The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

therapy

During Times of Stress: Reasons to Turn to The Therapists at REPOSE

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Megan Kordenbrock, LMSW, at Repose
Photo by Donna Mueller

It goes without saying, the holiday season can be a very stressful time. For some, the psychological trauma of world events may be deeply felt. But the reasons can also be more mundane. Between all the commitments. overbooking and family drama, anyone can feel overwhelmed. Add in the daily stressors already in our lives and some may find the need to reach out for some professional guidance. This is where Repose can help.

The Repose practice started early in the pandemic as a remote option for those seeking therapy. Now with an office space in Pleasantville, Repose provides clients with a holistic approach to therapy, honoring the connection between mind, body, and spirit. Its mission is to help people gain clarity, heal, and overcome challenges so that they may live with greater ease. As their website states, “Although we cannot cure our wounds, we can heal them.” Repose is here to help those who seek it and in a gentle and inclusive way.

One of their therapists Megan Kordenbrock, a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW), explains here how therapy can help and how to begin the process and wellness in general–whether it’s during this busy end-of-year season, or whenever the time feels right to you.

Megan joined the Repose team in July 2023 and has been a LMSW since 2011. She works with clients remotely as well as in the Pleasantville office, and having the option of either is very helpful for many clients. “People enjoy the flexibility of therapy online but also enjoy using the office in person. Being together in the room is awesome. However, for some people, it’s hard to get out of bed, but they can still go to therapy, and can do trauma-processing work online as well.”

Repose is always adapting to people’s needs whether they prefer remote or in-person sessions. Megan’s practice has mostly been in interpersonal violence work–domestic violence and sexual assault, helping those victimized as both children and adults. She works with survivors of trauma and has seen the ways in which people can heal and develop new ways of being and coping with their feelings. “With trauma and suffering with mental health: you think you are your symptoms. But I explain to people, there is nothing wrong with you. Something happened TO you. Your mind and system adapt with ways of dealing with it. We are taking the shame out of it and helping people find ways of coping with it.”

As the world has changed, so has our approach to seeking therapy. “We lived through a shift in how our world functions.

I work with a lot of college students who had a lot of losses–big and small. It was just how life really changed during pandemic–it was a lot to deal with, but we’re ready to move on as a culture.”

On Processing Feelings

One of Megan’s main philosophies is that of feelings. “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” As a society, we tend to try and intellectualize situations and sometimes brush our feelings aside. The practice of being able to ‘sit in’ your feelings and really recognize them and give them a voice is an important part of any healing journey. “Being able to slow down in a way that’s safe and notice that feelings are just feelings–they just want to be felt. Can you slow down and step out of the back and forth of your mind. Ask yourself–’what am I feeling?’ I find that men and boys especially are socialized not to be in the feelings’ realm. Therapy is a safe space to feel what you’re feeling. The relationship element with the therapist is the most important ingredient for change and growth.”

Although therapy has become such a wide-spread part of how people work through their feelings and trauma, for some, there is still an apprehension towards trying it out. “It’s normal to feel a mix of both curious and anxious. People have often developed sound coping mechanisms to get by and not feel what they’re feeling. It can be overwhelming to take those feelings out. Trauma-informed therapy is so important –it’s a pacing thing. Going at a safe pace not to avoid but to say ‘we can do this together’ in a way that’s not overwhelming. You go slow. Especially for those that experience a lot of hard things–it can be scary.”  As both the world and our personal lives become more stressful seemingly by the day, the holiday season can be one that exacerbates our daily stresses. Megan shared some very helpful tips for coping and thriving through the new year.

“Whatever season of life you’re in, your relationship to the holiday season will change. There’s always a lot of expectations–spending time with others, rituals, travel, feeling the joy of the season. There’s a lot of transitions that are happening. Routines go out the window and it can be very disorienting–especially for kids in college kids who are navigating their new independence.” People grieving a loss or dealing with loneliness may find difficulties come up. “It can be a really painful time–do I celebrate or not?” Megan suggests planning ahead to help alleviate any unnecessary stresses.

