Janine Crowley Haynes

Discover The Staying Power of the Saw Mill Club

December 1, 2017 by Janine Crowley Haynes

Plus 10 Tips on Getting & Staying Healthy Through the Holidays

(L-R): Yoga Director Michelle Briks, Fitness Director Billy Goda, Media & Creative Director Barbara Accetta, Regional Director of Membership & Sales Terry Lanza, and Director of Group Exercise Kathleen Goldring (*photo by Janine Haynes*)

Since 1973, Saw Mill Club (SMC) of Mt. Kisco has been a cornerstone for fitness and health in the Westchester community. The club started out as a small indoor tennis facility and has been expanding ever since. The family friendly club currently has more than 7,000 members who live within a 10-mile radius. SMC opened a separate facility, Saw Mill Club East (SMCE), located at 333 North Bedford Road in Mt. Kisco.

“Saw Mill Club is your friendly neighborhood everything club, meaning we offer everything fitness including boutique studios for barre, yoga, group cycling, and award-winning tennis and aquatics departments,” says Media & Creative Director Barbara Accetta. In addition, SMC offers numerous in-house services like massage therapy, brows and facials by Ileana Fanita, chiropractic care by Dr. Eric Drucker at Saw Mill East, Dr. Louis Campbell, and Spa Chiara, a full-service medical spa founded by Dr. Sharon DeChiara, a board certified plastic surgeon. “There’s also a focus on family at Saw Mill Club, and our Children’s Center provides daycare, summer camp, and preschool,” says Accetta. “My toddler loves it, and I love that I can squeeze in a barre class and some pampering between work knowing that she’s well taken care of and happy,” Accetta adds.

Joining a Health Club vs. a Gym

Joining a club is different from just joining a gym. SMC is a micro-community that reaches beyond the fitness aspect. We all know the physical benefits to getting fit–lower blood pressure, lower risk for Type 2 diabetes, lower body fat, increased muscle mass, etc. However, being active is an important component to our mental health as well and can reduce the risk for depression and help lower anxiety and stress levels. In addition, studies show that interacting socially can increase lifespans and add to quality of life–especially in seniors. SMC acknowledges this social component and extends its reach into the community via social outings and activities for seniors, fundraising events for breast cancer, tennis programs for special needs groups–just to name a few.

“This is who we are,” says Terry Lanza, Regional Director of Membership & Sales. Lanza brings along 22 years of experience in fitness. She’s passionate about the Saw Mill Club and what it has to offer its members. “People join our club for many different fitness goals, but, recently, I’ve been meeting with a lot baby boomers who are caring for their aging parents, and they realize the importance of taking care of themselves as a whole going forward,” says Lanza. “Saw Mill Club is unique in that it’s a family-owned facility. The owner, Rick Beusman, has continually kept up with the times and, recently, acquired approximately $500,000 of state-of-the-art equipment,” says Lanza. Kinesis from TechnoGym allows for over 250 exercises and movements that improve strength, flexibility, and balance. SMC exclusively offers ARTIS, TechnoGym’s cardio equipment like treadmills, ellipticals, steppers, and cross-trainers.

In every area of fitness, SMC’s highly-trained staff is accessible. The club provides various approaches to getting fit and staying healthy. With their Smart Start program, new members are given a choice of two free private sessions. For example, you can work with a personal trainer or brush up on your swim stroke or tennis swing.

Research shows that changing things up in your workout and using different muscle groups gets better results. With the wide range of options, you can always change up your workout from being a mundane routine. Some members may be drawn to classes in the Soft Studio including yoga, pilates, barre, and fusion classes. Others may prefer the Aerobic Studio like Zumba or their Fire it Up cardio and strength workout. While others may be attracted to swimming, group cycle, or the Kinesis or TRX suspension training equipment.

10 Tips for Getting & Staying Healthy Through the Holidays

Fun-filled holiday gatherings bring temptation. Eating healthy and staying on a fitness plan during the holiday season is, no doubt, a challenge. The busy holiday season can bring along stress as well, and we can find ourselves less motivated to stick to an active, healthy regimen.

Below are just a few tips from the fitness staff.

1. Get a Jumpstart

Fitness Director Billy Goda shares some tips from his book, The Personal Trainer’s Roadmap to Success. “Set your fitness goals before the holidays. Typically, we see a spike in membership after the holidays with New Year’s resolutions, but starting a fitness plan before the holidays will give you an advantage,” says Goda.

