The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Beth Besen

Meet the Limitless & Lovely Ali Stroker

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PHOTO BY DONNA MUELLER

Mornings, I believe, are best when one can slowly ease away the cobwebs of sleep, slowly make the necessary ablutions and slowly brew a cup of steamy hot strong coffee to slowly sip while watching the daybreak slowly on the horizon. Sense a theme here? Slow and steady works! Or so I always thought. Until a recent early morning chat with Tony-award winning actress Ali Stroker, gave me pause to reconsider.

Ali, up early and enroute from her Briarcliff Manor home to a college workshop in southern Jersey, was a veritable force of nature from the moment we said our first hellos. Upbeat and energetic, engaged and thoughtful, warm and friendly…instead of slow and steady, this was ready, set, go on a cold December morning at the crack of dawn!

And what makes Ali go? The easier question might be what doesn’t. As she modestly puts it, “I love to work, and am happiest when my life is diversified, so I keep lots of pots on my stove”.

What’s stirring in Ali’s pots? Acting comes first and foremost to mind of course, as most of us know Ali from her 2019 Tony-award winning performance as “Ado Annie” in the Broadway revival of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma!. The award created immediate buzz in the theatre community and beyond as Ali became the first actor in a wheelchair to win a Broadway Tony. That said and while the Tony may have been an industry first, it wasn’t Ali’s first time on Broadway – she had cleared that particular hurdle in 2015 performing in Deaf West Theatre’s revival of Spring Awakening. Additionally, many fans already knew her from TV’s 2011 reality series The Glee Project which, after Ali made it through all 12 episodes, led to a guest role on Fox’s Glee and then to additional hit shows like Ozark and Only Murders in the Building.

PHOTO BY DONNA MUELLER

While acting is front-burner much of the time, when the theatre world quiets down – as Ali says is often the case in December – she’ll stir up her workshop pot and focus on spreading her motivational message and self-proclaimed motto: “Turning your limitations into your opportunities.” This could mean everything from speaking engagements to, like her workshop this morning, facilitating a theatre-student college workshop. Audiences and students are abled, disabled, universal in their desire to open themselves to hear and to learn. Ali shares her personal story and the positive ways we can all be successful regardless of, or in some cases even due to, the cards we’ve been handed.

Ali’s hand of cards was dealt early. Born across the river in Ridgewood, New Jersey, Ali says she and her two siblings along with their Physical Education teacher dad and hands-on stay-at-home mom, were the quintessential “sports family”. When a car accident left Ali paralyzed from the chest down at the age of two, the home team effort became next level; Ali’s mom became her fiercest advocate, and her dad instilled in her the “never give up” attitude. From both, she learned “that our challenges make us stronger.”

And strength is both physical and spiritual for Ali. She shares that she “was always a happy child” but being paralyzed “felt stuck on all fronts.” Then she discovered her voice and singing, and her whole world opened up. Musical theatre became her passion, and, being cast as “Annie” in a backyard family musical at seven years old was “the moment my life changed.”

Love of theatre took Ali to NYU where she met her husband, David Perlow. Students in the same musical theatre program, they developed a deep friendship and trust. They are each other’s biggest fans and, though raised with different religions, share a common spirituality, one that focuses on being kind to others. That core relationship value is foundational to their own family as they’ve embraced their role as parents to their now two-year-old son Jesse.

Ali, David and Jesse love living in Briarcliff Manor. For David, who grew up in town, it is a return to his roots. And Ali finds it reminds her of her own suburban childhood, with the added bonus of the easy commute to Manhattan. Ali has found personal trainers, chiropractors and doctors to help her stay physically strong but shares that “health and wellness is also about people, and finding community adds so much to that”. The couple work hard to make sure they find time in their busy professional schedule for community and for each other. Even at warp speed, work/life balance is important, so they make time to enjoy date nights at local restaurants, sharing morning coffee at local beaneries while Jesse is in pre-school, and exploring their limitless future together.

