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Inside Thoughts

Walking Alongside My Jewish Loved Ones

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I am not Jewish. I was raised Catholic, but I married a Jewish man. Although he wasn’t raised religiously, his family was culturally Jewish in the way that I’m Irish. They celebrated most of the Jewish holidays like Rosh Hashanah and Passover but didn’t belong to a temple.

We decided to raise our son without religious instruction, Yet, we celebrated the holidays of our Judaeo-Christian roots. Right around the time our son turned 13, when many of his friends were celebrating their bar and bat mitzvahs, my son asked me what religion he was, and I would say he was half and half–part Jewish, part Christian. That seemed to satisfy his curiosity. Given that neither one of us was into organized religion, as parents, we felt that if our son wanted to pursue a religious path, he should be the one to choose it. Time has passed, and now our son is 30. He has chosen a similar path and is not attached to any religion.

Although I’m not Jewish, throughout the years, I have been surrounded and supported by many loved ones who happen to be Jewish. I am, heartbreakingly, a witness to their pain, grief, and outrage. This latest horrific terrorist attack on Israel has wreaked havoc on their faith, on their communities, and on their culture. It has unearthed in them the trauma of the past.

This never-ending struggle to exist has been around since biblical times when the Hebrews were enslaved by the ancient Egyptians. The Jewish plight has been around for over 5,700 years. In modern history, under Hitler’s command, six million Jews were rounded up, torn from their homes, separated from their families, put in work and death camps, starved, and slaughtered en masse, and, yet, this cruelty persists to this day.

Let’s not deceive ourselves into thinking that the antisemitic vitriol being spewed in our country is not without consequence. Let us look in the mirror and decide who we are–not only as Americans but as humans.

And…if you’re paying attention, we have seen the increase of antisemitic incidents in the U.S. by 36 percent in 2022 alone. There were those who invaded the Capitol on J6 proudly wore t-shirts reading, ‘6MWE,’ which stands for, ‘Six Million Jews Wasn’t Enough.’ And…let’s not forget the emboldened tiki-torch bearing white nationalists in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us.” Let’s not pretend that Jewish hate is only limited to the Middle East. Let’s not shrug off this latest act of savagery as being just another Middle Eastern crisis. Let’s not deceive ourselves into thinking that the antisemitic vitriol being spewed in our country is not without consequence. Let us look in the mirror and decide who we are–not only as Americans but as humans. There is no such thing as a humane war. We see Putin annihilating Ukrainian civilians. We see Hamas’ brutality on Israeli civilians, and we see Israel’s retaliation in Gaza. The old adage, ‘All’s fair in love and war’ could not be more true.

Freedom of Religion resides under the First Amendment. As an American, I will support and defend anyone’s right to believe in whatever god or religion of their choosing. But wartime is where it always gets tricky because killing other human beings goes against the grain of peaceful religious teachings. While we witness the bloodbath taking place in the Middle East, most of my Jewish loved ones are outraged at the silence coming from their non-Jewish friends. I’ve listened to some who have dismissed these latest atrocities by saying it’s been happening for thousands of years, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

I’ve seen insensitive posts about how this conflict is going to affect us here in the U.S. I clicked on the post because I thought it would be a supportive post about the horrific loss of human life, but the post turned out to be how our gas prices, inflation, and interest rates might rise on account of this war. This broke my heart. It disgusted me how people could watch the slaughter of babies and be more concerned about the Almighty Dollar.

I know I’m not alone in having empathy for the massive casualties of innocents on both sides. I feel powerless. All I can do is give my love and support to my loved ones and, above all, to NOT remain silent. The Book of Ecclesiastes says, “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven… A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace….”

For the love of humanity, the peace and love part cannot come soon enough.

Life Lessons from the Ballfield & Beyond

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After my father died last summer, my mother encouraged me to take whatever I wanted of his possessions from their home. She mentioned his suits hanging in the closet, but I don’t wear suits. She suggested his golf clubs, but I have my own set. She pointed to his many, many Seton Hall sweatshirts, but I didn’t go to Seton Hall. I was fine simply retaining memories of my father, not his material things.

We didn’t have a whole lot in common. He liked Fox News, and I like The New York Times. He enjoyed novels involving espionage, and I dig Nick Hornby.

