The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Gratitude

The Joy of Gratitude

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“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

“Instead of always searching and grasping for more, gratitude allows us to appreciate what we have now. Cultivating joy requires building the gratitude muscle as part of our daily and weekly workouts. Only in this rep-set, we ditch the wishing, complaining and striving, and refocus on noticing what is going well in our lives right now, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

Learning to be grateful for life’s simple pleasures can certainly improve your mood and perception of life. I recall a day when my kids were small and I was taking them to get haircuts. Once in the car, my two adorable, precious children proceeded to fight like two alley cats in a scrap yard. As I drove along and listened to this free-for-all in the back seat, I would occasionally interrupt with a “Stop it!” or “Enough already!” When that didn’t seem to be effective, I started to get annoyed and then, for some reason, amidst all the noise and frustration, I just gave up.

As the boys continued to yell and exchange insults at each other, my mood turned from annoyance to amusement. It struck me that these two little boys were not going to be young forever, and I realized how lucky I was to have these daily moments with them, no matter how stressful. This total re-frame of the situation filled me with gratitude and the rest of our outing was not just tolerable, it was fun.

Gratitude brings us joy and turns what we already have into enough. Instead of striving for the next goal to bring you happiness, appreciate where you are right now. If it’s not your ideal place, remember that it’s just one chapter in your life’s story. Everything is temporary, for better or worse. Once you catch the gratitude bug, it replicates itself and even more joy streams into your life.”

Excerpt from Jodi Baretz’ Amazon best-selling book, Mindful Is the New Skinny. Jodi offers individual psychotherapy and mindful mom groups at The Center for Health and Healing in Mount Kisco. Visit jodibaretz.com.

A Dog to Love – Maggie Mae

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I never thought I could love an animal as much as I love my Maggie Mae. She is, without a doubt, my best friend and my biggest fan. She will follow me anywhere, is totally devoted to me–even when I scold her. Maggie Mae loves me unconditionally. She’s a black and white Parti-Toy Poodle and the joy of my life.

When I first saw her, her outgoing personality attracted me, and I knew right away that she was mine.  But maybe it was the other way around and she chose me. Nearly eleven years ago, when she came to live with me, she was three months old and weighed only three pounds.

I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s a wonderful companion, and she makes me laugh. She can be sound asleep, but if the phone rings and I answer, she is by my side in a minute so I will play with her. When I say to her, “You’re the best girl I know,” she always rewards me with a kiss.

They say that dogs are man’s best friend, and they’re not kidding. When a fly is buzzing around the house, she’s right there to alert me and to guard me. She alerts me when I have accidentally left the front door ajar or if there’s something in the wrong place. And then there is Maggie Mae neighborhood watchdog. She can spot a car blocks away and frequently knows who’s in it.

As a perennial single person, I have lived alone for most of my adult life, and it is easy for a single person to become self-indulgent. Having to think about the well-being and care of another were valuable changes for me. That’s one reason I’m so grateful for Maggie Mae’s presence in my life. She also keeps me healthy. No matter what the weather, I am outside with Maggie Mae at least three times a day. We take long walks that are good for both of us–and not just physically. I often get good ideas as we walk. One was her Maggie Mae Pup Reporter column that many of you read in this magazine for years. I’m also grateful because she has made my life more interesting. I learned to write from a dog’s point of view.

As many of you readers know, Maggie Mae is “personable” and well-known by merchants in town. She has high self-esteem, which shows in the way she carries herself and walks down our streets and into the shops as if she owned Chappaqua. Other people notice her, and I could not have been more proud when Sophie Mendelson included her in the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival mural in the center of town.

Maggie Mae loves to ride in the car and is a great traveling companion who’s always happy with whatever we do. Since she was a puppy, she’s been a regular guest at the Red Lion Inn and has many fans in Stockbridge and the Berkshires.

As much as Maggie Mae loves to snuggle up next to me, especially when I am doing something that doesn’t include her, she is an independent dog who often likes to be alone. She’ll go into her crate, lie on her bed or find a square of sunlight on the carpet just to chill.

