The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Marlene Kern Fischer

Thoughts from a First Time Nana

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Marlene & Turkey Toddler Fischer

Almost two and a half years ago, I became a grandmother for the first time. My grandson was born on Thanksgiving so when I wrote about him on my Facebook page and Substack, I called him my Turkey Baby, now Turkey Toddler (TT) which is how I will refer to him here. I’m a person who believes that a lot of things in life are overrated. But not grandparenthood.

When Elise Trainor (Editor-in-Chief/Publisher of Inside Press) asked me to write a piece about being a grandmother for this edition I couldn’t say “yes” fast enough. She offered a few suggestions, and I decided to use those suggestions as sort of a Q & A.

What To Be Called?

I chose “Nana” because it’s close to what I called my own grandmother (Nanny) with whom I was very close. Plus, it’s easy to say. When my Turkey Baby would point to a banana and say “Nana” I would redirect his finger to me and sure enough, he caught on pretty quickly!

Does Your Grandchild Get Away with More?

Although he’s still young, I can already say that the answer to that is an emphatic “YES!” If for example one day into the future he doesn’t do his homework, that’s not a me problem. That’s for his parents to figure out. I’ve already played the role of bad cop and now it’s good cop all the way. My job as Nana is to spoil him and spend quality time with him. Which makes this role so much easier and more fun. Swoop in, have fun, swoop out. Repeat.

Watching Your Child Become a Parent

My Turkey Toddler’s father was honestly my least nurturing child. But he has risen to the job of being a dad in a spectacular fashion- I love seeing how much he loves his son. And he has admitted that it makes him appreciate me more which is an added bonus!

The Other Grandparents

My husband and I are in a What’s App group with our son, daughter-in-law and her parents. We call it Turkey Toddler’s Fan Club. It’s awesome having another set of grandparents who completely understand just how brilliant, gifted, and adorable this little boy is. They totally get it. And just like us, they never tire of seeing pictures and videos of him and hearing anecdotes. I feel closer to them since TT was born and I think they feel the same. Unless they are just being polite.

Something Funny

As I mentioned, my TT was born on Thanksgiving 2023. At around 2 a.m.. Which means we stayed up quite late waiting for all the text updates from our son. Since we were hosting my middle son’s in-laws for the holiday, we had to wake up bright and early to start prepping. They were quite understanding when we hurriedly threw some turkey and sides on the table, ate, and without even cleaning up (which is usually unheard of for this OCD person) drove into the city to meet the newest member of the family. It was definitely the most memorable Thanksgiving ever.

Traditions

One tradition I’ve already enjoyed sharing with my grandson is buying him books. And reading to him whenever we are together and sometimes over FaceTime. If I can make him a lover of all things literary, I will be thrilled. Passing down traditions and sharing things we love with our grandchildren is truly a beautiful thing.

Final Thoughts

I admit that I was a little concerned about becoming a grandmother. I raised my own three sons and was pretty tired. What if I didn’t bond with him? What if I really wasn’t interested in babies anymore?

LOL. As if!!!!

Although yes, I am indeed exhausted and wonder how I parented full-time, this walk on role is much easier. And falling in love with him was as natural and easy as falling in love with my own sons. I am looking forward to my next grandchild, a girl due at the end of May.

To all the moms and grandmothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

xoxo, Marlene

Back-to-School Advice from a Parent with Three Decades of Experience

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Full disclosure – I have no one going back to school this year; none of my sons nor any of their significant others. Not nursery school, K-12, college, or graduate school. I will only know when school is back in session when I see yellow busses around town.

However, having done back-to-school for three decades, I do have a few things to say.

I clearly remember starting each school year with a mixture of dread and excitement. Dread because I never knew what the next ten months would bring. Would my children like their teachers? Would they do their homework? Would I survive all the projects, activities, carpooling, etc.? I have three sons, each five years apart, and I was always all over the map. Different schools, different activities – I needed a flow chart to keep it all straight.

With my older sons, there was no portal, no online anything. When they weren’t doing well, I found out the old-fashioned way – a phone call or email from their teacher. And there were plenty of those.