P.S. There are many full-circle moments in Ali’s life. From backyard musical Annie to Broadway Ado Annie. From paralysis to the unbound freedom of performance, and from a life changed at the age of two to watching her own two-year-old explore the world. Our interview ends when Ali arrives at her speaking gig and leaves me with this final thought: “Maybe I was born for this, for this challenge and for this purpose to help people.” And then, like the force of nature she is, she is off!

To Tell the Truth

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“Honey, do these pants make me look fat?!”

We’ve all asked it, or some version thereof, of our spouse/partner/significant other. And, of course, we want to hear some version of “no, of course not – they look great on you, my dear!”

But, what if they actually don’t?

And so, the real question is–do we truly want an honest answer? Or do we want our spouse/partner/significant other to tell a little white lie and spare our feelings?

This is the question central to the movie You Hurt My Feelings*, a new film by writer-director Nicole Holofcener starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies as a perfectly happy couple who share a picture-perfect NYC life. Or are they, and do they? Julia plays Beth, a writer hard at work on a follow-up to her successful memoir. She asks her husband, Don, to read her many drafts and he has nothing but praise for them and for her. But, of course, a movie needs a plot twist, and this one begs the moral question about when and if to tell a loved one what you really think.

I loved this movie, not just because the writing, directing, editing, acting were superb (which they are), not just because, well, Julia is a writer named BETH… lol… and not just because it depicts a certain Manhattan demographic so pitch-perfectly, but because it asks a pretty profound question, examines it in with slice-of-life directness, but still leaves us wondering and causes us to ponder what we would do.

When I was asked for an essay offering “a few pearls of wisdom/anecdotes” of a long-term happy marriage, I had to pause for a moment. Am I really the right person? Do my husband and I belong up on some unlikely pedestal for all to admire? Ha, I laughed to myself, haha, that’s a good one! But, then again, I hedged, we have been together for over 30 years and there’s something to be said for that kind of staying power. Truly, anyone who takes this long and winding commitment road knows that it’s not without its bumps and potholes. That said, it’s in the way we navigate these roadblocks that we find our strengths, figure out how to work together and decide whether we are and can continue to be a happy couple.

Which leads me back to You Hurt My Feelings, a 2023 film which I had the good fortune to see during its premiere screening at the Sundance Film Festival (SFF) this past January. I’ve been an SFF volunteer for the last decade (I actually got my 10-year pin this year), and I just love, love, love it! The excitement and energy are palpable, I’ve met amazing life-long friends, enjoyed parties and swag, and, of course, seen incredible films often with talent on-hand for interesting post-screening Q-and-As. It’s a film-lover’s paradise! And I always go it alone.

Yes, while Stephen and I enjoy watching movies together, he would hate the Sundance traffic, crowds, and lines. My husband has many fine qualities, but patience is simply not one of them. And so, Sundance is my thing. And we’re both fine with that–today.

Fact is, however, at first, this wasn’t a given. Our kids had just grown and flown enough for me to contemplate Sundance. But could I really just take off? On my own? While my poor hubbie went to the office working his insane hours as always? Hmmmm. I definitely sensed a bit of tension, maybe even resentment. But when I asked if he was truly ok with it (i.e., do these pants make me look fat?), he said yes. And so, I made my plans. And the next year, made them again. And so on and so forth until, as the years went on, Stephen started to ask me if I’d made my annual SFF arrangements yet.

Did Stephen honestly mean he was ok with my very first solo SFF plans? Or did he, out of love and generosity, tell me what he knew I wanted to hear? I’ll likely never really know. But I do know I’m glad he said “yes” and that my annual Sundance volunteering stint has become part of the fabric of our lives. Togetherness is a wonderful thing, but so too are personal interests and individual hobbies.

Final thought: I imagine it can get pretty tiring hanging out on a pedestal. I’d rather put that energy into the hard work that is the real brick and mortar of a happy marriage. Cheers to all of us who love, respect, compromise, negotiate, give in, hold out, keep on keeping on 😊!

