The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Stress

During Times of Stress: Reasons to Turn to The Therapists at REPOSE

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Megan Kordenbrock, LMSW, at Repose
Photo by Donna Mueller

It goes without saying, the holiday season can be a very stressful time. For some, the psychological trauma of world events may be deeply felt. But the reasons can also be more mundane. Between all the commitments. overbooking and family drama, anyone can feel overwhelmed. Add in the daily stressors already in our lives and some may find the need to reach out for some professional guidance. This is where Repose can help.

The Repose practice started early in the pandemic as a remote option for those seeking therapy. Now with an office space in Pleasantville, Repose provides clients with a holistic approach to therapy, honoring the connection between mind, body, and spirit. Its mission is to help people gain clarity, heal, and overcome challenges so that they may live with greater ease. As their website states, “Although we cannot cure our wounds, we can heal them.” Repose is here to help those who seek it and in a gentle and inclusive way.

One of their therapists Megan Kordenbrock, a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW), explains here how therapy can help and how to begin the process and wellness in general–whether it’s during this busy end-of-year season, or whenever the time feels right to you.

Megan joined the Repose team in July 2023 and has been a LMSW since 2011. She works with clients remotely as well as in the Pleasantville office, and having the option of either is very helpful for many clients. “People enjoy the flexibility of therapy online but also enjoy using the office in person. Being together in the room is awesome. However, for some people, it’s hard to get out of bed, but they can still go to therapy, and can do trauma-processing work online as well.”

Repose is always adapting to people’s needs whether they prefer remote or in-person sessions. Megan’s practice has mostly been in interpersonal violence work–domestic violence and sexual assault, helping those victimized as both children and adults. She works with survivors of trauma and has seen the ways in which people can heal and develop new ways of being and coping with their feelings. “With trauma and suffering with mental health: you think you are your symptoms. But I explain to people, there is nothing wrong with you. Something happened TO you. Your mind and system adapt with ways of dealing with it. We are taking the shame out of it and helping people find ways of coping with it.”

As the world has changed, so has our approach to seeking therapy. “We lived through a shift in how our world functions.

I work with a lot of college students who had a lot of losses–big and small. It was just how life really changed during pandemic–it was a lot to deal with, but we’re ready to move on as a culture.”

On Processing Feelings

One of Megan’s main philosophies is that of feelings. “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” As a society, we tend to try and intellectualize situations and sometimes brush our feelings aside. The practice of being able to ‘sit in’ your feelings and really recognize them and give them a voice is an important part of any healing journey. “Being able to slow down in a way that’s safe and notice that feelings are just feelings–they just want to be felt. Can you slow down and step out of the back and forth of your mind. Ask yourself–’what am I feeling?’ I find that men and boys especially are socialized not to be in the feelings’ realm. Therapy is a safe space to feel what you’re feeling. The relationship element with the therapist is the most important ingredient for change and growth.”

Although therapy has become such a wide-spread part of how people work through their feelings and trauma, for some, there is still an apprehension towards trying it out. “It’s normal to feel a mix of both curious and anxious. People have often developed sound coping mechanisms to get by and not feel what they’re feeling. It can be overwhelming to take those feelings out. Trauma-informed therapy is so important –it’s a pacing thing. Going at a safe pace not to avoid but to say ‘we can do this together’ in a way that’s not overwhelming. You go slow. Especially for those that experience a lot of hard things–it can be scary.”  As both the world and our personal lives become more stressful seemingly by the day, the holiday season can be one that exacerbates our daily stresses. Megan shared some very helpful tips for coping and thriving through the new year.

“Whatever season of life you’re in, your relationship to the holiday season will change. There’s always a lot of expectations–spending time with others, rituals, travel, feeling the joy of the season. There’s a lot of transitions that are happening. Routines go out the window and it can be very disorienting–especially for kids in college kids who are navigating their new independence.” People grieving a loss or dealing with loneliness may find difficulties come up. “It can be a really painful time–do I celebrate or not?” Megan suggests planning ahead to help alleviate any unnecessary stresses.

