The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

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Learning to Love My Dad Bod

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So apparently having a Dad Bod is now a “thing.” You can certainly Google the term or drop it in a conversation. Most likely someone will chuckle and refer to a loved one who can be described as such. A Dad Bod, essentially, is a physique of middle-age that can been described as masculine, reasonably muscular and slightly overweight. What is intriguing and, counter-intuitive, are the positive connotations almost universally associated with this common and easy to achieve body type. Putting aside years of denial, I’m prepared to admit to having a Dad Bod but also to realizing that the concept is some kind of odd societal rationalization that is in reality just vaguely insulting to men and women.

Personally, I’ve had my weight fluctuate over the years for many reasons. I can say, first hand, that being too thin or too heavy can be really unpleasant. Of course, I’d like to be as fit-looking as possible but eventually one realizes that certain physical ideals may never be fully achieved. For me, probably the best personal state of my body is to be a few pounds heavier than I’d actually like to be. Aesthetically, believe me, this is not a thrilling state of existence but with maturity (Ha!) I’ve realized that the way I look is secondary to being as healthy a person as I can reasonably manage. What’s particularly galling about the Dad Bod movement is that while I’m strenuously trying to accept myself, it somehow makes this effort more difficult by making me feel slightly patronized by an entire culture.

I’d love to be writing this as an exotically rare middle-aged Dad with wash-board abs, 20:20 vision and a fast metabolism but I most definitely have to check none-of-the-above on those. From that super-fit perspective, I imagine it would be so easy to be enthusiastically supportive about the Dad Bod thing precisely because I wouldn’t be stuck in one. However, living in this body, as I must, I refuse to smile politely if someone wants to essentially say that the very same body I am regularly struggling to learn to accept is now, (drumroll please) objectively attractive. I just don’t buy it. There is some kind of passive-aggressive condescension connected with the embracing of Dad Bods.

As for the female members of our culture, I can only imagine how they must feel about the acceptance and celebration of Dad Bods. It’s something of a cliché but I’ve heard women confirm the difficulty in dealing with their own aging process in comparison to men. You know, men become more distinguished, the lines on their face only add character, etc. This is a societal reality. Look at movie stars. Clooney & Pitt will be leading men for decades to come because they’re perceived as only getting better looking as they age. Leading ladies of the movies hit the age of 40 and abruptly must decide between character parts, plastic surgery or professional oblivion.

Why is there no female version of the Dad Bod? The closest thing I can think of is Mom Jeans and that association is quite the opposite of the now sexy Dad Bod. Why are we, culturally, not prepared to embrace women with a female version of the Dad Bod as universally attractive? Obviously, in 2018, there’s still a lot of work to be done on gender roles in society. If Dad Bods are, presumably, built upon men who have worked hard professionally and, perhaps, parented as well, then why aren’t women afforded the same leeway in how their bodies evolve? Especially considering how child-birth can affect one’s physical being. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I suppose what really irks me with the whole Dad Bod phenomenon is the reality of analyzing someone’s physical appearance and imparting a judgement upon that particular bodily state. There is an impermanence of one’s physicality that is just a fact of human existence. I question why we assume that being kind about chubby Dads is any more appropriate than telling a woman she looks sexy or criticizing someone for being too fat or thin.

Don’t get me wrong. I know attaching the Dad Bod moniker to a middle-aged gentleman is essentially a way of saying we love you just the way you are. That’s a great lesson. We should all learn to love acceptingly as best we can. However, as a reluctant member of the Dad Bod club, I implore you to think about what you are actually saying when you label your slightly corpulent loved one as such. Might I suggest a karaoke dedication of Billy Joel’s “Just The Way You Are” instead? Just not Dad Bod. Please.

Caramoor’s Summer Schedule Spans Musical Genres & Delights Audiences

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PHOTO BY GABE PALACIO

While Caramoor Center for Music and the Arts in nearby Katonah needn’t be compared to anywhere else, some visitors do see favorable similarities between Caramoor and a certain other renowned site for music in the Berkshires. Does Tanglewood come to mind?

But music aficionados need not battle traffic to the Berkshires. Caramoor, located on an historic estate owned by Walter and Lucie Rosen, is one of northern Westchester’s great cultural treasures.

