The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Social Media

You Are Not Cool.

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Photo courtesy of https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi05YWE4MjBkNzM5ZGYwYmZk/

 

When people think of social media, it is typically associated with teenagers and early adults being obsessed with likes and who can project their best lifestyle. Generation Z and millennials are usually linked with social media taking over their lives. The expression “phone eats first” and people, especially girls (I can confidently support this being a girl *wink* ), snapping a million pictures until getting the right one. However, I would like to argue that this logic is wrong. We are the scapegoat for the older generation to hide behind. We are not the true culprits of the epidemic of social media taking over. Adults, especially parents of teenagers, are the true OCD consumers of social media. 

The smallest family gathering happens and you already know all the mothers are going to line up and want to make a huge photoshoot to later post on Facebook, where their 76 friends will comment. Saying “So cute! My kids could never!”, “They grow up so fast!”, and on and on. Cut the BS. We both know you do not care that Sheryl went to Turks and Caicos for the fifth year in a row. And the same goes for Sheryl–stop acting like your kid did not just throw a fit because they missed their sleep away camp meet up in the city to go on this vacation. Social media portrays such a falsehood of what is reality. Simply commenting on someone’s post does not mean you are close with them. Send them a text or call to show you care. These moms are so obsessed with portraying a different (read: fake, or at best, idealized) perception of their family. I truly think that if these moms keep trying to portray their family dynamic like how it seems on social media, that maybe one day their manifestations will materialize. Get a reality check, but it has not been all smiles and a love fest at Thanksgiving with the in-laws. Maybe get some crystals and family therapy. Stop dragging everyone else into your family’s mess.

However, the moms of Facebook are not even the worst of them. The worst are the wannabe influencers. They just learned about Instagram a month ago and think making reels is revolutionary and they’ll become famous for showing their outfits every day in their story. It has been done. And yet, still few have actually become that famous. They think they are hip and cool being on Instagram, posting their lives, thinking that people are just WAITING at their phones for the next post. Like no, what do you think you are influencing? What does “influencers” even mean? What are you changing? The times people want to block you? Because that number is only going up. The only brands that reach out to you to promote are probably bots or a pyramid scheme. There is a reason no one has heard of these companies! Okay, maybe if Gucci or Versace is sponsoring you, then none of this applies to you. But to those of you out there not making this cut, fun fact but typically the number of likes usually lines up with the number of followers you have. We can tell, you buy your followers! Right, because you have 14.7k followers but on a good day get 53 likes, yes! Love the PEMDAS that is happening.

Social media does have its positives of allowing people to stay connected all throughout the world and depicting the time that has passed. But, people own up to the reality of your life and stop posting inspirational quotes that you do not even implement in your life. Time to make social media casual again.

 

Finding Your Village

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Christine with her family

The life of a mom who stays at home with young kids can be many things–exciting and fulfilling, yes, but also, crazy, hectic, and sometimes… lonely. Without the proverbial village we all hear about, it can be hard for a mom (or dad) to find their way in a community without guidance.

When my husband and I moved to Hawthorne, our daughter was not quite two and I needed a way to get to know the community and meet other stay-at-home moms like myself. We joined a local music class and did some fun events at the library. Incidentally, if you have young kids, story time with Miss Debbie at the Mount Pleasant Library is absolutely wonderful. But then my daughter started pre-school and our son came along. After he was born, things were definitely frenzied. I felt like I was running around in circles everywhere but not really meeting people in the community.

“Having just moved to Westchester all the way from the West Coast, and having limited support nearby, I was anxious to find my village–FAST,” said Johnson.

One day as I was perusing Facebook, I came upon a post from another local mom looking to meet others with similar-aged kids. Her name was Jenifer Johnson and she had created a group called Pleasantville Play Date Meet-up and right there, a new village was born! She was, just like me and so many others, a mom who simply wanted to get herself and her kids out of the house and socialize with others.

