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remembrance

Our Mom & The Bouquet of Peace

April 8, 2022 by Janine Crowley Haynes

After you lose your mother, Mother’s Day becomes a somber day of reflection. Our mother is gone 21 years now. She died from lung cancer at the age of 56–a year younger than I am today. It was strange for me when I realized I’m older than my mother would ever be. Still, I reflexively reach for my phone to call her whenever something good or bad happens. Then, remind myself, with phone in hand, she’s not on the other end.

Her life was brief, but the life lessons she instilled in her three girls come back to us constantly. Sometimes, her lessons come slowly, subtly, and, other times, they slap us right in the face. I cannot express how much I love when that happens. Belonging to an Irish Catholic family, living in the Bronx, my mother was the eldest of six. Her life was filled with a steady stream of laundry–much of it done by hand. So, when she married, she insisted on squeezing a washer and a dryer into our already cramped kitchen. It would finally free her of the laborious chores of her childhood.

When I was 11, our parents separated. My mom, two sisters, and I would spend many years in our kitchen talking over the vibrational whir of the washer and the thunderous tumbling of the dryer. At dinnertime, she’d stop the machines mid-cycle so we could have some quiet conversation. Even after working twelve hours a day, six days a week, our mom always made time to sit at the kitchen table and ask about our day. The image of her reaching over to pull open the dryer door, without getting out of her chair, is forever etched in my memories. 

Right there, in our groovy 70s kitchen with its loud orange and yellow geometric, metallic wallpaper and knock-off Saarinen white-round table with matching bucket chairs, hung a print of Picasso’s Bouquet of Peace. Since I was, as my mom would say, ‘the artistic one,’ I had trouble with the drawing’s simplicity. I mean, I was 12 and could draw a more lifelike image of a bouquet of flowers. It perplexed me as much as it intrigued me. As a teen, I found myself researching Pablo Picasso and the phases of his work. His earlier work was spot-on realistic. So, clearly, he knew how to draw and paint, but the influences of the time, lead him to break free from realism and delve into cubism, and, eventually, he turned to painting in a childlike manner. I also learned he painted The Bouquet of Peace in response to the peace demonstrations taking place in Stockholm in 1958.

Our kitchen table was the roundtable of our world. Under the watchful eye of The Bouquet of Peace, it’s where our single bra-burning, bellbottom-wearing, liberal-leaning mother created a safe space for her three girls to talk about anything and everything. Nothing was off-limits. It’s where she celebrated our rite of passage into womanhood, and, subsequently, where we complained about our cramps and pimples. It’s where we learned to put on makeup. It’s where we cried over boys. It’s where we talked about our mother’s limited paycheck and how, if we wanted a new pair of Jordache jeans or a new pair of Candies, we had to work for it.

The response to a piece of artwork is typically an emotional one–even if it’s no response at all. Picasso’s flowers were always waiting to greet me in the morning. I’d stare at it while eating my Cheerios. My mother loved the cheerful nature of it and how it represented a sweet gesture of one person giving to another. She shared with me how the giving of something as simple as a bouquet of flowers could bring much joy to the recipient. In those moments, my mother was teaching us the art of the giving, the art of simple beauty, and the art of appreciating art. 

So, when I noticed my sister hung that very painting in her laundry room, it bothered me. Why would she choose to hang a significant piece from our childhood in such an obscure place? Then…BAM!!! It hit me. My sister got it right. It was the perfect place, right next to the whoosh of washer and the melodic tumbling of the dryer. Like I said, I love when that happens.

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: Artwork, Bouquet, Essay, journey, kitchen, Life Lessons, Loss, mom, mothers day, Our Mom, painting, reflection, remembrance

Remembering Lawrence Otis Graham

April 2, 2021 by Ronni Diamondstein

Lawrence Otis Graham in 2015. Photo courtesy of Michael N. Meyer/Cuddy & Feder LLP

If you were lucky enough to know Lawrence Otis Graham, he would greet you with his mile-wide smile and twinkling eyes, so happy to see you. Whether he was in a hurry or not, he took the time to chat and ask how you were doing and catch up. He always had time for his friends and neighbors.

