Full disclosure – I have no one going back to school this year; none of my sons nor any of their significant others. Not nursery school, K-12, college, or graduate school. I will only know when school is back in session when I see yellow busses around town.
However, having done back-to-school for three decades, I do have a few things to say.
I clearly remember starting each school year with a mixture of dread and excitement. Dread because I never knew what the next ten months would bring. Would my children like their teachers? Would they do their homework? Would I survive all the projects, activities, carpooling, etc.? I have three sons, each five years apart, and I was always all over the map. Different schools, different activities – I needed a flow chart to keep it all straight.
With my older sons, there was no portal, no online anything. When they weren’t doing well, I found out the old-fashioned way – a phone call or email from their teacher. And there were plenty of those.
But despite the bumps in the road, I also found the school year a little magical. Seeing my sons’ excitement when they learned something new. Attending their concerts and marveling how much better they got year to year. Discovering which subjects they were drawn to. Middle son loved history so much he majored in it in college. I had to force my youngest son to do his reading logs… not surprising that he chose math as his college major.
I always thought there needed to be a better way to ease into the school year – after a relaxing summer, the first few weeks of the new year always felt jolting. Like jumping into an icy pool. The forms that needed to be signed, the supplies that had to be procured, the assignments that came fast and furious. But perhaps jumping in is better than dipping a toe – there’s no time to contemplate what’s ahead.
In any event, I recall that soon enough, we all got in the groove. By the time I attended back-to-school night, the lazy days of summer were a distant memory.
Each year was its own separate experience. Sometimes I knew what might be ahead based on first or second-hand knowledge of the teachers. But even that wasn’t a guarantee of success or failure. The middle school science teacher who had made my oldest son’s life a living hell (and in turn mine) didn’t even seem to notice my youngest son when she had him ten years later – he tended to fly under the radar in school. I also told him never to mention his oldest brother and, if it came up, deny that they were even related.
I think if I had one piece of advice to give younger parents whose kids are starting the school year it would be, “Be prepared for the unexpected. And keep your sense of humor about all of it.” I guess that’s two pieces of advice. You especially might need that second recommendation when you find yourself helping your child with a huge assignment they haven’t started that’s due the next day.
For anyone who is thinking, “My child would never not do an assignment” – when it comes to kids, never say never. And for those who are saying, “I would make them do it themselves or accept the consequences of not doing it,” please don’t judge me. Every parent needs to figure out how best to survive the school year. Yes, I may have enabled my sons, but they all made it through. And more importantly, I did too.
My wish for you all is a successful 2024-25 school year with as little stress as possible. And I will think of you when I see the yellow busses go by.
Happy Back-to-School!
A new empty nester, with her youngest son away for his freshman year at college last year, Fischer was just acclimating to her new life and blogging about it when the pandemic began. She suddenly found herself with her husband working from home and the two of them sharing a very full house with all three sons and her oldest son’s fiancée at the start of the pandemic.
Excerpt from Gained a Daughter but Nearly Lost My Mind: How I Planned a Backyard Wedding During A Pandemic, by Marlene Fischer 