But despite the bumps in the road, I also found the school year a little magical. Seeing my sons’ excitement when they learned something new. Attending their concerts and marveling how much better they got year to year. Discovering which subjects they were drawn to. Middle son loved history so much he majored in it in college. I had to force my youngest son to do his reading logs… not surprising that he chose math as his college major.

I always thought there needed to be a better way to ease into the school year – after a relaxing summer, the first few weeks of the new year always felt jolting. Like jumping into an icy pool. The forms that needed to be signed, the supplies that had to be procured, the assignments that came fast and furious. But perhaps jumping in is better than dipping a toe – there’s no time to contemplate what’s ahead.

In any event, I recall that soon enough, we all got in the groove. By the time I attended back-to-school night, the lazy days of summer were a distant memory.

Each year was its own separate experience. Sometimes I knew what might be ahead based on first or second-hand knowledge of the teachers. But even that wasn’t a guarantee of success or failure. The middle school science teacher who had made my oldest son’s life a living hell (and in turn mine) didn’t even seem to notice my youngest son when she had him ten years later – he tended to fly under the radar in school. I also told him never to mention his oldest brother and, if it came up, deny that they were even related.

I think if I had one piece of advice to give younger parents whose kids are starting the school year it would be, “Be prepared for the unexpected. And keep your sense of humor about all of it.” I guess that’s two pieces of advice. You especially might need that second recommendation when you find yourself helping your child with a huge assignment they haven’t started that’s due the next day.

For anyone who is thinking, “My child would never not do an assignment” – when it comes to kids, never say never. And for those who are saying, “I would make them do it themselves or accept the consequences of not doing it,” please don’t judge me. Every parent needs to figure out how best to survive the school year. Yes, I may have enabled my sons, but they all made it through. And more importantly, I did too.

My wish for you all is a successful 2024-25 school year with as little stress as possible. And I will think of you when I see the yellow busses go by.

Happy Back-to-School!

Ten Reasons Why I’m Grateful To Call Armonk Home

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When I was asked to write a piece about the things I love most about Armonk, I immediately said “yes.” I have lived in this town for 21 years so I feel like I know it pretty well. So, without further ado, here’s my top ten list:

1: The Restaurants

Armonk has become known for its fabulous restaurants. We have so many new and old places, with a wide variety of cuisines from which to choose. Whether you’re looking for a quick bite for breakfast or lunch, or a more elegant dining experience where you can celebrate a special occasion, there are plenty of options.

2: The Shops

You never have to leave Armonk (unless you want to) because we pretty much have everything you could need right here. A new outfit? A haircut? An amazing cup of coffee? A picture or diploma framed? Whatever you desire, I guarantee you can find it in Armonk. And if you check out the Best of Westchester list, you might find several of your Armonk favorites on that list.

3: The Location, Location, Location

Going into Manhattan for work or for fun is pretty easy, whether you want to drive or take the train; it takes under an hour to get there. If you prefer a day in the country, we are not too far from apple-picking, antique shopping and farms. And in the winter, we are near some pretty decent skiing. Here in Armonk, we get the best of all worlds.

4: The Special Events

People come from far and wide for the annual Armonk Outdoor Art Show, the Fol de Rol, and, most recently, The Frosty Parade, which has gotten bigger and better every year since it first began in 2009. All three events are worth the trip to town and I plan on attending all of them again this year.

5: The People

I have got to say that we have some of the nicest and most compassionate people living here. Whether it’s donating money to a cause or hands-on helping, Armonkians step up. We take care of our own, as well as others.

6: The Schools

The Byram Hills School district consistently ranks highly among Westchester and New York State schools. The administrators and teachers really care about the students and do their best day in and day out. From Coman Hill to the High School, our kids receive a first-rate education. Our district’s reputation is one of the reasons people choose to live here and why home values remain high.

