The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Ronni Diamondstein

Remembering Lawrence Otis Graham

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Lawrence Otis Graham in 2015. Photo courtesy of Michael N. Meyer/Cuddy & Feder LLP

If you were lucky enough to know Lawrence Otis Graham, he would greet you with his mile-wide smile and twinkling eyes, so happy to see you. Whether he was in a hurry or not, he took the time to chat and ask how you were doing and catch up. He always had time for his friends and neighbors.

Lawrence Otis Graham, Chappaqua resident, respected attorney, author, media commentator, board member and lifelong advocate for diversity passed away on February 19, 2021. He was 59 years old and is survived by his wife, Pamela Thomas-Graham, two sons, Gordon and Harrison, a daughter Lindsey and his brother, Dr. Richard Graham. He graduated from Princeton University and Harvard Law School. Graham was an attorney at the White Plains law firm Cuddy & Feder. Graham was one of the most widely read Black writers of the 1990s and is well-known for his 1992 New York magazine cover story, “Invisible Man,” about his experience working in a restaurant at the Greenwich Country Club. He recounted the racism, sexism and anti-Semitism he encountered as a bus boy. The bestselling author of 14 non-fiction books about politics, education, race and class in America, Graham’s work includes the books, The Senator and The Socialite: The Story of America’s First Black Political Dynasty and Our Kind of People: Inside America’s Black Upper Class, his New York Times and national bestseller that is currently under development by Fox Entertainment as a television series based on this book. 

A dear friend …

Graham showed promise from his childhood. Stacey Blaustein Divack has known Graham since the 7th grade in the White Plains Schools, and their friendship lasted through the years, especially when they found themselves both living in Chappaqua. She has many memories of her dear friend. “Larry was a super high achiever. He was the Editor-in-Chief of ‘The Orange,’ our high school paper. He was principled, not political and determined to publish the truth. He was tireless, did his homework and left no stone unturned.” She also recalls from her high school days, “As a leader, he took ownership of issues and coming up with solutions. He followed his dreams and despite some tough situations and racial hinderances, he overcame. He would never attain his goals by the wrong means. It was hard work and honesty.” He was a great friend. “If you called him, he was there, or he beat you to being there.” Family was so important to Graham. “He came from parents who cared so much, and he was very hands-on with his own children.” And she adds, “Larry had an inner spark that radiated and permeated everything he did. He wanted to make a mark in the world. He had his own unique style: brilliance, warmth, caring, humbleness. He was such a warm soul.”

Thanks to Vanessa Williams and her mother Helen, the Grahams settled in Chappaqua in 1998.

Helen Williams recalls, “Vanessa found the house and encouraged Larry to take a look telling him here’s where you should come, the schools are great and it’s a great piece of property–and he bought it.” Mrs. Williams has been a friend of the family for 30 years having met Graham’s mother Betty as fellow members of  LINKS. “Each year Larry would bring me a poinsettia for Christmas. And he did again this year. It was always something I looked forward to. We had a special connection and talked a lot. He listened well to suggestions and advice almost as if I was a mother mentor for him.” What will she miss most? “His eager smile and his laugh, everything about the essence of him. He had so much more to offer. He was always working on something and always looking forward. I will miss his presence on this earth, how much he gave and how much more he had to give.”

Graham was the Chair of the Westchester County Police Board. County Executive George Latimer wrote, “I met him when he and his wife Pam–a talented and successful executive in her own right–lived in White Plains and I was going door-to-door running for re-election as a County Legislator. I walked away from that front door meeting knowing I had just met an impressive man… and he was that and more over the 25 plus years of our friendship.”

A grateful person …

Political differences never defined his personal relationships according to Tara Rosenblum, News 12 Reporter/Anchor. Graham appeared on the weekly Newsmakers program as a political analyst and was often on air election nights. “Lawrence was able to have a political disagreement and separate it from your friendship. He was always there on a moment’s notice. You could ask him about any topic and he could expand on it like an accordion, filling in as much time that was needed to a commercial break. He had incredible political insights and intuition but, what I found most impressive about him with all his achievements, he never forgot the little things people did for him along the way. He was just such a deeply grateful person.”

A good neighbor …

Former New Castle Supervisor Barbara Gerrard has some reflections on Graham. “Larry was the quintessential Renaissance man, but more than that to people in Chappaqua, he was a neighbor, a dad, a concerned friend, the kind of good person we all strive to be. I first met Larry when he was running for Congress. I had just been elected to the New Castle Town Board, and he reached out to offer his assistance in any way he could. It was always his way to offer help, advice, or just an attentive ear, to anyone who needed it. He had that overarching ability to connect with everyone he met, an ability enhanced by his genuine concern with neighbors and friends. It is difficult to accept that his presence will no longer grace our community.”  