2. Ink It

Another tip in Goda’s book: Ink It. “You have to put it in ink. So, at the beginning of the week, you need to pull out your calendar, choose three days, and write it in….It’s all about consistency,” says Goda.

3. Changing It Up

Once you’re consistent with your schedule, your workout routine should never be the same. Working different muscle groups and changing up your workout is the key to overall success. “You’ve got to wake up those muscles,” says Goda.

4. Creating Realistic Goals & Forming Healthy Habits

“Shoot for three days a week to work out. If you do more, great. If you can only make it two days, that’s okay,” says Goda. “I don’t care what kind of gains you make in the first couple of weeks….What I care about is what happens further down the line—three, six, nine months from now. By then, you’ve formed the proper habits….You’re going to feel better, sleep better, and have more energy.”

5. Staying Centered & Grounded

The mind-body connection is what yoga is all about. Yoga improves your posture, helps remove tension from the body, improves your mood, sharpens your mind, and boosts your immune system.

“The most important approach for the holidays is to stay centered and grounded. This is what we practice in yoga–poses, stability, balance, focus, and breathing,” says Yoga Director Michelle Briks.

6. Set an Intention

“Even before you get out of bed, set an intention for the day,” says Briks. Maybe your intention is staying focused on a project or learning to take a step back and breathe when you’re feeling stressed. “Focus on something you want to achieve for the day, and remind yourself and connect back to that intention during the day.”

7. Staying Hydrated

“Staying hydrated is important. Many people forget to stay hydrated in the fall and winter months,” says Briks, who is also a nutritionist. Also, starting your day with a half of a lemon squeezed into a 6 oz. cup of hot water balances the ph levels in the body, reduces cravings, eliminates toxins, and aides digestion. “Drinking room temperature water instead of cold water keeps the metabolism strong and running smoothly throughout the day,” says Briks.

8. The Ayurvedic Approach to Eating

Adding spices to warm, whole foods that come from the ground like squash, root vegetables, and leafy greens vegetables not only helps to satisfy our appetite, but has added health benefits. According to the Ayurvedic approach to eating, each meal should contain six flavors–sweet, sour, salty, bitter, astringent, and pungent. For example, cinnamon can help regulate blood sugar levels, cardamom helps eliminate waste through the kidneys, turmeric is a natural anti-inflammatory, and ginger aides digestion.

9. Group Exercise Creates a Social Circle & Support System

“Seeing a person as a whole is very important,” says Director of Group Exercise Kathleen Goldring. “We are all unique,” she adds. Group workouts do more than just get you in great shape. The social component of group classes is a terrific way to meet new friends who share your fitness goals.

SMC offers a wide-range of group exercise programs for all ages including seniors. Party Cycle is a non-intimidating cycling class disguised as fun, yet there are also more intense cycling classes for seasoned spinners. Power Shred uses a combination of functional movement and light weights for full body results, and oftentimes the class is led by a live DJ. Saw Mill Club even offers Express Classes, 30 minutes in length, for those who may be in a rush but crave a group workout. There are over 200 group exercise classes weekly between SMC and SMCE–all of which are offered for various skill levels and interests including boot camp, strength training, cardio and core, and Zumba.

10. The Nonjudgmental Approach

We all have our challenges and are at different phases in life. We come with our own fitness goals in mind. Some may have body image issues. Some may have injuries they’re working through, or some may be dealing chronic illnesses. “The key is not to feel intimidated. We try to create a nonjudgmental, all-inclusive atmosphere to help members feel motivated and empowered,” says Goldring.

For a tour of Saw Mill Club, please contact Terry Lanza at tlanza@sawmillclub.com or call 914-241-0797.

Being Grateful & Giving Back: The Wonderful Volunteers of Northern Westchester Hospital

October 22, 2017 by Janine Crowley Haynes

In the spirit of giving thanks and giving back, it’s only appropriate to shine a spotlight on volunteers who give their time, personal experience, and expertise. We turned to Northern Westchester Hospital (NWH) and their volunteer programs and met with six of these inspirational volunteers serving NWH and our community.

Director of Volunteer Services Ellen Muentener oversees approximately 250 volunteers at the hospital. From high school and college students to senior citizens, NWH volunteers are passionate about what they do. Volunteers enhance the lives of others without the need for fanfare. Yet with each individual I met, the overwhelming consensus was that volunteering gives them much more than they give. However, volunteering is not for the faint of heart. You have to be tough while being kind, emotionally strong while being compassionate, and tireless while being tested.

