The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Beth Besen

The Doctor Will See You Now: How One Local Physician Reimagined Medicine, Found His Way to Concierge Care and Back to Joy

by

Bradley K. Adler, MD
PHOTO BY CATHY PINSKY

For nearly 20 years, Dr. Bradley Adler practiced internal medicine the way many patients hope their doctors still do: carefully, thoughtfully, and with genuine attention to and affection for the people sitting across from him. As a longtime physician with first Scarsdale Medical Group and White Plains Hospital, he built deep relationships with patients and colleagues – some spanning decades – earning trust not just through clinical expertise, but through constancy of care.

But about four and a half years ago, Dr. Adler made a deliberate turn away from the traditional, insurance-driven medical model and into concierge medicine. This wasn’t a sudden leap or a trendy pivot. It came about as the result of years of reflection, mounting pressure, and a growing realization that the system he was working in no longer supported the kind of medicine, or life, he wanted to practice.

Today, his concierge practice represents something of a return: to time, to connection, and to a version of healthcare that puts the doctor-patient relationship front and center.

A Doctor Rooted in Community

Dr. Adler’s story is deeply tied to the community he serves. He and his wife – also a physician, a pediatrician – have lived in Westchester for the last 20-plus years and have raised their three children here. Like many families in the area, theirs has been shaped by busy schedules, school activities, professional demands, and the constant effort to balance it all.

Outside the office, Dr. Adler is known for practicing what he preaches. He prioritizes exercise and lifestyle as foundational elements of health, not add-ons. He plays tennis, works out regularly at the gym, and incorporates yoga and meditation into his daily routine. He’s actively involved with local synagogue Bet Torah in Mount Kisco and participates in volunteer work within the community.

These days, he’s especially excited to have something that once felt scarce: time. Time to show up more fully for his patients and family, including helping his youngest son develop skills in his newest passion – hockey. That sense of balance didn’t come easily.

When the System Changed the Practice

Like many physicians, Dr. Adler didn’t set out to leave traditional medicine. The change came gradually, as the structure of healthcare shifted around him.

“The insurance industry really changed how medicine is run,” he explains. “And not in ways that improved care.”

Insurance reimbursements became increasingly difficult to navigate, often requiring extensive documentation, approvals, and follow-up. Entire portions of the workday were swallowed by administrative tasks, leaving less time for patients.

Another major shift was the rise of hospitalists – doctors who take over patient care during hospital admissions. While efficient from a systems perspective, and beneficial in promoting more in-hospital direct patient-doctor care, it often meant Dr. Adler could no longer follow his own patients through hospital stays, and thus he had less interaction with the medical specialists and his own patients.

“For patients, that continuity was lost,” he says. “And for doctors, it was frustrating to step away at critical moments.”

Then came electronic medical records. Intended to streamline care, they frequently pulled attention away from the exam room and toward screens, checklists, and compliance.

“I was spending more time documenting than authentically listening,” Dr. Adler recalls. “That’s not why most of us go into medicine. In the field of primary care, listening and thinking are the most important elements.”

The Pressure of the Clock

Perhaps the most difficult challenge was time – or the lack of it.

In insurance-based practices, doctors are often required to see a high volume of patients within tightly defined appointment windows. That pressure creates stress for everyone involved.

“It’s stressful for patients who feel rushed, and it’s stressful for doctors who want to do more,” Dr. Adler says.

To keep up, his hours grew longer. Nights were spent finishing charts. Weekends became catch-up time. The balance between professional commitment and personal life began to erode.

“I realized this model wasn’t sustainable – for my patients or for my family,” he says. That realization prompted him to begin exploring alternatives.

A Thoughtful Turn Toward Concierge Medicine

Concierge medicine kept coming up in conversations and research. The model – where patients pay an annual membership fee in exchange for greater access and longer visits – offered something increasingly rare: flexibility.

Still, Dr. Adler approached it cautiously. He spent about a year and a half doing due diligence, examining different concierge models, speaking with colleagues, and thinking through what it would mean for his patients and his practice.