Graham could be seen in local shops all over town. Gerrard continues, “He took advantage of everything Chappaqua had to offer. When his children were young, you’d often find him bringing them to Town, especially to the Chappaqua Library, his favorite destination.”  Not only a visitor to the library, but Graham also did an author talk about his book, Member of the Club: Reflections on Life in a Racially Polarized World. 

When former Town Supervisor and School Board member Janet Wells was forming the Chappaqua School Foundation, Graham helped to bring awareness to the organization. He hosted free events, among them a pre-college program about his Ten Point Plan for College Acceptance, the book he wrote while a student at Princeton. Wells worked with him on his 1999 Congressional campaign doing fundraising and was often with Graham on the trail. “Larry had energy and enthusiasm, and he had a lot to offer. It’s really sad he never became a Congressman; he would have contributed so much.” Graham returned the favor to Wells. “He was kind and helped me with my campaign. I always knew I could call him. He would recognize a problem and something he could do to help even before I would even ask. He was such a sensitive person. One of the things I loved about him was how he seized all the opportunities to enjoy life.”

Nichelle Maynard-Elliott, co-chair of the New Castle Council on Race and Equity, has a long history with Graham. “I first met Larry as a first-year summer associate at Weil Gotshal. He was a warm and friendly face and personality. He generously offered his support and guidance as an older, full time associate. Our paths crossed again much later in life as our children attended the Armonk Montessori together, and we discovered we were neighbors in Chappaqua. His warm smile and infectious enthusiasm were consistent for the 30 years I knew him.”

President Bill Clinton shares his thoughts. “Hillary and I liked and admired Larry very much, and we enjoyed the chance to get to know him over the last 20 years. We’re grateful that, in addition to shining a light on the role of race and class throughout our history and in our present day, he used his many gifts to make Chappaqua and Westchester better, stronger, and more inclusive. His passing is a big loss for the community, and our thoughts are with his family and all the people whose lives he touched.”

A beautiful soul …

At his funeral service, on February 27th at the Grace Episcopal Church in White Plains, his wife Pamela spoke about what Graham would want all of us to remember. There were four things: Never give up, have no ego, be a light in the world, and savor the moment. And she added, “be kind.” Lawrence Otis Graham was all that. He leaves us with quite a legacy in his 59 years on this Earth, and a big void now. Maya Angelou said, “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.” Lawrence Otis Graham, the great and beautiful soul that he was, has done just that. 

Statement from the New Castle Council on Race & Equity:

While Lawrence Otis Graham was not an official member of the CRE, he certainly stands out as a prominent BIPOC member of the Town of New Castle. He wrote compellingly about growing up upper-middle-class and Black, and the pressures of navigating these two sometimes conflicting identities. Our neighbor’s unique voice on the challenges of living in a white world while holding on to Black culture will be missed.

It’s a Wonderful Life for Ian and Lauren Karr

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Lauren and Ian Karr
PHOTO BY CAROLYN SIMPSON

Ian Karr, who grew up in White Plains, always thought he’d live in Chappaqua. Lauren, his wife, was a city girl who was never leaving the city. One day in 1997 Ian came home to their 52nd Street apartment to find Lauren with the Real Estate section of The New York Times. “I’m looking for houses in Chappaqua,” she told him not long after they had visited some friends who had moved up from the city. “It was a nesting thing,” says Ian. “We had a baby. She was six months old and we felt like we needed more space and a nice place to live.”

The Karr’s story is like many who find themselves living in the town. “We liked the location. It’s close enough to the city. It’s sophisticated but country,” says Ian. “One of the big factors is the great school system,” adds Lauren. “We’ve seen the full cycle in Chappaqua from pre-school, playgroups to empty nests.”

Twenty-four years later they are empty nesters. Their baby Jayden is now 24 years old and living in the city pursuing a career in eCommerce. Their son Gregory is a Junior at Syracuse University majoring in Finance and Real Estate.

Ian is an award-winning producer and director and the founder of IKA Collective a production company that celebrated its 35th anniversary on March 11th. Ian began his career on country radio stations in New Orleans and New York, but storytelling, photography and filmmaking were in his system since his childhood. He got his first production job in 1986 with Merrill Lynch. From Merrill Lynch he took on commercial clients in the late 90s doing promos for TV clients and then in the late 2000s original content and commercials. The company has grown to include such clients as the Hallmark Channel. “We do a lot of work with Hallmark Channel,” says Ian. “We do promos, behind the scenes for a majority of their movies, bonus content with stars, and we originated the podcasts. Hallmark is near and dear, and they are incredibly nice people.” Ian kept up his radio work and joined comedian Jackie Martling for the “Joke Hunt” on SiriusXM Radio for eight years.