Aside from the obvious benefits, what makes an individual want to volunteer?

In an article in Psychology Today, Dawn Carr, MGS, PhD, lists five benefits to volunteering. One benefit, in particular, stands out–volunteering gives you a sense of purpose. Volunteers live longer too. Volunteering also helps you to step outside yourself and your own life challenges and gives you a fresh, new perspective.

Let’s meet just a few of these impressive NWH volunteers:

Judy McGrath

Judy McGrath, is a 12-year volunteer and former president of Twigs-Thriftree Shop located at 449 Lexington Avenue in Mt. Kisco. Judy is a Chappaqua resident and an active member in the community including being involved with the New Castle Historical Society, the Chappaqua School Foundation, the PTA, and the Girl Scouts.

“I believe it’s so important to give back to the community,” says Judy.

Twigs of NWH was formed in 1945 and, currently, has 160 members split up into nine groups. However, its humble roots date back to 1887, where a small group would get together to hem hospital table napkins for Rochester City Hospital. The group started to grow, and Twigs groups began to crop up in hospitals all around the country.

Twigs is a not-for-profit organization set up exclusively to support Northern Westchester Hospital. “We are so fortunate to have such a great hospital right here in our community,” says Judy. Over the last 12 months, Twigs donated 78,500 volunteer hours. It’s impressive that a little thrift shop in Mt. Kisco could make such an impact benefiting the hospital. To date, Twigs has donated $3,300,000 to NWH. The shop offers a variety of items for sale like clothing, books, jewelry, household items, etc. In addition, Twigs volunteers put together layettes for the Prenatal Care Clinic that provides comprehensive care to underinsured and uninsured pregnant women in Westchester and Putnam Counties, helping to ensure healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. Twigs also provides unique items such as cough pillows and tray favors to patients during the holidays.

This year, Twigs presented a check to NWH for $100,000. Each of the following NWH programs will receive $25,000: The Ken Hamilton Caregivers Center (KHCC), where family caregivers find respite and support; The Bruce and Andrea Yablon Cancer Health and Wellness Program, created to empower patients diagnosed with cancer to live a healthy lifestyle in ways that powerfully touch mind, body and spirit; the Community Health Education and Outreach Program, which partners with schools and local groups to build a healthier community; and the Integrative Medicine Program, dedicated to enhancing patients’ health and wellness.

You can find a Twigs Serenity Garden inside the Cancer Health and Wellness Center and the Twigs Healing Garden outside the Emergency Department.

Each year, Twigs members get together and decide which areas and/or programs Twigs would like to support. Whether you volunteer, donate items to the shop, or shop at Twigs-Thriftree, you will be making your own generous contribution to NWH.

Jo Cherubini

Jo Cherubini, at 83 years old and a 50-year Mt. Kisco resident, is a vibrant, tireless volunteer in the Westchester community. In addition to being a 20-year volunteer at NWH, Jo volunteers twice a week at the Rosary Hill Home, an end-of-life facility based in Hawthorne. She is also involved with the Mount Kisco Interfaith Food Pantry.

At NWH, you can usually find her on Wednesdays at the front desk of the Wallace Pavilion, but she also takes on other roles. “I feel a volunteer should go where they are needed,” says Jo. Whether it’s helping with blood drives, stuffing envelopes, delivering greeting cards to patients, or making sure wheelchairs are accessible at the front entrance–Jo is on it. Working at the front desk is not without its challenges. “Typically when people walk into the hospital, it’s not on the best of circumstances…unless they’re visiting the maternity ward,” says Jo. “They need to be received and guided with patience,” she adds.

Jo with Ellen Muentener PHOTO BY JANINE CROWLEY HAYNES

Jo is the recipient of the 2017 Mary B. Robbins Beacon of Light Award which is given by NWH to the volunteer of the year. In lieu of the personal gifts she would have received from NWH, Jo asked if it could be in the form of a monetary donation to be split up between two of her charities—Rosary Hill Home and the Mount Kisco Food Pantry.

“I love this hospital and its mission to provide quality care to the community,” says Jo. “The people who work here are open and receptive. It’s a family atmosphere and that makes for a pleasant experience,” she adds.

