The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Inside Thoughts

Snow Days Bring Winter Warmth and Community Bonding

by

As my feet came out from under me and I started to fall backwards on the front stoop of my house the first thing I noticed was that time had started moving very slowly. My next thought was that this was not a good situation as I saw my unlaced sneakered feet elevate above the rest of me and found myself twisting slightly as my skull approached the waiting hard-brick top step. I didn’t feel panicked but was aware that there was something ridiculous about braining myself first thing in the morning while still in a bathrobe. Astoundingly, my body landed across the steps, as it would turn out, relatively unharmed. My head was the last body part to land and with acute clarity I felt it connect with the rock-hard surface about as gently as imaginable. As I lay there doing a toes to forehead assessment of any physical damage one thought crept through–I should have used more salt!

There are a myriad of realities to living in the snow-belt that is Westchester County north of 287. Better have all-wheel drive. A generator? Not a bad idea. Plow guy seems expensive and wakes your neighbors at 3 a.m. as they’ve communicated through strongly worded notes taped to your door? It’s still better than you shoveling the large wet snow-filled driveway and unwittingly flirting with your first heart-attack. May it only be mild.

The other big figurative snow-balls to contend with are the incessant snow days. In the past when the phone rang at 5 a.m. it was usually serious business. A health scare or worse. Fortunately, those shock-inducing calls were exceedingly rare. However, present day, anytime there is a hint of snow in the forecast you can expect the phone to ring at that same ungodly hour.

At best a two hour delay. Many of these calls result in full, no school, snow days. Which translates to no school for Bella and a day of professional productivity and otherwise being abruptly obliterated by a robo-call.

One morning early last winter the phone rang early and my wife dutifully answered it. I could tell by her expression that this was not going to be a two-hour delay. Outside the snow was steadily wafting downward and absolutely sticking. Ugh. I can’t recall specifically what I wouldn’t be accomplishing that day but I do remember being irritated that the heaven’s and Board of Education were annihilating my day.

Like any modern middle-aged man of responsibility I took my concerns to social media. The Facebook post went like this:

Like most kids I used to long for snow days which seemed exceedingly rare and elusive. The thought of sled-riding, pick-up snow football and a variety of potential misadventures all while not having to go to school made these days unbearably wonderful. Now, cynical and grizzled from life, I dread snow days like a looming medical procedure. There’s some kind of lesson here but I’m too engaged in my irritation to pursue it.

The comments and likes came quickly from friends, people I barely knew in high school and random acquaintances. The overwhelming theme was that I should stop being a snow-grinch and embrace the situation and the serendipitous opportunity of an unplanned day with my family.

So I did.

Laurie, Bella and I bundled up and headed up the cul-de-sac to see what was happening. It wasn’t crazy cold out nor windy so the little neighborhood hike would be not a frozen bummer. The fluffy snow was accumulating on massive pine trees and looked absolutely beautiful. Like a work of art. If you stood still you could hear the snow coming down relentless but gentle.

I did avoid one persnickety neighbor but after that it was like we walked on to the set of “It’s A Wonderful Life” (the happy part) and I was Jimmy Stewart reveling in the beauty of what’s all around me but often unappreciated.  There are kids sled-riding. The smell of a burning fire-place and smoke rising from an old stone chimney. We’re hugging neighbors and sincerely wondering why we haven’t seen each other for months. I joined a group pushing out a rear-wheel drive car stuck in the snow with gloved high-fives all around once the tires found firm footing.

As we looped back to our yellow house I couldn’t help but think of the contrast of how I felt before the walk and after. Through the simple act of a winter stroll I remembered the feeling of community that something like a snow day elicits. And, the winters here while challenging are most definitely communally persevered. It’s a long haul from start to finish but we all go through it and come out the other side ready for a beautiful spring.

Represent Global: Nelson Mandela’s Hope to Inspire a Generation

by

Nelson Mandela, Kweku Mandela, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton. Photo by Kweku Mandela

In a world with over seven billion people, it is easy to feel insignificant, like our personal footprints could not possibly be powerful enough to leave a lasting imprint. But Nelson Mandela is one of the notable individuals whose life has shattered this notion. By fighting against injustice and advocating for human rights, freedom, and equality, Nelson Mandela proved that one person does have the power to make a significant impact on our world. And with the fifth anniversary of his death on December 5th, it is important that we not only draw inspiration from Nelson Mandela’s life, but also draw inspiration from the legacy he left behind.