Lawrence Otis Graham, Chappaqua resident, respected attorney, author, media commentator, board member and lifelong advocate for diversity passed away on February 19, 2021. He was 59 years old and is survived by his wife, Pamela Thomas-Graham, two sons, Gordon and Harrison, a daughter Lindsey and his brother, Dr. Richard Graham. He graduated from Princeton University and Harvard Law School. Graham was an attorney at the White Plains law firm Cuddy & Feder. Graham was one of the most widely read Black writers of the 1990s and is well-known for his 1992 New York magazine cover story, “Invisible Man,” about his experience working in a restaurant at the Greenwich Country Club. He recounted the racism, sexism and anti-Semitism he encountered as a bus boy. The bestselling author of 14 non-fiction books about politics, education, race and class in America, Graham’s work includes the books, The Senator and The Socialite: The Story of America’s First Black Political Dynasty and Our Kind of People: Inside America’s Black Upper Class, his New York Times and national bestseller that is currently under development by Fox Entertainment as a television series based on this book. 

A dear friend …

Graham showed promise from his childhood. Stacey Blaustein Divack has known Graham since the 7th grade in the White Plains Schools, and their friendship lasted through the years, especially when they found themselves both living in Chappaqua. She has many memories of her dear friend. “Larry was a super high achiever. He was the Editor-in-Chief of ‘The Orange,’ our high school paper. He was principled, not political and determined to publish the truth. He was tireless, did his homework and left no stone unturned.” She also recalls from her high school days, “As a leader, he took ownership of issues and coming up with solutions. He followed his dreams and despite some tough situations and racial hinderances, he overcame. He would never attain his goals by the wrong means. It was hard work and honesty.” He was a great friend. “If you called him, he was there, or he beat you to being there.” Family was so important to Graham. “He came from parents who cared so much, and he was very hands-on with his own children.” And she adds, “Larry had an inner spark that radiated and permeated everything he did. He wanted to make a mark in the world. He had his own unique style: brilliance, warmth, caring, humbleness. He was such a warm soul.”

Thanks to Vanessa Williams and her mother Helen, the Grahams settled in Chappaqua in 1998.

Helen Williams recalls, “Vanessa found the house and encouraged Larry to take a look telling him here’s where you should come, the schools are great and it’s a great piece of property–and he bought it.” Mrs. Williams has been a friend of the family for 30 years having met Graham’s mother Betty as fellow members of  LINKS. “Each year Larry would bring me a poinsettia for Christmas. And he did again this year. It was always something I looked forward to. We had a special connection and talked a lot. He listened well to suggestions and advice almost as if I was a mother mentor for him.” What will she miss most? “His eager smile and his laugh, everything about the essence of him. He had so much more to offer. He was always working on something and always looking forward. I will miss his presence on this earth, how much he gave and how much more he had to give.”

Graham was the Chair of the Westchester County Police Board. County Executive George Latimer wrote, “I met him when he and his wife Pam–a talented and successful executive in her own right–lived in White Plains and I was going door-to-door running for re-election as a County Legislator. I walked away from that front door meeting knowing I had just met an impressive man… and he was that and more over the 25 plus years of our friendship.”

A grateful person …

Political differences never defined his personal relationships according to Tara Rosenblum, News 12 Reporter/Anchor. Graham appeared on the weekly Newsmakers program as a political analyst and was often on air election nights. “Lawrence was able to have a political disagreement and separate it from your friendship. He was always there on a moment’s notice. You could ask him about any topic and he could expand on it like an accordion, filling in as much time that was needed to a commercial break. He had incredible political insights and intuition but, what I found most impressive about him with all his achievements, he never forgot the little things people did for him along the way. He was just such a deeply grateful person.”

A good neighbor …

Former New Castle Supervisor Barbara Gerrard has some reflections on Graham. “Larry was the quintessential Renaissance man, but more than that to people in Chappaqua, he was a neighbor, a dad, a concerned friend, the kind of good person we all strive to be. I first met Larry when he was running for Congress. I had just been elected to the New Castle Town Board, and he reached out to offer his assistance in any way he could. It was always his way to offer help, advice, or just an attentive ear, to anyone who needed it. He had that overarching ability to connect with everyone he met, an ability enhanced by his genuine concern with neighbors and friends. It is difficult to accept that his presence will no longer grace our community.”  