*You Hurt My Feelings was first screened at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival and was snapped up by A24; I highly recommend!

Let’s Go Clubbing… Club Fit Experts Weigh in on Undertaking Personal Fitness Journeys

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At Club Fit: Donna Berta, fitness director, and Steve Butler, personal trainer
PHOTO BY MIA BROWN

Remember the 1980’s? If you too are of a certain vintage, there are simply some things you’ll never forget. Fashion? Fluorescent! And we loved our big hair, our even bigger shoulder pads. Of course, like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, that was just for work. When we wanted to work out, we rocked leotards and leg warmers and tried to channel Cher’s “If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body” and Jane Fonda’s “No pain, no gain” mantras.

Ahh, nostalgia. Though we may look fondly back at the “music still on MTV” eighties, and while it’s true that what goes around comes around (so we’re seeing some of those eighties looks back in style!), it’s also true that we’ve moved on in many ways. This includes our approach to fitness.

Club Fit fitness director Donna Berta couldn’t agree more, citing “people are more active in general, especially older people, and ‘old’ is not the same as it used to be.” That said, Berta points out that her own family was always an exception, as all of them were always active and sporty, including her mom who played basketball with Berta and her siblings. She views her mother’s active way of life as inspirational, and notes that current attitudes about fitness have caught up with what her mom seemed to instinctively know. Today’s healthy mantra is less about getting skinny and more about having skin in a daily fitness regime.

Donna, who has been with Club Fit for 28 years now, notes the clients who come with specific health improvement goals and others who come to maintain their fitness via the many options the club offers, but, overall, everyone recognizes the need to be functionally fit for all that life has to offer. One great example Donna mentioned is a club fit member and personal training client who is in his 80’s and came to Club Fit to work on staying fit to be able to play with his grandchildren and granddogs…have to say, this puts a whole other spin on the “eighties”!

Changing it Up

PHOTO BY MIA BROWN

What’s in the fitness lineup these days? Unless you’ve been living on some alien planet far, far away (ok, COVID isolation felt a bit that way, but still), you know that there’s so much more to exercise than, say, running on a treadmill. Of course, treadmills are still a great way to get your cardio on, but changing up workout routines is why gyms like Club Fit have become a key part of so many people’s lives and routines. Yoga? You bet. Pilates? Yes, please. These days, and at any age, we can Spin, Dance, TRX, HOIST, Box, Kickbox, and swim our way into health and well-being. It’s like a well-laid buffet, only all-you-can-exercise instead of eat! And if classes aren’t your thing, there are plenty of the latest cardio machines to keep your heartrate pumping, and weight training circuits and free weights for strength training too.

Not sure how to get started? Need some help changing up your routine? Want an expert to make sure you’re doing things the right way? That’s where personal training comes into play. Personal trainers are often motivated to help others achieve health benefits because they’ve personally “been there, done that”.

Take Club Fit’s Steve Butler. He’d always been into sports and had been managing a retail sports shop, but quit his gym membership during Covid which led to a decrease in his regular fitness routine. He also shared that he moved in with his girlfriend, which led him to put on some “happy weight”. He soon realized he needed regular fitness back in his life.

A Journey to Call Your Own

PHOTO BY MIA BROWN

To achieve his goal, Steve built his own home gym and got down to some serious self-training. It paid off so well that others started to ask him for tips. He took this as a “sign from above” and became certified as a personal trainer. He loves the work, and working one-on-one, saying “I love to help people. I tell them about my journey but always tell them they’re an individual so their journey will be their own–whether it’s weight loss or fitness or both. I mix it up for everyone depending on their goals, and whether they’re beginners or experienced.”

I asked Steve about working out as we age, and he, like Donna, spoke to the importance of maintaining fitness over time, noting strength and balance are key and that optimal nutrition is vital too.