When he eventually brought the idea to White Plains Hospital, the response was collaborative rather than adversarial. Together, they developed a system that allowed Dr. Adler to maintain office space, continue using WPH’s facilities, and stay connected to colleagues – while running an autonomous concierge practice.

“It allowed me to keep strong professional ties while practicing medicine in a way that aligned with my values – I like being part of a system and community and consider myself more of a team player than an individualist.” he says.

Time as the Foundation of Care

At the core of Dr. Adler’s concierge practice is time.

Patients have significantly longer appointments – up to an hour and half for an annual physical – allowing for thorough examination, conversations and thoughtful planning. They also have direct access to him 24/7 via the patient portal, his office and even his personal cell phone. He prides himself on his quick response time to his patients’ needs.

This model supports what Dr. Adler describes as holistic, lifestyle-focused medicine, alongside traditional acute care. Central to that approach are six pillars that guide many patient conversations.

Stress is often the starting point. Chronic stress, he explains, affects nearly every system in the body. Having time to talk openly about work pressures, family dynamics, and emotional strain allows for realistic stress-management strategies to emerge.

Diet, ideally plant-based, is another cornerstone. Rather than quick nutritional advice, Dr. Adler spends time helping patients understand how food choices impact energy, inflammation, and long-term health – and how to make changes that fit their lives.

Exercise is framed not as punishment, but as a tool for vitality. Whether it’s structured workouts, walking, yoga, or sports, the goal is consistency and enjoyment – something Dr. Adler models himself.

Substance use, including alcohol and other dependencies, is addressed openly and without judgment. Longer visits create space for honest conversations and early intervention.

Relationships – with family, friends, and community – are recognized as powerful determinants of health. Isolation and conflict can undermine even the best medical plans.

And finally, sleep, often overlooked, is treated as essential rather than optional. Poor sleep, Dr. Adler notes, impacts mood, metabolism, immunity, and stress resilience.

“These six pillars are foundational and central to my practice,” he explains. “They are deeply connected and, even as the name suggests, critical to supporting and maintaining our health.”

A Return to Joy

Four and a half years into concierge medicine, Dr. Adler says the change has been profound.

“I come to the office happier,” he says. His staff, freed from many insurance-related frustrations, feels the difference as well. And patients, he notes, appreciate being heard and supported rather than rushed through appointments; they are thus more receptive to making lifestyle changes.

The impact extends beyond the office. With greater control over his schedule, Dr. Adler has reclaimed time for family, fitness, community involvement, and personal growth.

“There’s definitely more joy in my life and the lives around me now,” he reflects.

Healthy Relationships

Concierge medicine isn’t a universal solution, and Dr. Adler is clear that it’s not right for everyone. But for patients seeking continuity, access, and a deeper relationship with their physician – and for doctors searching for a sustainable way to practice – it’s becoming an increasingly attractive option for those who can afford it.

Dr. Adler does hope that he can be part of a brainstorming solution to find a path to healthcare that can be more attainable for a larger and more diverse and equitable population of people.

In a healthcare landscape dominated by efficiency metrics and administrative demands, Dr. Adler’s experience underscores something simple but powerful: at its best, medicine is a human relationship. And sometimes, restoring that relationship requires rethinking the system built around it.

For Dr. Adler and his patients, that rethink has made all the difference.

Taste & Talk: Where women open bottles and open the conversation!

by

(L-R): Jessica Reinmann (914 Cares Chairman), Lauren Gellert (Taste & Talk Founder) & Bobby Chipman (Dodd’s Wine & Spirits Sommelier)

What could be better than an evening of wine with local gal-pals? How about an evening of wine, friends and purpose-driven conversation!

Enter Taste and Talk, the brainchild of Chappaqua’s own renowned media executive and producer Lauren Gellert. As Gellert tells it, the idea for the group came to her very organically. She’d recently celebrated a milestone birthday with a trip to Italy and Greece and marveled at how relaxing it was to truly be free of demanding work emails and texts. So, after nearly three decades of five-days-a-week killer commuting and full-time in-office work, she decided it was finally time to step back and “just breathe”.