Graham could be seen in local shops all over town. Gerrard continues, “He took advantage of everything Chappaqua had to offer. When his children were young, you’d often find him bringing them to Town, especially to the Chappaqua Library, his favorite destination.”  Not only a visitor to the library, but Graham also did an author talk about his book, Member of the Club: Reflections on Life in a Racially Polarized World. 

When former Town Supervisor and School Board member Janet Wells was forming the Chappaqua School Foundation, Graham helped to bring awareness to the organization. He hosted free events, among them a pre-college program about his Ten Point Plan for College Acceptance, the book he wrote while a student at Princeton. Wells worked with him on his 1999 Congressional campaign doing fundraising and was often with Graham on the trail. “Larry had energy and enthusiasm, and he had a lot to offer. It’s really sad he never became a Congressman; he would have contributed so much.” Graham returned the favor to Wells. “He was kind and helped me with my campaign. I always knew I could call him. He would recognize a problem and something he could do to help even before I would even ask. He was such a sensitive person. One of the things I loved about him was how he seized all the opportunities to enjoy life.”

Nichelle Maynard-Elliott, co-chair of the New Castle Council on Race and Equity, has a long history with Graham. “I first met Larry as a first-year summer associate at Weil Gotshal. He was a warm and friendly face and personality. He generously offered his support and guidance as an older, full time associate. Our paths crossed again much later in life as our children attended the Armonk Montessori together, and we discovered we were neighbors in Chappaqua. His warm smile and infectious enthusiasm were consistent for the 30 years I knew him.”

President Bill Clinton shares his thoughts. “Hillary and I liked and admired Larry very much, and we enjoyed the chance to get to know him over the last 20 years. We’re grateful that, in addition to shining a light on the role of race and class throughout our history and in our present day, he used his many gifts to make Chappaqua and Westchester better, stronger, and more inclusive. His passing is a big loss for the community, and our thoughts are with his family and all the people whose lives he touched.”

A beautiful soul …

At his funeral service, on February 27th at the Grace Episcopal Church in White Plains, his wife Pamela spoke about what Graham would want all of us to remember. There were four things: Never give up, have no ego, be a light in the world, and savor the moment. And she added, “be kind.” Lawrence Otis Graham was all that. He leaves us with quite a legacy in his 59 years on this Earth, and a big void now. Maya Angelou said, “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.” Lawrence Otis Graham, the great and beautiful soul that he was, has done just that. 


Statement from the New Castle Council on Race & Equity:

While Lawrence Otis Graham was not an official member of the CRE, he certainly stands out as a prominent BIPOC member of the Town of New Castle. He wrote compellingly about growing up upper-middle-class and Black, and the pressures of navigating these two sometimes conflicting identities. Our neighbor’s unique voice on the challenges of living in a white world while holding on to Black culture will be missed.

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: author, Barbara Gerrard, Commentator, Harvard Law School, Helen Williams, In Memoriam, Invisible Man, Jan Wells, Lawrence Otis Graham, New Castle, New Castle Council on Race and Equity, President Bill Clinton, Princeton University, remembrance, Vanessa Williams

Toward Remembering and Reflecting: The New Castle Holocaust Memorial

December 1, 2019 by Grace Bennett

Photos in this feature by Samantha Milewicz for the Inside Press

How Two Chappaqua Residents Committed to Holocaust Remembrance & Education Made It Happen

“When you listen to a witness, you become a witness.” –Elie Wiesel, founder of the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum

In 2012, Alexandra Rosenberg (Ali) was lucky enough to spend a night listening to Elie Wiesel speak at Barnard College, Columbia University. She remembered him saying two things that forever stuck with her. The first was, “As long as survivors are here, listen to them…”. And the second was, “Indifference is never an option.” She spent the next six years hearing survivors speak as often as she could and felt if survivors had the courage to share their stories it was her duty to be their audience.

Ali began to focus her efforts on making an impact on the community and the schools. She wanted to find a way to increase Holocaust education for the next generation so that they could feel empowered to prevent this from ever happening again.