A look at the summer calendar–available at www.caramoor.org–reveals a tremendously wide selection of musical events.  From Mozart’s The Secret Gardener, which will be performed in Caramoor’s Sunken Garden, to American Songbook, classical and world music and even sound art installations, there’s a summer full of music planned from many eras and genres.

Music In Chappaqua
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Family-Friendly Fun

Caramoor’s schedule includes, as always, many events for families that are truly kid-friendly and a perfect introduction to music for little ones. One perennial favorite is Dancing At Dusk. “It’s a really lovely family program,” Barbara Prisament, who handles outreach for Caramoor, said of the program, now in its 10th year. “It’s from late afternoon to early evening and it’s very reasonably priced.” This summer, favorites from other years will be featured. Dancing At Dusk will be held on Wednesdays, June 27, July 18 and July 25 at 5 p.m., and includes music and dancing; tickets are $14 for adults and $7 for children 12 and under.

The Knights, an orchestral collective from Brooklyn, will perform a family concert at 1 p.m. on Sunday, June 17. Tickets are $20 for adults and $10 for children. “That’s going to be great,” Prisament said. The group includes a “steel pan virtuoso.”

On July 1, Caramoor will host a free slate of activities, including, at 4 p.m., a performance of an outdoor percussion work called Inuksuit by prize-winning composer John Luther Adams. The work will include more than 60 percussionists, and promises to be interesting to all ages.

“It’s meant to be performed outside–it has been performed on a mountaintop, and on the border between the US and Mexico,” Prisament explained recently. “You can come and walk through the grounds and hear the sounds of the percussionists mixed with the sounds of nature.” Children can also take advantage of a special percussion activity at 2 p.m. that day.

The event is free with reservations.

July 14 brings another family concert, at 11 a.m.: Bridge to Broadway, a journey from the music of Mozart through today’s Broadway musicals that will include the work of Schubert and Cole Porter, Verdi and Irving Berlin. Tickets are $14 for adults and $7 for children.

New Programming Director This Season

Adams is only one of 22 living composers whose work will be performed at Caramoor this summer under the new head of programming, Kathy Schuman, who is vice president, artistic programming and executive producer.

Schuman has said she intends to take advantage of the beautiful grounds at the 90-acre estate by featuring more “site-specific outdoor work” as well as more early music, world music and new music–as well as continuing to offer opera, jazz (in collaboration with Jazz at Lincoln Center) and also sound art. “It’s her first season and we’re really excited about that,” Prisament said.

The new is well-balanced with the classics, though, and visitors can come for a performance of Handel’s Atalanta by the Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra or hear Tchaikovsky performed by the Orchestra of Saint Luke’s.

This season also features an American Roots Music Festival on June 23 and a Jazz Festival on July 21, both of which feature multiple performances. “It’s such a pleasant place to be with ample free parking, and you can bring food for a picnic or order ahead from our caterer,” Prisament said. “It’s a lovely way to spend a summer day or evening.”

Café of Love: International Influences Abound

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Story and Photos By Karen Talbot

cafe of love

Café of Love is an eclectic bistro reflecting a wide range of cultural influences, run by the Executive Chef and owner, Leslie Lampert. For 10 years, Leslie was the Senior Editor of Ladies Home Journal Magazine, where she produced and wrote food features in the test kitchen of the magazine and helped develop recipes. She has created all of the menus and recipes at the Café, which change with the seasons. All meats, fruits and vegetables are locally sourced and she takes pride in being community oriented.

Café of Love is the main focus of Leslie’s culinary business in Mt. Kisco that also includes “Ladle of Love”…a 12 year old farm-to-kitchen gourmet food shop right around the corner, “Love on the Run…which caters Holiday parties and customized special events and “MarketLove”…prepared foods such as soup and stews sold at retail natural markets including Mrs. Greens, Union Market and Hudson Milk. The restaurant has a wide-ranging menu with a lot of international influences and new interpretations created by her talented Chef de Cuisine, Hector Coronel. An example is the Peruvian Ceviche with cod, shrimp, Jalapeno, lime and orange juice, cilantro and sweet potato and the very popular Farm House Salad consisting of English cucumber, beets, grape tomatoes, blue cheese, avocado, bacon, carrots, radishes, hard-boiled egg, walnut raisin croutons and white balsamic vinegar (shrimp, chicken or salmon can be added to this salad). For dinner, the John Fazio Duck is a favorite consisting of pan-roasted duck, and confit, served with roasted potatoes, figs and sauteed mustard greens. The duck and the always popular Seafood Boullabaise remain on the menu year-round. Two appetizer specialties are the flatbreads and the Truffled Chick Peas. The restaurant is currently serving a Fontina, Hen-Of-The-Woods Flatbread with sautéed onions, arugula, pomegranate molasses and scallions.