Over this past summer, I had the privilege of being a Youth Fellow for Represent Global, a new global foundation and social empowerment platform. Founded by Nelson Mandela’s grandson, Kweku Mandela, Represent aims to activate, educate, and inspire youth all over the world to become changemakers, leaders, and social activists through making humanitarian issues (like opioid addiction and human trafficking) relevant and accessible to my generation. The idea for Represent was conceived out of the desire to transform Nelson Mandela’s legacy into an inspiration, a catalyst for change. Kweku Mandela explains, “My Grandfather did not want his legacy to be represented by an airport, a school, or a simple physical manifestation. Instead, he wanted his actions to act as a model for the next generation to use as a means to make humanity more just and equitable for all. He believed that all it takes is one generation –one generation to end poverty, one generation to end discrimination, and one generation to push the spirit of mankind. Represent’s purpose is to make sure this is that generation.”

Based on my experience this summer, that goal seems more feasible than ever. Through helping to plan Represent’s launch event this summer, which celebrated Nelson Mandela’s centenary with events around the world that raised money and awareness for local causes, I was introduced to the social justice facet of the nonprofit world. Above all, I was astounded by the passion, drive, and talent possessed by all of the young people I was working with, each of whom saw something he or she wanted to change about the world and did something about it, rather than waiting for someone else to act. They are fighting today to make tomorrow better, and it is utterly inspiring.

That experience makes me feel hopeful that we truly do have the potential to be the “one” generation of which Kweku Mandela speaks. Just look around. My generation is overwhelmingly dedicated to social justice, committed to finding issues we care about, learning the facts, and making our voices heard. Whether it is by posting on social media, walking out of school, or marching through the streets of our nation’s capital, my generation shows up and takes a stand against injustice. We are committed to shaping the world into a better place, and I am immensely proud of that. Working with Represent this summer highlighted to me how powerful young people can be when they find a passion, create a vision, and fight to make it a reality. And now more than ever, with this experience to guide me,  I feel empowered to do just that.

Even though it has been five years since Nelson Mandela’s death, his influence on our planet has not waned. We remember him as an anti-apartheid activist who stood up against inequality; we remember him as South Africa’s first black president, committed to strengthening the definition of freedom; but most importantly, we remember Nelson Mandela for what he taught us about fighting for our beliefs, and we use his life as a source of inspiration. Each day, if we can overcome apathy and find something to fight for, if we can raise our voices and make ourselves heard, if we can summon the courage to be the change, we can use Nelson Mandela’s legacy as a source of strength. Because the most important thing I took away from my experience this summer with Represent Global is the understanding that we all have the power to make a difference. And if we can transform that understanding into action, we can all live by Nelson Mandela’s legacy, and perhaps even create our own.

What Keeping a Gratitude Journal Taught Me

by

The Dirty Mac Team
Front row (L-R): Barry Kratz, Mark Ametrano, Jon Nissman
Back row (L-R): Charlie Levitz, Jackson Spilka, Eric Kratz, Josh Lurie, The Author Dan Levitz, Len Meshberg
PHOTO COURTESY OF DAN LEVITZ

The assignment sounded easy enough. For one month I would keep a “gratitude” journal where I’d make note of things in my life that I feel grateful about. I’m a relatively positive person and I assumed this would be a walk in the park and now that I mention it, something like a walk in the park is the exact type of thing I should show gratitude towards! This was going to be fun and, perhaps, even enlightening. And then I started the actual journal.

The day I began the journal I was ending a summer trip with a few friends in the great American southwest. We were all going our separate ways and at the airport I found myself sitting alone in the terminal people-watching and taking in the mall-like environment. With the concept of gratitude on my mind, especially after a few days with long-time buddies, I took out the journal to, presumably, write about my good fortune in having these relationships. However, before I could jot down a single thankful syllable I saw something that explicitly made me feel gratitude. My first entry went like this: At this moment I am extremely grateful to not be a mid-western gentleman struggling to eat a slice of airport pizza with a plastic knife and fork.  This journal entry was simple, accurate and pathetically insubstantial. However, my first thought immediately was that I wished my just departed friends had seen this because they’d find it funny too.

