The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Gratitude

Gratitude for Our Homes

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I have a confession to make. I didn’t want to live in this town. I had my heart set on a town in southern Westchester. My priority was walkability of a town; at the time I wasn’t driving so I envisioned walking everywhere. It seemed like the perfect transition to the suburbs from the city as the main street was dotted with cute restaurants and boutiques.

We looked and looked for months and nothing was fitting the bill. We saw a ton of fixer-uppers that were charming but with two young kids the idea of putting sweat equity into a home wasn’t appealing to us. My husband who grew up in the suburbs of Miami came to the conclusion that we needed more property too. He craved more land and privacy.

Luckily one of his colleagues mentioned Chappaqua and on our first trip there up the Taconic we stopped at a gas station with a large convenience store so I could properly fuel up with caffeine before going to see a dozen houses that day. My first impression was “Wow, this kind of reminds me of the Catskills. I don’t know if I can do this.” After all, I grew up in Queens and had lived in the city for ten years.

We must have looked at 60 homes in this town throughout a six-month period and my husband and I could not agree on any of them. Some seemed too large. Others seemed too isolated. I didn’t want to have to scream to my neighbors with a megaphone. But then we found it in the nick of time.

We had decided that last weekend in April on our home search that if we didn’t find a home, we’d put a deposit down for my son for another year of nursery school in the city and stick it out–four people in a cramped two-bedroom apartment.

The minute we saw it, we both knew it was “the one.” It had great natural light, wide spacious rooms. I envisioned the kids running around the large backyard and could picture them growing up there. The large dining room abutted the kitchen and was large enough for my whole family to have holiday dinners. The staircase would one day make a perfect backdrop for prom pictures. We made an offer that afternoon.

This fall, it has been eight years here and I love it. Sure, there have been ups and downs and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it took adjustment- from learning how to drive again to figuring out what the heck an HVAC company is. Home ownership requires maintenance and sometimes we are on our game and other times we’ve let things fall by the way side like our doorbell which hasn’t worked for almost a year. I’m embarrassed to admit it but we’ve been relying on our dog to tell us if someone is at the door.

As the holiday season is right around the corner, I’m reminded of a saying whose author is unknown: “A house is made with walls and beams. A home is made with love and dreams.” As you read articles on holiday recipes and get inspiration for your Thanksgiving table settings, I hope your house is filled with warmth and all your dreams get fulfilled.

Happy Thanksgiving,

The Joy of Gratitude

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“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

“Instead of always searching and grasping for more, gratitude allows us to appreciate what we have now. Cultivating joy requires building the gratitude muscle as part of our daily and weekly workouts. Only in this rep-set, we ditch the wishing, complaining and striving, and refocus on noticing what is going well in our lives right now, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

Learning to be grateful for life’s simple pleasures can certainly improve your mood and perception of life. I recall a day when my kids were small and I was taking them to get haircuts. Once in the car, my two adorable, precious children proceeded to fight like two alley cats in a scrap yard. As I drove along and listened to this free-for-all in the back seat, I would occasionally interrupt with a “Stop it!” or “Enough already!” When that didn’t seem to be effective, I started to get annoyed and then, for some reason, amidst all the noise and frustration, I just gave up.

As the boys continued to yell and exchange insults at each other, my mood turned from annoyance to amusement. It struck me that these two little boys were not going to be young forever, and I realized how lucky I was to have these daily moments with them, no matter how stressful. This total re-frame of the situation filled me with gratitude and the rest of our outing was not just tolerable, it was fun.

Gratitude brings us joy and turns what we already have into enough. Instead of striving for the next goal to bring you happiness, appreciate where you are right now. If it’s not your ideal place, remember that it’s just one chapter in your life’s story. Everything is temporary, for better or worse. Once you catch the gratitude bug, it replicates itself and even more joy streams into your life.”

Excerpt from Jodi Baretz’ Amazon best-selling book, Mindful Is the New Skinny. Jodi offers individual psychotherapy and mindful mom groups at The Center for Health and Healing in Mount Kisco. Visit jodibaretz.com.

A Dog to Love – Maggie Mae

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I never thought I could love an animal as much as I love my Maggie Mae. She is, without a doubt, my best friend and my biggest fan. She will follow me anywhere, is totally devoted to me–even when I scold her. Maggie Mae loves me unconditionally. She’s a black and white Parti-Toy Poodle and the joy of my life.

When I first saw her, her outgoing personality attracted me, and I knew right away that she was mine.  But maybe it was the other way around and she chose me. Nearly eleven years ago, when she came to live with me, she was three months old and weighed only three pounds.

I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s a wonderful companion, and she makes me laugh. She can be sound asleep, but if the phone rings and I answer, she is by my side in a minute so I will play with her. When I say to her, “You’re the best girl I know,” she always rewards me with a kiss.

They say that dogs are man’s best friend, and they’re not kidding. When a fly is buzzing around the house, she’s right there to alert me and to guard me. She alerts me when I have accidentally left the front door ajar or if there’s something in the wrong place. And then there is Maggie Mae neighborhood watchdog. She can spot a car blocks away and frequently knows who’s in it.

As a perennial single person, I have lived alone for most of my adult life, and it is easy for a single person to become self-indulgent. Having to think about the well-being and care of another were valuable changes for me. That’s one reason I’m so grateful for Maggie Mae’s presence in my life. She also keeps me healthy. No matter what the weather, I am outside with Maggie Mae at least three times a day. We take long walks that are good for both of us–and not just physically. I often get good ideas as we walk. One was her Maggie Mae Pup Reporter column that many of you read in this magazine for years. I’m also grateful because she has made my life more interesting. I learned to write from a dog’s point of view.

