The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Gratitude

Goodbye Armonk: Gratitude, Reflection, & Vision for a Prosperous Suburb

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After a generation in the community, my family is moving on, which is bringing up a range of thoughts and feelings. In reflecting on how Armonk shaped me as a person, I’m struck by how much of a gift it was to grow up here: the natural beauty, sense of safety, abundant opportunities. And how no gift comes without its price. 

For me, a town like Armonk’s most potent gift is achievement culture. Like many families who flocked here in recent decades, we were drawn by the quality of the school district. My siblings and I dutifully jumped through all the academic hoops, orienting towards what seemed like a shared north star of get good grades, to get into good schools, to get good jobs, to afford good things, to have a good life and create a better one for our posterity.  

But because that cycle had been spiraling upwards for three or four generations, and then comes along little anxious Andrew in one of the wealthiest and most academically competitive zip codes in the United States, the story I internalized was that I had to do something BIG in order to feel complete, loved, accepted. Which would look something like brute force way into Ivy League, let loose to compensate for emotional and spiritual malnourishment, burnout and move to India for detox and balance. Then brute force way through Silicon Valley, get lost in the clouds of saving the world, go to my room to think about what I’ve done. In both cycles, I almost didn’t make it out alive. 

Acknowledging the multiplicity of backgrounds and ways that others experience this neck of the woods, I wonder why we don’t give more attention to the impacts of pressure of expectation and narrow definitions of success. Especially amidst an exploding global mental health crisis and increasingly destabilized society. It makes me wonder if poor mental health and resilience are the biggest prices we pay to live in a place like Armonk or countless other suburban, achievement-oriented communities around Westchester and the world. And if so, how can we acknowledge and shift that in a good way? 

Beyond mental health, what if overachieving atrophies our capacities for resilience? Rigid identities (“I am my job”) and expensive habits (“my net worth is my self worth”) can lead to isolating cycles of wealth accumulation in which we meet more of our needs through buying things instead of through community support, making us more fragile to shocks to the system and less adaptable to change. I’m not against wealth. I am for awareness of the tradeoffs; especially the unnecessary suffering in pursuit and as a result of wealth. 

I’m also curious about the impact of achievement culture in this historical moment when it has become clear that our Western consumerist lifestyles bear the bulk of the responsibility for the planetary crisis. With an estimated one billion humans displaced by 2050, will we environmentally, socially or spiritually be able to pursue a high earning career, that will afford a McMansion(s) life, with multiple new of every thing every time it breaks or the styles change, to then herd our kids into elite educational and professional paths that exacerbate the situation? Whew. The complexities of navigating life during the sixth mass extinction are heavy. Compassion all around.

Educator Zak Stein in Education in Education is the Metacrisis points out that when social systems are in periods of rapid transformation, the role of schools becomes contradictory. They teach knowledge that is no longer relevant, socialize individuals into roles that no longer exist, and provide the mindsets needed to continue ways of life that are rapidly disappearing. Zak argues that students deserve an education relevant to the world they inherit, and that the future depends on the articulation of a new vision of humanity. What might that look like? 

In 2018 I received a tear-jerking vision for Armonk’s future during a meditation session. I saw the possibility of: flourishing individuals, families, and community. Children coming alive, discovering their authentic passions, bringing their fullest expression forward, cultivating healthy lifestyles. Beautiful threads of love and healing, weaving the fabric of our social relationships into a beautiful tapestry. Joyful, educational, and supportive interactions between neighbors, generations, and unlikely friends. Group therapy for those wounded by the common thread of pressure of expectation to conform to a narrow life path and identity. Excess resources flowing naturally to the areas of greatest need. Courageous gestures of resistance and care amongst those in positions of power. A shared motivation to leave Armonk better than we found it. The potential of Armonk as a role model for upper class achievement communities. 

Utopian fantasy, or within reach and worth orienting towards? What is the role for a resourced, elite-adjacent (2%?) community like Armonk in the transition from here to there? I’m encouraged by initiatives like the Byram Hills Challenge Success program to center student wellbeing, and the Buy Nothing community on Facebook to promote sharing economy principles. I believe our religious institutions have a significant role here, with time tested wisdom that holds clues to the big questions, including how to build resilience. And I believe in every person. Any citizen can step into leadership now. We can choose what happens next. We vote everyday for the town we want with our words, dollars, choices and ideas. What would a Renaissance of civic engagement look like? What do you perceive is imbalanced in Armonk? What are you positioned to change? What is your unique perspective that gives birth to your unique gift?

What if all the achieving and wealth accumulation was in service of freeing up time so that we might focus on cultivating resilience, healing, self and community actualization of the next generation? I hope that children who have such a large safety net(s) may be fully supported in becoming artists, activists, healers and roles of service we can’t even imagine. That one of the primary goals of Armonk be to identify their true gifts, and help them bring them into the world in a good way.  

