The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Gratitude

My Story of Gratitude

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Last spring, I wrote a story about my rebuilding and thriving after suddenly losing my husband Eric at age 37 in 2014. I shared about the perspective I gained and growth my entire family experienced after such an emotional and life-altering event. The overwhelming response and love we received was incredible, and we all felt held and supported. Never in a million years would I have expected what would happen next.

On June 3rd 2021, my beautiful 11-year-old daughter, Emily was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on her foot called Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. To say that this was a shock, is an understatement. Some of the first thoughts that came to mind were, ‘This must be a mistake, we’ve already endured our tragedy!’ and ‘It has been 7 years since Eric passed, we have finally built our lives back and found peace from the chaos; how is this even possible?’

The seven emotional stages of grief felt all too familiar. First, shock and disbelief, into denial, then bargaining, some guilt, intense anger, deep depression, and eventually, through time, meditation and incredible love, there was acceptance and hope. These episodes of grief were emotional, physical, and even debilitating. It felt like bereavement all over again, but this time with my living, vibrant, incredible mini me. We cried, we prayed, we held one another close. Our family and friends once again united to form a team of warriors that pledged to beat this cancer so that Emily would be cancer free.

How, you might ask, can I write a story of gratitude for you today? As a life coach, I have learned that as humans we do not have control of what life throws at us. The only thing that we can control is how we think about the situations that arise. These thoughts are what control our feelings, which in turn, create our narratives. Once we learn how to consciously think about the thoughts in our head, we can begin understanding the power of our own mind. As one of my mentors, Gabby Bernstein, international motivational speaker, life coach, and New York Times bestselling author has said, “when I let go of my need to control, I can allow the universe to do her thing.”

Today, in this season of gathering and gratitude, I am grateful for how I learned to manage my mind and help myself and the world around me. I can accept life’s challenges with clarity and grace. I have built up a resilience fueled with positive energy and unconditional love, and I am an example for my children, my family, my friends, my clients and my community of what is possible.

We are almost halfway through the 43 weeks of chemotherapy. We have successfully completed 20 days of targeted radiation. In July, our Long Island family raised over $8,000 for the Long Island cycle race. Then, in September we were part of the MSK Kids walking fundraiser. Our team raised and donated over $70,000 to Memorial Sloan Kettering Sarcoma Research. Emily created an at-home charity beading business on Instagram called @memesmotivationalbracelets, which keeps her busy and raises more money for Rhabdomyosarcoma research. We are on track for a complete cure by the end of the spring when I know the grass will seem greener, the flowers will bloom brighter, and the birds will sing more sweetly.

What have I learned? For the long version, you’ll need to wait for my book. For now, gratitude, perspective and motivation are on my mind. I am grateful for having the tools to shift my perspective from thinking about cancer as a death sentence into using a cancer diagnosis as an opportunity to band together and motivate one another to raise money and awareness. Pediatric cancer is extremely underfunded. Without funding, research is impossible, so we are making a difference here.

I have also learned that sometimes the most difficult situations in life ultimately lead to enhanced personal development. In the beginning, we took the time to be still, quiet, and alone. We had so many wonderful people who reached out and offered their help and support. We learned that it was okay to hunker down and care for ourselves first and in time reintroduced ourselves to the world as we assessed our own needs and reestablished new boundaries. We learned to celebrate small victories with each week of treatment and each milestone. We have our eye on the prize of full and complete recovery but until then, we live each day as presently as possible, and we don’t sweat the small stuff. I am grateful for my continued strength and resilience.

For more information about donating to MSK or Meme’s Motivational Bracelets you can follow Emily on Instagram @memesmotivationalbracelets.

To contact Marnie Levy-Smith with questions or to learn about her life coaching program, The Soul Process, please email her at Marnie@selfsoulmate.com

The Lost Art of Writing Thank-You Notes

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Dear Kind Reader,

I recently read a post by journalist Maria Shriver about her delight in receiving a handwritten note. She said that they really stand out amongst the stack of bills, mailers, and other junk that we all receive. You know a handwritten envelope when you see it.  And you know that it’s something personal, and that it’s almost certainly from someone you care about, or who cares about you. 