In addition to all of her volunteer activities, Jo finds the time to knit and crochet blankets for children with cancer. She’s made over 1,000 blankets so far. Jo has also made hundreds of hats for infants that have been born at NWH.

If you would like to donate some yarn for her projects, please feel free to leave it at the front desk of the Wallace Pavilion. She would greatly appreciate it.

Idelle Skriloff

Idelle Skriloff volunteers at the Ken Hamilton Caregivers Center (KHCC) located in the Wallace Pavilion of the hospital. KHCC was founded by Armonk resident Marian Hamilton in loving memory of her husband, Ken Hamilton. Marian was the primary caregiver to her husband when he was sick. The experience was stressful and, at times, isolating. After her husband passed away, Marian founded the KHCC, the first in-hospital facility of its kind in the entire New York Metropolitan region. Named in memory of her husband and inspired by her experience caring for her husband through his illness, while juggling her role as a mother to two teenage daughters, gave her a firsthand understanding that hospitals are often not equipped to help caregivers in a meaningful way. With a vision to support family caregivers, Marian approached Northern Westchester Hospital. Since its inception, the KHCC has had over 60,000 family interactions, demonstrating the vast need for caregiver support.

For ten years, Idelle Skriloff has been one of over 30 volunteers at KHCC. “I wanted to do something meaningful to give back to the community,” she says. “At times, my husband and I have been patients at NWH, and we received such great care.” What makes Idelle well-suited for this particular type of volunteer work is her kind, compassionate spirit that comes along with being a retired special education teacher from Fox Lane. Idelle volunteers once a week seeking caregivers on the floor to engage in conversation and offer appropriate support as needed. “We let them know we are there for them if they have any questions or need information, and we invite them to the center to relax and unwind,” says Idelle. “Sometimes caregivers just need emotional support. Sometimes they need information and resources.”

KHCC’s volunteer training is intensive. Trainees will shadow a seasoned volunteer for three to six months and are also expected to make a long-term commitment to the center.

KHCC has extended their services with a ‘Stay in Touch’ program where volunteers reach out to caregivers after discharge via telephone. Idelle describes her volunteer experience as uniquely rewarding: “I am so grateful to have a hospital like NWH in our community. Volunteering gives me so much more than I give.”

Joanna Cirasella

Joanna Cirasella, Briarcliff resident and a massage therapist at the Chappaqua Wellness Center, volunteers her time at NWH twice a week. She and her 10-year-old pet therapy Norfolk terrier, Mandy, make their rounds at the hospital. For Joanna, her mission is personal. She is a 5-year breast cancer survivor. Joanna wanted to give back to the hospital that took great care of her. “They’re like family to me,” says Joanna. Mandy and Joanna typically visit the Cancer Center, the Breast Institute, and the Women’s Imaging Center. They also make visits to the oncology inpatient units. “Mandy opens the door. Once you say to a patient ‘I sat in that same chair,’ a whole other dialogue happens.”

For her service, Joanna received the prestigious International Pet Therapy Team Planetree Award. In addition to visiting patients, Joanna is on the Cancer Patient Advisory Council, designed to be the voice of the patient by providing ongoing insight into actual patient and family experiences.

Joanna is also involved with NWH’s Living with Cancer Support Group. She’s held fundraising events at Le Jardin du Roi with proceeds going to the NWH Cancer Health & Wellness Program. Joanna is also an accomplished photographer. You can also find several of her photographs hanging in the Cancer Center.

Sophie Peterfreund

Sophie Peterfreund, a Bedford Hills resident, has been volunteering in the Emergency Department at NWH for six years and was a member of the NWH President’s Junior Leadership Council during her sophomore, junior and senior years at Fox Lane. The President’s Junior Leadership Council is made up of high school students in Northern Westchester. PJLC members develop projects that are meaningful to them about health issues affecting their peers.

Whenever she is home, you can find her in the Emergency Department helping out at the security desk at NWH helping out at the security desk and checking in patients. She is passionate about the hospital and loves tapping into its spirit and energy. The fast-paced atmosphere of urgent care is well-suited to her particular skill set. “It may sound strange, but ever since I was young, I loved going to the doctor,” says Sophie.

Sophie is a junior at Stony Brook University and hopes to attend physician’s assistant school after she graduates. Sophie is also an EMT in her town.

If you’re interested in volunteering at NWH, please contact Ellen Muentener, Director, Volunteer Services emuentener@northwell.edu.