“I’ve always been a believer that being a parent takes “a village.” Having just moved to Westchester all the way from the West Coast, and having limited support nearby, I was anxious to find my village–FAST,” said Johnson, who currently runs the Ridgefield, CT Playdate Meet-up.

“Social media is an excellent tool to bring people together and connect with those who have similar interests. In my case, I was looking for other moms like me who lived close by and had an interest in making new friends and socializing our children. I created a group with a very basic name, stock photo of a playdate and posted it on some other, larger Parent groups.”

The group took off, with members joining from all over the Mount Pleasant area. Instead of just planning meetups at a local park, parents started hosting play dates at their homes, which evolved into special events like holiday parties, craft days, and more.

And then, it went from just getting the kids together to getting the moms out too. It’s important for moms to have some quality kid-free time. So one night a group of us got together to do a craft night and “Mom’s Night Out” was born. Cookie exchanges, baby showers, mani-pedi nights and many a birthday celebration followed. And the group also holds a monthly dinner at restaurants all around town.

Jennifer Liddle, the group’s current admin says, “As the admin, it is so rewarding to brainstorm and execute events for local moms and kids to meet. I’ve made some of my closest friends through this group–friendships that transcend the initial reason why we met in the first place, our kids. Additionally, I’ve seen several other friendships blossom and it makes me so proud that I have had a part in that. I remember when I moved to the suburbs, I was worried it would be impossible to make friends. This group of ours made it possible.”

Continues Johnson, “Eventually, this tiny idea became a reality with new parents joining everyday. Play dates, mom’s night’s, BBQ’S, birthday parties–we had our village. Jennifer Liddle, who runs the group now, has taken it to over 270 members! It’s awesome!”

As an introvert, it can be hard for me to get out of my comfort zone and take a chance in meeting new people. But sometimes you just have to do it and hope for the best. As Thomas Jefferson said, “With great risk comes great reward.”

I’m so glad I did. I’ve cultivated many new friendships through the group. We all want to feel like we belong somewhere. And it’s great to know that there are others you can turn to for camaraderie and support.

I truly enjoy living in Mount Pleasant and really feel like I’ve become a part of the community-at-large. I’ve gotten to know my town and my community through local meeting places such as the library, farmers market, school events, and of course a Facebook play date group that I just happened to click on that fateful day.

Redefining Beauty in the Age of Social Media

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We live in a digital world, a world in which eye contact has been replaced by the glow of backlit screens, chatter has been swapped out for the familiar sound of keyboard clicks, and “Happy Birthday!” cards have been transformed into posts on our friends’ Facebook walls. And as the world has become more digital, so, too, have our socialization trends, with social media becoming the primary means of communication for teenagers in my generation. While social media allows for a more interconnected, open, and limitless world, there is a hidden danger that people tend to gloss over when talking about its constant use: The effect on our self-esteem.

Whether it is a photo that a friend just posted on Instagram, an ad on Facebook with a near perfect looking model, or a makeup artist’s tutorial video on YouTube, it is only too easy to see photos and videos of people on social media and start comparing ourselves to them. In fact, I would argue that the constant slew of images that we are bombarded with online each day creates subconscious definitions of beauty, success, and happiness in our minds, definitions that are narrow, limiting, and unrealistic; definitions that we can never live up to. She’s so beautiful, why don’t I look like that? He has so many followers, I could never be that popular! Look at her friends, his hair, her clothes, his life!  But despite taking on a semblance of reality, most of what we see on social media is a lie. It’s 21st-century deception. Because unlike ever before, social media gives us the unique ability to curate our lives, to reveal to the world only what we want them to see. And if we can post the photo where we look the happiest, the prettiest, the most put together, why wouldn’t we want the world to see that?

And that, right there, is the danger of social media: By only sharing snapshots of our lives, we highlight the perfect and pretend that the imperfect does not exist.

We immerse ourselves in fictional worlds where all we see are images of sunny beach vacations, smiling family portraits, aesthetically pleasing coffee, and people at their prime. However, what we don’t see are all of the moments in between, all of the moments of sadness, suffering, and imperfection. And because we tend to keep those less-than-perfect moments hidden from our feeds, it is easy to compare our real lives to the “social media lives” of others and feel like we just don’t measure up. After all, when we are constantly surrounded by images of people whose lives look so put together, it can make it seem like we are the only ones whose lives aren’t.

