing.

While I cherish my friendships greatly, if you know me, you know how important my family is to me. In high school, there were plenty of Friday nights where I said no to plans with friends because I would rather sit on the couch with my parents, eat candy and watch a movie.

Well, as you can imagine, there’s been plenty of candy eaten and plenty of couch sitting since March as a family. My parents were no longer empty nesters for a span of six months and I suddenly became attached to being home more than ever.

I was content. I couldn’t relate to the feelings of my sister or peers who were saying they just HAD to leave home and go back to school. Of course I want to go back, see my friends, decorate my apartment and eat from my favorite takeout place. I also know that if we were sent home again, I would be totally fine.

I can’t help but worry that leaving for my junior year of college is going to be much harder than leaving for school my freshman year. Things have changed. The world has changed. I’ve changed.

School is inevitably going to be different because of the times we are in. But I have a feeling that my habits will remain the same, now more than ever…me, sitting on my nonexistent couch because my apartment is the size of a toddler’s shoebox, eating candy and watching a movie with my roommates. Sorry Mom and Dad, you’ve been replaced. But I’ll be home soon.

The Power of Pets in the Pandemic

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Little did I know that I would be prepared for the pandemic thanks to my dog Maggie Mae and my single lifestyle. In March when Governor Cuomo announced “New York State on PAUSE (Policies Assure Uniform Safety for Everyone)” I wasn’t sure what life would be like, but I soon learned I would be okay.  

I’m used to being by myself and I enjoy my own company but at the same time I like to socialize so I had to figure out how this was going to work in lockdown.

Having Maggie Mae with me was very comforting even before the pandemic.  Now it was especially good to have a living creature in the house. As soon as I heard we were on lockdown I devised a plan.

I made a pact with my friend Barbara to check in with each other daily. I called friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while and wrote a very long overdue thank-you note to my high school French teacher Ellen LeClair who gave me advice that changed my life.

Since I don’t consider myself old but am in the demographic that needed to take more precautions, I did curbside pickups for food and ordered everything else I needed online including Maggie Mae’s food. I will be forever grateful to my goddaughter’s father and good friend Alex for offering to do anything I needed from picking up prescriptions to buying the much-coveted toilet paper. And I am thankful for the friends and neighbors who said, “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”

I baked and cooked a lot.  In the spirit of victory gardens, I purchased an indoor garden and grew lettuce, basil and tomatoes. I bought lots of things for my kitchen among them an azure blue standing mixer with a glass bowl that I named “Betty” and a couple of Dutch ovens. I ordered as much flour and baking supplies as I could get. When yeast was hard to find my former student and now friend Ann sent me some from Massachusetts.

Even though I always wear a mask when Maggie Mae and I take our walks, we physically distance. Maggie Mae didn’t seem to understand why our neighbors didn’t come over to pet her. One morning on our walk into town, we saw our friend Carmine. Excited to see him, Maggie Mae wagged her tail. She was used to him picking her up or bending down to give her a hug. When there was no hug forthcoming, she looked sad.

In the late morning just after she had her daily snack, Maggie Mae would hear me say, “It’s Cuomo time.” She knew what that meant. It was time for her to hop up on the sofa and watch Governor Cuomo’s daily briefings with me. She would snuggle up next to me as I took notes so I could post a relevant quote for my Facebook followers.

Maggie Mae’s reaction to my virtual Pilates session was priceless. She was puzzled when she saw me lying on my Pilates mat in the middle of the living room and she heard the voice of Lauren, my trainer coming from my laptop which was also on the floor. She barked at me and the expression on her face reflected what she probably would have said, “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

My biggest stresses were about Maggie Mae. Going to the vet was challenging.  They had new protocols and I had to wait in the car while they took her inside. And I had no idea when she would ever get a haircut again. While I am still in Phase One for the most part, the mobile grooming started up again in June and came to us to keep her looking her best curly-haired Poodle self.