Just after the horrible Hamas attacks on October 7th, Gellert was feeling compelled to “do something.” A friend had invited her to a reinvent-yourself learning luncheon, and, despite feeling rather “coached out”, she decided to go for the camaraderie, food and wine – “I mean who says no to delicious Italian food and wine!?” She listened, but, more importantly, she observed: so many smart, engaged, interesting and interested women! It occurred to Gellert that she could create a women’s group similar in her own home – in fact, she had recently remodeled, turning what had once been her kids’ playroom into a stunning bar and gathering space, just perfect for salon get-togethers.

She pitched the idea to her husband and a few good friends over drinks one evening in that very same room, and everyone agreed it was a fabulous idea with great potential. And that was that. Gellert felt driven to raise money for the many Israeli families that had just lost everything – “I’m a producer, I’m a media person and I’m committing!” She refined her salon idea to include a charitable donation aspect. This too was an easy fit as the Gellert family has always been involved with charities and nonprofits and given back to their communities.

For partnership in the “taste” portion, she reached out to her local favorite liquor store, Dodd’s, in Millwood, and found immediate interest and support from in-house sommelier Bobby Chipman. Says Chipman, “Lauren and her husband are not only regular customers, but they’ve become friends. Of course, I was happy and excited to be asked to be part of her new venture. I usually bring four to six bottles of wine, and try to bring labels that are unique, different, not the usual top ten list or everybody’s go-to.” In other words, in keeping with the spirit of the gatherings, the tasting part of the evening is a learning experience too. Dodd’s offers twenty percent of the purchase price of any bottles tasted towards Gellert’s causes.

Lauren Gellert (middle) with Taste & Talk Panel, Renee Litt (left) and Dr. Brittny Howell (right)

Next came finding a speaker and topic. Given the October 7th prompt to action and Gellert’s intention to make the event a fundraiser, she chose to have all proceeds go to the Jerusalem Civilian Command Center, and priced attendance at $36 (known as double-chai*), an auspicious number in Jewish culture. She also discussed speakers with a friend who suggested reaching out to Rabbi Leora Londy of Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester in Chappaqua. Londy whole-heartedly supported the idea. Her topic suggestion for this event was How to Speak with Your Children About Israel and highlighted the importance of managing friendships and addressing the growing issue of hate speech in the community. It was a sensitive and challenging topic, but an incredibly important one. The evening was well-attended, and people expressed their gratitude for the forum mentioning they came away with a greater sense of community. In fact, Londy was such an engaging facilitator, Gellert had her back the following year, December 2024.

Londy called the gathering a “sacred space”, noting that women’s groups have the “opportunity to tap into a powerful dynamic that often gets lost in male-dominated conversations.” There were about two dozen participants, and the conversation and wine once again flowed effortlessly. Says Londy, “Lauren is a community builder, and I’ve appreciated being welcomed into her sphere and given the opportunity to share and discuss issues that seem to resonate with so many.”

Yes, turnout has been good, Gellert continued to hold Taste and Talk salons monthly and invited speakers on topics sparking great conversations; so, in true women’s networking fashion, word spread. Gellert definitely created something that seemed to fill a need. As she puts it, “you can get all of this online, whether you look at Ted Talks, YouTube videos or similar, but you can’t get the in-person authentic and organic experience that so many of us need and want, especially in a post-Covid world.”

All Taste & Talk salons feature female speakers and host participants from all over the tri-state area. Gellert has invited experts on topics as far ranging as women’s health, sex and relationships, spirituality, finance and entrepreneurship. The evenings present an opportunity to share experiences and thoughts, valuable and actionable knowledge, make new connections and, of course, taste a variety of wines (with a percentage of any bottle purchases going to charity).

In 2025, Gellert built an advisory board and named 914 Cares as the beneficiary of the year’s salons. Taste and Talk has become so successful that plans have evolved to expand and hold events in another three locales for a total of four salons in four locations in 2026. Gellerts home in Chappaqua will remain one of the salons, others will be located in Greenwich, CT, lower Westchester, and Los Angeles, California where her sister lives and will host as well. She hopes to continue to grow this purpose-driven salon to towns across the country, encouraging women to charity in exchange for an evening of thought-provoking speakers, wine tasting, and community connections.