A few days later I was with my family in Chinatown about to order a feast in our favorite restaurant there. Charlie was headed back to college the next day and hitting this restaurant pre-departure had become a nice tradition. I knew going in that it would be an admittedly lightweight no-brainer for me to write about my gratitude towards the remarkable crab/pork soup dumplings we were imminently going to devour. Yet after perusing the menu and making our choices, like the proverbial light bulb, a moment I was grateful to experience occurred: After ordering what we sincerely believed, was a reasonable amount of food the waiter looked me in the eye, paused and simply said “too much food.” I told him that we knew what we were doing and to please carry on. This humorous moment immediately made me think of my father, a great gourmand, and how proud he would have been of his very hungry family. What a sweet moment!

Later that night, journal in hand, I was thinking about the evening and considering how it was just filled with things I am thankful for. Just the mere fact of the four of us being together was now a special thing. Not even to mention my daughter’s stunning inner and outer beauty, my gorgeous wife’s remarkable intelligence along with my son’s ongoing evolution as a scholar and compassionate human being. However, the journal entry I ended up with was: Charlie drove us to Chinatown this evening and he was incredibly proud of his well-executed, under pressure, Manhattan parallel park. I re-read this entry and admittedly it may sound slight in the context of an exploration of personal gratitude. However, I felt fulfilled, grateful even, noting that my boy has embraced the ability to find beauty, meaning and humor in the mundane acts of daily existence.

Upon reviewing my journal entries, I was initially disappointed in how flimsy they seemed. I never considered myself shallow but there sure seemed to be a lot of entries that involved food, humor and way too many about playing softball on the newly crowned New Castle “B” league Champions, The Dirty Mac! OK, perhaps that one is just a tad shallow. So, I reviewed every journal entry and quickly realized, with some relief, that upon closer examination all the entries, even softball, were connected to those things one would assume they’d be thankful for: Family, health, love, relationships, etc.

I whole-heartedly recommend keeping a gratitude journal even if it’s a finite endeavor. A daily pause to consider what we are grateful for can be insightful and somehow just feels appropriate in these trying times.

I Wish I Would’ve Known…

by

(L-R): The author and her family, Eric, Marlene, Jonah, her husband Mark and Isaac
PHOTO COURTESY OF MARLENE KERN FISCHER

A Letter to Younger Moms from an Older Mom

Now that I’m on that other side of parenting (meaning my three sons are mostly grown and I’m no longer in the trenches), I’ve had some time to reflect. When I say reflect, I mean think about things I think I got right and things about which I was off base. There are things I wish I had known–things I would tell my younger self about being a mother if I could. Here is some of what I would say…

Dear Younger Me,

First-

I am not going to tell you to enjoy every minute of parenthood because, if I offer that advice, I know you will find a way to reach across time, into the future, and smack me (and you would also think an impostor was writing to you). While one kid is vomiting and another is shrieking and the third is out of sight and up to mischief, it’s hard to think about how fleeting time is. I realize that from where you’re standing right now, time may as well be standing still. Just know that the time will pass and, despite their best efforts to break you, you will survive somewhat intact.

Give them your all but-

Save a little something for yourself. I threw myself into parenting because it’s the job I always wanted. However, I wish I had done just a tiny bit more for myself. Like writing–I know I barely had time to think, much less create cogent and insightful sentences but I wish I had held tighter onto the things that were important to me. I’m grateful to get a chance to do more now but I wish I hadn’t waited so long. So, younger me, please listen and nurture yourself, as well as those children. Carve out a little time for you.

Stop worrying so much-

I know you can’t help worrying. Unfortunately, that’s not going to change in the future. But I can tell you that all the worrying you are doing is a huge waste of time and effort. At least try and dial it down a notch if you can. Or start meditating a little so you can be a tiny bit more Zen.

You’re not screwing them up-

Good news; despite a few mistakes we made along the way, they all turn out fine. They are actually pretty hardy and resilient creatures. Even the high strung one. In fact, they are more than just fine–they are terrific. They aren’t necessarily any tidier but they are good people who care about each other, their friends and girlfriends… yes, I said girlfriends. They are now human enough to have significant others–really nice ones you’re going to like. You will finally have other females in the house. And, as a bonus, I want you to know the kids will be able to get jobs and support themselves.

