The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Marlene Kern Fischer

My Ever-Evolving Thoughts on Beauty

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After Penny Marshall died a few months ago, I saw an interview she had done where she talked about what she believed was her legacy. She summed things up in her matter-of-fact way, stating “I had a successful TV show, I had a couple of successful movies and I’m not beautiful.” I was somewhat dismayed to hear that she included her perception of her looks in her summation of her life. A perception that wasn’t even true in my opinion.

I understood what she was saying–Penny Marshall came of age when women like Elizabeth Taylor and Doris Day defined the standard of beauty. She worked in an industry where beauty was largely skin deep.

I too grew up in an era when beauty was defined by a cookie cutter mold. So many of my peers went to the same plastic surgeon in high school for the same nose job, afraid to look different or too ethnic. We wore the same Benneton sweaters and clogs. (Well, everyone except me, whose “practical” mother declared “clogs aren’t good for your feet.”)  But I have seen a shift in a perception of beauty since I was a teen, a shift that’s positive. Actresses and models don’t all look the same anymore; they are short, tall, of different races, plus-sized (or at least “curvy”), etc.

As I have gotten older, I have learned that true beauty at any age is about confidence and individuality.

I look past the women who strive to look the same and see magnificence in those who allow their essence and honesty to shine through. I’ve discovered it’s not the size of the pants that makes one beautiful, it’s the size of the heart. How many times have you met someone you initially thought was attractive only to find that their character flaws diminished their attractiveness? And for that matter, hasn’t someone become lovelier in your eyes after you see the loveliness of their soul?

I just saw a picture on Facebook of someone I knew when I was in middle school who is battling ovarian cancer (and kicking its ass). She has lost her hair but not her spirit. That’s beauty.

I’ve also discovered that self-acceptance goes a long way in creating an appearance of beauty. We have earned the bodies we have—why not celebrate them? Those stretch marks on my stomach? Evidence of a belly which once housed some of my children. My laugh lines? Proof that I have indeed laughed a lot (as well as cried). The extra pounds I carry? Confirmation that I enjoy food. Those grey hairs? OK, as someone who started going grey prematurely, I admit I have for years colored my hair (quite often these days) but have thought about stopping at some point in the future. I have a few friends who no longer dye their hair and they look fantastic. I strive to do the best with what I’ve got and, aside from the hair coloring, I’m not willing to go through other great lengths to try to convince myself (or anyone else) that I’m decades younger than I am. There’s much I’ve yet to accomplish; I can’t spend too much of my time and energy worrying about my appearance.

As far as fashion goes, I do have a subscription to a popular magazine and love to look at the new trends each season–especially the handbags. Both my husband and middle son work in the apparel industry and I think fashion is fun, an artistic expression by designers. But I’ve developed my own style and learned to wear what works for me. When I was younger, I often made the mistake of trying to copy someone else’s look, only to discover it didn’t look the same on me. Of course, it didn’t; an imitation is rarely as good as the original. And while I may read fashion magazines, if something seems ridiculous to me, no matter how popular, I won’t be swayed. I can unequivocally state that even if shoulder pads come back in style again someday, I will not be wearing them. Rocking your own style is beautiful. Penny Marshall’s character Laverne Defazio knew this better than anyone; she wore the letter L on all her clothes, even her brewery uniform and her pajamas. It was her signature and she was unapologetic about it. She wasn’t afraid to stand out.

What I saw in Penny Marshall was someone with the magical ability to make me laugh and cry, both with her acting, as well as her directing. The person who brought us unforgettable lines like “there’s no crying in baseball” (A League of Their Own) made this world a more beautiful place. And that’s as beautiful as it gets.

Finding Gratitude During a Mental Health Crisis

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I really don’t know how it happened. I had some physical, hormonal and emotional stressors early in the summer, which apparently became the perfect storm for an emotional breakdown. My anxiety, which has been a part of me for decades, erupted full force and consumed all of me. It so consumed me that I was unable to function. I stopped eating, sleeping, engaging with the world and felt panicked almost constantly.

On this journey, I have discovered that mental health issues are far more difficult to get a handle on than physical issues, and far more painful. Answers and cures are elusive. But even as I wage this war against my own mind, I realize that I have much to be grateful for.

1. I am grateful and stunned by the number of people who contacted me privately to tell me of their own struggles. Mental health issues are ubiquitous, so much so that it is challenging to get appointments for help because doctors are so busy.