Here is a “taste” of upcoming events

  • Savor, Shop, & Save Holiday Highlights – an event featuring local merchants including Shorty Love, Rocks, and Wonnaful, among others to learn about their businesses and shop for the holidays – December 3rd, 2025 at Gellert’s home in Chappaqua
  • The January Salon is set for January 8th in Chappaqua, January 14th in Greenwich, and February 5th in Los Angeles. It will be anchored by TEDx Speaker, Best-Selling Author, and Executive Coach Stef Ziev. The talk, It’s Your Turn-Radical Recalibration to Navigate Midlife, will focus participants on what the new year has to offer them as Stef dives deep into her TURN method and other ways to reinvent your midlife journey, personally or professionally.

For further information, please visit the website: tasteandtalk.org

*Chai is a Hebrew word meaning “Life” and is composed of two letters which, through the system of Hebrew numerology known as Gematria, add up to 18. It serves as a powerful symbol of existence, hope and resilience and is therefore considered a lucky number. Jews often give gifts or make charitable donations in multiples of Chai.

From Byram to Broadway: Catching up with Byram Hills Alum Tom Kitt

by

PHOTO BY CATHY PINSKY

It’s the day after the 2025 Tony Awards, and I have the distinct pleasure to Zoom with Tony-, Emmy-, Grammy- and Pulitzer-winner, the uber-hyphenated (singer/songwriter/composer/lyricist/musical director-supervisor-arranger and orchestrator) artist, Tom Kitt. This is the first time in four years that Tom has not had a show in the evening’s lineup, and he laughingly shared that “muscle memory” almost kicked in to start him dressing for the event, only to realize he could watch, clap-for and be inspired by his friends and co-workers, all from the comfort of his couch. That said, he and his wife Rita Pietropinto-Kitt, did attend a number of afterparties, returning home late enough that it was almost morning, so I was doubly grateful for his time and graciousness in speaking with me.

Born Thomas Robert Kitt in 1974, Tom, along with his two older siblings, spent his early years in Port Washington on Long Island but moved with his parents to Westchester and the Armonk school district as a middle school student in 1987.

This is where and when the magic began, and Tom Kitt came into his own.

As most of us know from our own childhoods and those of our children today, middle school can be rough. And starting fresh as the new kid in town – downright scary. Tom was no exception to feeling first-day nerves, but luckily for him, athletics are a great entry to the teen boy-world, and Tom had been playing soccer since he was four years old. As Tom shared, it was more his gutsy behavior than his ball handling skills that first helped to put him on his peers’ radar; apparently, there was a large-for-his-age football player who pretty much ran the recess yard and games, and when he had the ball no one dared challenge him. Unaware of this unwritten playground rule, Tom surprised everyone by tackling the big guy, getting ahold of the ball and, unexpectedly, changing the course of that day’s game.

In fact, the unexpected seems to be part of the whole that defines Tom Kitt. In addition to playing soccer from a young age, Tom also played the piano. And not just for himself or for his family, but in school, often in performances as part of talent shows he helped to organize. This led to some teasing and bullying from his Port Washington classmates but garnered only positive attention at Byram Hills.

Tom had found his tribe and found great teachers along the way too. Performing “Captain Jack” in an 8th grade talent show, a tribute to one of his to-this-day idols Billy Joel, Tom confides that he “felt the love” and observed that “all artists need people who get them; in fact, all humankind needs people who get them.”

When Tom got to Byram Hills High School, he kept up with his schoolwork and played soccer but was especially focused on his singer/songwriter skills. He performed at coffee houses “and anywhere I could get on a piano and sing.” When he was a sophomore, he was asked to play in the orchestra pit for Kiss Me Kate – his first theatrical experience, and loved it. As a senior, he was convinced to be in the musical Into the Woods and, as he tells it, “As soon as I started, I was floored, my breath was taken away… when I talk about my road to the theater and what inspired me growing up, that Byram Hills experience was at the center.” Tom came back to Byram Hills in 2015 for the beloved drama teacher, Joy Varley’s retirement, which included an alumni performance of Next to Normal and reminisces “High school was such a layered and deeply emotional experience…seeing my name on the theater wall, with others such as Peter Gallagher and Laura Brannigan as part of the history of Byram Hills was incredibly meaningful.”