My heart is bigger than I ever thought. I love Maggie Mae’s little kisses, how she curls up at my feet to give me a hug. How she puts her head under my hand so I can pet her. I love her wagging tail and how she waits for me at the door.

So little can make her happy and that is a lesson we can all learn.

And as I was writing this, she came up to me, leaned in, pushed my pad and pen away and climbed on my lap. I can’t imagine life without Maggie Mae. She’s my girl and I love her dearly.

 

Finding Gratitude During a Mental Health Crisis

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I really don’t know how it happened. I had some physical, hormonal and emotional stressors early in the summer, which apparently became the perfect storm for an emotional breakdown. My anxiety, which has been a part of me for decades, erupted full force and consumed all of me. It so consumed me that I was unable to function. I stopped eating, sleeping, engaging with the world and felt panicked almost constantly.

On this journey, I have discovered that mental health issues are far more difficult to get a handle on than physical issues, and far more painful. Answers and cures are elusive. But even as I wage this war against my own mind, I realize that I have much to be grateful for.

1. I am grateful and stunned by the number of people who contacted me privately to tell me of their own struggles. Mental health issues are ubiquitous, so much so that it is challenging to get appointments for help because doctors are so busy.

2. I am grateful for an absolutely incredible support system that starts, but does not end, with my family. There are actually no words for how incredible my husband has been. Holding my hand, reassuring me, driving me to appointments, staying up with me countless nights, finding patience for me again and again. My kids, mom and mother-in-law have also been amazing, and their compassion and love has sustained me. I am grateful to be able to rely on my sons, especially my 17-year-old, who has pitched in without complaint and become a man almost overnight. I know this hasn’t been easy for any of them, but they have risen to the challenge.

3. I am grateful for and overwhelmed by the love and support of my extended support system of friends and acquaintances. During this time, through my distress, I have been able to feel, if not always acknowledge, the help from friends and family. I thank everyone who has called, texted or written to inquire about me. I thank those friends who have driven me places when I have not been able to drive myself and been there for me without judgment. I appreciate every gesture, even if I haven’t been able to answer. I’ve had limited ability and energy to reach out but despite that the calls and messages keep coming.

4. I am grateful to have the resources to explore many different kinds of therapies. Here are some of the things I’ve tried thus far; medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Hypnosis (really), meditation, yoga, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), functional medicine, homeopathy and acupuncture. I will weigh in at some point on what helped me the most. Voodoo medicine is not out of the question. And I am mindful that I am extremely lucky to be able to pursue various remedies and to focus on getting well.

Trying to heal has been a full-time job. But just knowing people are out there and are willing to help is a comfort. If you have a friend who is going through something like this, please continue to reach out to them even if you get a tepid or no response. Even when I don’t acknowledge them, friends’ messages mean the world to me. Mental health issues really do take a village.

I hope that by discussing this openly, I can help someone else who is keeping their struggles to themselves. I hope to write at length about my experiences someday soon but I’m still in the middle of this journey I had no desire to take. I know that I can only reflect when I have some perspective and I’m not there yet. I am still battling to find my way back.

I have newfound compassion and respect for anyone who has ever struggled in a similar way. I hope to come out the other side stronger than I was before and be a voice and advocate for others. I hope someday people can openly say, “me too” about their mental health challenges.

Gratitude for Our Homes

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Tell me if this sounds familiar. You take a fun-filled vacation and it’s filled with great memories, exotic locales, scrumptious food and maybe even some quality beach time. But the second you walk in through the front door to your home, you are thankful to be surrounded by your belongings and happy to actually whip up a home-cooked meal. Maybe your house is a bit disheveled, maybe the bedding isn’t 3,000 thread count like the luxury hotel’s that you stayed at but it’s home and that in itself feels great.

I was reminded how thankful I am for my home this summer when I drove my kids back from sleep-away camp. As soon as our car passed the Chappaqua exit on the Saw Mill, my two older children started crying. Once I stopped by the traffic light on Quaker Rd, I paused and asked, “Why are you crying?” They replied in unison, “We are happy to be home.”