For the Holidays, the kitchen is working on a “7 Fishes Dinner,” Christmas goose, and caviar and oyster surprises.

38 Main Street, Mt. Kisco
914-242-1002
cafeofloveny.com

Karen Talbot is a Westchester-based personal shopper and restaurant reviewer. The love of cooking runs in her family! Karen’s son Alex and his wife Aki Kamozawa started a food blog “Ideas in Food” in early 2000, and they have just opened “Curiosity Donuts” in the Stockton Market in Stockton, New Jersey.

New Castle Seeks to Offer Empty Nesters More Good Reasons to Stay

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By Grace Bennett

And then one day, my kids both flew the coop, and I joined the ranks of the “Empty Nest.”

But here I am, going on 19 years of residency in my hometown of Chappaqua—just like a full 55 percent of the community who reside here without children in the School District. One long-time friend returned to the excitement and convenience of the city; saying goodbye was painful for me! Another conversely wishes to slow down, perhaps, and is exploring a warmer climate in a community where taxes are more manageable. Others have opted to stay; still others are on the fence.

Like many of my peers who continue to pay New Castle taxes, we are often asked and sometimes even ask ourselves: Why do we stay? Why should we stay? What incentive and resources does New Castle offer its empty nest and more senior resident community?

So it was with great personal interest that I thought I’d explore any available answers to these questions by attending and covering one of a recent series of “Roundtable Discussions,” hosted by Town Hall at The Chappaqua Library. This one was called: “How to Keep Empty Nesters in the Community.”
panel shot best

Over the course of an animated 90-minute discussion and exchange of ideas, the nine member panel, led by Town Supervisor Robert Greenstein, addressed questions ranging from whether a tax reduction for residency here beyond the school years is possible to the cultural and educational resources that provide the incentive to stay in the first place. rob with group best

“Our goal is to help make people whose kids are not in school here still feel like an important part of our community,” noted Greenstein, early in the forum. And later: “We want people to stay here past the 12 to 13 year plan.”

“We are more than just great schools and we have lots to offer residents at every stage of their lives. We must have services and activities for residents of all ages: multi-generational living enriches our community.”

“We are competing with 55 and over communities that offer many activities. We need to offer those same activities. Let’s face it: We pay a lot in taxes. That’s the price of world class schools. But, we also need to offer world class community activities. Our empty nesters should have calendars full of arts and cultural events and recreational activities right here in our community.”

To that end, Greenstein told panel attendees that the Wallace Auditorium at Chappaqua Crossing could be the venue for more Chappaqua Orchestra, theater and dance programs. A new Culture and Arts committee is forming to address the best use of that new town resource.

“55% of residents don’t have school age children,” stated panelist Jeffrey Mester, board member of the Chappaqua Central School District; Mester is recently divorced and a soon to be empty nester himself. “I have 18, 19 and 20 year olds,” he noted. The big draw to being here for Mester? “They (the kids) come back!” he noted wryly. And then, more seriously: “It’s truly my ties to the community. It’s not about the higher or lower taxes.”

Still, Greenstein offered: “I feel strongly that if you are going to stay here and continue to pay the taxes, then we need to provide activities that make it worth it.

A member of the audience asked Mester that the School District retain their email addresses for correspondence after the kids leave too and not automatically end correspondence. “The school depends on everyone’s taxes to support it,” noted resident Judith McGrath. “The schools need to take responsibility to be more proactive.”
best audience roundatalbe
Mester agreed that is a good idea and also encouraged those attending to contact the District Clerk for information on how to stay involved with the schools. “Participation with seniors is great,” he said, “such as through a pen pal program with fourth graders or simply coming in to discuss your experiences.” One audience member also noted that continuing educational offerings had become predictable and inquired why a language studies teacher at the high school, for example, couldn’t offer a course. Mester noted that it may require allocating funds to pay teachers (who are in contract) to also offer more vibrant continuing education.