7: The Parks/Wampus Pond

I no longer have little kids. However, when I did, we hung out at the local parks. Lombardi and IBM have lovely playgrounds, tennis courts, basketball hoops, soccer fields, etc. And if boating is your mojo, we have beautiful Byram Lake and Wampus Pond. Every time I pass Wampus Pond I look for the two magnificent swans who have made it their home. And even though its only fall, I’m already wondering if Wampus Pond will freeze over this year—I love to walk on the ice and watch people ice fish and ice skate.

8: The History

Armonk has been around a long time. Mile Square in the center of town (officially, the Bedford Road Historic District) is listed on the National Register of Historic Places and British Major André, Benedict Arnold’s co-conspirator was held at Sands Mill in town prior to his trial. One of my favorite class trips that I chaperoned was to Smith Tavern Complex, which was built around 1779. In addition to the tavern, the complex also has a one-room schoolhouse. Having been obsessed with the “Little House on the Prairie” books when I was a kid, I loved going there and imagining what life was like hundreds of years ago. If you haven’t ever been there, you might want to check it out.

9: The Small-Town Feel

I love a place with a small town feel and we certainly have got that. People know each other by name and by sight. A few times I left my wallet home by accident and was pleasantly surprised to find that the shop owners trusted that I would come back and pay them (which I did). Store owners are happy to go above and beyond for their customers. And while we may not exactly be Mayberry, Armonk has a hometown feel. We’ve even got a gazebo and a Main Street!

10: The Access to Fitness/Wellness

Look around in the spring, summer or fall and you’ll see all the cyclists who are a testament to what a great area this is for biking. And in the winter, we have lots of indoor options for staying fit. Yoga, tennis, a gym, etc. are only a few of the places Armonk residents go to stay in shape. And if you prefer to be a little more sedentary, we do have a really nice library!

As you can see, there’s really quite a lot to love about this town we call home and I feel quite fortunate and proud to live here. 

Back to School: Then and Now

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Full disclosure – Deadlines being what they are, I am writing this back to school piece at the end of June. School just ended today and my youngest son graduated high school a week ago. As the weather is finally starting to get steamy, it’s a bit hard to imagine school resuming again, though of course I know it will.

Things have changed a lot since my oldest son started kindergarten in 1996. Back then, there was no online shopping and no prepackaged school supplies vendors. We would take the supply list we received by snail mail to Staples and, in scavenger hunt style, search for each item. There were always one or two items we had difficulty finding and we would go to another store on our way home to complete our task.

By the time my youngest son began school in 2006, to quote B.B. King, “The Thrill Was Gone” and I was only too happy to take an easier route and get the prepackaged box of supplies from Supplies to Please, rather than dragging all three kids to the store. I admit that although it was easier, there was a small part of me that missed the annual ritual.

Another thing that was different “way back when” was that there was no portal. Our district didn’t launch it until my middle son was in high school and, initially, it was only for report cards at the mid-point and end of each quarter. Now, in addition to report cards, there are grades for each test, homework assignment and more. The portal was accessible all the time until the district shut it down during school hours because some kids were checking their grades between each class, which was extremely anxiety provoking.

Although I found there were certain advantages to having a portal, I also felt that with its implementation something was lost. I missed the days when a teacher would have to pick up the phone to tell me my kid was screwing up. The portal made things impersonal and wasn’t always even all that accurate–some teachers seemed to update it all the time, while others (despite district guidelines) were slow to post on it. Having come late to the portal technology, I never got the hang how often I was supposed to be checking and how much responsibility I should leave to my child, although maybe there isn’t one right formula for that.

Another less-than-positive change is the pressure of getting into college, which has escalated to an alarming degree over the ten-year spread between my oldest and youngest. Living in a high achieving town where educators and parent put undue emphasis on college ratings, there were always demands on the students.

Recently, it’s gotten completely out of control, as was highlighted by the college admissions scandal.

Whereas some of my oldest son’s classmates were tutored for college entrance exams or an occasional subject in which they were struggling, now there are tutors for everything–SATs, ACTs, Regents, SAT 2s, even the ELAs. I thought my youngest was joking when he told me that but, apparently, it’s a thing. While it may be good news for tutoring businesses, it’s incredibly expensive, as well as time-consuming.