“Know yourself. What season of life am I in and find a way to come up with a goal or mantra. Maybe it’ connection or rest. What are your priorities and how can they ground you? Consider what to say yes to or not. Have intention around a plan and how you want to spend your time.” She also suggests leaning on others so that not everything is fully on you. “Think ahead–there’s a big mental load that comes around during this time.” And don’t forget about prioritizing yourself–which we all know can be difficult. “What fills your cup? It may be time with friends, time alone, exercise, cooking, etc. It’s easy to lose these things first but make sure they’re a part of your time too so you’re not always just giving, giving, giving.”

Most importantly Megan says, just allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. “It’s ok to have a rest day or a hard day or even feel like you’re having a good time when you thought you wouldn’t.” Your feelings are constantly shifting, but remember: your feelings belong to you and are always valid.

Unconditional Love

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Inside Press Publisher Grace Bennett Photo by Donna Mueller

A great deal has been said for and against social media, but one ‘for’ argument: it’s a way to share the joys of being a grandma and/or grandpa! Listen, in these pandemic years, new generations of precious little humans around are a raison de célébrer. If Stacey Pfeffer helps reveal how each grandparent’s love is a study in the human capacity for unconditional love, then mission accomplished.

In the pursuit of a theme of ‘family bliss’, I also thought I’d call out the ‘perfect’ marriage as a myth that social media may sometimes have you believing. Truth is virtually all relationships at some point face or will face any manner of stress that can make or break them. So how to keep that basic truth positive and productive? Alexa Troob was ‘all over it’ and gleaned advice and strategies from local therapists and healers who help couples weather the storms, survive, and thrive. Meanwhile, Beth Besen courageously shares her own sage advice for staying the course! Next feature: When and why throwing in the towel might be the best decision, and how to do that as amicably as possible!

Alexa has a second article here, too. Following a guided tour, she makes a poignant case for saving Buttonhook, Chappaqua’s embattled, sacred forest. Read all about it.

Journalism continues to face unprecedented challenges, so don’t miss Andrew Vitelli’s recap of the ‘Future of Local Journalism’ panel at the Chappaqua Library.

I was proud of the opportunity to moderate the Chappaqua Library panel, “The Future of Local Journalism”
Photo by Denise Mincin

If there is ‘one well deserved cover story’ I hadn’t produced in 20 years of publishing, it’s a ‘close-up’ of New Castle’s annual Memorial Day parade/event which remembers our fallen. I’ve been personally covering it, in words and pictures, for almost as many years as I’ve been publishing, so very grateful to Ronni Diamondstein for contributing both her iconic cover photo and article to ‘bring it home’.

If you haven’t had a chance to watch The Wonderful Mrs. Maisel on Prime (hard to imagine, but…), you might be wondering about our Armonk cover! We advise you just read on to discover the compelling story of Jean Carroll as shared by her granddaughter and local mom and social activist Susan Chatzky with Briarcliff Manor’s Deputy Mayor Pete Chatzky at her side.  

When Ella Ilan told me about a group of North Castle moms who have met regularly through the years, forming a deep friendship circle, over mah jongg and canasta, I thought it would make a compelling local story for Inside Armonk! Thanks to Ella’s story, I’m inspired to learn the games now myself. After all, there’s nothing like girlfriends to share the best of times to revel in and sear into our memories, and the worst of times to help you navigate and hopefully sail to a safer shore.

For fun and in-depth stories, we encourage you to discover Joanna VanTrees, the broadcast personality behind What’s Up Pleasantville? at Pleasantville Community Television. Michael Gold refers to Joanna as “a force of nature” and after reading his article, perhaps it won’t be hard to see why!