The saddest thing for me was when my childhood friend Jeanne’s husband passed away from COVID. It was heartbreaking not to be able to be with her at the funeral or during Shiva. We talked on the phone a lot, but nothing can replace a hug.

I read that adoption rates for first-time pet owners was up all over the country. I can understand why. Having the company of my darling little dog, and her kisses and hugs made this challenging time much more bearable. I don’t know what I would do without my girl, Maggie Mae.

If you want to hear Maggie Mae’s side of the story check out her blog. https://maggiemaepup.com/2020/07/04/pandemic-pup-reporter/

The Corona Chronicles: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

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Creative pursuits: A lemonade stand with proceeds going to frontline healthcare workers

This past February my neighbor and I drove to the city with our kids to see National Geographic Encounter’s Ocean Odyssey. As we sped down the Saw Mill, she asked me if I’ve been following the news about a new virus called COVID-19 that originated in China and was now raging through Italy. Yes, I had heard murmurings but the illness was somewhere else not on our shores. “Buy toilet paper, Purell and plenty of wine,” she said. Thank goodness for well-informed neighbors.

Now that my kids have completed iLearning, I’ve had the time to reflect on how COVID has impacted our family. Each family has had their own struggles living in the “new normal” and this is a glimpse into ours.

The Good

Let’s start with the good. Life pre-COVID, our life was in the fast lane–running from one activity to the next from after school activities to birthday parties to playdates. COVID put that to an abrupt halt and our lives have slowed down significantly. My mom always admonishes me saying that we run ourselves ragged. “You didn’t have a million after school activities and you turned out ok.” Hmm, maybe she has a point.

Isolation forces your kids to come up with their own entertainment when they weren’t on devices. I’ve enjoyed watching my kid’s creativity blossom from making a lemonade stand to raise money for frontline healthcare workers to devising carnival day in our house, my kids have created fun options that don’t even cost a cent. Having weekends devoid of activities, we’ve had a chance to explore treasures in our backyard with hikes at Ward Pound Ridge and Pruyn Sanctuary.

We’ve had more time together and one of the best things about this has been our ability to have dinner as a family every night. With my husband’s long hours in the office and frequent business trips, we sometimes managed to only have dinner as a family once or twice a week and I’ve always wanted more of them – but be careful what you wish for. I’m up to my eyeballs in dirty dishes with everyone home 24/7.

The Bad

I am not a patient person and some of my most harrowing moments of this pandemic has been iLearning. I realize how fortunate I am – I haven’t lost loved ones or have a job that puts my life at risk during this pandemic but iLearning has tested every fabric of my being. I had to sit down with my first grader for almost every assignment, prod my fourth grader into completing assignments and then harass my sixth grader daily who at first showed the most promise with iLearning but then lost motivation after it extended beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations. The yelling, the crying, the role of being the resident nag–it was all too much. And all this fighting was going on with my husband in his home office trying to be on conference calls. “My clients are wondering why WWIII is going on in the background,” he said so many times I lost count. So I let my kids go back to playing Fortnite as default entertainment.

The lack of planning for a dinner with the grandparents or a trip to a museum in the city has filled me with sadness. It’s this lack of possibilities and planning for the future that I am mourning most during COVID which leads to the ugly section.

The Ugly

The lack of predictably with COVID and who will fall victim to it scares me. Right now with the NY infection rate hovering at 1% as we go to print, I feel like we are in a “sweet spot”. It’s only a matter of time though before it gets worse again according to epidemiologists. And so I wonder should I stock up again on canned beans and Clorox wipes?

Each morning I scan the New York Times headlines. Never before have I felt so hopeless about our future. The politicization of mask wearing, the high infection rates in the Sun Belt, the double-digit unemployment numbers and the racial disparities in how this disease is affecting our nation, it’s too much to absorb. I now shut down after reading for a half hour instead of compulsively reading like I did in the early stages of the pandemic. And each afternoon while I hash out the day’s headlines with my neighbor in my cul-de-sac during a “COVID cocktail hour”, I’m grateful she suggested in February that I stock up on wine.