The Inside Press

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Mindful

Becoming Mindful Through the Challenges of COVID-19

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By Sabra Staudenmaier

 “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven.” –John Milton

Jodi Baretz (right) & Sabra Staudenmaier (left) representing the Mindful Moms at a local event this past winter.

 So, what is mindfulness, anyway?

Mindfulness starts with slowing down, and paying attention to the present moment. The goal is to calmly acknowledge and accept one’s feelings, thoughts and body sensations. They say if your thoughts are stuck in the past you will suffer from depression. If they are racing around in the future, you will have anxiety. It’s all about bringing your brain into the now. Yes, COVID-19 has turned our world upside down, but mindfulness can help us regulate our thoughts and ease our racing mind. Peace, my friends, can be found in the here and now. If we are able to remind ourselves “I am safe today. I am ok today.” We can get through this with more serenity.

Sounds good…but how exactly do I practice mindfulness?

Come into the present moment on purpose. Find a nice, quiet and calm place to sit. Start noticing your breath. Yay! You’ve started meditating! During meditation, we strengthen the “muscle” of the mind. When we focus on something in the present, like our breath, our mind will inevitably start to wonder to the thoughts that we cannot control. This is normal. Once we realize that our mind has drifted, we can bring our attention back to the present. In doing this we have completed a “rep” of building the muscle of the mind. If we do this often enough, just as if we lift a weight often enough then the muscle in our body will strengthen, the muscle of our mind also strengthens. When we fortify the muscle of the mind, we can direct attention purposefully and use conscious awareness with more competency. This is what it means to be “mindful’. We can be attentive to and aware of our mind rather than living unconsciously in patterns that don’t serve us. This is a skill, like riding a bicycle, which improves with practice.

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

 I’m struggling to make sense of current circumstances

Mindfulness advocates acceptance of what is happening in the moment without trying to change it. It is tempting to try to avoid unpleasant feelings but we are human beings and as such are meant to experience the full range of human emotions -happiness, sadness, joy, loss, ease and suffering. The human experience is not meant to be easy or perfect and it’s ok if it’s not pretty. Arguing with what is creates unnecessary stress.

We cannot change the fact that this pandemic happened. Instead of resisting it, lean into it. What can we learn from this as a country? What can we learn from this personally? What will we take with us when this is done? Can this be part of our personal evolution? Mindfulness is about perception. It’s about how you choose to look at things.

“Rather than being disheartened by the uncertainty of life, what if we accepted it and relaxed into it? What if we said Yes, this is the way it is: this is what it means to be human, and decided to sit down and enjoy the ride?” – Pema Chodron

Embracing the less-than-perfect

One of my favorite parts of mindfulness is the notion of embracing imperfection. After all, to be human is to be imperfect. This doctrine is coming in very handy these days as my laundry piles up, dessert becomes breakfast and makeup fades into a luxury of the past. Using boxed hair dye is not the same as going to a professional salon, but, in the grand scheme of things, it’s good enough.

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” – Brene Brown

The Beginner’s Mind

The beginner’s mind is the Buddhist concept of approaching something without preconceived notions. When we get back to our old way of life, we will be much more adept at doing this (for a time anyway). We will eat at a restaurant, go to the gym, spend time with groups of friends as if it was for the first time. We will have a renewed sense of appreciation, a comforting and hopeful prospect from a “beginner’s mind” perspective.

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few” – Shunryu Suzuki

My Journey to Mindfulness

We can’t change our circumstances, but we can change our thoughts about them. Every so often something happens that shakes us and can wake us up. Ten years ago, my oldest son was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. I struggled to wrap my head around the changes needed to live with this diagnosis. My son’s doctor referred me to Jodi Baretz, a local psychotherapist with a specialty in mindfulness and health coaching. Not only did I learn how to mindfully manage my son’s new diet, but I was introduced to a whole new world. I realized that I had been living unconsciously, thinking by default and using old coping mechanisms that were no longer serving me. When I learned about mindfulness, everything changed. It was an awakening. This new way of thinking made future challenges easier to deal with, and gave me a joy and appreciation for life I had previously only imagined.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor Frankl

The Mindful Moms

Jodi continues to be my life coach; having her support has proven invaluable. A few years ago, we began collaborating. We wanted to help others improve their quality of life through mindfulness. The result has been the development of a community of “Mindful Moms.” Individually, and through groups, we work together to support others on their personal mindfulness journeys (www.mindfulmomsgroup.com). Free zoom support calls, such as “Namaste in Bed” and “Meditation and Cocktails or Tea”, are being offered to support the community in this time of need and can be accessed via the Mindful Moms Facebook page.