Thankfully, social media is slowly starting to change. Now more than ever, companies, celebrities, and other social media users are embracing the idea that imperfection should not be hidden. With companies like Dove working to improve body confidence with their body positivity campaigns, celebrities like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Sarah Hyland opening up about their mental health battles, and couples like Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade sharing their struggles with fertility, social media is slowly becoming more transparent, communicating the idea that not only is it okay to be imperfect, but it is also okay to share those imperfections if we choose to do so.

Although social media often makes it seem this way, no one’s life is a continuous slide-show of vacations, parties, smiles, and friends. And while there is nothing wrong with choosing to share on social media the photos, stories, and videos that make us feel best about ourselves, there is also no shame in sharing the imperfect aspects of our lives as pivotal parts of our stories. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what social media is: Platforms that allow us to share the stories of our lives with the world. And no matter what narrative we choose to tell, it is important to put everything we see online into perspective. Because, for better or for worse, what we see on social media is not the whole picture of someone; rather, it is merely a few pieces in the puzzle of who they are.

Snow Days Bring Winter Warmth and Community Bonding

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As my feet came out from under me and I started to fall backwards on the front stoop of my house the first thing I noticed was that time had started moving very slowly. My next thought was that this was not a good situation as I saw my unlaced sneakered feet elevate above the rest of me and found myself twisting slightly as my skull approached the waiting hard-brick top step. I didn’t feel panicked but was aware that there was something ridiculous about braining myself first thing in the morning while still in a bathrobe. Astoundingly, my body landed across the steps, as it would turn out, relatively unharmed. My head was the last body part to land and with acute clarity I felt it connect with the rock-hard surface about as gently as imaginable. As I lay there doing a toes to forehead assessment of any physical damage one thought crept through–I should have used more salt!

There are a myriad of realities to living in the snow-belt that is Westchester County north of 287. Better have all-wheel drive. A generator? Not a bad idea. Plow guy seems expensive and wakes your neighbors at 3 a.m. as they’ve communicated through strongly worded notes taped to your door? It’s still better than you shoveling the large wet snow-filled driveway and unwittingly flirting with your first heart-attack. May it only be mild.

The other big figurative snow-balls to contend with are the incessant snow days. In the past when the phone rang at 5 a.m. it was usually serious business. A health scare or worse. Fortunately, those shock-inducing calls were exceedingly rare. However, present day, anytime there is a hint of snow in the forecast you can expect the phone to ring at that same ungodly hour.

At best a two hour delay. Many of these calls result in full, no school, snow days. Which translates to no school for Bella and a day of professional productivity and otherwise being abruptly obliterated by a robo-call.

One morning early last winter the phone rang early and my wife dutifully answered it. I could tell by her expression that this was not going to be a two-hour delay. Outside the snow was steadily wafting downward and absolutely sticking. Ugh. I can’t recall specifically what I wouldn’t be accomplishing that day but I do remember being irritated that the heaven’s and Board of Education were annihilating my day.

Like any modern middle-aged man of responsibility I took my concerns to social media. The Facebook post went like this:

Like most kids I used to long for snow days which seemed exceedingly rare and elusive. The thought of sled-riding, pick-up snow football and a variety of potential misadventures all while not having to go to school made these days unbearably wonderful. Now, cynical and grizzled from life, I dread snow days like a looming medical procedure. There’s some kind of lesson here but I’m too engaged in my irritation to pursue it.

The comments and likes came quickly from friends, people I barely knew in high school and random acquaintances. The overwhelming theme was that I should stop being a snow-grinch and embrace the situation and the serendipitous opportunity of an unplanned day with my family.

So I did.