Many in Armonk have the privilege to think about these bigger questions, take risks, rest and play and create. Let’s play with the levers to balance things out: less virtue signaling, more vulnerability. Less wealth, more health. Less mundane, more sacred. Less consumption, more creativity. Less avoiding pain, more attaining joy. Less external power, more internal strength. Less speed, more depth. Less security, more choice.  

At the end of the day, there’s no perfect town. There are no easy answers here. Armonk is a mixed blessing for many. Perhaps this is our unique paradox to wrestle with: how to create the best life for ourselves and the next generation, without crushing them, atrophying resilience, and harming people or planet. Maybe it’s one we’ve been wrestling with since time immemorial. 

The unabridged version of this letter was first published on Medium in late 2021.

My Story of Gratitude

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Last spring, I wrote a story about my rebuilding and thriving after suddenly losing my husband Eric at age 37 in 2014. I shared about the perspective I gained and growth my entire family experienced after such an emotional and life-altering event. The overwhelming response and love we received was incredible, and we all felt held and supported. Never in a million years would I have expected what would happen next.

On June 3rd 2021, my beautiful 11-year-old daughter, Emily was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on her foot called Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. To say that this was a shock, is an understatement. Some of the first thoughts that came to mind were, ‘This must be a mistake, we’ve already endured our tragedy!’ and ‘It has been 7 years since Eric passed, we have finally built our lives back and found peace from the chaos; how is this even possible?’

The seven emotional stages of grief felt all too familiar. First, shock and disbelief, into denial, then bargaining, some guilt, intense anger, deep depression, and eventually, through time, meditation and incredible love, there was acceptance and hope. These episodes of grief were emotional, physical, and even debilitating. It felt like bereavement all over again, but this time with my living, vibrant, incredible mini me. We cried, we prayed, we held one another close. Our family and friends once again united to form a team of warriors that pledged to beat this cancer so that Emily would be cancer free.

How, you might ask, can I write a story of gratitude for you today? As a life coach, I have learned that as humans we do not have control of what life throws at us. The only thing that we can control is how we think about the situations that arise. These thoughts are what control our feelings, which in turn, create our narratives. Once we learn how to consciously think about the thoughts in our head, we can begin understanding the power of our own mind. As one of my mentors, Gabby Bernstein, international motivational speaker, life coach, and New York Times bestselling author has said, “when I let go of my need to control, I can allow the universe to do her thing.”

Today, in this season of gathering and gratitude, I am grateful for how I learned to manage my mind and help myself and the world around me. I can accept life’s challenges with clarity and grace. I have built up a resilience fueled with positive energy and unconditional love, and I am an example for my children, my family, my friends, my clients and my community of what is possible.

We are almost halfway through the 43 weeks of chemotherapy. We have successfully completed 20 days of targeted radiation. In July, our Long Island family raised over $8,000 for the Long Island cycle race. Then, in September we were part of the MSK Kids walking fundraiser. Our team raised and donated over $70,000 to Memorial Sloan Kettering Sarcoma Research. Emily created an at-home charity beading business on Instagram called @memesmotivationalbracelets, which keeps her busy and raises more money for Rhabdomyosarcoma research. We are on track for a complete cure by the end of the spring when I know the grass will seem greener, the flowers will bloom brighter, and the birds will sing more sweetly.

What have I learned? For the long version, you’ll need to wait for my book. For now, gratitude, perspective and motivation are on my mind. I am grateful for having the tools to shift my perspective from thinking about cancer as a death sentence into using a cancer diagnosis as an opportunity to band together and motivate one another to raise money and awareness. Pediatric cancer is extremely underfunded. Without funding, research is impossible, so we are making a difference here.

I have also learned that sometimes the most difficult situations in life ultimately lead to enhanced personal development. In the beginning, we took the time to be still, quiet, and alone. We had so many wonderful people who reached out and offered their help and support. We learned that it was okay to hunker down and care for ourselves first and in time reintroduced ourselves to the world as we assessed our own needs and reestablished new boundaries. We learned to celebrate small victories with each week of treatment and each milestone. We have our eye on the prize of full and complete recovery but until then, we live each day as presently as possible, and we don’t sweat the small stuff. I am grateful for my continued strength and resilience.

For more information about donating to MSK or Meme’s Motivational Bracelets you can follow Emily on Instagram @memesmotivationalbracelets.

To contact Marnie Levy-Smith with questions or to learn about her life coaching program, The Soul Process, please email her at Marnie@selfsoulmate.com

The Lost Art of Writing Thank-You Notes

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Dear Kind Reader,

I recently read a post by journalist Maria Shriver about her delight in receiving a handwritten note. She said that they really stand out amongst the stack of bills, mailers, and other junk that we all receive. You know a handwritten envelope when you see it.  And you know that it’s something personal, and that it’s almost certainly from someone you care about, or who cares about you. 