“Know yourself. What season of life am I in and find a way to come up with a goal or mantra. Maybe it’ connection or rest. What are your priorities and how can they ground you? Consider what to say yes to or not. Have intention around a plan and how you want to spend your time.” She also suggests leaning on others so that not everything is fully on you. “Think ahead–there’s a big mental load that comes around during this time.” And don’t forget about prioritizing yourself–which we all know can be difficult. “What fills your cup? It may be time with friends, time alone, exercise, cooking, etc. It’s easy to lose these things first but make sure they’re a part of your time too so you’re not always just giving, giving, giving.”

Most importantly Megan says, just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. “It’s ok to have a rest day or a hard day or even feel like you’re having a good time when you thought you wouldn’t.” Your feelings are constantly shifting, but remember: your feelings belong to you and are always valid.

As the Pandemic Slogs On, Teens Hit Hard

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Our Writer Finds Out How She & Her Peers Can Stay Strong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never thought that of all the worries that come along with being a teenager, being able to see friends, eating inside at restaurants, and going to school would make it to the top of my list. But when the pandemic hit, these things I took for granted were abruptly taken away. Each phase of the pandemic brought a new worry. I don’t know which was worse: the beginning when everyone was in strict isolation, or the period when things slowly started to re-open and everyone held different definitions of what the “right” or “safe” thing to do was. 

Either way, we were faced with issues that were definitely not the normal stresses that come along with being a teenager. Amidst the lack of social interactions and the scares that came when waking up with a sore throat, many faced new or aggravated mental health struggles. On top of normal worries about Covid, we had to miss out on monumental moments of our social so many lives, education, and just simply growing up. 

Once reality settled in during the initial lockdown, any feelings of excitement about a two week break from school quickly died down. “The beginning of online school was kind of exciting, but as it went on it was like… how much longer is this gonna go on for? Where are my friends? Where are any other people besides my family?” said one Horace Greeley high school student. 

Loneliness began to creep up on people. “Being inside and alone for so long definitely did not help my mental health,” said another Greeley student. These feelings of loneliness and anxiety were, and still are, completely normal. Humans have never been creatures that deal particularly well with change, and with a change as big as a global pandemic, we need to cut ourselves some slack.

During this first wave many were unsure of how to cope and what to do with their time. “I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t do much during the lockdown. I didn’t really find anything that helped me,” said a Greeley student. Another said “I sat in my room all day which definitely did not help my mental health.” Teens being in isolation during some of the most vital years of their development was difficult to say the least.

In a CNN segment, Michael Smerconish said that he’s “worried about kids being educated remotely and losing out on a whole host of social dynamics. What you can’t get in the remote world are the life lessons, the human interactions, the forging of relationships.”

However, things started to look up as people were getting vaccinated, returning to school in person, and finally spending time together. Even though I am a sophomore, returning to school this year full time in person felt like my first real year of high school. The level of focus and material I’m learning has improved drastically. I even had a teacher thank a kid for talking and laughing over them because they missed that realness after a year of silence and stiffness on Zoom. 

Another Greeley student said that “it is good to get to see people and actually learn.” For most, it seemed the only thing that kept them sane was getting back to in-person schooling and seeing their friends. Smerconish shared that he felt it was unfair that kids are “bearing the brunt of Covid even though most infected children are at much less risk of becoming severely ill,” and therefore, “anytime society is contemplating a response to Covid, their needs need to be prioritized.” While maintaining safety throughout Covid is extremely important, it is also important to prioritize kids’ mental health.  

Horace Greeley psychologist Dr. McAuliffe shared insightful advice to help students remain hopeful. “In general, choosing to have an optimistic attitude, to believe things will work out helps. Believing in your ability to handle hard situations also contributes to an attitude where students can engage in managing their challenges rather than overly worrying about things. The truth is, we all will get through this and overly worrying robs people of the ability to solve problems.”