How “Habititis is Spreading” Since Habitat for Humanity Arrived in Chappaqua

March 5, 2017 by Janine Crowley Haynes

HHW CEO Jim Killoran holding hat N.M.U. 30 to 30–standing for No More Ugly, transforming 30 neighborhoods in celebration of Habitat’s 30th anniversary.

We all know Habitat for Humanity for the wonderful things they do around the globe to provide housing for those in need, but Habitat for Humanity of Westchester (HHW) has also been busy working closer to home–at 300 King Street in Chappaqua to be exact. The structure was originally the Orthodox (Quaker) Friends’ Meeting House built in 1885.

I visited the site and was received with a warm, enthusiastic welcome from HHW CEO Jim Killoran. His fervor and passion for what he does is infectious. “New York is the most exited state in the country,” says Killoran, a longtime New Rochelle resident. “We want to create ownership….In-town, affordable homeownership is a vital component in keeping our communities thriving,” he notes.

Killoran has been working with HHW for 30 years in various capacities. He’s a specialist in disaster relief and was involved in mobilizing approximately 9,000 volunteers to help with the vast cleanup after Hurricane Sandy, particularly in the Rockaways and Breezy Point where entire communities were basically submerged. He is also involved in projects providing housing for veterans.

“My assistant is a wounded warrior, my uncles were all in WWII…and my cousin was killed in Vietnam. So, it’s a cause very near and dear to my heart,” says Killoran.

In scale, 300 King Street is a small project.Upon completion, it will be a two-unit condominium, each approximately 1,800 square feet with three bedrooms and two baths. Westchester County purchased 300 King Street via HUD from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Our Redeemer for approximately $300,000, and each unit will sell around $250,000 to $280,000.

Applications are submitted to the Housing Action Council. Applicants must qualify “with incomes at or below 80 percent of the Westchester County’s Area Median Income….” The qualified applicants are then put into a lottery.

Architect Bill Spade of Sasaki + Spade, who has donated his time and talent, notes that 300 King Street will be HHW’s most energy–efficient structure built to date.

Like most construction projects, 300 King Street has not been met without its challenges. They discovered the foundation was unstable and needed to be shored up.

In terms of the design, “Habitat’s acceptance of the Town Historic Designation committed to restore the exterior to its original appearance,” says Spade. “The style, Stick Victorian, is to match the original structure when it was reconstructed on this site in 1885,” he adds. The exterior design will match the original building, and the front porch will remain with all of the original materials. The exterior siding and trim around the remainder of the building will be new but will replicate the original look. The interior will be all new. There will also be green space created in the front of the building for a garden.

The target date of completion is September 2017, but a lot depends on fundraising and volunteerism. HHW is kicking off a Buy-a-Brick campaign where donors’ names will be engraved in a brick and incorporated in the structure as well as walkways. Donors can also purchase energy-efficient windows with their names etched in the glass.

Although Westchester County purchased the building for $300,000, it’s HHW’s responsibility, as developer, to raise additional funds for supplies, materials, and volunteer staff to donate their time and professional skills for painting, landscaping, etc. “We ultimately would like to raise an additional $300,000 for the completion,” says Killoran.

Aside from monetary donations, fundraising can also come in the form of companies donating materials. “Franzoso Contracting has donated all the roofing materials, Silverstein Properties donated lumber, and Dow donated insulation,” Killoran notes.

Volunteerism is Habitat’s signature. “We are committed to every youth, from GED to PhD, we teach them to build, to make things, to use their hands….Horace Greeley kids volunteer through the Habitat Club,” says Killoran. “Also, football teams, 50 high schools, 14,000 college students…when kids volunteer, they realize they’ve changed the trajectory of families’ lives by getting involved. It’s an amazing thing!”

The project is not just for the young.

People of all ages offer their time and expertise, like longtime Chappaqua resident David Kellogg. “I kept driving by the site, and the sign would always catch my eye.

I had to check it out,” says Kellogg.

Now retired, Kellogg was the publisher for Foreign Affairs Magazine and an adjunct professor for the Columbia School of Journalism. However, woodworking happens to be his hobby. He now donates his time and woodworking skills, helping with gutting, framing, and, eventually, interior trim work. “I’ve met some incredible people volunteering on this project,” says Kellogg. “Retirees are our heart. They now volunteer on Tuesdays and Thursdays. From 8 to 84 and more, everyone is a youth with Habitat….Habititis is spreading!” says Killoran.

