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achievement

Goodbye Armonk: Gratitude, Reflection, & Vision for a Prosperous Suburb

June 1, 2022 by Andrew Murray Dunn

After a generation in the community, my family is moving on, which is bringing up a range of thoughts and feelings. In reflecting on how Armonk shaped me as a person, I’m struck by how much of a gift it was to grow up here: the natural beauty, sense of safety, abundant opportunities. And how no gift comes without its price. 

For me, a town like Armonk’s most potent gift is achievement culture. Like many families who flocked here in recent decades, we were drawn by the quality of the school district. My siblings and I dutifully jumped through all the academic hoops, orienting towards what seemed like a shared north star of get good grades, to get into good schools, to get good jobs, to afford good things, to have a good life and create a better one for our posterity.  

But because that cycle had been spiraling upwards for three or four generations, and then comes along little anxious Andrew in one of the wealthiest and most academically competitive zip codes in the United States, the story I internalized was that I had to do something BIG in order to feel complete, loved, accepted. Which would look something like brute force way into Ivy League, let loose to compensate for emotional and spiritual malnourishment, burnout and move to India for detox and balance. Then brute force way through Silicon Valley, get lost in the clouds of saving the world, go to my room to think about what I’ve done. In both cycles, I almost didn’t make it out alive. 

Acknowledging the multiplicity of backgrounds and ways that others experience this neck of the woods, I wonder why we don’t give more attention to the impacts of pressure of expectation and narrow definitions of success. Especially amidst an exploding global mental health crisis and increasingly destabilized society. It makes me wonder if poor mental health and resilience are the biggest prices we pay to live in a place like Armonk or countless other suburban, achievement-oriented communities around Westchester and the world. And if so, how can we acknowledge and shift that in a good way? 

Beyond mental health, what if overachieving atrophies our capacities for resilience? Rigid identities (“I am my job”) and expensive habits (“my net worth is my self worth”) can lead to isolating cycles of wealth accumulation in which we meet more of our needs through buying things instead of through community support, making us more fragile to shocks to the system and less adaptable to change. I’m not against wealth. I am for awareness of the tradeoffs; especially the unnecessary suffering in pursuit and as a result of wealth. 

I’m also curious about the impact of achievement culture in this historical moment when it has become clear that our Western consumerist lifestyles bear the bulk of the responsibility for the planetary crisis. With an estimated one billion humans displaced by 2050, will we environmentally, socially or spiritually be able to pursue a high earning career, that will afford a McMansion(s) life, with multiple new of every thing every time it breaks or the styles change, to then herd our kids into elite educational and professional paths that exacerbate the situation? Whew. The complexities of navigating life during the sixth mass extinction are heavy. Compassion all around.

Educator Zak Stein in Education in Education is the Metacrisis points out that when social systems are in periods of rapid transformation, the role of schools becomes contradictory. They teach knowledge that is no longer relevant, socialize individuals into roles that no longer exist, and provide the mindsets needed to continue ways of life that are rapidly disappearing. Zak argues that students deserve an education relevant to the world they inherit, and that the future depends on the articulation of a new vision of humanity. What might that look like? 

In 2018 I received a tear-jerking vision for Armonk’s future during a meditation session. I saw the possibility of: flourishing individuals, families, and community. Children coming alive, discovering their authentic passions, bringing their fullest expression forward, cultivating healthy lifestyles. Beautiful threads of love and healing, weaving the fabric of our social relationships into a beautiful tapestry. Joyful, educational, and supportive interactions between neighbors, generations, and unlikely friends. Group therapy for those wounded by the common thread of pressure of expectation to conform to a narrow life path and identity. Excess resources flowing naturally to the areas of greatest need. Courageous gestures of resistance and care amongst those in positions of power. A shared motivation to leave Armonk better than we found it. The potential of Armonk as a role model for upper class achievement communities. 

Utopian fantasy, or within reach and worth orienting towards? What is the role for a resourced, elite-adjacent (2%?) community like Armonk in the transition from here to there? I’m encouraged by initiatives like the Byram Hills Challenge Success program to center student wellbeing, and the Buy Nothing community on Facebook to promote sharing economy principles. I believe our religious institutions have a significant role here, with time tested wisdom that holds clues to the big questions, including how to build resilience. And I believe in every person. Any citizen can step into leadership now. We can choose what happens next. We vote everyday for the town we want with our words, dollars, choices and ideas. What would a Renaissance of civic engagement look like? What do you perceive is imbalanced in Armonk? What are you positioned to change? What is your unique perspective that gives birth to your unique gift?

What if all the achieving and wealth accumulation was in service of freeing up time so that we might focus on cultivating resilience, healing, self and community actualization of the next generation? I hope that children who have such a large safety net(s) may be fully supported in becoming artists, activists, healers and roles of service we can’t even imagine. That one of the primary goals of Armonk be to identify their true gifts, and help them bring them into the world in a good way.  