Lauren had a career as a Print Broker and opened her own printing business which she had for ten years. When she fell in love with Pilates after Gregory was born in 2000, she was encouraged by her instructor Lesly Levy to become an instructor herself. Lauren is now a certified Pilates Trainer and Pilates Teacher Trainer. She has worked in several studios in Westchester and has been with Breathe Pilates & Yoga in Chappaqua nearly ten years. Helping people gives Lauren great satisfaction. “Most of my clients have some issue with their back or their spine. I feel good making them feel better and strengthened.”

Once Lauren embraced the suburban life, she became involved in the PTA. She ran the Westorchard Spring Fair for many years and continued to be involved with PTA when her children were at Seven Bridges Middle School and Horace Greeley High School. She took to gardening and planted a vegetable garden. Raising chickens was always on Lauren’s bucket list so she and Ian found some Pullets on Craig’s List and set up a coop in their backyard for several years. “It was a learning experience,” says Lauren. “And they loved me because I fed them.”

Skiing bonded the Karrs and it became a favorite family activity. Since 2003 they have gone out to Utah with the family. “We really loved the feeling, the vibe of it, the people, and all the people coming from all over to be there,” says Lauren.

A love of cars created a bond for Ian and his son Gregory. “When Greg was nine years old we restored a 1965 Mustang. I wanted a fun father-son activity. Little did I know it would unlock the inner mechanic in me,” says Ian. Ian brought the car to the Auto Center at Reader’s Digest to mechanic Stu Silverman. “Stu would put it on the lift and check my work. He was very encouraging through the process–a great mentor and neighbor helping neighbor.”

The Pandemic has impacted both their careers. For Ian there is a lot less travel. “Production is a team sport, it’s a hive. So we had to develop new protocols which allowed for collaboration at a distance. Once those were in place, it’s amazing how quickly our crews adapted.”

Lauren does virtual Pilates training now. “For me it’s great because I still have the connection with the clients. It’s different in that I can’t be there with them,” says Lauren. “It’s making the best of whatever the situation is. I’m still getting that level of satisfaction of making people feel good.”

COVID-19 brought some other changes to their family. Jayden, their 24-year-old daughter was furloughed from her job at Bergdorf when NY Pause began. It was a challenging time for many young people who were without work. Not knowing what the future held Lauren encouraged Jayden’s creativity and Jayden launched ZIP’D Wear, a casual clothing line. “It took her mind off things, and fortunately in July Jayden was called back to Bergdorf,” says Lauren. Always the entrepreneur, Jayden still keeps up with her business.

The Karrs reflected on their 27-year marriage, their careers and their life in Chappaqua.

“Laughing is a huge part of our marriage,” says Ian. His advice: “Don’t take yourself too seriously and create circumstances for you to grow together.” Lauren adds, “The key is mutual respect and to be on the same page about parenting.”

“With the pace of things today, it’s easy to feel like we’re on a hamster wheel,” says Ian. “One day I watched a hamster in a pet store. You know how hamsters get off the wheel? They jump. I learned from that little rodent that if you want to get off the hamster wheel you have to take a leap, you can’t just slow it down.”

And has their life been like a Hallmark movie? “Typically, in a Hallmark movie one of the important themes is rediscovering yourself and what’s important in your life after you’ve been sidetracked or led astray. It becomes a tug of war and the characters always choose people over things,” Ian says. “The parallel for me in my life with Hallmark is I tend to choose relationships and the happiness of the people around me over almost everything else.”

As a friend once told Ian, “Marriage is like a great movie. Ninety percent of it is casting.” It looks like Ian and Lauren Karr are the stars of their own inspiring journey.

Blanketing the Town with Love

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There’s Elf on a Shelf and there’s Mensch on a Bench, but we have a “Mystery Mensch” in our midst. Mensch is the Yiddish word for a good person. Our Mystery Mensch got busy crocheting colorful throws to keep her busy since March and quarantine set in. More than a dozen of these handcrafted gifts were sent by the Mystery Mensch who had lived in Chappaqua for 20 years before relocating to Virginia.

The Mystery Mensch doesn’t necessarily know all the people she crochets for. She asked friends in Chappaqua to recommend recipients. “They have to be a good human being who does good for the community. I would ask people who they thought I should make a throw and they threw out names to me. Cristina Lee was one of them.” The Mystery Mensch would contact the recipient and ask them to send her a picture of their couch and four of their favorite colors.