Chappaqua/Pleasantville resident and volunteer Sue Halper commented on how much she has learned about energy efficiency and has implemented many of the energy-saving techniques in her own home. “We’ve reduced our energy consumption by 20 percent,” says Halper.

HHW is also busy building another two-unit home at 437 Saw Mill River Road in Millwood. “We’ve had wonderful support from the surrounding communities….After all, homeownership really is the American Dream,” says Killoran.

To learn more, donate or volunteer, please visit www.habitatwc.org.

Janine Crowley Haynes is a Chappaqua resident and author of My Kind of Crazy: Living in a Bipolar World.

The Youth Mental Health Project

November 18, 2016 by Janine Crowley Haynes

The Youth Mental Health Project (YMHP) is a newly formed 501(C)(3) mental health organization focusing on children and young adults. Its founders, Wendy Ward and Randi Silverman, are passionate about getting the conversation started in our communities. “We don’t think of mental illness as a childhood illness,” says Silverman. “Yet, one in five have a diagnosable mental health condition, and suicide is the second leading cause of death in young adults,” Silverman adds. This is, no doubt, a difficult topic to broach, but YMHP plans on bringing that message to the forefront through a multi-pronged approach.

Eli Silverman, YMHP Founder/Chairman Randi Silverman, YMHP Founder/Executive Director Wendy Ward & Producer Carina Rush of No Letting Go

The organization stemmed, in part, from the personal family struggle of Randi Silverman when her son, Eli Silverman,* began exhibiting symptoms of a mental health disorder at a young age. “It took seven years for a diagnosis,” says Silverman. The family’s story is bravely illustrated in a film, No Letting Go, which won 20 international awards, including the Reading Film Festival 2015 People’s Choice Award and the Southampton International Film Festival 2015 Feature Screenplay Award.

YMHP is focused on changing the narrative to ignite a grassroots dialogue. Through various mediums, they seek to inform and educate community stakeholders, parents, and others about the importance of children’s mental health nationwide. Promoting mental health literacy programs is one avenue. YMHP believes early intervention and prevention is key in lowering the incidence and severity of mental illness.

fullsizerender — Launch party for the Youth Mental Health Project on November 15th.

Dismantling the stigma surrounding mental illness is also important. Silverman is a breast cancer survivor. “Remember when the ‘C’ word was a taboo topic? No one talked about it,” says Silverman. Today, over the years, strides have been made and people came forward, raised money and, now, cancer is no longer a shameful diagnosis. “I would like to see the same happen for mental health issues,” says Silverman.

To find out more about YMHP and their important mission, please visit the various links below.

By Janine Crowley Haynes, Chappaqua resident and author of My Kind of Crazy: Living in a Bipolar World

www.ymhproject.org

https://www.amazon.com/No-Letting-Go-Kathy-Najimy/dp/B01ATCA5CG

Eli Silverman Photography: www.espicture.com

How to Protect Our Children from a Sexual Predator: A Must-Have Conversation

October 21, 2016 by Janine Crowley Haynes

There comes a time when a community has to face a dreaded reality. No other issue can strike such a deep, repulsive chord in all of us like that of child abuse and sexual assault. As parents, it’s one of our biggest fears. Devastatingly, it has happened here in our beloved hometown in the case of Greeley drama teacher Christopher Schraufnagel, whose plea bargain on felony and sexual abuse charges brought by families of victims, was recently rejected by Judge Kraus in New Castle at the time we were going to press, and the case remains open.

The shock and outrage of the community has been deafening but pales in comparison to the irreparable, heart-wrenching pain felt by the kids and parents personally affected by this tragedy. The purpose of this article is not to document the trajectory of this case, which is being amply covered by local daily/weekly media, but to provide information and resources to help equip and protect our children going forward.

No matter what the age, abuse is abuse is abuse. “And in no circumstance is the child at fault,” says April’s Child Executive Director Laura Bernstein Schwartz, ACSW. “No community is immune,” she adds.

The terms tiger mom and helicopter parents are used to describe some parents today. We think because we’re involved, educated, and live in safe, affluent communities that things like this don’t go on.

The Stats

More than 4.5 million students are subject to sexual misconduct by an employee of a school sometime between Kindergarten and 12th grade, according to U.S. government statistics.