It is so rare these days, and I know exactly how she felt.  Handwritten notes and thank-you notes may be on their way to becoming an extinct form of correspondence replaced by tweets, texts, and emails. But for some of us, they are alive and well and dwell on linen paper and embossed stationery, sprinkled with a rainbow of inks and wrapped in beautifully lined envelopes.

The late Emily Post known for the syndicated “Doing the Right Thing,” believed in doing the “write” thing. She said thank-you notes must sound sincere and should be written promptly. On the other hand, Letitia Baldridge, a doyenne of decorum with a resume that included the role of chief of staff for Jacqueline Kennedy in the White House, said that it is never too late to send a note. She recommended being honest. Some of us are more direct and less flowery in our word choice, but the sentiment is the same. A handwritten note takes time, takes thoughtfulness, and should sound like you. 

Expressing thanks in writing is a permanent record of your feelings and can be read and reread over and over for years and years. I cherish a decades-old note from a dear friend who wrote in his signature hand his appreciation for a wonderful evening and his wish to do it again soon.  I enjoy rereading the note from a student who took the time to write, “Thank you for being so nice to me. You have made me feel welcome in my new school.  It’s been lots of fun working with you in the library.” 

There are many occasions for writing these notes–personal gifts, hospitality, business lunches and job interviews, just to name a few. In this highly competitive job market any gesture that sets you above the rest is wise. A post-interview note makes a lasting impression.

A colleague who faithfully writes thank-you notes thinks it’s just good manners. She says, “If you start at a young age and set an example for your children, it becomes second nature.”

“I appreciate getting thank-you notes especially if I’ve put a lot of thought and effort into a gift,” says a friend who also religiously thanks people in writing even though she doesn’t like writing letters and would rather make a call. 

There are some thank-you notes I didn’t write that I wish I had. To my Second Grade teacher, Sylvia Graham–I have used so many of her ideas as a teacher. And to my grandparents for the many things they did to help my mother when she became a widow, which in turn was a kindness to me. Last year I actually wrote a very long overdue thank-you note to my high school French teacher, Ellen LeClair, who comforted me at the time of my father’s death and helped me make an important decision that influenced my life.

There is a lot of joy that comes from writing thank-you notes. If you love beautiful stationery and interesting pens, it is a pleasurable experience. I have a stationery wardrobe that includes handcrafted luxurious fabric notecards made with a stitched edge detail, and letterpress correspondence cards made of 100% cotton Crane paper with beautifully lined envelopes. Jackie O was famous for her blue note paper and hand written cards, often delivered by messenger.  

I was so happy last year when the USPS issued the colorful “Thank You” stamp designed in lovely calligraphy. Those two simple words express so much when the envelope is discovered in the recipient’s mailbox.    

I’d like to thank you for reading my thoughts on thank-you notes. I hope you are inspired to express your thanks and gratitude in writing to the people in your life.

With warm regards,

Ronni

The Beauty of Publishing

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There’s no business like show business… except for maybe publishing community magazines!  With a cover story in Inside Armonk Magazine about Treasures and its wonderful volunteer and philanthropic efforts, I’m feeling that too. I’m also delighted we could bring you our Inside Chappaqua Magazine cover story in which BGCNW executive director Alyzza Ozer shares so many of the amazing accomplishments of the Boys & Girls Club of Northern Westchester. Both these stories were ‘from the source’–sharing from their hearts–and we may include more of these in future articles about non-profits, too.

Toiling away in my own little corner in my own little chair over the last 18 years, I’m not always immediately aware, but over time, I can become quite buoyed by the impact different stories have on a person, a single organization, or an entire community for that matter.

I won’t lie either. The occasional expressions of gratitude we receive in producing our own little show makes publishing feel like a truly beautiful and worthwhile endeavor. This past fall, we received two such letters! Please see excerpts from each below.

We have some wonderful stories about several of our sponsors in this edition as well, and I present those with deep gratitude, too. The ‘independent’ stories we produce would not be possible without advertising/advertorial support, and in truth, the stories about our sponsors can be equally well received–as most of them are your neighbors and friends, too! And, oh, so impressive.

The beauty of expressing gratitude also emerges as a theme in these current and end of the year ‘beautiful-inside and out’ themed holiday editions. We have several essays addressing that vital feeling of appreciation of others, or even of oneself (if you’re prone to discounting your own beauty; I know I am). I’m personally grateful for all the arts venues bursting back onto the scene, and yup, I sure love getting out of the house again! As much as possible, in fact! in these editions, we visit the Taconic Opera Company and the iconic Capitol Theatre (rock and roll heaven in our backyard) to acquaint you, or at least remind you of all the irresistible shows.