2. I am grateful for an absolutely incredible support system that starts, but does not end, with my family. There are actually no words for how incredible my husband has been. Holding my hand, reassuring me, driving me to appointments, staying up with me countless nights, finding patience for me again and again. My kids, mom and mother-in-law have also been amazing, and their compassion and love has sustained me. I am grateful to be able to rely on my sons, especially my 17-year-old, who has pitched in without complaint and become a man almost overnight. I know this hasn’t been easy for any of them, but they have risen to the challenge.

3. I am grateful for and overwhelmed by the love and support of my extended support system of friends and acquaintances. During this time, through my distress, I have been able to feel, if not always acknowledge, the help from friends and family. I thank everyone who has called, texted or written to inquire about me. I thank those friends who have driven me places when I have not been able to drive myself and been there for me without judgment. I appreciate every gesture, even if I haven’t been able to answer. I’ve had limited ability and energy to reach out but despite that the calls and messages keep coming.

4. I am grateful to have the resources to explore many different kinds of therapies. Here are some of the things I’ve tried thus far; medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Hypnosis (really), meditation, yoga, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), functional medicine, homeopathy and acupuncture. I will weigh in at some point on what helped me the most. Voodoo medicine is not out of the question. And I am mindful that I am extremely lucky to be able to pursue various remedies and to focus on getting well.

Trying to heal has been a full-time job. But just knowing people are out there and are willing to help is a comfort. If you have a friend who is going through something like this, please continue to reach out to them even if you get a tepid or no response. Even when I don’t acknowledge them, friends’ messages mean the world to me. Mental health issues really do take a village.

I hope that by discussing this openly, I can help someone else who is keeping their struggles to themselves. I hope to write at length about my experiences someday soon but I’m still in the middle of this journey I had no desire to take. I know that I can only reflect when I have some perspective and I’m not there yet. I am still battling to find my way back.

I have newfound compassion and respect for anyone who has ever struggled in a similar way. I hope to come out the other side stronger than I was before and be a voice and advocate for others. I hope someday people can openly say, “me too” about their mental health challenges.

Tauk Brings a Taste of the Beach to Armonk

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If you are feeling a little sad that the days are starting to get shorter and cooler, there is something you can do about it. A visit to Tauk, a new restaurant in Armonk Square, may be just what you need to help extend your summer and make you feel as if you’re still at the beach.

Armonk Native

Francis Leone, an Armonk native, has brought the best of Montauk to his new restaurant, which boasts fresh off the boat fish delivered daily. Born into a restaurant family (his uncle owns the Emilio’s of Morris Park the famous pizzeria and Italian restaurant in the Bronx), Leone credits his uncle for teaching him “everything I know about the business.” And after eating at Tauk a few times, I would say he knows a lot.

Casual & Relaxed Atmosphere

The atmosphere at Tauk is relaxed and casual, with the focus on food and fun. Montauk themed artwork adorns the walls inside the bright and inviting interior. There is outdoor seating available, as well. In fact, Tauk boasts one of the largest outdoor seating areas in Armonk. The outdoor patio, designed by Leone himself, will remain open into Fall; outdoor heaters will keep you warm on the cooler Fall evenings. The outdoor area includes couches that make hanging out with friends even more comfortable and inviting.

Varied Menu

The varied menu includes small plates like crispy brussel sprouts (the best I’ve ever had), a delicious yellow fin poke bowl served with tortilla chips and pico de gallo and a wild gulf shrimp cocktail served with the house cocktail sauce. Among their farm fresh salads, the golden and red beets salad is the most popular. And what beach themed restaurant would be complete without chowder? Tauk’s salmon chowder is prepared to perfection. There are also a variety of tacos on the menu, including braised beef, chicken, and crispy or grilled cod which are available in flour tortillas or corn shells.

Best Seller

The number one best seller at Tauk is the Montauk lobster roll, which can be ordered warmed and buttered or chilled with tartar sauce. Paired with a glass of cold Montauk beer, you will swear you can almost hear the surf roll on and off the shore and feel an ocean breeze. Other sumptuous entrees include the cod fish and chips, lobster mac and cheese, steak frites and seared wild salmon. Leone also recommends the burger with special Tauk sauce, which is prepared with organic meat and always fresh local ingredients. One of my family members, who is the pickiest of eaters, was thrilled with the crispy, fresh nachos and perfectly prepared Buffalo chicken wings.

Seasonal Offerings

For the fall, Tauk will add the Tuna-Wich, a thick tuna sandwich prepared by Chef John Poiarkoff, formerly of Restaurant North. Leone reminisced that “When I was a kid, tuna sandwiches were stuffed thick and every restaurant out in Montauk had its own version of it.” He wanted to recreate that memory with his own version here in Armonk.