All of this led to the creation of a committee for the town and an organization for the students: the town renews its awareness and the students can learn. Together, the New Castle Holocaust & Human Rights Committee and the Horace Greeley High School student organization E.N.O.U.G.H.–Educate Now On Understanding Genocide and Hate will provide annual Holocaust and Human Rights programming to our community and our children.

In addition, Ali recommended the creation of a New Castle Holocaust Memorial which would stand in a visible area of our town where residents of all ages can reflect, remember and learn about the important lessons of the Holocaust.

Gaining a Town’s Support

Rosenberg approached Town Supervisor Robert Greenstein in April who threw his support behind her ideas. Aware of her friend Stacey Saiontz’s commitment to Holocaust education and remembrance, Ali approached Stacey to help her realize her vision for the community. Saiontz holds leadership roles at the Auschwitz Jewish Center, the Museum of Jewish Heritage and the Holocaust and Human Rights Education Center. In October, Saiontz was honored with a National Leadership Award by the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, www.ushmm.org, where she is a founding member of the Museum’s “Next Generation” board.

Photo courtesy of Alexandra Rosenberg

After introducing their combined experience and ideas, Rosenberg and Saiontz met with the Town Board and the Recreation and Parks Commission, and the idea for the New Castle Holocaust Memorial was approved.

Greenstein said, “This is one of the most meaningful projects that I’ve worked on over the last six years. It’s crucial that we remember the lessons of history and provide future generations with the tools to combat hate and bigotry.” Subsequently, Greenstein and the Town Board established the New Castle Holocaust & Human Rights Committee appointing Rosenberg and Saiontz as Co-Chairs and calling for applicants to apply for the eight Committee member positions and two student liaison positions for E.N.O.U.G.H..

The Daffodil Project

At Community Day on September 14th the students set up a table and introduced the club to the community. The students explained that the mission of E.N.O.U.G.H. is to empower students to stand up to hate and to develop a community of tolerance through education and the understanding of people’s differences.

The students also sold daffodil bulbs which were planted at the Memorial in October. The sale of the daffodil bulbs was part of a larger initiative–The Worldwide Daffodil Project (daffodilproject.net). The Worldwide Daffodil project’s purpose is to commemorate the lives of the children lost during the Holocaust. The goal is to plant 1.5 million daffodils across the world–one daffodil for every child killed during the Holocaust.

A few weeks before the dedication and opening ceremony, E.N.O.U.G.H student members coordinated a Community Planting Event. Students and residents, together with Saiontz and Rosenberg, planted 750 daffodil bulbs which will blossom in the spring when the community holds an annual event commemorating Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day.

The Dedication and Opening Ceremony

Rosenberg explained that, “The Dedication and Opening Ceremony was purposely planned to coincide with Kristallnacht, “The Night of Broken Glass”, which symbolized the final shattering of the Jewish existence in Europe. And so, on November 6 , in cool temps on the lit green field outside our pretty Gazebo, a full array of dignitaries gathered, each to speak out against antisemitism and hate. They included President Bill Clinton, State Assemblyman David Buchwald, State Senator Peter Harckham, County Executive George Latimer and Town Supervisor Elect Ivy Pool. Former Westchester Legislature chairman Mike Kaplowitz, New Castle town board members Lisa Katz and newly elected board members Jeremy Saland and Jason Lichtenthal also attended.

Greenstein, Rosenberg and Saointz each spoke. I was graciously invited to speak as well on behalf of my father, Jacob Breitstein, who was a Survivor of Auschwitz-Birkenau. As part of the ceremony a bench was dedicated in my Father’s loving memory. Rosenberg and Saiontz said: “It was a way to honor your father who so many have come to know through your affectionate writing about ‘Poppy’ and for all you do for New Castle and Holocaust awareness.”

Holocaust survivor Peter Somogyi offered the keynote address which conveyed the pain and horror he endured as a victim of Dr. Mengele’s cruel experiments. A candle lighting ceremony was led by survivors and also by students of E.N.O.U.G.H.

At the ceremony the Co-Presidents of E.N.O.U.G.H., Sam Rosenberg and Charlie Gordon, unveiled the memorial plaque. The inscription on the plaque says, “In memory of the six million Jews and millions of other victims who were persecuted and murdered simply because of who they were and what they believed. In honor of those who survived the Holocaust, and those who risked and gave their lives to save them. NEVER AGAIN.”

