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Columbia University

Remembering My Dad

May 31, 2019 by Marlene Kern Fischer

This Father’s Day, my family will be celebrating my husband, who is an amazing father. But I will also be thinking about my father, who passed away four years ago.

A little about my dad …

My father was born in Budapest, Hungary in 1932. When the Nazis invaded Hungary in 1944, both his parents were taken to Auschwitz. He was interned in a ghetto and lived with an aunt and a cousin, surviving under the protection of Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg. His mother escaped during a death march, running away into the woods and eventually returned to Hungary. His father died at Auschwitz in the gas chambers.

My dad emigrated to Canada after the war ended with a group of Hungarian teens who had lost parents in the war–his mother eventually emigrated there, as well. He attended McGill University, met my mom who was visiting relatives in Montreal, and moved to New York when they married. He worked as an engineer and was able to get his Master’s degree from Columbia University at night.

Although the Holocaust certainly shaped my father, he tried hard not to let it define him and he rarely spoke of the atrocities he witnessed. He made sure to live life fully, enjoying good food, wine and music. He was quick to laugh, especially at his own brand of dad humor. My father embraced his adopted country and was deeply grateful for the freedoms and opportunities afforded him here.

Having been born in different countries and in different eras, my father and I saw things from different perspectives. He was a staunch Republican, whereas I am a liberal Democrat. When I was a little girl, he would take me into the voting booth with him and teach me the importance of voting, telling me how lucky we were to live in a democracy. I always vote and when I choose my candidates, I think of him.

Although I thought of my father as more of a math/science guy, he was also more than proficient in writing–in fact he was able to edit my essays in high school and correct my grammar–pretty impressive for someone whose first language was not English. He was my first Scrabble opponent–he never went easy on me. Although it took me two years to beat him, when I finally did, he was as excited as I was.

Despite losing his own father at a young age, my dad knew how to be a good father. He taught my brother and me how to ride a bike, fish, ice skate, swim and play chess, which was a passion of his. He got up in the middle of the night with me when I was sick and dried my tears when I cried—he couldn’t bear to see me sad. He taught me a lot about nurturing and made me feel safe. When he held me in the ocean when I was a little girl, I knew I would be protected against the crashing waves.

My father was thrilled to become a grandfather and was delighted to be able to attend all five of his grandsons’ bar mitzvahs. Although he was mostly confined to a wheelchair for my youngest son’s bar mitzvah, he did manage get up so that he could have one dance with me.

When he got sick with Parkinson’s disease, he rarely complained, accepting his fate with quiet grace and even humor. In fact, a few days before he died, a nurse asked him if he was comfortable, to which he replied, “I make a living.” And even in such a compromised state, he managed to chuckle.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my father’s thriftiness, which was legendary. If saving money were an Olympic sport, he would’ve been a gold medalist. He would turn off the air conditioner on summer nights and turn down the heat in the winter. To this day, when I leave a light on, I can hear his admonishment in my head. And every time I spend three dollars on my iced coffee, I am pretty sure he does a little roll in his grave.

I suppose that’s how it is with all the people we love. We never forget them or the things they taught us. We are reminded of them in the special moments and in the ordinary moments. They live on through the people they loved and who loved them back.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who are with us and to those who live on in our hearts.

Filed Under: Et Cetera Tagged With: Columbia University, Dad, Father's Day, holocaust, Hungary, love, Miss, remembrance

Recognizing Dementia: When it’s Time to Seek Care

December 1, 2017 by Janie Rosman

Executive Director Maria Scaros (right) with resident, Virginia, during a Drama Arts Therapy session at The Greens in Greenwich, CT.

Personality changes, difficulty coordinating personal activities and juggling multiple tasks at the same time, getting lost in familiar places–the changes may be gradual when a person develops dementia. As medical professionals learn more about how dementia travels in the brain, they are better able to ascertain how that path affects someone with the disease.

