• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

  • Home
  • Advertise
    • Advertise in One or All of our Magazines
    • Advertising Payment Form
  • Print Subscription
  • Digital Subscription
    • Subscribe
    • Subscriber Login
  • Contact Us

Soul

The Experience of Being a Single Mom and Going it Solo during COVID-19

May 7, 2020 by Inside Press

The following was written on April 13, 2020, as an FYI, and edited here for publishing clarity. Three plus weeks later, the feelings are pretty much status quo, although I’ve settled into more of a routine, which helps. Like many, I imagine I’d be in a state of acute despair without Governor Cuomo’s daily briefings or summaries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I simply wish to bear witness to my personal experience as a Single American, Empty Nest mom staying home solo and doing my best to follow the new COVID-19 rules. 

My 23-year-old son lived with me for Month 1 of ‘all this.’ Renewed bonds, his humor, mine too, all helped ease the transition to this ‘new way.’  I loved having him here, in fact, after two plus years since starting empty nest in earnest (that is, post his graduation from college when he moved into the city permanently). 

It may appear at first glance that I rescued him bringing him home to the burbs after he developed mild symptoms, got diagnosed as positive with COVID-19, and recovered here, but I know the truth now.

A certain household structure of cooking and meal preparation is comforting and calming. Permission to and the ability to take care of a loved one are absolute gifts, too.

Please never take any of that for granted, ever, not for a minute.

So…

This one is for all the single people living in what boils down to, what is amounting to, a stretch of house arrest.

But ok, without the ankle bracelet.

Yes, social media and FaceTime calls with kids, family and special friends help. It has been especially heartening to keep up with my daughter almost daily as I had been feeling we had grown apart. She has taught herself new skills, and I’m planning on blaring about them soon too, if she’ll let me.

Yes, absolutely, a Zoom meeting or the sometimes seemingly infinite number of fitness or meditation classes and musicians and entertainers and political/educational forums online breaks things up and absolutely does help with motivation or to keep spirits up.

I’d have been lost for a stretch without private stretching/exercise sessions with a therapist from New Castle Physical Therapy for a back-related issue.

Laughter has been key to so many getting through this, so trust me that all the funny online posts in goofy Facebook groups or from all the self styled comedians out there are amazing lifelines for me, too.

I marvel at all the ingenuity and entrepreneurship and ponder the transforming future of where we will all land in the realm of real time versus virtual time. 

Still.. I spend a lot of time online for my work, so I look forward to getting off line… so there’s that. Ultimately, online communication is not like having humans in proximity in your home-whether it’s hearing the sound of a voice or seeing the gleam in someone’s eye. If you are a people person, which I am, by and large, the absence of  ‘actual’ time together is felt deeply.

If you don’t own a pet, which I don’t anymore (a long story for another day, perhaps), yes, it’s far worse than that.

I hear a lot: “I can’t imagine not having my dog through this (or dogs, or cat, or cats).”

Well, imagine it. Many single people do not have pets for a variety of reasons. At this juncture, I don’t have a pet. Not even a fish. And that is that, too. I am not looking for leads on getting a pet, so please, dear reader, do not go there. It actually hurts for you to. I’m fully aware of the options, and let’s just say, it’s complicated.

For me, all I know is that today is Day 10 of alone during COVID-19. For many, it’s well into the 20s, 30s or even 40 plus days. I contemplate the continued impact of long-term isolation. 

Whether it’s your kid’s groan when you tell him to get back to his homework, or your spouse or significant other yelling out, “What’s for dinner?”, please don’t underestimate the value and comfort of a voice that’s in proximity to you. I wonder: Will I settle into isolation? Will it get easier? Harder? Impossible to bear?

I am a person who considers my mental health as intact, stable as she goes. But anxiety is taking hold now, and I’m keeping a variety of toll-free numbers handy. 

The days are much easier than the nights. I am intensely grateful to live where there are many neighbors in proximity, at least. I take my near daily walk for the people and pet visuals, for the dose of Vitamin D, too. The sun sustains me like nothing else. I appreciate even a wave from six feet away at the occasional neighbor, or even someone’s puppy or dog wagging its tail. 

Neighbors’ eyes sparkle and even the wrinkles surrounding them ‘speak’ to me from above the bridge of a nose and circumference of a mask. If they are not wearing masks, I keep my distance, wave anyway, and pray they simply stay safe, too. 

I like getting into my car for the reminder of the old normal as I set about to perform only the most necessary errands. I gratefully take in the ‘hum’ and ‘sounds’ of the market, or at the pharmacy, too. Those fill the soul some, too.

When night falls, a certain fear takes hold, a sense of vulnerability that’s hard to explain. Maybe it’s when all these feelings of aloneness peak. Watching TV, binge watching especially, helps a good deal. I mourn the end of any good series! When I turn the net and TV off, though, it’s me again, and… the pockets of dark space. I’ll slog through some darkness, contemplate the dishes in the sink, but usually choose to leave them for the morning. I try to reduce the night hours by going to sleep as early as possible. Sleep is a bit of a messy affair, too, also the subject of a future post. 