Laurie, Bella and I bundled up and headed up the cul-de-sac to see what was happening. It wasn’t crazy cold out nor windy so the little neighborhood hike would be not a frozen bummer. The fluffy snow was accumulating on massive pine trees and looked absolutely beautiful. Like a work of art. If you stood still you could hear the snow coming down relentless but gentle.

I did avoid one persnickety neighbor but after that it was like we walked on to the set of “It’s A Wonderful Life” (the happy part) and I was Jimmy Stewart reveling in the beauty of what’s all around me but often unappreciated.  There are kids sled-riding. The smell of a burning fire-place and smoke rising from an old stone chimney. We’re hugging neighbors and sincerely wondering why we haven’t seen each other for months. I joined a group pushing out a rear-wheel drive car stuck in the snow with gloved high-fives all around once the tires found firm footing.

As we looped back to our yellow house I couldn’t help but think of the contrast of how I felt before the walk and after. Through the simple act of a winter stroll I remembered the feeling of community that something like a snow day elicits. And, the winters here while challenging are most definitely communally persevered. It’s a long haul from start to finish but we all go through it and come out the other side ready for a beautiful spring.

SCREENAGERS: Growing Up in the Digital Age; Sept 7 & 8 Film and Forum

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Town of New Castle release:

screenagers1-e1454601138886-630x457Chappaqua Moms, a virtual Facebook community which includes over 6,800 members, is thrilled to present its first-ever “live” community event: SCREENAGERS: Growing Up in the Digital Age.

•Kids spend on average 6.5 hours a day on screens and that doesn’t include classroom or homework screen time.
•Boys spend on average the equivalent of 1.5 days on video games every week •Some recent studies show us that screen time increases dopamine production and causes behavior that mimics addiction.

During the frenetic yet optimistic fresh-new-notebook feeling of the first week back at school, we are inviting parents *along with* their children ages 10-18 to come view then talk about a topic that pervades all of our households. As seen on Good Morning America, SCREENAGERS: Growing Up in The Digital Age is selling out audiences around the country. SCREENAGERS is the first feature documentary to explore the impact of screen technology on kids and to offer parents proven solutions that work. SCREENAGERS is blazing a new model of distribution, known as a community viewing model, in hopes that parents and educators can start a conversation nationwide about how screen time impacts our lives.Screenagers

Physician and filmmaker, Delaney Ruston decided to make SCREENAGERS when she found herself constantly struggling with her two kids about screen time. Ruston felt guilty and confused, not sure what limits were best, especially around mobile phones, social media, gaming, and how to monitor online homework. Hearing repeatability how other parents were equally overwhelmed, she realized this is one of the biggest, unexplored parenting issues of our time. Ruston turned the camera on her own family and others—revealing stories that depict messy struggles over social media, video games, academics and internet addiction. Examples of stories, include Hannah’s, an 14-year old victim of social media bullying that stemmed from her trying to hide her use of social media from her mom. Issues are different for boys and girls, and the film also follows Andrew’s story, a straight-A student whose love of video games spins out of control when he goes off to college and lands in an internet rehab center.

Interwoven into these stories, are cutting edge science and insights from thought leaders such as Peggy Orenstein, Sherry Turkle, Simon Sinek, as well as leading brain scientists who present evidence on real changes happening in the brain. SCREENAGERS goes far beyond exposing the risks of screen time, but reveals multiple approaches on how parents and educators can work with kids to help them achieve a healthy amount of screen time.

Our moderators for the Wednesday September 7th event will be Audrey Mann Cronin, Dr. Benna Strober, Eileen Kenna, a 5th grade teacher at Bell, and Greeley Counselor Caroline D’Agastino. Our co-moderators for the Thursday September 8th event will be the Reverend Dr. Martha Jacobs and Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe.

Audrey Mann Cronin is a digital culture entrepreneur, a communications consultant, the founder of blog and Facebook community, Our Digital Daughters, the creator of mobile app LikeSo: Your Personal Speech Coach, and, most importantly, the mother of two Greeley teenagers.