But we always had baseball in common, even when we didn’t see eye to eye. When there wasn’t much to talk about, there were the Mets, good and bad. Mostly bad, but last year was pretty good. My father followed their games on his iPad most days from my folks’ home, and it gave him something to do, something to root for, when his health was failing. I’d heard about the nurse, rushing to my dad’s hospital room after he’d howled, only to find the Mets had gone ahead on a clutch hit.

Going back a few decades, when my father would drive me to a Little League game, he told me to ask myself, when I was in the field, with every new batter, what I would do if the ball came to me. Where are the baserunners? Where should my throw go?

My 40-and-over softball team just started its season, playing at Broadway Field in Hawthorne. Most of the players would qualify for a 50-and-over team. We don’t win much, but every guy is grateful to be taking the field at their advanced age, and just as grateful for a cold beer and some laughs with the Healy’s Travelers boys afterwards.

Many, many years after my father gave me some advice before a Little League game, I still ask myself before most every batter what I should do if it comes to me. My father’s wisdom goes beyond the ballfield. What do I do if and when it comes to me works in the office, as a parent and as a husband. Going through the routine slows things down a bit, and takes a bit of the anxiety out of angsty situations.

A couple years ago, I had a game when my parents were visiting, so they came out–the first time they’d seen me play in about 35 years. After the game, the players retired to the stands behind the dugout, where my parents sat. I introduced my folks. A teammate teased my mother about stealing beers from his cooler. She still brings it up with a smile. 

A couple hours before my games, I’ll throw a tennis ball in the backyard, bouncing it off a wooden board, to loosen the old arm up. I’ll swing a bat a few times to get those muscles loose. It’s actually more of a broomstick or a shovel shaft than a bat, with some tape on the handle to keep the blisters at bay. I didn’t own a baseball bat. New ones are too expensive, and I’ve checked out a few yard sales in hopes of finding an old, cheap wood one, to no avail. Bedraggled stuffed animals, yes. VHS tapes of ‘80s movies, yes. Wooden bats, no.

I was visiting my mother recently, helping her sort things out after my father’s death, and keeping her company. I was poking around in the garage, searching. Not for the beers my teammate said she pilfered, but for a light switch, since my mother had mentioned a light outside the garage that mysteriously turned on, and she didn’t know how to turn it off.

I couldn’t find the switch, but I did find something else–an old wooden bat. It’s a Louisville Slugger, signed by a man named John Morris. It took me a moment, but I remembered John Morris, or at least could identify who he was. Growing up on Long Island, me and the neighborhood kids would play stickball in my front yard most every day in the summer, swinging a makeshift bat not unlike the one I swing in the backyard before softball. By the end of summer, the grass was gone from where the pitcher pitched, and the batter batted. That probably bugged my father, but he never said so.

The fence dividing our yard from the neighbor’s was just about the perfect distance for a 12-year-old boy’s home run, and our neighbors, the Hahns, never seemed to mind us sneaking up their driveway to retrieve a ball we’d hit over.

So unperturbed were they about us trespassing that kindly Mr. Hahn once gave us a bag of old tennis balls, sitting unused in his garage, that we could use for stickball. Within hours, we’d scatter them like Easter eggs, over the fence and across his lawn.

Another time, he delivered a wooden Louisville Slugger bat, and said it was signed by his nephew, John Morris, a minor league star destined for greatness.

I don’t recall if Morris ever made it to the major leagues. I don’t remember ever seeing him on TV. As I look him up on the online compendium of every player in major league history, I do see a John Morris, who’s about the right age, and grew up on Long Island. He lasted for seven seasons but was a part-time player with meager statistics, including eight lifetime home runs and a career .236 average. Maybe I can get him to play for our softball squad.

I didn’t take my father’s suits, golf clubs or Seton Hall sweatshirts back to Mount Pleasant, but I still retain some of his life lessons. Those, and an old wooden baseball bat I swing before my 40-and-over softball games.

What your Favorite School Supply Says About You

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Inside Press intern Mia Brown reveals her favorite school supply item!

As we begin the upcoming school year, back-to-school shopping quickly enters everyone’s lives. While school supply shopping can be a hassle, there’s always at least one item that we have a soft spot for. Whether it is a backpack or just a simple eraser, your favorite item has a lot to say about you, and here’s what I personally think they say. See if you agree.

