The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

advice

Getting a Strong Start to 2018

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By Scott M. Kahan

It’s almost spring and now is the time to give your finances a “spring cleaning!”

With the stock market sell off and continued volatility after record highs, interest rate increases, new tax laws and the ongoing uncertainty as to what is going on in Washington, now is the time to organize. Here are a few quick things to address to get started.

  • Review your portfolio. With the return of volatility in equity prices and rising interest rates, it’s probably a good time to review your asset allocation. A simple way to re-balance your portfolio is to first set what percent of your portfolio should be in each asset class. Then when reviewing your portfolio, the sectors that have gone up will be over weighted and should be reduced, while the underperforming sectors will be under weighted and can be added to. If you follow this practice, it forces you to sell high, buy low and take the emotions out of investing.
  • Review Your Taxes and Cash Flow. New tax laws have ushered in much confusion. With a limitation of $10,000 for SALT deductions, (State and local tax), along with various other impactful changes, now is the time to review your 2018 taxes. Even though you may be in a lower tax bracket, you still could end up paying more tax due to the lower allowed deductions. Check your withholding tax to make sure you are not under or over paying your taxes during the year. Then look to see if you are fully funding your retirement plans and look for all possible deductions to minimize your income tax. When you file your 2017 taxes, make sure to do a projection for 2018 as well.
  • Review Your Estate Planning. When was the last time you looked at your wills and other estate planning documents? Make sure all beneficiaries are in place in retirement accounts. Review to make sure you have named guardians for minor children. If you have avoided setting up your estate plans, now is the time to address this important issue.

A simple review can help bring focus to your overall financial picture. A qualified Certified Financial Planner Professional can help ensure your financial affairs are consistent with your current and long-term goals and objectives. Get a strong start for 2018!

Finding Peace, Love & Unity in Divisive Times

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Holidays are supposed to be a festive time of year, but with all the political divisiveness, natural disasters and even terrorism in downtown Manhattan yet again, it has become difficult to maintain a sense of calm or contentment. The endless news cycles and social media frenzies have us outraged, but at the same time, desensitized us to the horrors that occur in the world. How do we set aside the screens, and engage in productive and constructive conversations with our family and friends when we are so divided? And, how can we find peace and happiness in such stressful times?

Find Common Ground

Focusing on things we can agree on, make it easier to come to an understanding on the issues in which we don’t see eye to eye. Everything is not black and white; there are plenty of grey areas. The idea is to find those areas where you may overlap. If you ask good questions, you will discover common values. Don’t approach the dialogue as being all or nothing; you don’t have to be “with someone” or “against them.” Don’t think us versus them. Have an open mind.

Be Curious, Pause and Observe

Mindfulness can help by increasing our awareness of how stress affects us. When we are stressed, we become reactive and quick to respond, especially with our families. Take time to pause when you are triggered by something or someone; then focus on the thoughts that accompany those feelings. Ask yourself: am I putting my own judgments on top of this experience? Am I making assumptions or jumping to conclusions? Drop into your body and notice where you are feeling the stress, anxiety or anger. Is it in your chest, throat, or belly? If you get out of your head and into your body, the feeling will shift. Pause before you respond. Give yourself some space.

Cultivate Compassion

My famous line is that we are all doing the best we can. Some friends give me a lot of grief for that line, but I truly believe we are doing our best with the information and experience we have. When others act out with anger and hurtful behavior, it usually comes from a place of pain. What did that person experience to make them act a certain way? Rarely is it personal. You don’t need to condone the hurtful behavior, but at least try and understand from where it is coming. When our anger turns to compassion and understanding, we become more peaceful. We actually can empathize with their pain, and realize it’s not about us.

Another way to build your empathy muscle is to try and send positive thoughts to those you don’t particularly care for, or with whom you are angry. This is not an easy task, but will also cultivate compassionate and allow you to become a more peaceful person. After all, if they suffer less, so will you. This does not mean we don’t fight for what we believe, and allow others to walk all over us, we are just in a better place to be able to respond appropriately.

See the Good

The holiday season can be busy and stressful, but take time to find the joy. See the good in people. We are all inextricably connected, and have moments of shared joy and shared pain, which unite us. Many of us felt the collective pain after Hillary lost the election, but also participated in the shared, fun experiences at the various community events in town. The way people helped each other around the country after the hurricanes regardless of political beliefs was incredible, and the way we rally around people in need in this community is just as heartening.