It is so rare these days, and I know exactly how she felt.  Handwritten notes and thank-you notes may be on their way to becoming an extinct form of correspondence replaced by tweets, texts, and emails. But for some of us, they are alive and well and dwell on linen paper and embossed stationery, sprinkled with a rainbow of inks and wrapped in beautifully lined envelopes.

The late Emily Post known for the syndicated “Doing the Right Thing,” believed in doing the “write” thing. She said thank-you notes must sound sincere and should be written promptly. On the other hand, Letitia Baldridge, a doyenne of decorum with a resume that included the role of chief of staff for Jacqueline Kennedy in the White House, said that it is never too late to send a note. She recommended being honest. Some of us are more direct and less flowery in our word choice, but the sentiment is the same. A handwritten note takes time, takes thoughtfulness, and should sound like you. 

Expressing thanks in writing is a permanent record of your feelings and can be read and reread over and over for years and years. I cherish a decades-old note from a dear friend who wrote in his signature hand his appreciation for a wonderful evening and his wish to do it again soon.  I enjoy rereading the note from a student who took the time to write, “Thank you for being so nice to me. You have made me feel welcome in my new school.  It’s been lots of fun working with you in the library.” 

There are many occasions for writing these notes–personal gifts, hospitality, business lunches and job interviews, just to name a few. In this highly competitive job market any gesture that sets you above the rest is wise. A post-interview note makes a lasting impression.

A colleague who faithfully writes thank-you notes thinks it’s just good manners. She says, “If you start at a young age and set an example for your children, it becomes second nature.”

“I appreciate getting thank-you notes especially if I’ve put a lot of thought and effort into a gift,” says a friend who also religiously thanks people in writing even though she doesn’t like writing letters and would rather make a call. 

There are some thank-you notes I didn’t write that I wish I had. To my Second Grade teacher, Sylvia Graham–I have used so many of her ideas as a teacher. And to my grandparents for the many things they did to help my mother when she became a widow, which in turn was a kindness to me. Last year I actually wrote a very long overdue thank-you note to my high school French teacher, Ellen LeClair, who comforted me at the time of my father’s death and helped me make an important decision that influenced my life.

There is a lot of joy that comes from writing thank-you notes. If you love beautiful stationery and interesting pens, it is a pleasurable experience. I have a stationery wardrobe that includes handcrafted luxurious fabric notecards made with a stitched edge detail, and letterpress correspondence cards made of 100% cotton Crane paper with beautifully lined envelopes. Jackie O was famous for her blue note paper and hand written cards, often delivered by messenger.  

I was so happy last year when the USPS issued the colorful “Thank You” stamp designed in lovely calligraphy. Those two simple words express so much when the envelope is discovered in the recipient’s mailbox.    

I’d like to thank you for reading my thoughts on thank-you notes. I hope you are inspired to express your thanks and gratitude in writing to the people in your life.

With warm regards,

Ronni

The Beauty of Publishing

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There’s no business like show business… except for maybe publishing community magazines!  With a cover story in Inside Armonk Magazine about Treasures and its wonderful volunteer and philanthropic efforts, I’m feeling that too. I’m also delighted we could bring you our Inside Chappaqua Magazine cover story in which BGCNW executive director Alyzza Ozer shares so many of the amazing accomplishments of the Boys & Girls Club of Northern Westchester. Both these stories were ‘from the source’–sharing from their hearts–and we may include more of these in future articles about non-profits, too.

Toiling away in my own little corner in my own little chair over the last 18 years, I’m not always immediately aware, but over time, I can become quite buoyed by the impact different stories have on a person, a single organization, or an entire community for that matter.

I won’t lie either. The occasional expressions of gratitude we receive in producing our own little show makes publishing feel like a truly beautiful and worthwhile endeavor. This past fall, we received two such letters! Please see excerpts from each below.