Nothing quite evokes gratitude for our homes like the upcoming holiday season. Thanksgiving is a time that I am especially grateful to be in my warm home surrounded with loved ones. If you are looking for a little inspiration for your holiday table, check out our Thanksgiving tablescapes articles for tips from local residents. After you’ve gorged yourself on the requisite turkey or tofurkey, sign up for one of the Turkey Trots mentioned in these pages.

For those of us with pets, I now feel like my home is empty whenever my beloved dog Arlo is at grooming or boarding. I’ve grown accustomed to him keeping me company while I type on my laptop (just as Ronni Diamondstein’s essay on Maggie Mae can attest to) and couldn’t imagine life without him even though his sock eating habit is thoroughly annoying. I’m embarrassed to say we’ve come close to losing him a few times and recently just installed a fence to keep him safer. If you are looking for ways to help curb pet loss, read Anna Young’s article on the subject.

As we head into holiday season madness, be sure to take a gratitude moment to stop and appreciate all that we have to be grateful for in our homes and New Castle.

Wishing you warmest holiday wishes,

A Reflection on 9/11 and the Gratitude that Fills Me

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The 9/11 ceremony at Gedney Park was well attended
PHOTO BY STACEY PFEFFER

By Rev. Dr. Martha R. Jacobs

As I was walking up the path towards the 9/11 commemoration in Gedney Park this year, I mused to myself that this was the fourth year I was participating. I remembered the first time I arrived for the ceremony. I had been at the First Congregational Church (FCC) for about three weeks, had been asked to participate (I guess because I was “new” to the community), and when I got out of my car, not knowing anyone and not even knowing where to go, there was Robin Stout, one of my congregants and a Town Board member, seemingly waiting to greet me. He took me up the hill and introduced me to just about everyone involved. At the time, I didn’t remember their names, and had no clue that I would be getting so involved in this community. I was so grateful for Robin’s presence with me.

I had been a volunteer chaplain at Ground Zero for several months following the events of that awful morning, had spoken at several conferences in the years following about my work at Ground Zero and my time as President of the New York Disaster Interfaith Services. But I was now in a new community that, for the most part, had no idea of my history and connection to 9/11. Being asked to participate in that ceremony meant more to me than most people realized. I was so grateful to have been asked.

Local Boy Scouts salute the flag at the 9/11 ceremony
PHOTO BY STACEY PFEFFER
And, now, four years later, I am still being asked to participate.

I knew where I was going and was greeted by so many people, both first responders and members of the wider community and it filled my heart with gratitude. I remain thankful for the opportunity to pause every year to remember those who gave their lives, those who lost their lives and those who continue to struggle with health issues as a result of coming to the rescue of those who were trapped and those who died, as they sought to find the remains of those who died, so that families could have proper burials. And, I pause to remember those police and firefighters and construction workers with whom I sat and talked, and listened to, and cried with and prayed for. And I remember those with whom I walked to the cross that had been found among the rubble of the buildings, that had been placed on a piece of cement for those workers who needed to see a symbol of hope and grace amidst the immense devastation and loss of human life. At the time, there was no explanation as to what happened and why it happened. I will never forget the sounds, the smells and the sights of walking into the wreckage and seeing that metal cross, which also helped me to find the courage to be there with these brave men and women.

My life has been forever changed, forever scarred and forever filled with gratitude for those who put their own lives on the line in order to try to make a difference for those whose loved ones died on that tragic morning. It changed our lives and theirs forever.

Being a part of FCC has changed me forever as well. So has being a part of this community whether through offering prayers at community events at the pagoda, during the Memorial Day commemoration, working with the school district on ensuring the safety of our children, or talking with people at Community Day. I am filled with gratitude that God has called me to serve this community at such a time as this.

Rev. Dr. Martha R. Jacobs is the Senior Minister at the First Congregational Church in Chappaqua.