I won’t venture too much here into the lack of touch or intimacy and the total weirdness of virtual dating, or rather, foregoing virtual dating, for the most part.  For reasons also best left to another column, perhaps, I will say I don’t feel this is the time to embark on new romance, either. For personal reasons, I wasn’t necessarily ready for new romance before COVID-19, and I don’t believe that has changed. If anything, those feelings are exacerbated. Still, I’ve always been in the never say never school, too. 

I don’t want pity, but compassion and understanding are great. I don’t need advice or suggestions either. Or maybe I do. I don’t know.

I understand my feelings are unique too, and not universal.  An old friend, similarly alone, is not experiencing it this way at all, and even expressed a comfort level with the isolation, so go figure. She describes herself as perhaps always having been an introvert and that somehow ‘all this’ is suiting her.  I would describe myself as more of an extrovert (although a shy one, too, in a way, as contradictory as that may sound), so perhaps we are hit a bit harder. Then again, I always loved my alone time, too, but by design. And choice. So, again, I don’t know.

I am not writing this to compare pain and painful situations. The tragedy is devastating and on some days, beyond all comprehension. The disease has hit terribly hard taking tens of thousands of lives across the country, hundreds of thousands across the world, and threatening the health of family members, roommates, as it devastates nursing home residences, in particular. Prison populations have also been horribly impacted. And so on.  Solo in my otherwise comfortable suburban pad is certainly also better than any domestically violent situation in any socio-economic circumstance.

And yet, what I want to convey, is that pain is relative, and that the pain here is real for me, too.

Human beings are largely social creatures. Our souls are tested, and I believe shrink in any prolonged isolation. I want to erase the stigma too that anyone weathering this solo is similarly feeling. I know that I’m not alone with these feelings, and that they are widespread.

And yes, yes. I am still counting my blessings to be alive and healthy. I was never going to even share these words as I worry  they may sound somewhat self indulgent or morose. But then again, if a pandemic is not the time to feel those things too, then I don’t know what is. You are welcome to search elsewhere for inspiring and uplifting right now.  I have tried to keep busy sharing all the drama and news I possibly can through this press on a most limited budget. I have plenty of work to do to make sure my 17-year-old business survives COVID-19.  I’ll overshare too that it can feel like wading through molasses. I go through all the steps I’m advised to take as a small business and wait for those to bear fruit.  And wait.  I have rooms and a garage I promised myself I could declutter now, but somehow, paralyzed to, since that feels like the ultimate solo punishment.

I write this simply to self-express (that helps me, so forgive me if my oversharing causes you any discomfort). Finally, I share also to express that I do feel empathy for everyone weathering this storm. My heart goes out to all of you, to those single and to those in semi full or very full houses (maybe we can trade places for a day?) and all your own unique challenges.  And yes, I must believe that we too can get through this, #AloneTogether, and #NewYorkTough. Or when you’re not feeling so tough sometimes, too. 

 

Filed Under: Surviving COVID-19 Tagged With: #AloneTogether, #NewYorkTough, Alone, anxiety, bear witness, Binge watching, Companions, darkness, despair, empty nest, experience, extrovert, Facebook, Governor Cuomo, Household, isolation, Laughter, Mental health, online, pain, people person, pets, Physical Therapy, single, Single Mom, Single People, social, Soul, virtual, Virtual Dating, vulnerability, Zoom

The Broken Soul

July 10, 2017 by Blanche Harling

 

I found my soul upon the floor it was hiding behind a few locked doors; of childhood games and yesterdays I stumble on it by mistake. I was looking for some memories of someone I forgot to be.

It looked withered and all washed away like something left over from yesterday. It looked smaller than I remember, shattered by lies and burnt by embers, and it was torn by the lies of love it took me a moment to realize what it was.

I tried to pick it up off the floor by the memories I had before, although it seemed small and very weak the voice seemed stronger when it started to speak. And in its eyes, it did seem to care, but it was not happy to see me there.

Go away you have forgotten! And you left me here in a past to rot in! It showed my shame and let me know I was the one to blame that it had to go. 

You once had dreams that made me big; of equal rights and fights to win, and of being fair was for everyone, and how it matters that no job was left undone. And you use to laugh with such abandon, and you helped with hands of innocents and understanding. And how you would fight for what was true, you would always let me always speak to you.

And how everyone that was a friend; you would be loyal with until the end. You use to care for your fellow man and protest and take a stand.”

But I was so young; and there were others, and most fights were not for me but another, it seemed to hard and no one cared and I got tired of being everywhere, I had a life and little time. And youth, that was no friend of mine.