We have some wonderful stories about several of our sponsors in this edition as well, and I present those with deep gratitude, too. The ‘independent’ stories we produce would not be possible without advertising/advertorial support, and in truth, the stories about our sponsors can be equally well received–as most of them are your neighbors and friends, too! And, oh, so impressive.

The beauty of expressing gratitude also emerges as a theme in these current and end of the year ‘beautiful-inside and out’ themed holiday editions. We have several essays addressing that vital feeling of appreciation of others, or even of oneself (if you’re prone to discounting your own beauty; I know I am). I’m personally grateful for all the arts venues bursting back onto the scene, and yup, I sure love getting out of the house again! As much as possible, in fact! in these editions, we visit the Taconic Opera Company and the iconic Capitol Theatre (rock and roll heaven in our backyard) to acquaint you, or at least remind you of all the irresistible shows.

An end note here as well that the holiday season can be especially treacherous for families with children with food allergies, so don’t miss Ella Ilan’s story about two moms making a huge difference. And that’s beautiful too.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 

Letters to the Editor

“I am writing to send you sincere thanks for your story about the Hammond Museum and Japanese Stroll Garden in your September-October issues of Inside Armonk and Inside Chappaqua & Millwood. The articles were so well written and illustrated that we could not have done a better job ourselves! It is clear that the results of your articles have increased our admissions at the Hammond Museum, both because the past several Saturdays have brought the most visitors that we have had in a single day (except our Opening Day), with about a 1/3 increase over prior Saturdays, and also because several individuals specifically remarked that their visit was the result of seeing your article in their local magazine. In fact, a visitor, who is the head of a local community group, remarked today that she heard about the Hammond at a gathering several weeks ago but suddenly “I’m seeing the Hammond promoted everywhere!” She specifically mentioned that one of the primary sources was your magazine. So we cannot thank you enough for your interest and support in our institution…  — Elizabeth Hammer, Executive Director, Hammond Museum and Japanese Stroll Garden

“I’m writing to express my gratitude to you and Pia Haas for the story in the September-October issues of Inside Chappaqua & Millwood and Inside Armonk magazines welcoming me in my new role as President and CEO of Caramoor Center for Music & the Arts. The piece captures the richness of the experiences that can be enjoyed at Caramoor year round, whether it be teas, tours and concerts in the Music Room of the Rosen House in the Fall through Spring, or our extensive summer season of outdoor musical performances enhanced by garden strolls, picnics and our Sonic Innovations Sound Art collection. Caramoor is a local gem and we can’t thank you enough for sharing it with your readers. Publications like yours play a vital role in the community and it was an honor to be included. It was also wonderful to work with your photographer Donna Mueller (who, by the way, miraculously coaxed our Sandy to pose for a photo!) and to meet you in person on Chappaqua Day! …  — Edward J. Lewis III, President & CEO, Caramoor Center for Music & the Arts

To all that’s Life Affirming

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If I had to name my most heart wrenching moments in 18 years of publishing locally, it has been unquestionably reporting or covering the loss of a young life. But they have ironically felt the most meaningful, if only in some tiny, immeasurable way, when sharing the memories of a precious son or daughter provided even the smallest degree of comfort to a grieving parent–and to a community of family, friends, and neighbors in mourning too.

You’ll learn about the remarkable life of a young lady, Linda Zhang, her unyielding passion to save our planet and the impact she had on all those who knew her.

I met Linda’s warm and wonderful parents at an event at the Chappaqua Library earlier this summer when a first Linda Zhang writing award was presented. Writing was another passion of Linda’s. Pamela Brown’s article about Linda and the foundation formed in her honor: www.lindazhangfoundation.org

As we went to press, news came of another devastating loss to the community, that of Danielle Taylor Leventhal, an immensely talented artist described by her family and friends as “a beautiful ray of sunshine and a strong-willed woman.” Danielle’s mom, Jennifer, had sent me her family’s poignant words in a story I then posted about this brilliant, joy-filled young lady. https://www.theinsidepress.com/in-remembrance-of-danielle-taylor-leventhal/

A packed service at Temple Beth El led by Rabbi Jaffe–the remembrances by her family and friends – conveyed the enormity of the love for Danielle and her legacy.