Tom loved all his Byram Hills educators, but English teacher Mr. Montgomery really stood out. “He recommended a list of books after I graduated, one of which was High Fidelity and that was my first Broadway musical. It was a great source of pride and emotion when I saw him at one of my Broadway previews and I got to give him a hug, thank him and say look what you made happen!”

Tom recognizes that he feels deeply and cares deeply, and that is a trait that can lift him up or cause deep pain. He enjoys seeing people respond positively to his work but admits that he also has learned and grown from places of disappointment. Getting fired from a first job, after only two months, was one such moment. The security of a regular paycheck and other perks like healthcare, were suddenly gone. But that extra downtime gave him the opportunity to re-visit his true creative passions and set him up to meet key people, network within the music and theater industries and ultimately live his dreams.

PHOTO BY CATHY PINSKY

Dreams are the stuff we are frequently told to leave behind in childhood; they say we should pack them away along with our toys as “adulting” means being responsible, being serious, and, yes, often settling. Tom says that his parents were never those “theys”. He describes his parents as completely supportive of his musical interests and ambitions, and it was entirely his own choosing to major in economics, instead of music, while attending Columbia University. Looking back, Tom says he might have chosen more music classes but the discipline and attention to detail that his challenging major demanded, taught him how to learn better, stop procrastinating and focus more intently. It taught him the value of networking and teamwork, skills that are equally important – if not more so – to any book or fact-based learning.

Family is very important to Tom, and he gives a somewhat abashed smile when asked about the separation/inclusion conundrum when raising kids in the fast lane that is often associated with being a celebrity. He says that his “dad-hat” is always on, his kids are always a priority, and that he and Rita have worked hard to carefully include the children in their world but curate the way in which it is navigated. Tom’s closeness with his children, his ability to look at the world they live in and the challenges they face, is part and parcel of his creative genius.

For example, Jagged Little Pill, the musical for which Tom won a Grammy award for Best Musical Theater Album includes many adult themes. The show explores the complexities of family dynamics, raises questions of social inequality, and has a narrative plot line that includes sexual violence and drug addiction – not exactly a G-rated musical. And yet, much of it is centered on the lives of teenagers. Tom and Rita discussed whether they should take their kids to the show when it opened. They recognized that the themes and performances could be intense, but the question was, were they too intense? Ultimately, they decided their kids were likely already exposed to many of these issues, or soon would be, and that theater can be educational. So, they took the kids. Tom says, “the musical did what I hoped it would do”, and the production became a springboard to open the lines of communication and meaningful dialogue.

Tom enjoys seeing his kids explore his work when the timing is right. He notes that they were too young when Next to Normal had its run, but he enjoyed watching his children and their friends “discover” his Tony- and Pulitzer-award winning show as they got older and enjoyed even more that they want to talk about the show and its themes with him.

Asked what today’s aspiring young creatives can do to make headway in the arts industries, Tom reflects back once again to his childhood and upbringing. His advice to kids: identify your dream, use these years to figure out the tools you need to make that dream happen. Gain knowledge in any way you can to equip yourself – whether that’s private work, group work, in-school clubs and classes and after-school programs. Network and think about how you can position yourself. Be open to all possibilities. And advice to parents: support your kids’ dreams. Challenge them but support them. Your energy and your belief in them can and will make all the difference.

What’s next for Tom Kitt? With a wink, he says he’s plenty busy working on a number of projects and workshops now, but few are at the sharing stage. One he did speak about was a new musical, The Ghost Writer. Adapted from the Phillip Roth novel of the same name, Tom is composing the music and co-writing the lyrics with his collaborator, playwright Daniel Goldfarb. He is also part of the team working on the musical adaptation of Ten Things I Hate About You. This will feature music supervision, arrangements, and orchestrations by Tom, and is based on the popular 1999 film, which is a modern take on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew.