While many aspects of teens’ mental health have been hurt due to the pandemic, I also think that after going through this experience, teens came out more resilient than ever. Aside from learning about masks, social distancing, and quarantining, we also learned to adjust, grow, and deal with change. 

“I continue to be amazed how well kids cope with this in general, despite the fact that this is a really hard situation,” said Dr. McAuliffe.  I’m optimistic that we can use the strength we have gained, remain hopeful, and, as said by Dr. McAuliffe, “persist, persist, persist.”

Lessons from My Fitness Journey at Life Time: Part 1

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I like to think I’m a reasonably fit person. I exercise most days of the week. I run with my dog at least twice a week for three or so miles. I do Pilates weekly and I often go spinning or swimming at least once a week too. But lately I have felt like I am in a bit of a fitness rut. As I enter my mid-40s, my knees feel creakier and I am acutely aware that these are what I call the “make it or break it” fitness years. If I don’t up my fitness game now, I feel like I’ll pay for it later.

I exercise to relieve stress and yes keeping svelte and burning calories is a definite goal of mine but I know I should do more strength training to keep osteoporosis which runs in my family at bay. But I am at a loss of where to start. And that’s part of the reason why I asked Life Time if I could try out membership for three months to see if I could make any significant changes in 90 days and thankfully they obliged. We’ve all read those articles in women’s magazines with titles such as “Get Buff in 100 Days: Here’s How.” Luckily these 90 days happened to coincide with the holiday season when I am more apt to indulge and have my fitness plans fall by the wayside. This was just the kick in the butt I needed.

Although I just began my membership as we went to press, I like what I see so far. No let me rephrase that, I love what I see so far. Back in the day when I lived in London, I belonged to a very upscale gym. When you walked into the lobby, it felt like a hotel and they had services galore from spa massages, beauty treatments and an on-site nursery so parents could work out while their kids played. This has all of the above but on a more luxurious level. Dare I say that I would consider just coming to Life Time to hang out and write articles? It’s quiet, pristine and not crowded. Serenity now.

So here’s what I’ve learned so far in my first two weeks at Life Time. Stay tuned for part two of this series in our next edition.

1. Choose a gym with good energy.

Amy Williams, the PR Manager of Life Time tells me how “energy” is really our sixth sense. “It’s unbelievably important to have the right energy at the club- something you feel right when you walk in,” she explains. I can personally attest that this is true, from the lush greenery at the entrance, ultramodern lighting and front check in staff that seems more like a concierge at a hip hotel. They personally welcome me by name and no, this is not an editor perk. I see this with other guests too. I feel welcome here and when I leave they actually ask me if I had a good workout and they seem to genuinely care.

2. The little things count.

Life Time has a private nursing room right by the salon. I  ask corporate headquarters if all Life Time clubs have this. They note that many moms would use the lounge space inside the women’s dressing room but they wanted to accommodate those who wanted more privacy so now all new Life Time clubs will have it. This shows me that they listen to member feedback and as a former nursing mom who brought my infants to the gym a lot, I love this. Also being under five feet, I am thrilled to see that their studio where barre classes are held has ballet barres at different heights. I’ve been to too many barre classes where I can’t even reach the barre and my short stature feels like a hindrance. I also love how their locker room features lockers that are big enough for me to store my bulky winter coat. I feel like I can easily get ready, shower and change into business attire after a workout without a wrinkle in my clothing. Too many times, I’ve felt like the lockers at other gyms aren’t roomy enough. Plus, they even have make-up remover in the bathrooms–say goodbye to runny mascara after a tough sweat session.

3. A personalized approach to fitness goals is key.

As I begin my fitness journey, I participate in an onboarding session with Liz Rodriguez, the Member Onboarding Manager. This is an important step that all members at the club must do and helps us both delineate what my fitness goals are. During this one-hour session, we go over some important statistics and discuss my weight (104) body fat percentage (29%) skeletal muscle mass (39.7 lbs) as well as my ECW/TBW which stands for Ratio of Extracellular Water to Total Body Water, an important indicator of body water balance which indicates how hydrated I am and any inflammation in my body which is .373 (ideal is under .370).