If this letter column feels ‘heavy’ for back- to-school editions, as spotlighted by various stories, I hope you might see it as life affirming instead, because learning more about these two wonderful souls really has been.

Please enjoy all the articles assembled with gratitude and with a hopeful but watchful eye over ‘everything Covid’.  Speaking of gratitude, please don’t miss our stories about the Byram Hills Education Foundation ‘funding our student’s futures’, the New Castle United for Youth ‘EXPERIENCE’, as told by two interns, and one of Byram Hill’s student Anika Bobra who has created a remarkable podcast devoted to promoting gratitude widely.

Personal and family enrichment via fabulous local options are always something to be grateful for.  So, do help celebrate ‘comeback’ events –  Community Day in New Castle, the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival, Feed Me Fresh: An Edible Evening. and the Armonk Outdoor Art Show!

Do visit the Chappaqua Library’s new Teen and Children’s Rooms! Do feel inspired by Chappaqua’s Edward Lewis, the new director of Caramoor, and partake in any of its ever exciting programming. And also by Hammond’s executive director Elizabeth Hammer who kindly provided me with a fascinating private tour of this small gem of a Museum and its lush Japanese sculpture gardens.

Finally, I’m well into a second decade supporting the Holocaust and Human Rights Education Center. Please consider attending/supporting its upcoming annual fundraiser honoring Andrew Greenspan.  https://hhrecny.org/inspire_events/

Here’s also my ‘welcome back’ to you, and my wish to you for love and happiness and to all that’s life affirming.

New Resolve, Restored Balance & Enhanced Appreciation

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A Pandemic Year’s Impact on Wendy Craft and Evan Echenthal

Jacob, Wendy, Evan and Tyler    PHOTO BY Carolyn Simpson

It stands to reason that many lessons have been learned over the last year as the COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc on society. For Chappaqua resident and finance icon Wendy Craft, she learned the true value and satisfaction in saying no. 

For Craft and her husband, litigation attorney Evan Echenthal, their lives, like so many, were upended last March when the coronavirus halted travel, shuttered businesses, schools, and regular everyday life, and forced them to adjust to a unique routine comprised of Zoom calls, eLearning, remote work, and a continual sense of stress. 

The couple quickly learned the typical 9-to-5 workday would become extinct and early morning phone calls on the weekends and late-night texts or emails during the week with requests to do menial tasks would become something to get used to working from home. 

“It’s endless. There’s no guilt free day off anymore,” said Craft, who was relishing a meteoric award-winning career as the Chief of Staff for Fulcrum Equities. “You’ve lost all sense of boundaries because your home has become your work.”

But in balancing her home life, her twin 12-year-old sons, her work and stressors stemming from the pandemic, Craft over time became more aware of her mental health. As a working professional, being both a woman and a mom, she said she has always felt pressure to go beyond her abilities to say yes to everything. 

Craft, who heads a single-family office in New York City that invests in real estate and operating companies around the world, is a member of several prominent committees, organizations, and bar associations, including the U.S. Supreme Court. She also travels the nation and globe speaking on family office topics and their synergies.

Due to her dedication and passion, Craft has been honored with two Congressional Awards for being a leader in her field. Additionally, she has twice been named in the top 50 most influential women in private wealth by Private Asset Management Magazine. 

Wendy Craft

The Power of ‘No’

But with the pandemic bringing both men and women into the same shared experience, Craft has enjoyed the liberation of saying no and refusing to alter her schedule to satisfy a never-ending workday. 