Many in Armonk have the privilege to think about these bigger questions, take risks, rest and play and create. Let’s play with the levers to balance things out: less virtue signaling, more vulnerability. Less wealth, more health. Less mundane, more sacred. Less consumption, more creativity. Less avoiding pain, more attaining joy. Less external power, more internal strength. Less speed, more depth. Less security, more choice.  

At the end of the day, there’s no perfect town. There are no easy answers here. Armonk is a mixed blessing for many. Perhaps this is our unique paradox to wrestle with: how to create the best life for ourselves and the next generation, without crushing them, atrophying resilience, and harming people or planet. Maybe it’s one we’ve been wrestling with since time immemorial. 

The unabridged version of this letter was first published on Medium in late 2021.

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: achievement, achievement culture, affluence, Andrew Murray Dunn, Armonk, Essay, Gratitude, Reflections

Judy Gilmartin-Willsey of Framings Named Armonk Citizen of the Year

April 21, 2018 by Marlene Kern Fischer

                                         ‘Judy’      PHOTO BY ROSS EAGLE

The Armonk Chamber of Commerce has chosen Judy Gilmartin-Willsey as its 2018 Citizen of the Year. Judy will be honored at the annual Citizen of the Year golf outing and dinner at The Whippoorwill Club on Tuesday, May 15.

If Judy’s face looks familiar, it’s probably because you know her from Framings of Armonk. Judy and her husband Carter Willsey started the business 28 years ago after working in advertising; the timing was perfect because they wanted to be able to bring their young daughter to work with them. Framings was originally housed on Bedford Road, next to the old lumberyard, and moved to a building located on what is now the DeCicco’s parking lot. The business was then resituated to its current location on the corner of Main Street, where its creative and whimsical windows have been adding character and beauty to downtown Armonk for the past 22 years.

Judy, a graduate of Parsons School of Design, likes to be known as a “yes” person and said she feels it’s her “responsibility to do the best work and contribute to the community.” With a reputation for helping out in any way she can, Judy is involved in a myriad of activities. She is a member of the Grace Notes, an acappella group that performs at nursing homes and assisted living facilities (including the Bristol, located in Armonk), libraries, elementary schools and senior citizen centers throughout the area. Over the years, Judy has mentored the dozens of high school students she has hired to work at Framings. In addition, Judy has helped sponsor and promote the Friends of the North Castle Public Library’s annual Armonk Outdoor Art Show and is committed to helping Armonk businesses grow and thrive. She even leaves used frames and other objects outside her store free for the taking. Her energy and enthusiasm for everything she does is readily apparent to everyone she meets.

One of the things that strikes you when you talk to Judy is her wonderful sense of humor; she loves to laugh and make others laugh as well. It’s a little-known fact that Judy selected Framings’ phone number, 273-4242, because it’s also 273-HAHA. The store used to offer a five percent discount to anyone who came in and told a good joke. Judy said she is considering reinstating the practice despite the fact that customers occasionally tried to take advantage of the offer; she recounted with a chuckle the time someone asked if he could get a 20 percent discount if he told her four jokes.

A co-founder of the Armonk Chamber of Commerce, which was started 15 years ago, Judy is also a co-founder of Friends of Frosty. Originally started as a holiday stroll to celebrate America’s favorite snowman, the Frosty parade has helped put Armonk on the map, with over three thousand people attending the parade this past year. The New York State Department of Tourism named it “one of the holiday events not to miss.”

On being named Citizen of the Year, the humble Judy says that she is “grateful on a lot of levels. I am grateful to be in a town that can support a creative business. At first, I was embarrassed when they told me I had won. But now I think it’s fantastic to be in such good company with the other people who’ve been honored. I will take Carter’s advice and accept [the award] graciously.”

Ed Woodyard, the Chamber’s 2017 Citizen of the Year, said, “Judy’s more than 25 years of dedicated service to the Armonk community make her more than worthy to receive the 2018 Citizen of the Year Award. She and her husband Carter exemplify the personal qualities and provide the outstanding service necessary to build strong customer loyalty and a successful business. Her upbeat energy, good works and positive attitude extend beyond the store itself and into the wider community. Whether it’s her riding her bicycle around town, stopping to chat or waving to friends, Judy’s big smile brings a smile to the lives of everyone who knows her. This award is so well-deserved. Honoring Judy honors all of us.” We couldn’t agree more.

For more information and to purchase tickets to the golf outing, cocktail party and events visit http://www.armonkchamberofcommerce.com/ or call 914-273-2353. All are invited to attend the day of celebration.

Filed Under: Armonk Cover Stories Tagged With: achievement, Armonk, award, Citizen of the Year, honor, Judy Willsey

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