Matty Wasserman, a Junior at Horace Greeley High School and the winner of the Horace Greeley High School Quote Submission Contest, read the original quote that he wrote, now listed below the words NEVER AGAIN on the Memorial plaque. Wasserman’s quote reads: “Although no one can change the hate that occurred, to not acknowledge it and understand it would be forcing it upon our future.”

As part of the ceremony Rabbis, Cantors and Reverend from local synagogues and churches joined together in prayer and song. The materials for the memorial and bench as well as the landscaping were generously donated by Manzer’s Landscape Design & Development based in Peekskill. The memorial plaque was funded by an anonymous Chappaqua family.

“Our Residents are our Town’s Best Assets”

Right here in our town, these two extraordinary women, each with their own respective and immensely impressive histories of philanthropy, advocacy and Holocaust education, have ‘listened’ to and embodied the very spirit of the witnesses of whom Wiesel speaks. Together these women partnered with a mutual mission to honor survivors, and to ultimately fight antisemitism and all hate by keeping the lessons of the Holocaust alive for present and future generations.

In 2017, HBO created an 18-minute documentary, featuring a conversation between Saiontz’s grandfather and sons, specifically to educate students. Saiontz commented that the creation of the Memorial, the Committee and E.N.O.U.G.H. will now serve as a platform to educate the community and future generations about the lessons of the Holocaust and the importance of taking action. “The Holocaust did not start with the gas chambers and killing. It started with indifference to hate. We need to teach people to stand up to hate wherever it may fester.”

All of Rosenberg’s and Saiontz’s initiatives have been aimed at combatting the significant rise in hate that is permeating our world. Rosenberg said, ”The Holocaust is not only a Jewish story it is a HUMAN story and one that began with HATE. Over these last several years hate has crept back into our world’s, our children’s world’s and specifically our children’s schools. Hate crimes in schools have increased by 25% for the 2nd year in a row. Collectively, it is time that we all say E.N.O.U.G.H. of the reactionary response to hate. It is time to be proactive.”

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: Alexandra Rosenberg, Bench Dedication, Bill Clinton, Daffodil Project, E.N.O.U.G.H, Elie Wiesel, Greeley students, Holocaust education, Jacob Breitstein, New Castle Holocaust Memorial, Peter Somogyi, reflection, remembrance, Robert Greenstein, Stacey Saiontz, survivors, Town of New Castle

Remembering My Dad

May 31, 2019 by Marlene Kern Fischer

This Father’s Day, my family will be celebrating my husband, who is an amazing father. But I will also be thinking about my father, who passed away four years ago.

A little about my dad …

My father was born in Budapest, Hungary in 1932. When the Nazis invaded Hungary in 1944, both his parents were taken to Auschwitz. He was interned in a ghetto and lived with an aunt and a cousin, surviving under the protection of Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg. His mother escaped during a death march, running away into the woods and eventually returned to Hungary. His father died at Auschwitz in the gas chambers.

My dad emigrated to Canada after the war ended with a group of Hungarian teens who had lost parents in the war–his mother eventually emigrated there, as well. He attended McGill University, met my mom who was visiting relatives in Montreal, and moved to New York when they married. He worked as an engineer and was able to get his Master’s degree from Columbia University at night.

Although the Holocaust certainly shaped my father, he tried hard not to let it define him and he rarely spoke of the atrocities he witnessed. He made sure to live life fully, enjoying good food, wine and music. He was quick to laugh, especially at his own brand of dad humor. My father embraced his adopted country and was deeply grateful for the freedoms and opportunities afforded him here.

Having been born in different countries and in different eras, my father and I saw things from different perspectives. He was a staunch Republican, whereas I am a liberal Democrat. When I was a little girl, he would take me into the voting booth with him and teach me the importance of voting, telling me how lucky we were to live in a democracy. I always vote and when I choose my candidates, I think of him.

Although I thought of my father as more of a math/science guy, he was also more than proficient in writing–in fact he was able to edit my essays in high school and correct my grammar–pretty impressive for someone whose first language was not English. He was my first Scrabble opponent–he never went easy on me. Although it took me two years to beat him, when I finally did, he was as excited as I was.

