If you happened to see a figure some 26 years ago hiding in the bushes looking into the window of my daughter’s first day of nursery school, it was me. That was my first ‘letting go’ and I was reassured that she was not wailing as some children were, but happily playing at the sand table. Some might have called me crazy (which I could have been) but I took great joy in parenting this child and only wanted her to feel loved and safe.
I am reminded of a special moment with my dad who gave me my love of horses. Whenever we would take summer road trips, he would always take me to a riding barn for a few lessons and a trail ride because no facility existed close to our home. Mom told me years later that on one outing, I was on the last horse as the group went out on the trails. He swiftly grabbed and saddled up a mount – as he was anxious that I might get overlooked at the end, and so he followed the group to keep an eye on me. He thoughtfully stayed back just far enough away so that I wouldn’t know he was there. I think, in retrospect, that became my approach to parenting: Don’t hover but always be there to catch.
Luckily, I got over the peeping mom period as my daughter grew into a confident girl and played by most of the rules as a teenager. Then college came, and well, you know how that goes. Tears that ran unannounced from both of us were soothed by multiple fun trips to Bed Bath & Beyond. I made sure she had a first aid kit, birth control and gave all the lectures about not walking back to the dorm alone at night and not drinking from red cups already filled. I felt she was safe along the well-lit paths until her first off campus apartment with her besties across from a run-down cemetery. All my fears went into overdrive with visions of zombies rising from the graves a la Thriller or creepy men lurking to grab her (I think zombies would have been safer, I mean at least they could dance). She survived and, better than that, she thrived.
I know I’m a genetic worrier (you didn’t know my mom!), but I think her knowing she could call me anytime day or night or even to talk as she walked home in the dark made her feel she could take risks knowing she could always reach me. I had determined myself to not project my own fears onto her.
College is a huge step for both parents and children. Some kids rebel and let loose, drink too much, or skip classes as they try out their freshly minted wings. Others hit the books and join clubs but, from what I’ve observed, most find their place somewhere in the middle. If I had to name one thing that makes the college years easier it would be having a strong history of communication. Problems, concerns and even intimacy issues can be openly talked about as well as listening to the endless complaints about boring teachers or obnoxious friends. Listening to everything without judgment keeps the door open for when one has parental wisdom to impart or aims to guide a situation that is beyond their scope.
My daughter is now long graduated, finishing pandemic-delayed graduate school, and preparing to be married. The lessons learned about the balance between autonomy and closeness developed during the college years now serve us well. They have helped maintain our great friendship as she still comes to me when she has concerns or just needs to know how long to boil an egg. I figure we have done pretty well – at least on my end. You’ll have to ask her how she thinks we did. Better yet, don’t ask!
I have a little announcement to make. After 25 years of Chappaqua living, I’m downsizing and moving this month to Pleasantville! I look forward to discovering the joy of a Mount Pleasant residency and all its treasures, to meeting new neighbors, and making new friends. I’m also viewing it as a boon to getting more fit as I’ll be just that much closer to two favorite walking destinations, the Rockefeller Preserve and Rockwood, and also to Club Fit in Briarcliff (where, note to self, I really MUST start reserving class time). I’ll also be closer to the upper West Side where my son lives, not to mention dear friends. Life is good.






“Aidan Canfield will be graduating from Pleasantville High School and will continue his education at Bucknell University. Bucknell is a perfect fit where he will challenge himself academically and athletically. Aidan played football and wrestled for the Pleasantville Panthers throughout high school. He was awarded “All Section” for three years, won the section title his junior and senior years and placed in the New York state competition. Aidan will wrestle for the Bisons and plans to continue his passion for playing the guitar and fishing while he is in college. Pleasantville High School has prepared him well for this new and exciting chapter in his life.”
“A lover of music since birth, Ryan enjoys songwriting, playing the guitar, piano, saxophone, ukulele and the occasional kalimba solo. He ran outdoor track and cross country for the Panther and was named “All Westchester County” in 2019. He is also passionate about the visual arts. When not filming and editing humorous YouTube and TikTok video, he can be found at Rockwood Hall photographing his friends. Ryan sang in the Razor’s Edge acapella group and appeared earlier this year as King Triton in “The Little Mermaid.” This year’s Pleasantville High School’s salutatorian, Ryan plans to attend Wesleyan University this fall.”
“To know Lauren is to love Lauren. With a zest for life, Lauren is a special girl who works tirelessly to excel academically and in sports. As a captain of her soccer team, she helped lead her team to a state championship this year. As a two-time captain for lacrosse, she has demonstrated great leadership and resilience over the last few years. In addition, as vice president of youth group, she donates much of her time to community service. More importantly, she exemplifies all that is good in a person and friends are essential to her. Lauren will play lacrosse at the College of the Holy Cross in the fall.”
“Ben has made the most of his experience at Pleasantville High School. In addition to enjoying his studies, Ben has been a member of the track team and Pioneer Sports League. He has also been actively involved with the garden club and peer to peer club. Outside of school, Ben is an avid hiker. Great friends and great memories have been made at Pleasantville High School.”
“Norah is a caring and gentle soul. She is competitive yet sympathetic. Norah is reflective and amusing. Norah is the voice of reason in our large, chaotic Irish family. Norah has always chosen to do things in life not because they are easy, but because they are hard. We love you and as you begin the next chapter of your life in Loyola, Maryland, remember “we busted out of class, had to get away from these fools…” Go Greyhounds! Congratulations Norah!”
“Meg is an amazing girl with a heart of gold. She is a hard worker, diligent, patient, funny, thoughtful, honest, quirky, compassionate, kind and optimistic. Her smile lights up a room and she has an infectious laugh. She loves music, theater and people! She is loud and excitable. Her voice can fill a room and melt your heart. She is a good friend and dependable. She is fair, true, generous and empathetic. She is someone you like to be around. The present may be on pause but the future looks bright for this senior.”
“Sean is kind and rarely complains. He is a hard worker when he cares about what he is working on. He is ‘loyal, kind and true’ to his friends and family. His favorite sports are football and lacrosse. This year, he was the captain of the Pleasantville varsity football team but what he enjoys most is playing the game of lacrosse which unfortunately could not happen this season. He will be attending Mount Saint Mary College in the fall and is looking forward to brighter days and playing on their lacrosse team. Go Pleasantville Panthers! Go MSMC Knights!”
“One of Molly’s greatest accomplishments at Pleasantville High School was to be selected to represent her school and participate in the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership program where she attended conference at Adelphi University and Loyola University in Chicago. In school, Molly was the captain of cross country and track and field. She participated in various clubs such as “Familiar Faces” and “Echo” that allowed her to be an active member of her community. Outside of school, Molly has studied acting for 13 years, and in her free time, she loves to hang out with her friends. Molly is very excited to attend Skidmore College where she plans to pursue a double major of acting and marketing.”




“Emma is joy – her sharp sense of humor is always appreciated and even more so during this challenging time. We are incredibly proud of her impressive accomplishments but even more proud that she is kind, thoughtful & compassionate. Wishing Emma and everyone in the Class of 2020 heartfelt congratulations and all the best, always!”