Dr. Benna Strober is a child and adolescent psychologist in private practice in mount Kisco. She is an avid writer, sharing her knowledge and expertise on all things teens. By far, her biggest accomplishment and joy is being the mom of 3 Greeley daughters.

Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe serves as Senior Rabbi for Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester in Chappaqua, New York. He earlier served Congregation Emanu-El of San Francisco from 2007-2014. In recent years, Rabbi Jaffe has served on the boards of the Jewish Community Federation’s Peoplehood Commission, the San Francisco Interfaith Coalition, and the Pacific Association of Reform Rabbis and has served as a regular columnist for the J Weekly newspaper. He currently serves as co-chair of the Chappaqua Interfaith Coalition.

The Rev. Dr. Martha Jacobs is the Senior Minister at The First Congregational Church in Chappaqua. Prior to her coming to FCC, Martha was a professional hospital chaplain for more than 20 years, serving New York Presbyterian Hospital – Columbia Campus, and United Hospital in Port Chester, NY. Martha’s work involved providing care to patients and family members of all ages and religious beliefs. Her training included conflict and mediation skills.

This event is generously sponsored by Camp Breezemont, Armonk New York and the New Castle Arts & Culture Committee. All proceeds from ticket sales will be divided evenly among these 2 local charities: “Chappaqua Cares” and “A Kids’ Brain Tumor Cure”.

WHERE: Wallace Auditorium – Chappaqua Crossing, 480 Bedford Rd, Chappaqua

Sept 7th (7:15-9:15pm): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chappaqua-moms-presents-screenagers-growing-up-in-the-digital-age-tickets-26287338136

Sept 8th (7-9pm): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chappaqua-moms-presents-screenagers-growing-up-in-the-digital-age-tickets-26287391295

Movie Trailer: www.screenagersmovie.com<http://www.screenagersmovie.com>

Julie Scott, founder of Chappaqua Moms, stated “It’s ironic that the very thing that brings us together— in this case, the same screens featuring the Chappaqua Moms page on Facebook— is also causing consternation at home (Instagram/Snapchat/Games/texts etc.). The back-to-school week double-showing of the film Screenagers will hopefully serve a dual purpose of bringing our community together as well as provide some food-for-thought about teaching our kids how to better balance the need to be connected with the need to disconnect”.

Kimberly L. Gilman, Director of Development A Kids’ Brain Tumor Cure Foundation, stated “A Kids’ Brain Tumor Cure is thrilled to be chosen by Chappaqua Moms as one of the charities to benefit from the ticket sales to the ScreenAgers movie! Cancerous brain tumors are the #1 cancer related death in children. The mission of A Kids’ Brain Tumor Cure is to raise funds and awareness for scientific research leading to new, promising treatments and a cure for children’s brain cancer”.

Jessica Reinmann, co-founder of Chappaqua Cares, stated “I’m thrilled to be a beneficiary of this production. We are thankful that Chappaqua Moms has continued to be a place where we can rally the troops for those in need. Chappaqua Cares our mission is to connect local philanthropic organizations with residents in the community who want to help with fundraising, donation drives and by volunteering. Our goal is to broaden awareness of our neighbors in need and facilitate successful interactions between the community and these organizations.”

Town Board member Lisa Katz, who chairs the New Castle Arts & Culture Committee, stated “I am so excited that we are able to use the Wallace Auditorium to show SCREENAGERS. The Arts & Culture Committee is committed to expanding arts & culture throughout New Castle. This is especially important for our kids who are growing up in this digital age. The Wallace Auditorium will allow us to host so many great community events like this throughout the year”.

New Castle Town Supervisor Rob Greenstein stated ”I would like to thank the co-moderators of Chappaqua Moms,Julie Scott and Georgia Frasch, for bringing SCREENAGERS to our community. I would also like to thank Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe, Rev. Dr. Martha Jacobs, Audrey Mann Cronin, Dr. Benna Strober, Kim Gilman & Jessica Reinmann for their help in organizing this incredible event. I look forward to the two showings of Screenagers & the discussion about the impact screen technology has on our lives and what we can do to find a healthy balance”.

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