While schools are offering mindfulness classes and workshops for parents billed as “How to help your student manage stress,” they seem to be swimming against the tide. Parents are stressed. Kids are stressed. I am not sure where it’s all heading but I can say for sure that where someone goes to college is way less important than what they do when they get there.

There are a lot of mental health issues and angst in college and strengthening the skills that can alleviate some of those issues before a kid starts college is crucial. Working on independence, self-advocacy, balance between work and play, etc. needs to take precedence over getting admitted to a school a few slots higher on the US News and World Reports college lists.

Even though much has changed over the decades, I can say for sure that one thing that has not changed is the desire well-meaning parents have to do the best they can for their children, whatever form that might take. I am curious to see what transformations in edu-cation occur in the upcoming years.

Although I will be a spectator and not an active participant in the 2019-2020 school year, I wish all the parents and their students a successful year, one that’s filled with growth, learning, and joy in the process.

Remembering My Dad

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This Father’s Day, my family will be celebrating my husband, who is an amazing father. But I will also be thinking about my father, who passed away four years ago.

A little about my dad …

My father was born in Budapest, Hungary in 1932. When the Nazis invaded Hungary in 1944, both his parents were taken to Auschwitz. He was interned in a ghetto and lived with an aunt and a cousin, surviving under the protection of Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg. His mother escaped during a death march, running away into the woods and eventually returned to Hungary. His father died at Auschwitz in the gas chambers.

My dad emigrated to Canada after the war ended with a group of Hungarian teens who had lost parents in the war–his mother eventually emigrated there, as well. He attended McGill University, met my mom who was visiting relatives in Montreal, and moved to New York when they married. He worked as an engineer and was able to get his Master’s degree from Columbia University at night.

Although the Holocaust certainly shaped my father, he tried hard not to let it define him and he rarely spoke of the atrocities he witnessed. He made sure to live life fully, enjoying good food, wine and music. He was quick to laugh, especially at his own brand of dad humor. My father embraced his adopted country and was deeply grateful for the freedoms and opportunities afforded him here.

Having been born in different countries and in different eras, my father and I saw things from different perspectives. He was a staunch Republican, whereas I am a liberal Democrat. When I was a little girl, he would take me into the voting booth with him and teach me the importance of voting, telling me how lucky we were to live in a democracy. I always vote and when I choose my candidates, I think of him.

Although I thought of my father as more of a math/science guy, he was also more than proficient in writing–in fact he was able to edit my essays in high school and correct my grammar–pretty impressive for someone whose first language was not English. He was my first Scrabble opponent–he never went easy on me. Although it took me two years to beat him, when I finally did, he was as excited as I was.

Despite losing his own father at a young age, my dad knew how to be a good father. He taught my brother and me how to ride a bike, fish, ice skate, swim and play chess, which was a passion of his. He got up in the middle of the night with me when I was sick and dried my tears when I cried—he couldn’t bear to see me sad. He taught me a lot about nurturing and made me feel safe. When he held me in the ocean when I was a little girl, I knew I would be protected against the crashing waves.

My father was thrilled to become a grandfather and was delighted to be able to attend all five of his grandsons’ bar mitzvahs. Although he was mostly confined to a wheelchair for my youngest son’s bar mitzvah, he did manage get up so that he could have one dance with me.

When he got sick with Parkinson’s disease, he rarely complained, accepting his fate with quiet grace and even humor. In fact, a few days before he died, a nurse asked him if he was comfortable, to which he replied, “I make a living.” And even in such a compromised state, he managed to chuckle.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my father’s thriftiness, which was legendary. If saving money were an Olympic sport, he would’ve been a gold medalist. He would turn off the air conditioner on summer nights and turn down the heat in the winter. To this day, when I leave a light on, I can hear his admonishment in my head. And every time I spend three dollars on my iced coffee, I am pretty sure he does a little roll in his grave.

I suppose that’s how it is with all the people we love. We never forget them or the things they taught us. We are reminded of them in the special moments and in the ordinary moments. They live on through the people they loved and who loved them back.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who are with us and to those who live on in our hearts.