“The 4.5 million victims represent 9.6% of all school-age children….Students who are more likely to be sexually abused include: girls, especially girls of color (African-American, Native American, and Hispanic-American); children with disabilities; children who are estranged from their parents, who may be unsure of themselves, and/or who engage in high-risk behaviors….Several studies estimate that only about six percent of all children report sexual abuse by an adult to someone who can do something about it. The other 94 percent do not tell anyone or talk only to a friend. And they swear their friend to secrecy….”*

What a Predator Looks Like

More often than not, a sexual predator is someone the child or adolescent knows. It could be a neighbor, uncle, sibling, friend, teacher, coach, clergy member, etc. Predators are typically in places of authority. Many are chronic offenders. Predators are mostly men. “Contrary to what we think, predators are charming and very patient,” says Chappaqua resident and psychologist William M. Dince, Ph.D.

Usually, a predator has the opportunity to be alone with the child over a period of time where there is no oversight. “They create a safe haven where a child feels important and special,” says Dince.

Predators give gifts or rewards. They offer support and understanding, while slowly increasing the amount of touch or other sexual behavior. This is called the grooming process. Parents need to be aware of the signs of the grooming phase which takes place between predator and the potential victim. “Predators are adept at reading vulnerabilities,” says Dince. The purpose of grooming is to assess the child’s ability to maintain secrecy.

What We Can Do As Parents

“The best way to safeguard our kids is to, first and foremost, always believe the child,” says Schwartz. It sounds like Parenting 101, but, as early as a child can speak, we need to be tuned in to, not only what they say, but what they are feeling. At any age, a child needs to feel they can confide in us without being judged or reprimanded. We need to validate their feelings when they share things like, I don’t like my teacher… or I hate so and so…. At times, we might dismiss their feelings and say things like, Oh, you don’t mean that or that’s not nice to say you hate someone.

Paying attention when they express their feelings gives us insight as to how our kids are navigating their world. At times, our family lives and professional lives are super busy and stressful, but carving out time to allow conversations to unfurl in a nonjudgmental way gives us a window into what’s really going on outside their home life.

Like most parents, we teach our kids to be respectful of peers, adults, and people in places of authority. “But if a child doesn’t feel comfortable greeting someone with a hug, we need to acknowledge that and let them know it’s okay,” says Schwartz. We can also observe our children and how they interact with others in social situations to see whether they’re hesitant or uncomfortable around certain people.

Parents can help protect their children against sexual abuse by having age-appropriate discussions about sexual behavior and encourage them to stand up for themselves and say no if someone attempts to touch their sexual parts. “For younger children, the standard guideline is to let the child know that it’s not okay for someone to touch them in areas their bathing suit covers,” says Schwartz. Of course, for adolescents, the conversation becomes more complicated, but we can be more frank and descriptive.

What a Community and School System Should Do

According to Title IX, when incidences of sexual misconduct or sexual abuse are reported, a protocol must be followed. Swift, effective action must be taken by the school and its administration. Title IX further lays out that “[A school] should ensure that you are aware of your Title IX rights and any available resources, such as victim advocacy, housing assistance, academic support, counseling, disability services, health and mental health services, and legal assistance….[A] school must designate a Title IX coordinator and make sure all students and employees know how to contact him or her. The Title IX coordinator should also be available to meet with you….”

Unfortunately, we have been shaken as a community and want to ensure our children’s safety going forward. Here in Chappaqua, our schools are ranked top in the country. Our teachers and staff are highly qualified.

From a personal standpoint, my son went through the school system from K-12 and thrived academically and socially. He had countless positive, inspirational experiences with teachers, coaches, and staff which helped shape the 23-year-old young man he is today.

That being said, one rotten apple in the community or in the school system is one too many. It all goes back to believing the child. Studies, in general, show that false allegations of sexual abuse are rare. As parents, we need to be their trusted confidant and advocate.

Educating ourselves and teaching our kids, at any age, to stand up for themselves is a good place to start. And, as a community, we must make sure that our schools and administration take prompt action and ensure that the policies in place are strictly followed and enforced.

This topic is multi-layered and too lengthy to cover in full in this article. Please go to the lists of resources and references provided below.

New Coalition Committee Recommended Resources

A Coalition for Youth Subcommittee for Community Healing–with representatives from the school, town, clergy and police–has formed recently in New Castle to address concerns raised by the Schraufnagel case. The committee provided the Inside Press with the following list of agencies and organizations “as those who provide support and counseling to survivors of sexual misconduct and abuse, as well as to educate people on how communities can help protect against predators.”