Just scroll through Chappaqua Moms, to see the compassion of the community helping those in need, (despite some of the other posts on there). Noticing moments like this bring us together as a nation and as a community, regardless of political beliefs and election results. So, this holiday season, whether you’re shopping at ICD or Squires, eating lunch at Le Jardin du Roi or having coffee at Tazza; look up from your phone and really notice the people around you. See the good, and have faith in humanity. Even though we may disagree, we are still very much connected.

Happy holidays!

A ‘Feed Me Fresh’ Success Story

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Feed Me Fresh Architects (L-R): Kelly Sullivan, Helen Bock, Patty Black and Dawn Meyerski hosting.

BY GRACE BENNETT

In the warm and bucolic setting of gorgeous Ivanna Farms, a spectacular evening unfolded on a Saturday night in mid-September with so much support earmarked to the Mount Kisco Child Care Center (MKCCC), their efforts to provide quality child care and to make child care affordable to as many working parents as possible. At MKCCC’s 13th annual ‘Feed Me Fresh’ gala fundraiser, guests mingled early in the ‘lower tent,’ enjoyed wonderful music by The Shaves and Chappaqua’s own Jon Cobert, and later a culinary feast featuring samplings from multiple area restaurants and eateries in the ‘upper tent,’ a live auction, and of course a celebration of MKCCC’s 2017 honorees.

These two young volunteers served up delicious pesto samplers made with fresh cilantro from the MKCCC garden.
Feed Me Fresh 2017 Honorees Eric Hadar (long-time supporter and host with honorary co-chairs Margery Hadar and Karen Newman), Fran Osborne (MKCCC board member and honorary co-chairs Toni Kelly and Betsy Towl) and ‘Team Amy’ and honorary co-chairs Madeline Crabtree and John Crabtree.

Kelly Sullivan, chair of Feed Me Fresh, noted the generous time volunteers give to the event both in terms of planning and decorating, “to throw the nicest party of the year.” Board member and child care expert Barbara Klein related that her grandchild is now being cared for at MKCCC. “Having run the Chappaqua Children’s Workshop for many years where I worked with older children, this is my first experience observing an infant in child care. I was very impressed with the care and commitment. It’s a setting with very special people doing an amazing job. I firmly believe our family picked the perfect spot.”

Attendees Colleen and Ron Pascione of Millwood proudly stated that they had three children cared for at MKCCC and the oldest now volunteers there too. Chappaqua’s Claire Frieder said she supports the event because of the invaluable ‘peace of mind’ available to working parents “and especially those who can’t afford the regular costs of child care.”

‘Feed Me Fresh’ raised dollars ‘to help provide access to quality child care for working families’ at the Mount Kisco Child Care Center. To follow updates about the event too, or to donate, visit mkccc.org.

Now I Meow: Learning to Silence the Tiger Roar Within

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Let’s play a short game of “Never Have I Ever.”

• Bought the “My Baby Can Read!” Program?

• Enrolled your two year old in Mandarin lessons?

• Prepped your four-year-old for a pre-school entrance exam?

It’s been ten years since I was pregnant with my son. Due to a severe and unannounced complication, Jesse became my only child. All of those proverbial eggs went into this one basket. My husband and I, ignoring our collective DNA, believed our seven-pound,12-ounce baby would one day be a boy of grit and determination.

Why on earth did we think a child born from our creative chromosomes would express an interest in perfect penmanship, homework done without a hint of procrastination, or a sincere desire to conform to school and suburban societal standards? Both of us were boundless daydreamers, not “good students.” Neither of us went to an Ivy League school. It took me 12 years to get a Bachelor’s Degree. Who was I as a parent to have such unrealistic expectations of an infant?

I decided to ignore genetics, and turned to nurture and instead of nature. From before that soft spot closed on his not-so-hairy head, I read to Jesse for hours: Sandra Boynton board books, The Old Man and the Sea. By the time he was two I’d bought a small chalkboard, where I would write out the alphabet every day, singing along with an actual pointing stick. Of course he knew the whole song by 26 months and four days but who’s counting?

Right before Jesse turned three in February of 2011, a bestselling book was released. You know the one. The Tiger Mom. Her Battle Hymn. With children practicing instruments on vacation. This tome was sweet validation for my maniacal child rearing practices. Immediately after reading the book, I began teaching him to sound out three letter words:

Bat, cat, hat, pat, sat. Bet, jet, let, met. Bit, fit, hit. Cot, dot. But, cut.

By the time Pre-K rolled around, he was more than ready for real kindergarten. Imagine my elation at my four-year-olds parent teacher conference upon hearing, “What a smart boy. Such language skills!” That sound you hear? My inner tiger roaring across the Okavango Delta.