When I asked Jodi what her advice was on dealing with this quarantine, she said, “Do what you can to stay safe, be there for others and be kind to yourself but let go of what you cannot control. It’s normal to have good and bad days, try and ride the wave and remember these experiences, just like your emotions, are temporary.” 

Covid-19 has shaken the world on a macro level. When circumstances shift, where do we go to find stability? Perhaps the answers lie in an unexpected place; conceivably navigating this new reality lies not in the world around us but rather within.  If ever there was a time to take charge of one’s mind and thoughts, that time has arrived.

Just like we can decide how to attend to our body with food and exercise – we can also manage our minds. With a managed mind, when circumstances change and stress arises, like the tsunami of stress Covid-19 has brought – we have tools to help make sense of it. We can think consciously and use deliberate thoughts to act with awareness. We live in the physical world, but we also live in our heads. It’s worthwhile to make both a pleasant place to be.

Sabra Staudenmaier became interested in thought management while majoring in Philosophy at Tufts University. She is the program director for the Mindful Moms Inner Circle Group and helps facilitate two Facebook Groups: @Mindful Moms www.facebook.com/groups/mindfulmoms and @Mindful Parents of New York www.facebook.com/groups/MindfulParentsofNY. She is currently training to become a life coach.

This article is a sponsored feature of The Mindful Moms Group. 

A Mindful Chat with Jodi Baretz

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Walking into Millwood resident Jodi Baretz’ office is like walking into a sanctuary. The atmosphere is hushed, shoes are left at the door, voices are kept to a whisper. The effect is immediately relaxing.

Baretz, 49, is a psychotherapist specializing in mindfulness and health coaching at The Center for Health and Healing, located on Smith Avenue in Mt. Kisco. She is also the author of the new book, Mindful is the New Skinny: 10 Transformational Steps to a Lighter You Inside and Out, due out this spring. Inside Chappaqua sat down to talk to her about the book as well as her own journey to mindfulness.

An Emory and Columbia University-educated therapist, Baretz has more than 20 years of clinical experience. She has spent the last five years focusing her practice on using mindfulness to overcome stress, weight loss issues and family conflicts. Mindful is the New Skinny started out as a six-week boot camp designed to introduce her patients to the practice of mindfulness.

“I wanted to create a program that would teach people how to reduce stress,” she said. “We need to change our mindset from our weight to our well-being, which is more sustainable and will help us live happier, healthier, more peaceful lives.”

Her message is geared toward helping women who are not only struggling with weight issues, but also with any family and work-related anxiety.

“As a health coach and psychotherapist, it made sense to me to write a book that encompassed the mind and body,” she said. While the book does address eating issues, it is not a weight-loss book. Rather, it looks at all aspects of life that cause stress with the goal of reducing that stress, and getting people to realize that perfection should not be a goal.

But what exactly is mindfulness? And how is mindfulness different from meditation?

As Baretz explains it, mindfulness is the awareness of your thoughts, feelings and environment. Once you acknowledge the source of what you are feeling–whether it’s hunger, anxiety, or stress–you use meditation to calm and center yourself. In effect, you are striving to create a space between a stimulus and the response.

Baretz’ own path to mindfulness began after she was diagnosed with celiac disease in her mid-thirties. Initially devastated by the diagnosis, she enrolled in a holistic nutrition program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York City to help her understand and control the disease. While there, she was introduced to the concepts of mindfulness and spirituality.

“It was a life-changing experience for me,” she said. “I started to see positive changes flow into my life, and I let go of a lot of worry and anxiety.” Since then, she has continued to study mindfulness and meditation as a way to help her patients deal with the stresses of everyday life.

Though weight issues are addressed in the book, her message is more about self-compassion and self-care, and Baretz teaches mindfulness as a way of life. As anyone who has been on a diet and failed can attest, maintaining a strict diet regimen is often impossible and almost always self-defeating.

“The book is all about nourishing yourself from the inside, so you can flourish on the outside,” she said. While many women focus on trying to be the perfect size (in our society, that means skinny), Baretz stresses that mindfulness can help switch our priority from what we look like to the acceptance of ourselves as we are, which is very empowering.

Mindfulness can also help with all aspects and relationships in your life, Baretz notes. “Mindfulness increases your capacity to deal with stress and overwhelming situations because you are learning how to calm your body and your mind,” she said. “It’s not shutting off your thoughts; rather, it’s pressing a ‘stop’ button on them so you can change your relationship toward them.” After all, we all face adversity in one way or another, and there are many things in life that are beyond our control. While we can’t control the challenges we face, mindfulness and meditation help us “struggle well,” she said. “By taming our minds and focusing on the present, we can decrease our anxiety.”