Yes, healthy bodies and minds do need to stay fueled. Sometimes we all need a bit of help sticking to a healthy diet too. Whether you’re looking for a quick energy boost or a full-on meal, whether you’re counting calories, doing Keto, or just looking for healthy options you don’t have to cook yourself, Club Fit has delicious meals and snacks including, per Inside Press’s own Grace Bennett, some of the very best soups and smoothies around town!

Speaking of Grace, many know of her incredible father “Poppy”, and that he passed away only somewhat recently, enjoying a full and happy (yes, happy, even having lived through and surviving the Holocaust) 97 years of life. Grace shares that Poppy was always on the move, telling her frequently that “blood flow” is the key to health.

In his honor, and because age and isolation do slow even the most intrepid editors down, Grace started working out again herself. And, yes, she’s (back at) Club Fit!

Grace shares that she has been a Club Fit member on and off for the last 25 years of so.

I can well relate! Sure, I loved my 1980s health club; there were great classes, fun and inspirational instructors and lots of locations so I could work out near my office or my apartment. Funny thing is, I don’t recall ever seeing anyone much older than I was. Nor did I see any families with kids. I worked out with friends, flirted a bit, even had a few gym dates!

When my husband and I moved to Chappaqua nearly 30 years ago, with a toddler in tow and a baby on the way, well, let’s just say I was looking for a different type of gym experience. Club Fit felt like a warm and welcome way to meet our needs. And now? With those kiddos long grown and flown, gotta say, it’s still (like Stacy’s mom) got it going on!

Steve Butler with Grace
PHOTO BY MIA BROWN

Nesting from Chapp to Tapp

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At Stephen’s 50th birthday, all four of us in Chappaqua

When my kids were little, one of our favorite bedtime books was The Best Nest by P.D. Eastman. I can still recite much of it from memory, maybe they can too; I know my oldest could “read” it well before he could read. But I digress. Point is, that beloved story is foremost on my mind these days as Mr. Bird and I prepare to leave our empty nest and settle into a smaller coop. Or, in our case, condo.

It’s a daunting task, moving. And, perversely, it gets daunting-er the older you get. Dorm-moves? Mostly trash bags and buy the boys some beer. First apartment? Ikea flat packs and the boys still like their beer. New home? Ok, this time we call the professionals–but it’s one small truck and all kinds of excitement. And space, lots and lots of space. Space to grow a family, to buy adult furniture, to fill closets and fulfill dreams. Decades worth. So, at the end of nearly 27 years, the tangibles and intangibles are simply too numerous to name. You pack your real and virtual boxes and pack a huge emotional punch along the way.

Enjoying our New ‘Hood

That said, and unlike the Birds, this is really it. No deciding to stay after all. The house sold quickly and the new owners are…well, lol, they’re us, 30 years later. That old saying “the more things change, the more they stay the same”? Too true! They are perfect for our young neighborhood, and we wish them nothing but happiness in our/their home.

Today, they are coming by to re-see the house, to take measurements, to have me “walk them through” how everything works. I have prepared lists for them–HVAC to lawn maintenance to snow removal, all the nuts and bolts. For them, I suppose that, not the move, is the daunting thing. But I’d like to think they’re also coming to imagine themselves into their future lives here…

Which kid gets which kid-room? Will they have bath time rituals, and will those rituals include fish stories (fish tiles inspire fish stories, or so we always thought). Will they put in a swing set (do we still call them that!?) and will it go where ours was? Can they see the bus stop across the street? Every morning it’s packed with kids and cars, parents and pets. I still have my first-day photos for K-5; maybe they will do the same.

Will they love the smell of lilacs wafting into the kitchen, the lilacs I specifically planted there because they remind me of MY childhood summers. Do they have a dog, will they get a dog, should I mention the garbage truck guys carry dog biscuits for all the furbabies out walking in the ‘hood.