“I was very grateful to be chosen,” said Cristina Lee, a founder of the Tri-State Mask Making Group. “It’s a very special gift, especially because she made it with so much love during COVID. She did it for special people and I’m honored.”

Our Mystery Mensch has a history of performing acts of kindness. The former Westchester County parole officer organized a meal train for someone who was undergoing treatment for cancer whom she only knew from Facebook. She took her to the doctor and checked in on her regularly. She was a source of comfort to this woman who says she will be forever grateful to her.

When she moved to Richmond three years ago to be near one of her children she continued to do good deeds. Last year she made scarves for first grade children in a disadvantaged school in Richmond. “I don’t have the social life I had in Chappaqua,” the Mystery Mensch explains. “I needed something to do.” She plans to crochet scarves for the Kindergarteners in the school.

Two years ago, she got involved with another project. She joined a small group of people who would meet immigrants at the Richmond bus station coming from Honduras, El Salvador and Guatemala who were on their way north from Immigration camps in Texas.

The group of volunteers brought them care packages of food, clothing and drinks.  “Many of my Chappaqua friends sent me boxes of food and treats and drinks. I couldn’t afford to keep buying things. It was my Chappaqua friends who stepped up and sent me stuff. That’s when collaboration became one of my favorite words.”

The Mystery Mensch also started what she calls “Bagel Thursday.” “I have been getting donated bagels and people come to my house and pick them up from my porch.”

Crocheting the multicolored striped throws was beneficial for the Mystery Mensch as well as the lucky recipients. “I don’t have much to do since retirement and not being able to socialize now because of COVID-19, I needed to keep busy.” She watches a lot of television while she crochets away. “I miss going out for coffee and lunch or dinner with friends.” Prior to COVID-19 she traveled a lot to visit her children and has been to South Africa since her retirement.

When asked what lessons she learned in life, she said, “I’ve learned to be humble.” That explains her wish to be anonymous for this story and sums up the Mystery Mensch quite well. An unpretentious person doing good for the pure joy of the deed. A real Mensch!

The Power of Pets in the Pandemic

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Little did I know that I would be prepared for the pandemic thanks to my dog Maggie Mae and my single lifestyle. In March when Governor Cuomo announced “New York State on PAUSE (Policies Assure Uniform Safety for Everyone)” I wasn’t sure what life would be like, but I soon learned I would be okay.  

I’m used to being by myself and I enjoy my own company but at the same time I like to socialize so I had to figure out how this was going to work in lockdown.

Having Maggie Mae with me was very comforting even before the pandemic.  Now it was especially good to have a living creature in the house. As soon as I heard we were on lockdown I devised a plan.

I made a pact with my friend Barbara to check in with each other daily. I called friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while and wrote a very long overdue thank-you note to my high school French teacher Ellen LeClair who gave me advice that changed my life.

Since I don’t consider myself old but am in the demographic that needed to take more precautions, I did curbside pickups for food and ordered everything else I needed online including Maggie Mae’s food. I will be forever grateful to my goddaughter’s father and good friend Alex for offering to do anything I needed from picking up prescriptions to buying the much-coveted toilet paper. And I am thankful for the friends and neighbors who said, “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”

I baked and cooked a lot.  In the spirit of victory gardens, I purchased an indoor garden and grew lettuce, basil and tomatoes. I bought lots of things for my kitchen among them an azure blue standing mixer with a glass bowl that I named “Betty” and a couple of Dutch ovens. I ordered as much flour and baking supplies as I could get. When yeast was hard to find my former student and now friend Ann sent me some from Massachusetts.

Even though I always wear a mask when Maggie Mae and I take our walks, we physically distance. Maggie Mae didn’t seem to understand why our neighbors didn’t come over to pet her. One morning on our walk into town, we saw our friend Carmine. Excited to see him, Maggie Mae wagged her tail. She was used to him picking her up or bending down to give her a hug. When there was no hug forthcoming, she looked sad.

In the late morning just after she had her daily snack, Maggie Mae would hear me say, “It’s Cuomo time.” She knew what that meant. It was time for her to hop up on the sofa and watch Governor Cuomo’s daily briefings with me. She would snuggle up next to me as I took notes so I could post a relevant quote for my Facebook followers.

Maggie Mae’s reaction to my virtual Pilates session was priceless. She was puzzled when she saw me lying on my Pilates mat in the middle of the living room and she heard the voice of Lauren, my trainer coming from my laptop which was also on the floor. She barked at me and the expression on her face reflected what she probably would have said, “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

My biggest stresses were about Maggie Mae. Going to the vet was challenging.  They had new protocols and I had to wait in the car while they took her inside. And I had no idea when she would ever get a haircut again. While I am still in Phase One for the most part, the mobile grooming started up again in June and came to us to keep her looking her best curly-haired Poodle self.