Local Brews

If you want to hang out at the bar, Tauk’s is well-stocked with a variety of Montauk craft beers, ale and liquor which complement their many other selections. Leone said he “wanted to bring a piece of Manhattan to town” and the bar menu and vibe reflect that desire. There’s a television so that customers can watch the Food Channel or whatever sports game is on.

Dietary Restrictions

The restaurant is more than happy to accommodate dietary restrictions–for example both the tacos and the fish and chips can be made gluten-free, while the brussel sprouts can be made in a vegetarian preparation without bacon. Poiarkoff and his crew are also happy to make modifications on their menu items whenever possible; just speak to your server about any special requests. You will find the staff at Tauk knowledgeable, friendly, attentive and eager to please.

Open Hours

Tauk opens daily for lunch at 11 a.m.; dinner is served until 11 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 9 p.m. on Sundays. (The kitchen is closed between lunch and dinner from 3:00-5:00 p.m.) It’s important to note that Tauk is open until midnight Friday and Saturday, which is perfect for those who prefer to dine on the later side and enjoy a leisurely meal. Reservations are accepted, and take-out is also available.

So, don’t put away your summer whites just yet. If you want to feel as if you’re in Montauk (without the beach traffic) or just looking for a unique dining experience check out Tauk. You won’t be disappointed.   

Area Parking Challenges…and Ways to Alleviate them

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If you have had difficulty finding a parking spot in Armonk or Chappaqua, you are not alone. As both towns have grown, so too have parking problems. Add in the popularity of larger vehicles and SUVs, and parking space is at a premium.

With new businesses coming into the towns and ongoing construction (such as on lower King Street in Chappaqua), finding a spot can be tricky. This is especially true by the train station and in merchant spacing in Chappaqua and on Main Street and at the DeCicco’s lot in Armonk.

The parking limitations make it necessary for the towns to be vigilant about enforcing parking regulations. Community Service Worker Manny Antoniou, who is in charge of parking and traffic in Chappaqua, says the primary reason he issues tickets is for being in a spot too long. He is often stopped by people searching for a spot and suggests that they try the back of the commuter lot where you can pay by plate. He knows that adding more spaces would be the obvious solution but recognized that improving the parking situation needed to be done by “research and survey,” a process which could take a while.

Popular Parking Violations

Other parking violations for which he tickets include parking in two spaces, parking too far from the curb, or in a handicapped spot or fire zone. When asked about whether people who park in two spaces do purposely or not, Antoniou responded that, “Sometimes the offender is simply in a rush but sometimes they do it intentionally to protect a new car from dings.” Antoniou said he can “usually tell” the intentions a parking spot hog has and uses his discretion to ticket. He also urged people to stay off their phones and to “not ignore officers when they are directing traffic.”

In Armonk, the parking situation is not much better. During the midday hours, you may find yourself circling the DeCicco’s lot or scanning Main Street as you drive by in hopes of finding a vacant spot. One store owner in town, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “The biggest problem we have in Armonk is employees parking on Main Street. It’s an issue that needs to be addressed.” If you are willing to walk a bit to your destination (especially now that the weather has finally improved), there are often spots available in the CVS lot or the library parking lot.

New Spots Planned for Armonk

There is some good news on the horizon though; the town is in the process of adding approximately 80 spots behind and next to the Hergenhan Recreation Center, which should help alleviate the parking situation.

Sergeant Huffnagle of the Town of North Castle Police Department said that although parking is definitely a concern, he has found that most people in town are respectful of the handicapped spots. He also noted that with all the restaurants in town, Armonk has become a “culinary hub” and that means more cars parked for longer periods of time.

The North Castle officer in charge of parking marks tires on Main Street, which has a one-hour time limit during the hours between 7 a.m. and 3 p.m. The parking officer is also the animal control officer, so if he has to leave Main Street to deal with a situation with a coyote, raccoon, deer or other animal, you may get lucky and avoid a ticket if you are in a spot for more than an hour. (It is not recommended that you count on him being away, however.)

Parking Lot Etiquette 101

There are things you can do to help the parking situation. As a resident of Armonk for 20 years and a self-proclaimed parking lot maven, below are some helpful tips:

Pull out of your spot in a timely fashion. We all have the urge to check our phones and I know I am not alone in having replied to a text or two while sitting in my car. However, when I have to respond to a text (like when my son asks me to pick him up at school), I try to keep it brief. Composing a 2,000-word e-mail, flat ironing your hair, putting on make-up, or reading a book while someone is waiting for your spot is not cool and will not earn you the Citizen of the Year award.