There’s so much more in our issues, particularly in the areas of public service and the arts so please don’t skip a thing (and do continue ‘telling ‘em you saw it’ in an Inside pub).

Finally, as the Inside Press has ‘gone quarterly’, we’re taking a print break for a stretch (we publish again mid-August), and an online break as much as possible, although you can still follow our adventures as they arise on yes, you guessed it, social media!  

Happy Mother’s Day! Happy Father’s Day!  

A Music-Ability Minded Program: Rock On Music School

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(L-R) David Meyers and Sophia Tuohy, a music student from Armonk
PHOTO COURTESY OF DAVID MEYERS

David Meyers found his passion for teaching music to children with disabilities quite accidentally. Having spent most of his career in real estate, music was relegated to a side pursuit that he relished when afforded the time. In 2008, however, that all changed when he began teaching a youth music program at New York’s Patterson Recreation Center. Playing and writing music moved to the forefront of his focus as his career took an unanticipated turn.

A New Beat

As Meyers became acquainted with the learning style of today’s children, he saw that to resonate with his audience, he would need to devise his own curriculum. He explains, “I quickly found that kids no longer absorb music in the same way as when I was a student. Modern music is heavily electronic and lyrics are oftentimes not age appropriate.” As a result, Meyer’s unique “RockOnMusicSchool” technique was born. He created original music and developed a learning method that began with simple lyrics, accompanied by the most basic guitar string work that gradually advanced to intricate songs with chords requiring increasingly complex finger work.

Serving the Underserved

In teaching, Meyers found a renewed sense of gratification, saying, “It’s the first job I’ve had that isn’t just about the dollar and that is so personally fulfilling.” The role soon became even more meaningful when a friend approached him to give lessons to his son who has autism. Meyers adapted his mainstream curriculum and within a few months saw his new student develop confidence through music. That experience shaped Meyers’ music school. He says, “I made a personal commitment to cater to this audience. These children have a tremendous need for recreational opportunities and are such an underserved community. Music provides them with a creative and social outlet, while building self-esteem, fine motor and language skills.”

Meyers now teaches music lessons through organizations such as SPARC (Special Programs and Resources Connections) of Westchester County as well as through his RockOnMusicSchool, providing one-on-one sessions at students’ homes. “Conducting lessons in a child’s home is so beneficial to those with physical disabilities that may make it challenging to get out or those who thrive within the comforts of their own environment,” Meyers says. Lessons are fine-tuned based on each child’s unique abilities. As Meyers points out, “Depending on the child’s circumstances, we might select strings, drums or keyboard.”  He also modifies lessons by focusing on specific skills such as developing eye contact, sounds or social cues. To engage the kids, he often writes “silly, personalized songs” to get them excited and motivated for playing music.

Marilyn Tuohy of Armonk has become accustomed to hearing Meyers’ fun lyrics throughout the hallways of her home. “My daughter Sophia has Down Syndrome and loves music, which led a friend to recommend David to us. He really knows how to interact with her and gets her engaged no matter what her mood. He brings all instruments including drums, shakes, the keyboard and guitar and always comes up with new songs that are so alive and appealing to kids. They learn the lyrics right away. After David leaves, Sophia as well as my two sons and even my husband are still singing! I’ve seen my daughter’s speech and fine motor skills develop as a result. She speaks slower and clearer and is always singing in the house.”

Music is known to have therapeutic qualities and Meyers agrees, explaining, “Music has a natural timing and rhythm that serves to encourage children to use their voice in response to appropriate cues. Songs have a built-in conversational script that is valuable for children who have social challenges. Students learn to manage frustration, gaining the understanding that it’s okay to mess up and that they will eventually advance. It’s all in their control. These are skills they will take with them into adulthood.”