The number that surprises me most though is my body fat percentage. Although I am in the average range according to the American Council on Exercise, 32% is obese, so I know I need to up my strength training workouts. Rodriguez suggests I try to lower my body fat percentage and increase my skeletal muscle mass and the best way for me to achieve this is through strength training. She suggests my workouts consist of 50% cardio and 50% strength training and reviews a sample week of classes that fit my schedule. I also need to incorporate yoga for flexibility.

I also undergo an active metabolic assessment. This is a scientifically accurate method of determining my specific heart rate zones and how my body burns carbohydrates and fats as fuel. This is going to make my workouts more efficient so if I use a heart rate monitor, I will know exactly what zones I should be in and for how long to burn fat and build muscle.

4. Nutrition is responsible for 90% of your overall fitness.

While Rodriguez says I have a balanced diet overall, if I really want to change my body fat percentage, I need to watch my diet more closely. She wants me to have protein with every meal and increase my fiber intake to 30-35g /daily. I guess I better start eating oatmeal every day. They also have nutrition coaching if your diet needs an overhaul or just tweaks to maximize athletic performance.

5. Use technology to your advantage.

Life Time has an amazing fitness app where I can access the schedule, preview videos of classes, check out different workouts if I am unsure of what to do at the gym, sign up for small group classes, book much needed massages and even order food from their café so I can grab it on my way out of the building. They are constantly adding new features to the app and it is very user-friendly even for a Luddite like me.

6. Knowledgeable and friendly staff members are a huge motivator.

As mentioned, it starts with the check-in staff but also the instructors for the classes are top notch and have many fitness certifications. They watch my form in group classes and gently correct it when need be. They also play great music which for me is key. If I don’t like the music during a class, I know I will slack off.

7. Don’t ignore the core.

As someone who has been doing Pilates ever since my youngest one was born, I love that this club offers everyone a 30-minute Pilates session. There’s a reason why elite athletes even football stars incorporate this into their fitness regimen. Their Pilates studio is beautiful and guaranteed to make you stronger.

8. Break out of your comfort zone.

I’ve tried yoga a lot. It hasn’t been a success but Rodriguez urges me to give it another try so I do with a flow class. The gym has yoga classes at various levels of difficulty so there’s something for everyone. Plus, they even offer heated yoga for those bitter cold days ahead.

9. Personal trainers are sometimes necessary.

Since I hadn’t had any real strength training in years, I know I needed guidance and I also wanted to be sure that my form was correct. Enter Nick Cerone, my guardian angel. He’s developed a plan doing full body exercises to help me burn fat and build skeletal muscle mass. Plus, he also does nutritional consulting so I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with him as my personal trainer.

10. Don’t feel guilty about your workout.

As a mom of three young kids, I often feel bad when I’ve had to tote them with me to the gym. But at this location, they have a play maze, a kids movement studio, classes ranging from toddler yoga to STEAM enrichment. They take children ages 3 months and up. With fun offerings like this, I may even get a facial or blow out at the onsite LifeSpa while my kids happily play in the Kids Academy.

I can’t wait to see what the next few months will be like at Life Time. Stay tuned for part two in the spring edition to see if I am able to achieve my goals and what the staff hopes all members are able to–a healthy way of life.

Publisher’s Note: You can also learn more with a visit and tour!

https://www.lifetime.life/life-time-locations/ny-chappaqua.html

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Finding Gratitude During a Mental Health Crisis

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I really don’t know how it happened. I had some physical, hormonal and emotional stressors early in the summer, which apparently became the perfect storm for an emotional breakdown. My anxiety, which has been a part of me for decades, erupted full force and consumed all of me. It so consumed me that I was unable to function. I stopped eating, sleeping, engaging with the world and felt panicked almost constantly.