Backpack

You buy a new backpack every year and conduct a deep search to find the perfect one. You start your back-to-school shopping in the middle of July because you want the best and nothing less. After mom and dad set a budget on it (groan…) you choose a little less expensive one but still snazzy. When you walk down the hallways in September, you eat up the compliments. You want school to start now. What it says: You are Fashion Forward but also growing savvy about a good deal!

Calculator

You love math and science and are probably taking rigorous courses in that area. Math has always been easy for you. You would rather spend time solving math equations than ever having to read a book or write an essay. At this point in your math career, you have games downloaded onto your calculator for when class is boring because it just isn’t hard enough for you. What it says: You also have big dreams and can’t wait to continue your learning this school year!

Laptop

You hate pens and pencils and wish you never have to write on paper ever again. You take pride in being a Google Chrome or Safari user and will only stick with one search engine. You try to carry as few things as possible with you and keep everything you need on your computer. What it says: You are extremely tech savvy and will be taking an engineering class in the fall.

Notebook

You are organized and take pride in it. You are always willing to show off your beautifully categorized notes to help your friends out when they are struggling. Being in the top of your class is a priority, but you somehow manage to do it with ease. You are the classmate that can always manage to give your peers a piece of paper if they don’t have any… and they all are extremely thankful for that. What it says: You are pumped up for the school year and can’t wait to see your friends in the fall!

Pencils

You have a strict preference between mechanical or just a simple number 1 pencil. You either are an incredibly talented artist who can transform any sheet of paper into a masterpiece or just hate that pens aren’t erasable. The only thing that you don’t like about pencils is when the eraser runs out. What it says: You are excited to meet your new teachers and can’t wait to be back at school again.

Pens

You have a h3 dislike for writing with pencils and hate making mistakes. English or history is your favorite class because you enjoy being able to write on paper instead of typing on your computer. Your goals for the school year include getting straight As and perfecting small doodles on the side of your paper without ruining the rest of your school work. What it says: You’re a hard worker who wants to excel this school year and won’t let anything get in your way.

Post-It Notes

You like to pass notes during class and think it is better than secretly texting on your computer. When shopping for Post-Its, you like to get a variety of colors. You are a bubbly and vibrant person. What it says: Seeing your friends is Priority #1 when you go back to school.

White Out

You often make mistakes, but you also know that mistakes are the foundation of learning. You are probably taking difficult classes this year and are preparing for the worst, but you are also ready for the challenge. In class, your friends thank you for helping them cover up their mistakes quickly. When you get bored in class you paint your nails with White Out or draw with it on the side of your paper. What it says: You know school is always a wild ride and you can’t wait for it to begin!

A Meaningful Tour & Case for Saving Buttonhook Forest

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The Case for Saving Buttonhook Forest Following a Guided & Meaningful Tour

Leon Sam Briggs, Elder, Hawk Clan,Tonawanda Seneca who visited Buttonhook Forest with Tyler Chase. Chase is producing a documentary film about preventing cultural erasure of Native American History.
Photo courtesy of Tracey Bilski and Friends of Buttonhook

Walking through Buttonhook forest, I was immediately taken aback by the beauty of it all: the native plants, sunlit trees, vast amount of contiguous open space, and, of course, sacred indigenous stone structures. On a guided tour led by the Friends of Buttonhook Forest, I learned about not only the land’s diverse ecosystem, but also about the history of Native Americans in a way more interactive and meaningful than I had ever experienced.

Friends of Buttonhook Forest (FoBF), led by Tracey Bilski and Victoria Alzapiedi along with their tireless team of both long-time and new residents of New Castle, is a local non-profit organization dedicated to preserving the 20.3-acre Buttonhook forest that is currently owned by the Chappaqua Central School District (CCSD), who has been looking to develop the land.

Initially, the fight to preserve the forest stemmed from environmental concerns. When CCSD put the property on the market for sale in 2019, Alzapiedi and former Chappaqua resident and environmentalist Haley Ferraro started an advocacy effort in the hopes that the community would purchase the land from CCSD to preserve the forest.