And for us? Well, the whole thing started even before this seller’s market. We knew we’d outgrown our neighborhood and, to be honest, also our home. While we built it, and still love it, we no longer need all this space and the upkeep it requires. So, we took a deep breath, extended our wings and jumped. We hope we’ve chosen a soft landing. We’ll be just down the road–nearby enough to see friends and frequent favorite places, but new enough to re-invent ourselves to some extent, to test our senior wings in a new lifestyle. The plan is to rent for a couple of years while winding down to final retirement and deciding whether to fully stick around or finally cut the NY area cord. Ultimately, we hope to tweet with Bird-like contentment that we’re well and truly best-nested.

The Westchester Bank: Banking Made Personal … & Staying Personal During COVID-19

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John Tolomer, CEO, The Westchester Bank

What does ‘Banking Made Personal’ mean? For The Westchester Bank’s (TWB) President and CEO John Tolomer, it’s more than a catchy tagline; it’s the essence of his bank’s 12-year history of community-focused, hands-on business. Moreover, and in Tolomer’s estimation, “the pandemic has certainly taken TWB’s Banking Made Personal to another level.”

Tolomer, a proud Chappaqua family-man and resident for 30 years, has seen many changes to our town over time. But what hasn’t changed is the shared community need we all feel to connect with one another. It’s what drives so many to choose a small Westchester town in the first place, and what then drives many locals, and local and not-for-profit businesses, to turn to The Westchester Bank for their needs. Says Tolomer, “we live up to Banking Made Personal everyday with every customer.”

Tolomer highlights the importance and security of feeling connected, noting that with TWB, customers enjoy ongoing and often long-term relationships. They equally appreciate avoiding the frustrations associated with bigger banks… impersonal 800 numbers and inevitable long outgoing message and automated menu; instead they can call their TWB branch and speak directly with a manager.

Recognizing that a phone call provides an invaluable way to connect, calls were among TWB’s first response to reassuring customers that all was secure when COVID-19 first became known. Tolomer notes, “we had the opportunity to call each and every one of our customers to see how we could be in a position to help them ride through the economic uncertainty.” He further shares that he and his team have always routinely run contingency plans, including the prescient “what if” of a pandemic.

With their last planning session completed in January 2020, TWB was fortunately well-prepared to put their latest contingency plan into effect as soon as the unprecedented news of global pandemic topped headlines in late February/early March. The upshot for all is not only reassurance, but gratitude. And gratitude that seems to cut both ways. “Being able to be a community bank and call your customers is very powerful,” says Tolomer, who then goes on to underscore that the feedback from customers has been very gratifying as well.

“Customers are grateful that we’re calling to personally ask how we can assist them, as opposed to badger them for payments and the like, and we’re grateful to have the ability to continue to serve and enrich our community.”

While both borrowing and depository customers really embraced the personal touch a phone call provided, true relief came from knowing that TWB had secured their bottom line. With help from the government’s Payroll Protection Plan of April 6th, Tolomer estimates TWB was able to facilitate in excess of $85 million in PPP loans, a sum that translated to saving over seven thousand jobs. Further, he and TWB continue to support a wide range of local not-for-profits–as has always been a hallmark of their mission–with ongoing no-fee products, services and employee volunteerism. Tolomer cites one such example, Feeding Westchester, as even more important right now, “as affluent as this community is, there are those in need of food, who are food-insecure, especially in these unprecedented times.”

Happily, the bank is continuing to operate at full strength. But, naturally, there are changes in the day-to-day way things run at present. Many officers are working remotely, and many customers are banking remotely. Of course, online banking isn’t new, but Tolomer says it has increased significantly including an uptick in mobile app use and scanning deposits. For those who are newer to online and mobile banking, TWB provides plenty of tech support.

Certainly, and as noted, a large part of the charm of local banking was coming in to “mingle” and see familiar faces. Many look forward to a return to those days, even as safety and caution–the buzzwords of the moment–lead both employees and customers to recognize that distance banking is in everyone’s best interests right now. That said, when necessity does require an in-person visit to one of TWB’s seven full-service local branches, rest assured that the bank has taken full social distancing and sanitation measures and that bank personnel are fully masked-up–and the expectation is that customers will do like-wise.

Banking Made Personal® is a registered trademark of The Westchester Bank