The book brings mindfulness and meditation to people who wouldn’t normally seek out a practice that does have some negative stereotypes–something only for the yoga and Zen set. But Baretz hopes that the book will open people’s minds to the power of the practice. And that, she says, is her goal.

“I love watching people transform,” she said. “When they change the way they think, their whole world changes.”

Each chapter of Mindful is the New Skinny, which is Baretz’ first book, features a meditation session that can be downloaded. The book will be available this spring/summer on Amazon in print and kindle versions, and Baretz will conduct a free book talk at the Chappaqua library upon the book’s release. Visit www.jodibaretz.com for more information on her practice, upcoming talks, as well as a sneak peek free chapter of her book.

An Attitude of Gratitude

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jodib-myfave

By Jodi Baretz

“If we are not grateful for what we have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?” Being charged with writing an article on gratitude I was forced to think about what I am truly grateful for, and what I could possibly write about on this topic. Of course, I’m grateful for the obvious things, the ‘big things.’ I’m grateful for my loving family, my supportive friends and my growing private practice. However, I think it’s just as important to recognize the ordinary moments in daily life, the little things.

I can recall a moment when my kids were small and I was bringing them for haircuts, which was not an easy task. Once I finally got them into the car, my two precious children proceeded to fight as per usual. As I was driving and listening to this free for all in the back seat, I would occasionally interrupt with a “stop it” or “enough already!”

When that didn’t seem to be effective, I started getting annoyed, and then for some reason, amidst all the noise and frustration, I just gave up. As I drove and the boys continued to yell, I just listened to them exchanging insults. I became amused by the banter instead of being annoyed with it. It struck me that these two little boys were not going to be young forever, and I realized how lucky I was to spend these precious moments with them.  Suddenly, I made this major shift, a total reframe of the mind that filled me with gratitude.

Once you get the hang of the gratitude attitude, you can apply it to almost anything. Take a look at something small in your daily life. I just sat down to write this article after visiting Millwood Plaza, where I realized how lucky I am to live in this wonderful, supportive community–from the people I ran into who smiled and were helpful to the new businesses that are coming to town to make my life a little easier. Here are just a few examples:

  • I am so grateful that DeCicco’s is coming to Millwood. We have been without a supermarket for long enough, and I’m sure many of you feel my pain.
  • I am grateful that local businesses can still make it in this small hamlet, such as Drug Mart, Paradise Nails, the local dry cleaner and, of course, Dodd’s.
  • Last but not least, I am especially grateful for Tazza Cafe. There are many wonderful places in town that I frequent, but the Tazza in Millwood, is a truly special place to me. (I hear the one in Armonk is also a popular hotspot). I go there daily for my tea, but the best part is those who work there know my order, my name and always greet me with a hearty “Hi Jodi!” It’s like Cheers without the alcohol. In addition, I usually know at least three people there who are also getting their caffeine fix. Being a part of a small community makes me feel connected and supported.

Once you keep noticing these small things to be grateful for, your own shift will start to occur. It will become habit. You will feel happier, and that feeling is contagious. Practicing gratitude is one of the top indicators of happiness, in addition to having many other benefits. Besides improving emotional health, it can have a positive impact on you physically. People who are grateful experience less aches and pains, according to a 2012 study published in “Personality and Individual Differences.” Gratitude also improves your relationships, self-esteem, fosters empathy and decreases aggression. It helps you sleep better!

So, how do we cultivate this all-important skill? Gratitude does not have to only be after something huge, like getting a promotion, or having awesome kids, it can be as small as your morning coffee at your favorite cafe. Noticing the small moments and truly appreciating them will help change your mind. A gratitude journal is proven to be a great way to hone your skills, but if you’re like me, you won’t be taking the time to do that so often, so being mindful of what you are thankful for throughout the day definitely helps.

I love the idea of a gratitude jar, especially with kids. It involves writing what you are grateful for on a piece a paper and putting it into a jar and reading them when you are sad or at the end of the year to inspire you! Now if we can extend that attitude of gratitude all year, we will be happier, healthier individuals and as a community.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC, is a psychotherapist, mindfulness and holistic health coach at The Center for Health and Healing in Mount Kisco. She lives in Millwood with her husband and two sons. She is also the founder of the program and upcoming book, Mindful is the New Skinny.