The saddest thing for me was when my childhood friend Jeanne’s husband passed away from COVID. It was heartbreaking not to be able to be with her at the funeral or during Shiva. We talked on the phone a lot, but nothing can replace a hug.

I read that adoption rates for first-time pet owners was up all over the country. I can understand why. Having the company of my darling little dog, and her kisses and hugs made this challenging time much more bearable. I don’t know what I would do without my girl, Maggie Mae.

If you want to hear Maggie Mae’s side of the story check out her blog. https://maggiemaepup.com/2020/07/04/pandemic-pup-reporter/

Creating the Bethany Arts Community

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It’s all about “Community” for David Lyons, Executive Director and Founder of the Bethany Arts Community (BAC) in Ossining and he’s quick to correct anyone who calls “Bethany” an arts center.

“In 2015 I was introduced to the property with a vision of creating an art community. And when I say community, that umbrella is very large. We have 44,000 square feet on 25 acres to work with from performance art, gallery exhibitions to children’s camp and many things in between,” says Lyons who grew up in Westchester and lives in Sleepy Hollow. Maryknoll Foreign Mission Sisters of St. Dominic, who originally owned the property referred to it as the Bethany Rest House. For Lyons, “Bethany,” as he affectionately refers to BAC, is a canvas.

Inspired by Salem Artworks in Salem, New York, Lyons wanted to create a community of artists that not only interacts with each other but with the community as a whole, locally and globally. BAC is a place where all levels of artists can gather to help each other and each other’s art flourish, and to enrich the creative process.

BAC has been up and running since January 2018. Lyons says what makes BAC special is that they were able to take all the individual arts and bring them under one roof: theatre, gallery space, theatre space workshop and children’s theatre. They host Theater O quite often.  “We love working with them,” says Lyons. “We’ve expanded everything we’ve done two fold since last year. We ran after school workshops and work closely with Ossining School District.”

BAC has offered workshops in drawing, painting, mosaics, jewelry making and art history classes and hosted such talent as the Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Company, a prominent modern dance presence on New York City and global stages. Their summer camp programs were expanded by two additional weeks this year and BAC was able to offer 11 inner city children full summer camp scholarships.

In September, BAC launched their first signature residency program, a juried selection including 24 lead artists in residency.  There were 56 artists and collaborators onsite at BAC over six weeks.  The residency program is designed to attract artists at different stages of their careers from around the world.  “And there is always a community giveback—a performance, a reading, a demonstration,” says Lyons. “It is an important part and we weigh it heavily.” During their time on site, these artists will develop new works while engaging with local artists and the whole community. BAC attracted artists in residence from around the world–as far as Thailand–as well as hyper local. They received an Arts Westchester Grant to support the residency program

This fall they will host the Hudson River Potters Fall Showcase from November 8-10, have an exhibit in the gallery. They also plan to hold a Winter Solstice Concert.

One idea on Lyon’s plate: A “Seed to Belly” culinary education. “Everyone eats! I want the community to share a meal.” The property has a half-mile trail, replanted orchard, and hives.

A short-term goal is to solidify and shore up the foundations. BAC won a NYSCA grant for infrastructure and they are in the middle of that now. Lyons wants to take what they have and expand it. “Community to me is the world, we started in the local community, the Village of Ossining. We hope to expand to Briarcliff, to Chappaqua, Mount Kisco in a much broader sense, so our community will grow.”

While not an artist himself, Lyons passion for the arts is evident. “A lifetime of things got me started. My grandfather was a patron of the arts. Artists have always been very important to me for different reasons. Ultimately, the core of this and everything I do is for children.”

Lyons is optimistic about the future. “The scope in which we are able to offer in one place makes us unique. We had listening sessions. I said, ‘this is my vision, what do you need? There is plenty of art, plenty of artists and not enough space’.”

He wants to enhance the mission statement and their aim is to inspire sharing, connection and collaboration in a culture designed for the benefit of the local community and beyond. “We’re here, we’ve been growing organically, gaining notice in the world. My feeling is what can’t we do?”

Bethany Arts Community is holding its second annual fundraiser “ART IS COMMUNITY” on November 15 at 7 p.m.  Supporters will enjoy an evening of cocktails, food, performance, exhibit, silent auction and more.

For tickets go to bethanyarts.org/calendar/artiscommunity/.

Bethany Arts Community is located at 40 Somerstown Road, Ossining, NY.

For more information go to bethanyarts.org

Photos courtesy of the Bethany Arts Community