“It was unthinkable that our community would intentionally cut down a forest – a precious and rare climate sink that helps clean the air that we and our families breathe – especially during a climate crisis.  We wanted to save these trees that are home to countless birds, beneficial insects, and other animals – who would be displaced if bulldozers come to cut down this forest. Advocating to save this land just seemed like the right thing to do. The just thing to do. The ethical thing to do – to save this forest from being cut down to build luxury homes,” says Alzapiedi.

Saving Wildlife & Addressing a Climate Crisis

How could Chappaqua, a community that always seemed to value the importance of sustainability, choose to actively contribute to deforestation, biodiversity loss, and water and air pollution? “We’re in a climate crisis. It’s not anymore that you can just sit by and let things happen,” says Maxine Margo Rubin, member of Friends of Buttonhook Forest (FoBF).

Buttonhook forest is home to thousands of creatures such as bobcats, foxes, coyotes, flying squirrels, box turtles, bats, many species of amphibians, hawks, owls, and migratory birds that would all lose their habitat if the forest is destroyed. “We have to help the animals that can’t talk for themselves,” Rubin adds.

But the animals are not the only living creatures at risk: CCSD’s construction plan calls for 676 of the 1400 trees residing in the forest to be cut down, all of which sequester immense amounts of carbon dioxide, maintaining a healthy air quality and curbing the speed of climate change. Since the school district bought the land in 1973 to build an additional school (a project that was never put into action), these trees were left untouched, growing, thriving, and holding carbon, for nearly 50 years. Evalyn Bladstrom, FoBF member, believes that we must “not just think short term, like the next 20 years, in terms of getting as much as we can monetarily, but long-term, the next hundreds of years, thinking about our own evolution as a species. What is sustainable, and what can we really expect when we remove nature?”

It was not until 2010 that CCSD decided to sell the land, hiring an engineering firm to subdivide the land into six lots for the construction of six $2 million homes. The plans received Preliminary Approval from the New Castle Planning Board in 2019 and CCSD put the land on the market for $3.5 million. After about a year with no bids on the land, it was taken off the market in 2020 during Covid, and returned listed at $2.5 million during the summer of 2021. CCSD eventually accepted a bid of $2 million from a developer in August 2021 subject to them receiving necessary approvals by March 2022.

Happening Now

Since the streams on the sides of Buttonhook forest lead to the Gedney Brook, which leads to the Croton reservoir, approval from the NYC Department of Environmental Protection is necessary before construction can begin. Despite persistent efforts, the school has been unable to receive the necessary NYC Stormwater Approval, which caused their initial contract with the developer to fall through last spring. So, the property went back on the market last summer, and FoBF saw this as the perfect opportunity to make a bid and secure the forest’s protection.

By this time, the fight for preservation had become even more critical as various elaborate and carefully crafted stone structures on the land had been confirmed by various archaeologists and indigenous leaders to be not at all random, but rather an entire complex of prayer stones, turtle effigies, and water markers laid by the Native Americans who once lived on this land. Now, saving this forest will not only preserve a diverse ecosystem, but also a sacred historical site for indigenous people who have time and time again had their history destroyed.

Lessons about Indigenous Culture

The Ramapough Lunaape Nation stated in a letter sent to the New Castle Town Board and Council that “Prayers and intention set years ago will be broken, if even one stone is moved.” Our community has been given a momentous opportunity to right our history’s wrongs, and to set a local example of how to respect and teach about indigenous culture and history. Tracey Bilski, leader of FoBF, reflected upon the minimal information she was taught about who lived here in the past, and how her journey has served as a learning process for her: “we can use this as a case-study,” she shares.

To respect the value that this land holds for Native Americans, FoBF partnered with numerous tribes in order “to make sure that [they] are hearing them right and doing what is best for the earth and the animals, as well as the original caretakers,” shares Lynn Trotta, a local nature-mentor and member of FoBF.

And when the school opened a public bid on the land in June 2022, Friends of Buttonhook Forest partnered with Brothertown Indian Nation to place a bid for which they are still waiting to hear a response. They have extended the bid for review until May 2023, and until then, they remain hopeful. In the meantime, they are holding a fundraiser on April 25 at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center to “celebrate Earth Day and showcase the importance of thinking globally and acting locally,” as stated on their website.