Despite losing his own father at a young age, my dad knew how to be a good father. He taught my brother and me how to ride a bike, fish, ice skate, swim and play chess, which was a passion of his. He got up in the middle of the night with me when I was sick and dried my tears when I cried—he couldn’t bear to see me sad. He taught me a lot about nurturing and made me feel safe. When he held me in the ocean when I was a little girl, I knew I would be protected against the crashing waves.

My father was thrilled to become a grandfather and was delighted to be able to attend all five of his grandsons’ bar mitzvahs. Although he was mostly confined to a wheelchair for my youngest son’s bar mitzvah, he did manage get up so that he could have one dance with me.

When he got sick with Parkinson’s disease, he rarely complained, accepting his fate with quiet grace and even humor. In fact, a few days before he died, a nurse asked him if he was comfortable, to which he replied, “I make a living.” And even in such a compromised state, he managed to chuckle.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my father’s thriftiness, which was legendary. If saving money were an Olympic sport, he would’ve been a gold medalist. He would turn off the air conditioner on summer nights and turn down the heat in the winter. To this day, when I leave a light on, I can hear his admonishment in my head. And every time I spend three dollars on my iced coffee, I am pretty sure he does a little roll in his grave.

I suppose that’s how it is with all the people we love. We never forget them or the things they taught us. We are reminded of them in the special moments and in the ordinary moments. They live on through the people they loved and who loved them back.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who are with us and to those who live on in our hearts.

Filed Under: Et Cetera Tagged With: Columbia University, Dad, Father's Day, holocaust, Hungary, love, Miss, remembrance

Rosenthal JCC to Dedicate Butterfly Garden in Memory of Dr. Eric Levy on May 31st

May 26, 2015 by The Inside Press

Garden promotes the Gardening/Nature program of the Early Childhood Center Preschool

Dr Eric LevyOn Sunday, May 31, at 4 p.m., the Levy family of Bedford, NY will be dedicating the Dr. Eric Levy Butterfly Garden as a gift to the Rosenthal JCC of Northern Westchester in Pleasantville, NY.  Dr. Levy passed away in 2014 and on behalf of his wife Marnie and their two children, Jake and Emily, and their families, they have created and are dedicating this living memorial — a beautiful butterfly garden in his honor and as an act of remembrance.

“Our families have tried very hard to cope and heal from this tragedy. Our hope is that this garden will not only be an enhancement to our existing Gardening Program but also an environment of peace and tranquility for all those who visit it,” said Marnie Levy.

The new garden space is intended to promote a communal expression of Jewish values, identity, and spirituality. It will provide a laboratory for living and learning nature programs. In the Rosenthal JCC preschool classrooms, the children are currently learning about the process of metamorphosis and experiencing the butterfly lifecycle. Every classroom has a butterfly habitat and new books about butterflies.  The children will watch the caterpillars eat and grow to 10 times their original size. They will observe the change into a chrysalides and finally emerge as beautiful butterflies to complete the entire cycle of metamorphosis.

The butterflies will be released into the garden on May 31st at the Dedication Ceremony at 4 p.m.

In addition, the Butterfly Garden is part of a fundraising effort to support the robust Gardening/Farm-to-Table Program at the Rosenthal JCC. A walkway leading to the garden is being created and paving stones are available for purchase in memory or in celebration of a loved one. Pavers are available in varying sizes and prices for  the “Let it Grow Butterfly Garden” and can be purchased on-line (www.rosenthaljcc.org/butterflygarden).  Each paver can be engraved with a sentiment of one to three lines depending on the size of the paver.

“Eric was a loyal husband, devoted father, brilliant physician, and loving son, brother, uncle and friend.  He loved nature and would have been so proud of this garden.  Please join us for this meaningful experience and wonderful event.”

To RSVP to the dedication event, please contact Ann Pardes, Director of Early Childhood Education at ann@rosenthaljcc.org or 914-741-0333 x21.  Refreshments will be served and families are welcome.

Filed Under: Happenings Tagged With: butterfly garden, garden, Inside Press, memorial, remembrance, theinsidepress.com, tranquility

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