One common theme that emerged: it’s impossible to pigeon hole empty nesters…their means and their expectations for the town can vary, considerably.

For example, not all empty nesters wish to downsize; some will even upsize, as long time Chappaqua residents Bonnie and Gerry Golub did to make their home an inviting place for their children and grandchildren to come visit and stay over. Panelist Bonnie Golub, a real estate agent with William Raveis, is a proponent of a gradual lowering of the tax base to make staying for many residents across the board more attractive too.

The question of taxation is for Albany, maintained Greenstein. “They give us a chance to provide certain exemptions as a local option: senior star exemptions, veterans, volunteer fire fighters, ambulance, etc. We take advantage of every tax exemption they offer to us,” he said. “As far as town charges for things like refuse, we can give discounts to seniors and we do. But, we cannot just give a tax reduction: this is Albany’s decision.”

A tax break notwithstanding, Golub also suggested that the school district actively encourage its students to provide voluntary community service to area seniors. Twenty hours of community service by young people to our seniors before graduation would be a wonderful way to give back, she noted.

Panelist and town Social Worker Carolyn Merkin reminded the audience of multiple efforts in New Castle to ease the burden for seniors including home delivered meals programs and volunteers who drive seniors every day whether to and from shopping and doctor appointment or offer help at home for tasks ranging from help paying bills to arranging home care services.

One panelist, Steve Biren, who downsized to a home in Riverwoods, said the amenities of the sought after complex and his own active involvement there keeps him happy. He said that despite the attraction of a place for example, like Naples, Florida, for seniors, he stays here, because “it’s a cohesive community. That is a plus.”

Pamela Thornton, director of the Chappaqua Library, and Cassie Ward, director of the New Castle Historical Society (NCHS), were on hand too to summarize the plethora of activities and packed calendars each of these local institutions have available for everyone from toddlers to empty nesters and seniors. (Many in attendance agreed that integrated activities, i.e. those involving many age groups, were highly desirable.) Hundreds of volunteer opportunities are available not only at the Library and the NCHS but at churches and synagogues and not for profits around town; Ward also said that a central data base of all events and programming around town would be extremely helpful.

Ronni Diamondstein, a resident of the Chestnut Oak Ridge condominiums in Chappaqua, joined the panel to represent New Castle residents who have never had children in the schools here (nor necessarily plan to). She said she lives here because Chappaqua “is a beautiful town” and that her location at the end of North Greeley Avenue makes walking to the train, going shopping locally and getting involved in a variety of community organizations easy to do. She also mentioned a group (and programming) for empty nesters at Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester.

As for me, I’m totally psyched to hear if the new culture/arts committee might bring more adult programming to Chappaqua. I have found condo living (at Old Farm Lake, New Castle’s largest condo community) an absolutely reasonable option for single me with grown kids, and know how fortunate I am given the limits in downsize options. In general, I find the area teeming with work and creative opportunities and possibilities that with just a little more free time, I look forward to exploring more thoroughly. So, for now, and into the foreseeable future, New Castle remains my beloved home.

Greenstein acknowledges the shortage of homes to downsize to. “Many residents love their homes and their routines. They enjoy their lifestyle, cherish their friends and ties to the community. They have no desire to leave the community. However, it would be nice if we were able to offer them options to downsize in the community. This is an area where we can do a better job.”

Grace Bennett is Publisher and Editor of The Inside Press: Inside Chappaqua and Inside Armonk Magazines, and most recently produced a guide for the Town called Inside my New Castle: Welcome to our Neighborhood.


Community Offerings to Seniors

The following activities are examples of what the Town of New Castle offers our seniors, according to panelist Brittany Nieder, recreation supervisor. Many of the activities take place at the Community House on Senter Street.