I’m sure we all can’t wait to see what else Tom has up his creative sleeves – perhaps we’ll even see Mr. Kitt at next year’s Tony Awards.

Meet the Limitless & Lovely Ali Stroker

by

PHOTO BY DONNA MUELLER

Mornings, I believe, are best when one can slowly ease away the cobwebs of sleep, slowly make the necessary ablutions and slowly brew a cup of steamy hot strong coffee to slowly sip while watching the daybreak slowly on the horizon. Sense a theme here? Slow and steady works! Or so I always thought. Until a recent early morning chat with Tony-award winning actress Ali Stroker, gave me pause to reconsider.

Ali, up early and enroute from her Briarcliff Manor home to a college workshop in southern Jersey, was a veritable force of nature from the moment we said our first hellos. Upbeat and energetic, engaged and thoughtful, warm and friendly…instead of slow and steady, this was ready, set, go on a cold December morning at the crack of dawn!

And what makes Ali go? The easier question might be what doesn’t. As she modestly puts it, “I love to work, and am happiest when my life is diversified, so I keep lots of pots on my stove”.

What’s stirring in Ali’s pots? Acting comes first and foremost to mind of course, as most of us know Ali from her 2019 Tony-award winning performance as “Ado Annie” in the Broadway revival of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma!. The award created immediate buzz in the theatre community and beyond as Ali became the first actor in a wheelchair to win a Broadway Tony. That said and while the Tony may have been an industry first, it wasn’t Ali’s first time on Broadway – she had cleared that particular hurdle in 2015 performing in Deaf West Theatre’s revival of Spring Awakening. Additionally, many fans already knew her from TV’s 2011 reality series The Glee Project which, after Ali made it through all 12 episodes, led to a guest role on Fox’s Glee and then to additional hit shows like Ozark and Only Murders in the Building.

PHOTO BY DONNA MUELLER

While acting is front-burner much of the time, when the theatre world quiets down – as Ali says is often the case in December – she’ll stir up her workshop pot and focus on spreading her motivational message and self-proclaimed motto: “Turning your limitations into your opportunities.” This could mean everything from speaking engagements to, like her workshop this morning, facilitating a theatre-student college workshop. Audiences and students are abled, disabled, universal in their desire to open themselves to hear and to learn. Ali shares her personal story and the positive ways we can all be successful regardless of, or in some cases even due to, the cards we’ve been handed.

Ali’s hand of cards was dealt early. Born across the river in Ridgewood, New Jersey, Ali says she and her two siblings along with their Physical Education teacher dad and hands-on stay-at-home mom, were the quintessential “sports family”. When a car accident left Ali paralyzed from the chest down at the age of two, the home team effort became next level; Ali’s mom became her fiercest advocate, and her dad instilled in her the “never give up” attitude. From both, she learned “that our challenges make us stronger.”

And strength is both physical and spiritual for Ali. She shares that she “was always a happy child” but being paralyzed “felt stuck on all fronts.” Then she discovered her voice and singing, and her whole world opened up. Musical theatre became her passion, and, being cast as “Annie” in a backyard family musical at seven years old was “the moment my life changed.”

Love of theatre took Ali to NYU where she met her husband, David Perlow. Students in the same musical theatre program, they developed a deep friendship and trust. They are each other’s biggest fans and, though raised with different religions, share a common spirituality, one that focuses on being kind to others. That core relationship value is foundational to their own family as they’ve embraced their role as parents to their now two-year-old son Jesse.

Ali, David and Jesse love living in Briarcliff Manor. For David, who grew up in town, it is a return to his roots. And Ali finds it reminds her of her own suburban childhood, with the added bonus of the easy commute to Manhattan. Ali has found personal trainers, chiropractors and doctors to help her stay physically strong but shares that “health and wellness is also about people, and finding community adds so much to that”. The couple work hard to make sure they find time in their busy professional schedule for community and for each other. Even at warp speed, work/life balance is important, so they make time to enjoy date nights at local restaurants, sharing morning coffee at local beaneries while Jesse is in pre-school, and exploring their limitless future together.