As a junior at Horace Greeley High School, currently studying United States History, I know firsthand that the district encourages students to learn from the mistakes of the past and apply what we have learned to injustices today. Throughout the year, we have learned about far too many massacres of Native Americans, forced removals, and destruction of their land, resources, and culture. Often, I am left feeling lost in terms of what I can do to help make up for this heart wrenching history of oppression: how can one begin to right thousands of years of wrongdoings?

Saving Buttonhook forest is where we can begin.

Land acknowledgements only mean so much: our words become worthless when they are not backed by action. Preserving this historical site is the perfect opportunity to put truth behind our promises of social and environmental justice, and to make a difference right here from our backyard. Because, as Rubin shared, “what we do local, goes global.”

To Tell the Truth

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“Honey, do these pants make me look fat?!”

We’ve all asked it, or some version thereof, of our spouse/partner/significant other. And, of course, we want to hear some version of “no, of course not – they look great on you, my dear!”

But, what if they actually don’t?

And so, the real question is–do we truly want an honest answer? Or do we want our spouse/partner/significant other to tell a little white lie and spare our feelings?

This is the question central to the movie You Hurt My Feelings*, a new film by writer-director Nicole Holofcener starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies as a perfectly happy couple who share a picture-perfect NYC life. Or are they, and do they? Julia plays Beth, a writer hard at work on a follow-up to her successful memoir. She asks her husband, Don, to read her many drafts and he has nothing but praise for them and for her. But, of course, a movie needs a plot twist, and this one begs the moral question about when and if to tell a loved one what you really think.

I loved this movie, not just because the writing, directing, editing, acting were superb (which they are), not just because, well, Julia is a writer named BETH… lol… and not just because it depicts a certain Manhattan demographic so pitch-perfectly, but because it asks a pretty profound question, examines it in with slice-of-life directness, but still leaves us wondering and causes us to ponder what we would do.

When I was asked for an essay offering “a few pearls of wisdom/anecdotes” of a long-term happy marriage, I had to pause for a moment. Am I really the right person? Do my husband and I belong up on some unlikely pedestal for all to admire? Ha, I laughed to myself, haha, that’s a good one! But, then again, I hedged, we have been together for over 30 years and there’s something to be said for that kind of staying power. Truly, anyone who takes this long and winding commitment road knows that it’s not without its bumps and potholes. That said, it’s in the way we navigate these roadblocks that we find our strengths, figure out how to work together and decide whether we are and can continue to be a happy couple.

Which leads me back to You Hurt My Feelings, a 2023 film which I had the good fortune to see during its premiere screening at the Sundance Film Festival (SFF) this past January. I’ve been an SFF volunteer for the last decade (I actually got my 10-year pin this year), and I just love, love, love it! The excitement and energy are palpable, I’ve met amazing life-long friends, enjoyed parties and swag, and, of course, seen incredible films often with talent on-hand for interesting post-screening Q-and-As. It’s a film-lover’s paradise! And I always go it alone.

Yes, while Stephen and I enjoy watching movies together, he would hate the Sundance traffic, crowds, and lines. My husband has many fine qualities, but patience is simply not one of them. And so, Sundance is my thing. And we’re both fine with that–today.

Fact is, however, at first, this wasn’t a given. Our kids had just grown and flown enough for me to contemplate Sundance. But could I really just take off? On my own? While my poor hubbie went to the office working his insane hours as always? Hmmmm. I definitely sensed a bit of tension, maybe even resentment. But when I asked if he was truly ok with it (i.e., do these pants make me look fat?), he said yes. And so, I made my plans. And the next year, made them again. And so on and so forth until, as the years went on, Stephen started to ask me if I’d made my annual SFF arrangements yet.

Did Stephen honestly mean he was ok with my very first solo SFF plans? Or did he, out of love and generosity, tell me what he knew I wanted to hear? I’ll likely never really know. But I do know I’m glad he said “yes” and that my annual Sundance volunteering stint has become part of the fabric of our lives. Togetherness is a wonderful thing, but so too are personal interests and individual hobbies.

Final thought: I imagine it can get pretty tiring hanging out on a pedestal. I’d rather put that energy into the hard work that is the real brick and mortar of a happy marriage. Cheers to all of us who love, respect, compromise, negotiate, give in, hold out, keep on keeping on 😊!

*You Hurt My Feelings was first screened at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival and was snapped up by A24; I highly recommend!