Brittany Neider, Town of New Castle Recreation Supervisor
Brittany Neider, Town of New Castle Recreation Supervisor

Monday Movies
Poker groups (no money)
Knitting group
Ping Pong
Mah Jongg
Bridge
AARP Defensive Driving twice a year
Local Trip (Tea houses, malls, Arthur ave, etc)
North of Broadway Players (acting group)
Book Lover’s Club (through the library)
Basic Conversations in Spanish
Hawthorne Cedar Knowles Grandparenting Program
Watercolor & Drawing
Out and About Club
Bi-annual trip with the Historical Society
Trip (Depending on weather and season) Examples: Yankee games, museums, festivals, etc
Exercise classes
Themed Luncheons/Socials

Advice to a Rising College Freshman

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Chloe (seated center in gray top, with sunglasses on her head) with classmates/friends at Columbia University
Chloe (seated center in gray top, with sunglasses on her head) with classmates/friends at Columbia University

by Chloe Salzman

Graduating from Horace Greeley a year ago, I knew little to nothing of what to expect of the beginning of my college experience. All I knew was that it would be very different from Chappaqua, and that was exactly what I had signed up for. More specifically, I had looked for a school that would be massively more diverse than Chappaqua, and I succeeded. Of my freshman class, 49% of us identify as a Minority race, whereas 75.5% of Chappaqua is White. In my last year of high school, 
I thought about the diversity of Chappaqua a lot, not only in race, but also in cultural and social experiences; 
I was trying to prepare myself for life outside of our bubble, but struggled to find any tangible experiences that would prepare me for my future college life.

As most of my peers growing up were white, I came into college really unsure of how race dynamics would play out, both on the larger scheme and in my own personal sphere. Diversity’s presence affects one’s social experience because it creates, for many, an unprecedented proximity of different cultures and races. To my pleasure, I immediately began making friends from all around the country, and the world, from all sorts of different cultures; however, as my class began to settle into this new and diverse community, I noticed that individual social niches were less and less diverse. I’ve since learned that this phenomenon is not unique to my experiences, but rather happens in most colleges. And it isn’t just noticeable to the students–it’s actually been documented and studied. There’s a widespread tendency for students to create more homogeneous social groups, and depend on classes or dormitories to enhance the diversity of their lives.

Minorities, especially blacks, are not private about explaining their perspectives and their reasoning for segregating themselves. There is an inherent sense of community in a homogeneous group. What’s more, they attest to the social hierarchy, even in diverse and liberal environments, that exists in American social dynamics that put blacks at the bottom of the totem pole. This dynamic creates even more of an incentive to join racially segregated groups.

I’ve come now to understand this dynamic better than I ever could have from living in Chappaqua. More importantly, I’ve tried to find any way I can to be a part of a solution: in order to reap the benefits of a diverse school, you need to seek out that diversity, to involve yourself in events and affairs with people of all different cultures, and to be as supportive and egalitarian as you can be.

So, I urge every single student leaving Greeley and entering the real world, the world with diversity and prejudice against anyone, even towards those with privilege, to enter college ready to learn about and accept any and every culture, because the window of opportunity may not remain open forever.

If you go into college thinking of ways to meet the people who resemble your childhood friends, how will you grow? The person you were in high school will always be there and you will always be comfortable going back into a niche like Chappaqua. It takes intention and effort and curiosity to go to college and think “How are my friends different from me? How can 
I learn from them?”

Maybe the diversity of a college campus will be present in your immediate social circle, maybe it won’t. Even if it isn’t, that doesn’t mean you have failed at integrating new cultures into your life. On campus there will constantly be debates, discussions, and plays written, directed or performed by students. Take advantage of them. Care and be interested in what matters to your student body–not just to your friends–and you will automatically get something out of what the cultures around you have to offer.

When there was a Black Lives Matter protest at our annual tree lighting ceremony, the student body was forced to care. When Rape Happens Here was projected onto the front of a prominent, iconic building of our campus, to combat sexual violence and rape culture, we were forced to care. And when students were yelling so loudly at a Fight for $15 protest for an increase in minimum wage that the teachers in class were hardly audible, we were forced to care. All of that was simply part of my experience being present on a politically active campus. But when you internalize your campus spirit and diversity, then you benefit as an individual, and you take the lessons you learn outside of the classroom with you beyond college.

Chloe Salzman is a Horace Greeley High School graduate, class of 2014.