P.S. There are many full-circle moments in Ali’s life. From backyard musical Annie to Broadway Ado Annie. From paralysis to the unbound freedom of performance, and from a life changed at the age of two to watching her own two-year-old explore the world. Our interview ends when Ali arrives at her speaking gig and leaves me with this final thought: “Maybe I was born for this, for this challenge and for this purpose to help people.” And then, like the force of nature she is, she is off!

To Tell the Truth

by

“Honey, do these pants make me look fat?!”

We’ve all asked it, or some version thereof, of our spouse/partner/significant other. And, of course, we want to hear some version of “no, of course not – they look great on you, my dear!”

But, what if they actually don’t?

And so, the real question is–do we truly want an honest answer? Or do we want our spouse/partner/significant other to tell a little white lie and spare our feelings?

This is the question central to the movie You Hurt My Feelings*, a new film by writer-director Nicole Holofcener starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies as a perfectly happy couple who share a picture-perfect NYC life. Or are they, and do they? Julia plays Beth, a writer hard at work on a follow-up to her successful memoir. She asks her husband, Don, to read her many drafts and he has nothing but praise for them and for her. But, of course, a movie needs a plot twist, and this one begs the moral question about when and if to tell a loved one what you really think.

I loved this movie, not just because the writing, directing, editing, acting were superb (which they are), not just because, well, Julia is a writer named BETH… lol… and not just because it depicts a certain Manhattan demographic so pitch-perfectly, but because it asks a pretty profound question, examines it in with slice-of-life directness, but still leaves us wondering and causes us to ponder what we would do.

When I was asked for an essay offering “a few pearls of wisdom/anecdotes” of a long-term happy marriage, I had to pause for a moment. Am I really the right person? Do my husband and I belong up on some unlikely pedestal for all to admire? Ha, I laughed to myself, haha, that’s a good one! But, then again, I hedged, we have been together for over 30 years and there’s something to be said for that kind of staying power. Truly, anyone who takes this long and winding commitment road knows that it’s not without its bumps and potholes. That said, it’s in the way we navigate these roadblocks that we find our strengths, figure out how to work together and decide whether we are and can continue to be a happy couple.

Which leads me back to You Hurt My Feelings, a 2023 film which I had the good fortune to see during its premiere screening at the Sundance Film Festival (SFF) this past January. I’ve been an SFF volunteer for the last decade (I actually got my 10-year pin this year), and I just love, love, love it! The excitement and energy are palpable, I’ve met amazing life-long friends, enjoyed parties and swag, and, of course, seen incredible films often with talent on-hand for interesting post-screening Q-and-As. It’s a film-lover’s paradise! And I always go it alone.

Yes, while Stephen and I enjoy watching movies together, he would hate the Sundance traffic, crowds, and lines. My husband has many fine qualities, but patience is simply not one of them. And so, Sundance is my thing. And we’re both fine with that–today.

Fact is, however, at first, this wasn’t a given. Our kids had just grown and flown enough for me to contemplate Sundance. But could I really just take off? On my own? While my poor hubbie went to the office working his insane hours as always? Hmmmm. I definitely sensed a bit of tension, maybe even resentment. But when I asked if he was truly ok with it (i.e., do these pants make me look fat?), he said yes. And so, I made my plans. And the next year, made them again. And so on and so forth until, as the years went on, Stephen started to ask me if I’d made my annual SFF arrangements yet.

Did Stephen honestly mean he was ok with my very first solo SFF plans? Or did he, out of love and generosity, tell me what he knew I wanted to hear? I’ll likely never really know. But I do know I’m glad he said “yes” and that my annual Sundance volunteering stint has become part of the fabric of our lives. Togetherness is a wonderful thing, but so too are personal interests and individual hobbies.

Final thought: I imagine it can get pretty tiring hanging out on a pedestal. I’d rather put that energy into the hard work that is the real brick and mortar of a happy marriage. Cheers to all of us who love, respect, compromise, negotiate, give in, hold out, keep on keeping on 😊!

*You Hurt My Feelings was first screened at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival and was snapped up by A24; I highly recommend!