An end note here as well that the holiday season can be especially treacherous for families with children with food allergies, so don’t miss Ella Ilan’s story about two moms making a huge difference. And that’s beautiful too.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 

Letters to the Editor

“I am writing to send you sincere thanks for your story about the Hammond Museum and Japanese Stroll Garden in your September-October issues of Inside Armonk and Inside Chappaqua & Millwood. The articles were so well written and illustrated that we could not have done a better job ourselves! It is clear that the results of your articles have increased our admissions at the Hammond Museum, both because the past several Saturdays have brought the most visitors that we have had in a single day (except our Opening Day), with about a 1/3 increase over prior Saturdays, and also because several individuals specifically remarked that their visit was the result of seeing your article in their local magazine. In fact, a visitor, who is the head of a local community group, remarked today that she heard about the Hammond at a gathering several weeks ago but suddenly “I’m seeing the Hammond promoted everywhere!” She specifically mentioned that one of the primary sources was your magazine. So we cannot thank you enough for your interest and support in our institution…  — Elizabeth Hammer, Executive Director, Hammond Museum and Japanese Stroll Garden

“I’m writing to express my gratitude to you and Pia Haas for the story in the September-October issues of Inside Chappaqua & Millwood and Inside Armonk magazines welcoming me in my new role as President and CEO of Caramoor Center for Music & the Arts. The piece captures the richness of the experiences that can be enjoyed at Caramoor year round, whether it be teas, tours and concerts in the Music Room of the Rosen House in the Fall through Spring, or our extensive summer season of outdoor musical performances enhanced by garden strolls, picnics and our Sonic Innovations Sound Art collection. Caramoor is a local gem and we can’t thank you enough for sharing it with your readers. Publications like yours play a vital role in the community and it was an honor to be included. It was also wonderful to work with your photographer Donna Mueller (who, by the way, miraculously coaxed our Sandy to pose for a photo!) and to meet you in person on Chappaqua Day! …  — Edward J. Lewis III, President & CEO, Caramoor Center for Music & the Arts

To all that’s Life Affirming

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If I had to name my most heart wrenching moments in 18 years of publishing locally, it has been unquestionably reporting or covering the loss of a young life. But they have ironically felt the most meaningful, if only in some tiny, immeasurable way, when sharing the memories of a precious son or daughter provided even the smallest degree of comfort to a grieving parent–and to a community of family, friends, and neighbors in mourning too.

You’ll learn about the remarkable life of a young lady, Linda Zhang, her unyielding passion to save our planet and the impact she had on all those who knew her.

I met Linda’s warm and wonderful parents at an event at the Chappaqua Library earlier this summer when a first Linda Zhang writing award was presented. Writing was another passion of Linda’s. Pamela Brown’s article about Linda and the foundation formed in her honor: www.lindazhangfoundation.org

As we went to press, news came of another devastating loss to the community, that of Danielle Taylor Leventhal, an immensely talented artist described by her family and friends as “a beautiful ray of sunshine and a strong-willed woman.” Danielle’s mom, Jennifer, had sent me her family’s poignant words in a story I then posted about this brilliant, joy-filled young lady. https://www.theinsidepress.com/in-remembrance-of-danielle-taylor-leventhal/

A packed service at Temple Beth El led by Rabbi Jaffe–the remembrances by her family and friends – conveyed the enormity of the love for Danielle and her legacy.

If this letter column feels ‘heavy’ for back- to-school editions, as spotlighted by various stories, I hope you might see it as life affirming instead, because learning more about these two wonderful souls really has been.

Please enjoy all the articles assembled with gratitude and with a hopeful but watchful eye over ‘everything Covid’.  Speaking of gratitude, please don’t miss our stories about the Byram Hills Education Foundation ‘funding our student’s futures’, the New Castle United for Youth ‘EXPERIENCE’, as told by two interns, and one of Byram Hill’s student Anika Bobra who has created a remarkable podcast devoted to promoting gratitude widely.

Personal and family enrichment via fabulous local options are always something to be grateful for.  So, do help celebrate ‘comeback’ events –  Community Day in New Castle, the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival, Feed Me Fresh: An Edible Evening. and the Armonk Outdoor Art Show!

Do visit the Chappaqua Library’s new Teen and Children’s Rooms! Do feel inspired by Chappaqua’s Edward Lewis, the new director of Caramoor, and partake in any of its ever exciting programming. And also by Hammond’s executive director Elizabeth Hammer who kindly provided me with a fascinating private tour of this small gem of a Museum and its lush Japanese sculpture gardens.

Finally, I’m well into a second decade supporting the Holocaust and Human Rights Education Center. Please consider attending/supporting its upcoming annual fundraiser honoring Andrew Greenspan.  https://hhrecny.org/inspire_events/

Here’s also my ‘welcome back’ to you, and my wish to you for love and happiness and to all that’s life affirming.