A Satisfying Crescendo

Today, that first client that inspired RockOnMusicSchool’s mission is now proficient in keyboards, bass, drums and guitar and has developed a love of The Beatles. Meyers proudly reports that this student has also integrated into a mainstream music class. “Each child already feels the music inside of them–some just need guidance to get it out,” he adds as we wrap up our conversation. And, it seems that Meyers has mapped the path as he continues to encourage all children to find a love of music in their own unique way.

Demystifying Psychological Assessment

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melissa singerBy Melissa B. Singer, Ph.D.

“My daughter has been working diligently and seeing a tutor yet she is still struggling academically.”

“My son was succeeding in school until seventh grade when the work became overwhelming despite spending hours on homework.”

“My daughter has been in therapy for quite some time but her symptoms have persisted and she is having trouble with her peers.”

These are but a few examples of the kinds of concerns I frequently hear as a clinical psychologist specializing in comprehensive psychological, cognitive, educational and neuropsychological assessment.

I believe that the goal of psychological assessment is to gain a thorough understanding of the whole child by using standardized measures, which provide unique information that cannot be obtained by simply talking to or observing a child.

Gathering this type of information allows me to not only understand cognitive weaknesses, but also identify a child’s strengths and optimal learning style.  While uncovering psychological symptoms and making appropriate diagnoses is important, gathering information regarding the personality structure of a child is also essential.  A comprehensive understanding provides a family with a roadmap for the most appropriate interventions to enable a child to achieve his or her highest potential.

So, what does testing entail? While different practitioners may take different approaches, in my practice, an evaluation always begins by meeting with the parents and possibly the child, depending on their age.

A meeting allows me to gather relevant information about the child’s educational, psychological, and medical history as well as current functioning in all areas.  In addition, it is a good time to clarify the specific questions the parents and any professionals involved with the child would like answered–which allows me to develop an individualized assessment for that particular child. Parents and the child can also use this time to ask questions about the testing process.  Following the meeting, the family is sent home with questionnaires, since obtaining information from teachers and parents is an essential part of the assessment. The testing part of the evaluation then takes place over the next few weeks.

My evaluations typically include between 7-12 hours of testing, depending on the age of the child and the referral questions. While that may seem like a lot of time, it is necessary in order to thoroughly assess IQ, achievement, underlying cognitive abilities such as attention, information processing, executive functions, memory and language functions, as well as personality structure and current symptomatology.

The testing is typically broken down into two to four sessions depending on the age and temperament of the child, with breaks for lunch or snacks.  Once complete, I begin the process of writing a comprehensive, integrated, interpretive report that answers referral questions and clearly explains the findings.  In addition, I include a full Appendix with all test scores, which allows parents to enlist other professionals to review and interpret the scores if they wish.

Specific and detailed recommendations for intervention and treatment are essential to assist parents with utilizing the findings in a concrete manner to help their child. These recommendations might include services, modifications or accommodations within the school, possibly as part of an Individualized Education Program (IEP) or 504 Plan.

Services outside of school might also be recommended, such as cognitive remediation or psychotherapy. In addition, helpful and specific strategies may be suggested to professionals working with the child, such as treatment goals for therapy or interventions within the classroom.  In some cases, a medical or psychiatric evaluation may also be recommended.

As a parent myself, I know how eager families are to get the results!  Therefore, I complete all reports within four weeks of the final testing date.  At that time I schedule a meeting with the family to review the findings and walk through the entire report together.  This provides the parents with an opportunity to ask questions and clarify anything in the report that they do not understand.

At the parents’ request, I might speak with other clinicians or school personnel working with the child.  With the parents’ permission, I also like to have a brief meeting with the child to explain the findings to them in an age-appropriate manner.  I have found that most children express feelings of relief and optimism when they realize that not only their problems, but also the strengths and resources they have to draw on, have been identified.    For me, this is often the most rewarding part of the process.

Melissa B. Singer, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in Mt. Kisco, New York.  She specializes in comprehensive psychological, cognitive, educational and neuropsychological assessment for children and adolescents.  For more information, visit www.melissabsingerphd.com