“I would always take on so much because I felt bad about saying no, but now I’ve gotten to the point where I can say that I’ve gotten to my capacity and I have nothing more to share,” she said. “A year ago, I would have rearranged my whole schedule to appease my job but I’m no longer available 24/7, and the funny thing is, I didn’t have to be, but I felt like I had to say I was.” Craft added, “I just say no. It’s empowering.”

Before anyone could truly comprehend the long-term impacts of COVID-19, the idea of a two-week staycation seemed ideal to most. For Craft, she referred to it as a gift. 

Craft would often spend up to five days a month traveling the nation and globe attending conferences and speaking at events. She’s done this for the last 20 years. 

But on March 8, 2020 that all changed. “I came home and that was it; that was the first time I haven’t traveled in 20 years.” Craft said. 

While the strain of the pandemic helped her realize work isn’t life, her job is part of her identity. She described losing the ability to go to the office every morning, have a normal workday and travel monthly as a difficult adjustment. 

“It was great being home for the first six to eight months because I traveled all over the world so extensively and to be home it was almost like a gift,” Craft said. “And then it became really monotonous not to have my ‘adulting’ time at work, which was always part of my identity.”

Eventually Craft’s structured life started to unravel, as she strived to find the right balance between work, remote learning, and daily home chores. She was also faced with monitoring her children’s mental health as they navigated this new life, where seeing friends and going to school was no longer an option. 

However, despite the already busy schedule, she quickly realized that while the laundry would get done and the school day would eventually end, the workday began to shift. With her job expecting her to be available at all hours of the day, she felt any remaining sense of normalcy vanishing. 

But with 2021 showing signs of hope, Craft said she sees new glimmers of the old structure. With her husband, and her sons having returned to in-person work and school, respectively, she plans a return to the office soon, too, “to normalize my mental health and those boundaries,” Craft said. “And I need that so it’s not Groundhog Day every single day.”

When Worlds Collide: Managing Expectations

As Craft was struggling with her identity and juggling her responsibilities, Echenthal, had similar worries in his work and family life. 

While his office and the courts had been shut down, he was still required to meet the same billable hours as previous years. This constant pressure to find work where there was none resulted in his days devoted to being dad and his nights dedicated to working.

“It’s been very trying since courts are closed and employers aren’t very sympathetic with the lack of work,” he said. “Before I’d go to bed at 11 p.m., but you don’t do that now, so now you fire up the laptop to meet the expectations and just work harder.”

Echenthal said the first half of the pandemic felt like everything was colliding at once and the inability to compartmentalize everyday duties became more and more difficult. He said one moment he could be working and the next he was folding laundry or explaining to his kids why they can’t see their friends. 

And the work-related emails and phone calls never ceased. “When you’re at home, nobody seems to have a problem calling you at 9 p.m. to ask for something. And why am I getting emails 24 hours a day?” he said. “The expectation from the employers, the courts and your adversary haven’t changed. They expect more because you live at your office now.”

While Echenthal has returned to work recently, he said the stress and expectations are still the same. Only now he’s taking on a new venture; running for a seat on the Mount Pleasant Town Board, an endeavor he described as an opportunity to contribute to his community and expand his social bubble. “I’m starting to see outside of myself and consider my neighbors and my community,” Echenthal said. “I’m getting out of my own space and seeing that everyone is in the same situation and everything is different and there’s got to be a way we can come together to figure everything out.”

Echenthal describes a personal shift this year, too. A major homebody pre-pandemic, he said he now takes time out of his day to call his friends and catch up, something he rarely did prior to the pandemic. He has also shared with his sons the pure joy of a White Castle slider, as trips across counties have become a weekly activity. “After being forced to stay home, I’m constantly on the phone with my friends gabbing and I realize I like going out,” Echenthal said. “You don’t realize what you have until you don’t have it anymore.”

Gratitude for Family Time

Despite the stress and hardship the pandemic has brought on Craft and Echenthal, both are grateful to have gotten to spend quality time together as a family. Craft added she has been fortunate to find an identity outside of her occupation. I know I will look back years from now and think how great it was that we got that time as a family together,” Craft said.