This was my excuse but still my soul pressed; so it was no use I should have guessed.

And your values got eroded. When you got pressured and you got goaded you forgot how to stand for what you believe, I begged you to stand but there was no reprieve.

You turned your back on what you thought was good; and I did the very best I could, and it was hard and as time marched on you heard a louder voice and you were gone. You wanted things I could not give; like green paper from the ATM!

“Well you just don’t understand this life was not what I planned, I have to live, and I have to eat.” Was my defense but I felt defeat.

And you no longer sing, instead you Twitter, you made cyber friends on a book with no real paper. You see plastic people on electronic devices, and you believed their shit they had to write, everything it seemed so fake. But you fell for it, your big mistake. My voice inside it got so small. You no longer cared and I learned to crawl.

But you were with me each and every day. You could have shouted or got me back another way. This is not my fault alone to change a world that I never owned. You could of helped me be true or you could of left and I would of followed you” I justified my misbehavior but my souls true voice it did not waver.

I could not leave because it’s you, and I am just a part, so what did you want me to do. And when you found you could not get to the top you sold pieces of me it just got worse and you would not stop.

The things that you once held dear you pushed aside you longer cared.  I saw the little things you use to love get pushed them away for bigger stuff.

You did what they called an upgrade you wanted cars, jewels or better things. You ripped me apart for who you use to be; to be someone else eyes blinded by greed.
I tried to stop you and remind you of what you once believed, but those things no longer mattered and your feelings reprieved.  And you had no time to hear from me and I couldn’t fight so I set you free. 

You wanted things to you that mattered; and you hushed my tirade and so I went to the shadows. Hoping someday you would remember; but now I wait to die; your soul surrenders.

I felt my being fall apart as I realized what I had lost, I was something I was not and maybe that was my true cost.

I felt my soul start to slip away but before it went it turned to say “What brought you back to this forgotten place?” I looked at this being with my face.

“I forgot what I was to be.”

Then it laugh and said “Well now you see.”

It turned away and went back to the floor and crawled underneath another locked door. And this new door I had not opened yet out of only my fear it was the one marked Regret.  I wanted it back; but it didn’t matter, we had our talk and my soul was shattered.  

So have you mended your broken soul or has your greed taken control?

Can you pick up off the floor the person you had been before or is it too late to find it yet and is it behind the door Regret. Open the doors and set if free and maybe you can find who you use to be.

Filed Under: Speaking Your Truth Tagged With: Blanche Harling, Broken Soul, Buffalo-based writer, Love lost, poem, Poetry, Soul, theinsidepress.com

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • $86K State Grant Awarded to 2023 Phoenix Festival Signals Growing Focus on Tourism
  • Scarsdale Music Festival Gearing Up for a June 3rd Event: Sponsorships, Performers and Vendors Sought
  • Governor Hochul Urges: SHOP SMALL to Help Small Businesses Which Make Up 98% of New York State’s Economy
  • Chappaqua’s Always Magical HOLIDAY STROLL on December 3rd: Ice Sculpting, Tree Lighting, Horace Greeley Encords… and More!
  • Harvest Moon Farm Presents a Longer, More Spectacular LUMAGICA Holiday Light Experience this year
  • Send Me A Sign

Please Visit

White Plains Hospital
Boys & Girls Club
Compass: Goldman and Herman
Compass: Generic
Desires by Mikolay
William Raveis – Chappaqua
William Raveis – Armonk
Dodd’s Wine Shop
Houlihan Lawrence – Armonk
Houlihan Lawrence – Chappaqua
Lumagica Enchanged Forest
Compass: Miller-Goldenberg Team
Compass: Natalia Wixom
Eye Designs of Armonk
Stacee Massoni
Club Fit
Beecher Flooks Funeral Home
Houlihan Lawrence: Harriet Libov
World Cup Gymnastics
NYOMIS – Dr. Andrew Horowitz
Compass: Aurora Banaszek
Houlihan Lawrence – Rusminka Rose Jakaj
Breathe Pilates and Yoga
Houlihan: Danielle Orellana
Dr. Briones Medical Weight Loss Center

Follow our Social Media

The Inside Press

Our Latest Issues

For a full reading of our current edition, or to obtain a copy or subscription, please contact us.

Inside Chappaqua Inside Armonk Inside Pleasantville

Join Our Mailing List


Search Inside Press

Links

  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Digital Subscription
  • Print Subscription

Footer

Support The Inside Press

Advertising

Print Subscription

Digital Subscription

Categories

Archives

Subscribe

Did you know you can subscribe anytime to our print editions?

Voluntary subscriptions are most welcome, if you've moved outside the area, or a subscription is a great present idea for an elderly parent, for a neighbor who is moving or for your graduating high school student or any college student who may enjoy keeping up with hometown stories.

Subscribe Today

Copyright © 2023 The Inside Press, Inc. · Log in