Leave enough space between your car and the car next to you. Not being as thin as I used to be, when someone parks too close to my car I have had to slither in to the driver’s seat, as well as enter my car through the passenger side, which requires a level of flexibility I do not really possess.

Give cars spaces to parallel park. You can make fun of how badly someone parallel parks, but only after you give them enough room to get into a spot.

In Addition…

To avoid accidents Sergeant Huffnagle wants to remind citizens to “use their signals” when they are planning to park so other drivers are aware of their intentions.

Allow pedestrians to cross the street. We are small friendly towns; Armonk is Frosty the Snowman’s birthplace, for goodness sake. You won’t melt in the ten seconds it takes for someone to cross from the Post Office to Hickory & Tweed.

Huffnagle stated that he thinks people typically do not intend to be discourteous and that most problems arise because, “People are in their own little world and can be oblivious to other peoples’ concerns and time constraints.” I agree and believe that we can each do our part to make the parking and traffic situations in our towns much better.

A Day in My Life of Shopping Locally–in MAY

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Shop Local enthusiast and blogger, Marlene Fischer

 

I prefer to shop locally where, like the song from the television show Cheers says, “Everybody knows my name.” I feel good about living in a small town where the businesses are such an integral part of the fabric of the community.

A typical day in my life in Armonk generally has several stops, starting with Tazza. Most of the lovely people who work at Tazza can attest to the fact that I am one of their most tired customers. They are kind enough not to comment on my disheveled appearance (I am generally still in the clothes in which I slept) as they hand me my iced coffee around 7 a.m. I am a huge fan of the Skinny Muffins (although I’m not sure they have made me any skinnier) and other baked goods, although I also enjoy their delicious oatmeal and their egg and cheese sandwiches for breakfast. I sometimes stop in at Tazza again during the afternoon (when I am more awake) for an iced tea and avocado toast or an acai bowl.

After Tazza (and showering and getting into street clothes), I might swing by Beginnings Bleus for a wardrobe refresh. The sales people at Beginnings are patient and attentive as I try on clothes; they never go for the hard sell and are always honest when I ask, “Does this make me look fat?” I feel like I’m among friends when I am there. They help me find the right jeans, tops and accessories, which help me rock my “mom look.” I recently even got my husband to ditch his baggy old jeans and buy some designer jeans; now he likes Beginnings Blues almost as much as I do! In case you’re wondering, the “cold shoulder” look is still in style and bright colors and Bermuda shorts are on-trend for this spring and summer.

My next stop is Town Center Pharmacy. I have often thought how fortunate we are to have Town Center Pharmacy in Armonk; just last week the owner helped me choose the right allergy meds for my youngest son. It took a while for spring to arrive but now that it has, allergy season is full blown, which means I will be restocking nose spray and eye drops often. I also go there for my favorite hair products and vitamins. I feel like they know me at Town Center Pharmacy and care about me and my family; the old-fashioned service they provide is hard to find these days. If they don’t have something I need, they are happy to try and get it and go above and beyond for their customers every single day.

My not-so-secret shame is my handbag obsession, which means a visit to Luxe to check out their inventory (they get new arrivals almost daily). The ultimate consignment shop, Luxe has a selection of high-end bags such as Chanel, Hermes, Dior and Louis Vuitton. It’s like having a little bit of Madison Ave. right here in town (across from the recreation center). I have sold several bags as well as purchased bags at Luxe. Their merchandise (which also includes clothes and accessories) is always authentic, in great condition and beautifully displayed. Why not sell some of your old stuff to make room for something new you’ve been eyeing? If you need a little retail therapy or just want to talk about bags and browse, Luxe is the perfect place.

Next, I head over to Changes Hair Salon for a much-needed haircut and blow-out to tame my unruly locks. Located in Elide Plaza, the family friendly hair salon has been a part of the Armonk community for 35 years. The staff at Changes is warm, professional and knowledgeable about the latest hairstyles and products. The personal service they provide, as well as the reasonable prices, are the secret to their success and the reason their customers remain so loyal. I myself have been going there for close to 20 years. From their youngest clients to entire bridal parties, the stylists make sure everyone leaves satisfied and looking their best. Whether you need highlights, a haircut, keratin (summer is coming), or simply a blow-out for a special occasion, Changes has you covered.

These are only a few of my favorite places in town which I’ve chosen to highlight. Armonk is filled with many fantastic small stores and restaurants—I feel lucky to have so many options and sometimes feel like I never have to leave our hamlet at all!

To be featured by Marlene in the Inside Press’s next sponsored “A Day in my Life of Shopping Locally–in JUNE,“  email: marlenekf@aol.com