Dr. James Noble
PHOTO COURTESY OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY
Dr. James Noble, a neurologist at New York-Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center’s Taub Institute for Research on Alzheimer’s Disease and the Aging Brain, said that dementia “is an acquired neurological problem that causes interference with how people live their day-to-day lives.”

Within the umbrella term of dementia, he explained, “Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia (other forms are Lewy Body and frontotemporal dementia). In most cases of Alzheimer’s disease, people present with primarily memory loss that may be alongside other cognitive problems.”

Maria Mursch, LMSW, a Care Consultant and Director of Family Education for the Alzheimer’s Association, Hudson Valley Chapter, clarified, “When we talk about the disease, we’re talking about memory loss and about regions of the brain that control functions, judgment, personality/behavior and insight. That’s why we see a multitude of symptoms.”

Noble cited a middle ground called mild cognitive impairment that doesn’t interfere with day-to-day life. “About 50 percent of those with Alzheimer’s are unaware they have a problem, which poses a challenge for diagnoses and delays someone going to the doctor,” he said, unless a caregiver accompanies a patient during a doctor visit.

Often families face a choice between placing their loved one(s) into a home and keeping them in their own home(s) with an aide or additional caregivers. One facility that focuses solely on caring for those with dementia is The Greens At Greenwich, the first assisted living facility in Connecticut designed for people diagnosed with dementia or memory, according to The Greens Executive Director Maria Scaros.

“All our staff is trained in dementia care and engages with residents daily,” said Scaros. Each of its 31 apartments is decorated with residents’ own furniture to give a semblance of familiarity. Outside each door is a glass-enclosed box filled with pictures, tokens and other objects that can spur recognition. “Although age is the biggest single risk factor for Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia,” Noble explained, “dementia is not part of the normal aging process.” Genetic dementia, while uncommon, presents “in families that have onset under the age of 60, affecting half the family within a generation.”

While families may have expectations and fantasies about the loved one returning to his or her former self, “they are not expected to deal with dementia alone,” Scaros maintained. The facility embraces the entire family, removing the burden of care so they can maintain their roles as spouse, daughter, son and grandchild. “We get to know their family member in the here and now and relate to them as they are in the moment.”

Mursch agreed it’s important to meet the person where he or she is mentally and emotionally. Many patients with Alzheimer’s are first misdiagnosed with depression (the blues), Noble said. “Instead, typical mood changes in Alzheimer’s can be described as ‘get up and go got up and went.’ Addressing this loss of interest in activities can be very challenging. Families may not realize that to engage a loved one in an activity, they need to be proactive.”

A familiar setting will become unfamiliar at some point, Mursch said. “When that starts to happen, we’re looking at someone who progressed in the disease,” she said. “It is important to keep the person comfortable and socializing and active, and there are ways to accommodate the person at home.”

Alzheimer’s Association (https://www.alz.org/) offers support programs and activities and a 24-hour number (1-800-272-3900) that’s answered by the local chapter during work hours and by its national headquarters after hours. Mursch added, “There may be a point when it becomes unsafe to live at home because of the physical environment (i.e. a staircase) or when the caregiver can no longer take care of the person or the situation cannot be resolved by increasing home care.”

Scaros noted The Greens’ biggest competition is home care, which may be the best solution for some. “We need to recognize, however, that when someone says, ‘I want to go home,’ it means, ‘I want to feel safe, secure, loved and engaged.’” Home becomes a feeling rather than a place.

Social activities and cognitive stimulation like hobbies can keep the brain alert. Scaros was trained as a drama therapist and ensures that creative arts therapies are an integral part of The Green’s programs. Lynn Hagerbrant feels the facility goes well beyond the standard of care in sharing, caring and loving for her own parent living there. “They have heart and soul, a caring heartbeat that starts with Maria and flows through all her staff.”

Science continues to research cures for dementia. “New treatments may not be not that far away, and trials to date have helped foresee what next steps to take,” Noble said. For information, visit www.cumc.columbia.edu/dept/taub.

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: Alzheimer's Association, Alzheimers, Columbia University, Dementia, Disease, Drama Arts Therapy, Genetic Dementia, help, The Greens

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