As many of you readers know, Maggie Mae is “personable” and well-known by merchants in town. She has high self-esteem, which shows in the way she carries herself and walks down our streets and into the shops as if she owned Chappaqua. Other people notice her, and I could not have been more proud when Sophie Mendelson included her in the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival mural in the center of town.

Maggie Mae loves to ride in the car and is a great traveling companion who’s always happy with whatever we do. Since she was a puppy, she’s been a regular guest at the Red Lion Inn and has many fans in Stockbridge and the Berkshires.

As much as Maggie Mae loves to snuggle up next to me, especially when I am doing something that doesn’t include her, she is an independent dog who often likes to be alone. She’ll go into her crate, lie on her bed or find a square of sunlight on the carpet just to chill.

My heart is bigger than I ever thought. I love Maggie Mae’s little kisses, how she curls up at my feet to give me a hug. How she puts her head under my hand so I can pet her. I love her wagging tail and how she waits for me at the door.

So little can make her happy and that is a lesson we can all learn.

And as I was writing this, she came up to me, leaned in, pushed my pad and pen away and climbed on my lap. I can’t imagine life without Maggie Mae. She’s my girl and I love her dearly.

 

Finding Gratitude During a Mental Health Crisis

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I really don’t know how it happened. I had some physical, hormonal and emotional stressors early in the summer, which apparently became the perfect storm for an emotional breakdown. My anxiety, which has been a part of me for decades, erupted full force and consumed all of me. It so consumed me that I was unable to function. I stopped eating, sleeping, engaging with the world and felt panicked almost constantly.

On this journey, I have discovered that mental health issues are far more difficult to get a handle on than physical issues, and far more painful. Answers and cures are elusive. But even as I wage this war against my own mind, I realize that I have much to be grateful for.

1. I am grateful and stunned by the number of people who contacted me privately to tell me of their own struggles. Mental health issues are ubiquitous, so much so that it is challenging to get appointments for help because doctors are so busy.

2. I am grateful for an absolutely incredible support system that starts, but does not end, with my family. There are actually no words for how incredible my husband has been. Holding my hand, reassuring me, driving me to appointments, staying up with me countless nights, finding patience for me again and again. My kids, mom and mother-in-law have also been amazing, and their compassion and love has sustained me. I am grateful to be able to rely on my sons, especially my 17-year-old, who has pitched in without complaint and become a man almost overnight. I know this hasn’t been easy for any of them, but they have risen to the challenge.

3. I am grateful for and overwhelmed by the love and support of my extended support system of friends and acquaintances. During this time, through my distress, I have been able to feel, if not always acknowledge, the help from friends and family. I thank everyone who has called, texted or written to inquire about me. I thank those friends who have driven me places when I have not been able to drive myself and been there for me without judgment. I appreciate every gesture, even if I haven’t been able to answer. I’ve had limited ability and energy to reach out but despite that the calls and messages keep coming.

4. I am grateful to have the resources to explore many different kinds of therapies. Here are some of the things I’ve tried thus far; medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Hypnosis (really), meditation, yoga, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), functional medicine, homeopathy and acupuncture. I will weigh in at some point on what helped me the most. Voodoo medicine is not out of the question. And I am mindful that I am extremely lucky to be able to pursue various remedies and to focus on getting well.

Trying to heal has been a full-time job. But just knowing people are out there and are willing to help is a comfort. If you have a friend who is going through something like this, please continue to reach out to them even if you get a tepid or no response. Even when I don’t acknowledge them, friends’ messages mean the world to me. Mental health issues really do take a village.

I hope that by discussing this openly, I can help someone else who is keeping their struggles to themselves. I hope to write at length about my experiences someday soon but I’m still in the middle of this journey I had no desire to take. I know that I can only reflect when I have some perspective and I’m not there yet. I am still battling to find my way back.

I have newfound compassion and respect for anyone who has ever struggled in a similar way. I hope to come out the other side stronger than I was before and be a voice and advocate for others. I hope someday people can openly say, “me too” about their mental health challenges.

Gratitude for Our Homes

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Tell me if this sounds familiar. You take a fun-filled vacation and it’s filled with great memories, exotic locales, scrumptious food and maybe even some quality beach time. But the second you walk in through the front door to your home, you are thankful to be surrounded by your belongings and happy to actually whip up a home-cooked meal. Maybe your house is a bit disheveled, maybe the bedding isn’t 3,000 thread count like the luxury hotel’s that you stayed at but it’s home and that in itself feels great.

I was reminded how thankful I am for my home this summer when I drove my kids back from sleep-away camp. As soon as our car passed the Chappaqua exit on the Saw Mill, my two older children started crying. Once I stopped by the traffic light on Quaker Rd, I paused and asked, “Why are you crying?” They replied in unison, “We are happy to be home.”

Nothing quite evokes gratitude for our homes like the upcoming holiday season. Thanksgiving is a time that I am especially grateful to be in my warm home surrounded with loved ones. If you are looking for a little inspiration for your holiday table, check out our Thanksgiving tablescapes articles for tips from local residents. After you’ve gorged yourself on the requisite turkey or tofurkey, sign up for one of the Turkey Trots mentioned in these pages.

For those of us with pets, I now feel like my home is empty whenever my beloved dog Arlo is at grooming or boarding. I’ve grown accustomed to him keeping me company while I type on my laptop (just as Ronni Diamondstein’s essay on Maggie Mae can attest to) and couldn’t imagine life without him even though his sock eating habit is thoroughly annoying. I’m embarrassed to say we’ve come close to losing him a few times and recently just installed a fence to keep him safer. If you are looking for ways to help curb pet loss, read Anna Young’s article on the subject.

As we head into holiday season madness, be sure to take a gratitude moment to stop and appreciate all that we have to be grateful for in our homes and New Castle.

Wishing you warmest holiday wishes,