On this journey, I have discovered that mental health issues are far more difficult to get a handle on than physical issues, and far more painful. Answers and cures are elusive. But even as I wage this war against my own mind, I realize that I have much to be grateful for.

1. I am grateful and stunned by the number of people who contacted me privately to tell me of their own struggles. Mental health issues are ubiquitous, so much so that it is challenging to get appointments for help because doctors are so busy.

2. I am grateful for an absolutely incredible support system that starts, but does not end, with my family. There are actually no words for how incredible my husband has been. Holding my hand, reassuring me, driving me to appointments, staying up with me countless nights, finding patience for me again and again. My kids, mom and mother-in-law have also been amazing, and their compassion and love has sustained me. I am grateful to be able to rely on my sons, especially my 17-year-old, who has pitched in without complaint and become a man almost overnight. I know this hasn’t been easy for any of them, but they have risen to the challenge.

3. I am grateful for and overwhelmed by the love and support of my extended support system of friends and acquaintances. During this time, through my distress, I have been able to feel, if not always acknowledge, the help from friends and family. I thank everyone who has called, texted or written to inquire about me. I thank those friends who have driven me places when I have not been able to drive myself and been there for me without judgment. I appreciate every gesture, even if I haven’t been able to answer. I’ve had limited ability and energy to reach out but despite that the calls and messages keep coming.

4. I am grateful to have the resources to explore many different kinds of therapies. Here are some of the things I’ve tried thus far; medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Hypnosis (really), meditation, yoga, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), functional medicine, homeopathy and acupuncture. I will weigh in at some point on what helped me the most. Voodoo medicine is not out of the question. And I am mindful that I am extremely lucky to be able to pursue various remedies and to focus on getting well.

Trying to heal has been a full-time job. But just knowing people are out there and are willing to help is a comfort. If you have a friend who is going through something like this, please continue to reach out to them even if you get a tepid or no response. Even when I don’t acknowledge them, friends’ messages mean the world to me. Mental health issues really do take a village.

I hope that by discussing this openly, I can help someone else who is keeping their struggles to themselves. I hope to write at length about my experiences someday soon but I’m still in the middle of this journey I had no desire to take. I know that I can only reflect when I have some perspective and I’m not there yet. I am still battling to find my way back.

I have newfound compassion and respect for anyone who has ever struggled in a similar way. I hope to come out the other side stronger than I was before and be a voice and advocate for others. I hope someday people can openly say, “me too” about their mental health challenges.

Mindful and Compassionate Parenting and Communities

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By Jeanette Sandor and Jan Fielder

When it comes to creating a career, we usually get years of training. When it comes to creating a peaceful, happy life as parents, we get far less training. Much of our parenting is based upon personal experience which can oftentimes leave us feeling ill prepared or inadequate to handle the myriad of challenges we face daily.

We all want to be the best parents possible, but sometimes we fall short of our expectations. With all the pressures and stressors we encounter as we strive to manage work, school and social obligations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed making it difficult to parent. And it’s difficult to parent well when we feel overwhelmed.

Is it possible for parents to thrive despite overscheduled and stressful lives? Is it possible for children to thrive given their obligations and pressures? Absolutely!

There are evidenced based practices grounded in mindfulness and self-compassion that will help you be the skillful parent you want to be. These practices can also help your children become more resilient in the face of the pressures they face in their plugged in, competitive and overscheduled lives.

Jeanette Sandor RN, MA and Jan Fielder, MS, MA, are Life and Wellness Coaches as well as mothers. Together they empower parents with tools and practices so that parenting becomes less stressful and more joyful. Their goal is to help create a more mindful and compassionate world, one family at a time and one community at a time. Their workshops for parents, families and children teach skills for life… a mindful and compassionate life, so that there can be competition with peacefulness, devices with boundaries, and schedules with spaces for breathing and being.