It’s just a phase-

The baby who wakes up all the time? He does learn to sleep through the night. And that kid who only eats pasta? He will start eating chicken and veggies at some point. How about the one who keeps having tantrums and throws things when he loses? Yup, he will stop doing that. In fact, he’s so docile now it’s hard to believe he’s the same person. And how about the one who can’t manage his money? OK–we are still working on that one but I’m guessing he learns how to do it someday soon. My point is, although their personalities don’t completely change most of the behavioral stuff really is just a phase. Just ride it out like you would a wave and know that some new weird behavior will come along before you know it. And that even if it doesn’t, it eventually ceases to be your problem (at least to some degree).

You already know this but-

Despite the craziness and lack of money and time, work on keeping the marriage magic going. Try and go out a little more; the kids will be fine without you. I know you want to be with them but they really will grow up and have their own lives. You need to make sure you and the hubby still have things to say to each other after they are gone.

I don’t want to tell you everything that is going to happen–some of it is amazing and some, well…you will get through the bad things too. And at the end of the day you will even still have a sense of humor.

Most of all I want you to know two things:
You did a great job and I’m proud of you.
When it’s all said and done you will be so glad you did it all.

So hang in there. I will check in on you again and, if you need me, feel free to reach out and I will be there for you.

Love,
Older Me

Finding Peace, Love & Unity in Divisive Times

by

Holidays are supposed to be a festive time of year, but with all the political divisiveness, natural disasters and even terrorism in downtown Manhattan yet again, it has become difficult to maintain a sense of calm or contentment. The endless news cycles and social media frenzies have us outraged, but at the same time, desensitized us to the horrors that occur in the world. How do we set aside the screens, and engage in productive and constructive conversations with our family and friends when we are so divided? And, how can we find peace and happiness in such stressful times?

Find Common Ground

Focusing on things we can agree on, make it easier to come to an understanding on the issues in which we don’t see eye to eye. Everything is not black and white; there are plenty of grey areas. The idea is to find those areas where you may overlap. If you ask good questions, you will discover common values. Don’t approach the dialogue as being all or nothing; you don’t have to be “with someone” or “against them.” Don’t think us versus them. Have an open mind.

Be Curious, Pause and Observe

Mindfulness can help by increasing our awareness of how stress affects us. When we are stressed, we become reactive and quick to respond, especially with our families. Take time to pause when you are triggered by something or someone; then focus on the thoughts that accompany those feelings. Ask yourself: am I putting my own judgments on top of this experience? Am I making assumptions or jumping to conclusions? Drop into your body and notice where you are feeling the stress, anxiety or anger. Is it in your chest, throat, or belly? If you get out of your head and into your body, the feeling will shift. Pause before you respond. Give yourself some space.

Cultivate Compassion

My famous line is that we are all doing the best we can. Some friends give me a lot of grief for that line, but I truly believe we are doing our best with the information and experience we have. When others act out with anger and hurtful behavior, it usually comes from a place of pain. What did that person experience to make them act a certain way? Rarely is it personal. You don’t need to condone the hurtful behavior, but at least try and understand from where it is coming. When our anger turns to compassion and understanding, we become more peaceful. We actually can empathize with their pain, and realize it’s not about us.

Another way to build your empathy muscle is to try and send positive thoughts to those you don’t particularly care for, or with whom you are angry. This is not an easy task, but will also cultivate compassionate and allow you to become a more peaceful person. After all, if they suffer less, so will you. This does not mean we don’t fight for what we believe, and allow others to walk all over us, we are just in a better place to be able to respond appropriately.

See the Good

The holiday season can be busy and stressful, but take time to find the joy. See the good in people. We are all inextricably connected, and have moments of shared joy and shared pain, which unite us. Many of us felt the collective pain after Hillary lost the election, but also participated in the shared, fun experiences at the various community events in town. The way people helped each other around the country after the hurricanes regardless of political beliefs was incredible, and the way we rally around people in need in this community is just as heartening.

Just scroll through Chappaqua Moms, to see the compassion of the community helping those in need, (despite some of the other posts on there). Noticing moments like this bring us together as a nation and as a community, regardless of political beliefs and election results. So, this holiday season, whether you’re shopping at ICD or Squires, eating lunch at Le Jardin du Roi or having coffee at Tazza; look up from your phone and really notice the people around you. See the good, and have faith in humanity. Even though we may disagree, we are still very much connected.

Happy holidays!