September 2013 arrived, and sadly, Kindergarten started with a whimper. Jesse cried on the bus every. Single. Day. I thought to myself, “If he’s so sad, he can’t concentrate. But it’s ok, I’ve already taught him so much.” (In hindsight, I should have been thinking about his feelings, but I was a tiger, not a kitten.)

Fallen crimson leaves replaced fallen tears, and by Thanksgiving, I was most thankful that Jesse was doing better. Plus! The most wonderful time of the year was soon upon us: his very first report card. The day arrived and I tore open the envelope. A grade of “4” was the best. A “1” was the worst.

And there it was, in the right hand column, not under reading or writing or “rithmetic.”

There was a one.

I never realized there was an “emotional” side to a report card.

At his parent/teacher conference, Mrs. Crusher of Dreams tells my husband and I, “Jesse takes no pride in his work. He thinks he knows everything already.”

Of course my son felt this way and it was all my fault. It was time to accept a few truths. My parenting was much like my cooking: overdone. Children should learn things in their own time. And my son was no tiger cub. More like a sloth – cute as could be, moving at his own pace.

Every year since Pre-K I’ve made my son hold up a sign on the first day of school. You know the one. “Jesse’s first day of…” and the date. I always added the line, “When I grow up I want to be a…” First grade it was policeman. Second grade I winced as I wrote “garbage collector.” Last year my heart swelled when he wanted to run Apple. This year, fourth grade, I have done away with asking the question. Because I have finally learned – the only right answer is HAPPY.

A Packing List

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For the longest time, what to read (not pack) was the bigger decision for Meaghan.

It’s the time of year when I start thinking less about what I’m putting in my backpack than what I’ll soon be taking out of it. On the last day of school every year, I dump the contents of my bag onto my bedroom carpet, going through the arduous process of deciding what to keep. Thank-you note? Definitely saving that. Less-than-stellar math test? Recycling bin. AP review book? Donate. That random sock? Long overdue for the laundry room. It’s a cathartic thing, seeing the contents of my year go from a chaotic jumble to a neat stack on my shelf.

But this year, my challenge won’t be fitting my memories into my home. My challenge will be fitting my home into my memory. At the end of my next first day of school, I’ll be coming home to a dorm and a roommate, not my house and family. That’s an overwhelming thought. So I’m doing what I always do when I feel overwhelmed: making a list.

One of the most important things about packing is knowing what not to pack. Take it from me, a notorious over-packer whose bulging suitcase always gets an eye roll from the airline attendant. It can sometimes be easy to think, “It wouldn’t hurt to bring this…and this…” and you get the idea. But overpacking can weigh you down in more ways than one. So when I leave for college in three short months, I’m hoping to do so with a light mental suitcase. (Sorry, Mom–you know my real luggage is still going to fill up your entire minivan.)

I’m leaving behind fear. It’s good to be scared every so often–but not of circumstances that are out of my control. In the words of one of my favorite pieces of writing, a 1997 Chicago Tribune column, “The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.” I can’t prepare for every possible disaster that might befall me in college, and I won’t expect the ones that do. But I won’t let that stop me from seeking out new experiences. All I can do is be flexible, rolling with whatever punches life throws my way.

I’m also leaving behind disillusionment.

As a senior, I’ve been more involved in our community than ever. Unfortunately, I’m still learning that involvement has almost as much to do with disappointment as it does with fulfillment.

One of the most difficult lessons of Chappaqua, or maybe anywhere, is learning that institutions, credos, and people will sometimes fail you. But from that disenchantment comes the satisfaction of discovering a sense of perseverance and happiness in spite of shortcomings.

What else am I packing? Sunscreen. Perspective. Shower shoes. Forgiveness. Pencils. Courage. Confidence. Character. My DeMarie dinosaur. My pocket Constitution. My train of thought (wouldn’t want to lose that). My memories of our town’s many wonderful people, who have shaped me in too many ways to count.

Also: patience.

And, of course, I’m leaving some empty space. After all, if the place you’re headed won’t add something worthwhile to who you are, why bother going? The last thing I want to do is waste my transformative college years re-teaching myself everything I’ve already been taught. I want my perceptions to be challenged and changed; I want to be inundated with new ideas that teach me different ways to be a better person. Here’s to open suitcases and open minds.

No matter what I pack, I know I’ll feel like I’m forgetting something. How can I possibly recall everything Chappaqua has meant to me? I’ve seen the daffodils burst open in front of Reader’s Digest and kicked a soccer ball through autumn leaves at Gedney. I’ve watched my classmates get puppies, braces, jobs, and college acceptance letters. So much has changed in the 17 years I’ve called this town home. While I can’t know what will change in the next four, I’ll always be grateful to have grown up here. That gratitude will be on my packing list for the rest of my life.