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Mental Health Association of Westchester

Understanding Life After Suicide

October 26, 2019 by Sabra Staudenmaier

(L-R): Sean A. Mayer and Dr. Ashton

Dr. Jennifer Ashton from ABC News & GMA Shares her Experiences with Mental Health and Suicide at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center

We need to start looking at mental health and mental illness no differently than we look at physical conditions.

On Sept 26th, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, Ob-Gyn, ABC News Chief Medical Correspondent and Good Morning America (GMA) Medical Correspondent, met with members of our community to discuss her recently released book Life After Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort & Community After Unthinkable Loss.

Westchester Mental Health Association (MHA) Board Member and mental health advocate Sean A. Mayer, who lost his brother to suicide several years ago, joined Dr. Ashton for this discussion; the latest in an ongoing series MHA has developed to educate the public about mental health.

The loss of a loved one to mental illness leaves unimaginable devastation. Ashton experienced this loss first hand in 2017. She pointed out that same year, over 47,000 Americans died by suicide. It is estimated that for every person who dies by suicide 135 people are directly affected. That means over 6 million people are impacted every year. Despite the enormity of this issue, she still felt very much alone.

Ashton and Mayer spoke of sadness, anger, guilt and how one is never prepared for suicide. Ashton’s world seemed to fall apart; she used the metaphor of a plate shattering to describe how she had felt. She was baffled by questions like: What did I miss? Was this my fault? She recalled others remarking: How could this happen; everything looked perfect? What is important to realize is that mental illness and suicide are complex issues and often not a reflection of what is seen on the outside.

As a survivor of suicide, the last thing Ashton wanted to do was to defend the father of her children during this difficult time. Suicide is misunderstood; many think of it as cowardice and selfish. She pointed out that it takes the antithesis of cowardice to take your own life. People who have attempted suicide explain that they were doing it for other people. They feel that they are a burden; that those they love would be better off without them. Mayer offered a helpful explanation that what people don’t realize is that the victim just wants the pain to end. People can’t wrap their brains around that, but it’s not selfish.

(L-R): Brian Halloran, Dr. Ashton & Jolina Halloran
Photos courtesy of Break the Hold Foundation
Ashton was proud of the emotional maturity with which her children viewed their father’s death. Her children felt their dad “had a disease like cancer and it killed him. They wouldn’t be angry with someone who died of cancer so how could they be angry with him?” They did not go down the “anger road,” and so she didn’t either. “When you think of mental illness as an illness no different than cancer, it certainly reframes it.”

Mental health and wellness should be looked at with equal importance to physical disease. Ashton referred to the phrase “check up from the neck up” and asked the audience when the last time their health provider inquired about their mental wellness? Similarly, she wonders how often friends and family inquire? “Until we (ask these questions) we are not going to accomplish as much in terms of prevention as we need to, to save people’s lives.” Ashton warns.

“If you have high blood pressure most people don’t have a problem taking a pill or going on a behavioral regiment to treat that. If you feel anxious, depressed or hopeless, there is help available… but we don’t ask for it…. Why? Because we look at it as a weakness. That must change.

We need to look at mental illness like depression and anxiety no differently than cancer or heart disease.”

Our Youth at Risk

Children, teenagers and young adults have poorly developed frontal lobes in their brains; judgement is not their strong suit. Hence, pediatric and adolescent suicides tend to be impulsive whereas adult suicide is often more methodical. Not only do children and teens have a biological explanation for their impulsivity but they also do not have the life experience to provide context to emotional distress. In addition, social media has opened a huge can of worms for the younger generation; cyberbullying is a big issue. We live in an increasingly complicated world. Awareness and support for those of all ages is needed now more than ever.

The strategy of not talking about suicide so the kids don’t find out about it is about as effective as not talking about sex and substance abuse. It’s not going to work to sweep this under the rug.

Lessons in Healing

Two mantras have been helpful to Ashton throughout the healing process: “If you resist, it will persist” and “If you want to heal you have to feel.” Ashton has reevaluated her focus on perfection, strength and accomplishment. She still wants to achieve her goals, but has learned that accepting flaws and allowing herself to feel pain, weakness and failure is what has enabled her to heal. Ultimately, the only option Ashton had was to glue the ugly, flawed pieces of her life back together. Ashton feels her “plate” is stronger now. She is still picking up the pieces, but she is no longer focused on external appearances and she knows she will be ok.

How Can You Help?

Open discussions like this are important in the fight against mental illness and suicide. Increased awareness is making a difference. Last year, New York State became among the first states in the nation to require schools to include mental health instruction in the K-12 health curriculum. Schools are now mandated to teach students skills they can use if they are facing a mental health issue or what to do if another student needs help.

Getting ahead of this mental health crisis is going to require a lot of compassion and nonjudgement. The stigma associated with mental illness is a huge barrier to the resolution of this highly treatable issue. Local resources, like the Break the Hold (BTH) Foundation of Pleasantville, are making strides by providing safe and accessible resources to those who need them. We know how to recognize and react to someone with asthma, allergies and many other medical concerns. Similarly, we need to arm everyone, including kids and teens, with the knowledge of how to identify the signs and symptoms of mental health issues and the skills to help someone in distress.

Special thanks to BTH (bthbreakthehold.org), MHA (mhawestchester.org) and The Westchester County Department of Community Mental Health (mentalhealth.westchestergov.com) for their work to reduce the risk of suicide in our communities. National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK, or text 741-741.

Filed Under: Armonk Cover Stories Tagged With: Break the Hold, Chappaqua Performing Arts Center, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, Good Morning America, Mental health, Mental Health Association of Westchester, Mental Illness, suicide

At the Heart of Community

August 24, 2019 by Grace Bennett

One thing I’ve heard consistently about Pleasantville lately is how fiercely proud residents are of their town and of Mount Pleasant at large. As I produced this edition over the summer, and learned about Break the Hold, via Sabra Staudenmaier’s cover story for us, it was not hard to see why.

I feel like I’m getting to know a community that yes, celebrates all its gifts and good fortune, but also enthusiastically embraces solutions to challenging problems via its open hearts and extended hands. To me, such sincere involvement feels central to understanding the heart of a caring community. This story pulled my heartstrings right away. We also have a proud history covering mental health issues, and specifically the topics of depression and suicide. The Inside Press was the recipient a few years back of a Media Award from the Mental Health Association of Westchester. We hope to continue to shine a spotlight on mental health in future issues as well.

In additional heart sharing coverage, I am also thrilled to publish Ronni Diamondstein’s story about Pleasantville’s Gordon Parks Foundation; if you’re like me, you might be one of many who has walked by and felt curious about the foundation’s window on Wheeler Avenue. Its mission is to preserve the powerful images of artist and photojournalist Gordon Parks whose work has done so much to help bring attention to racism. It accomplishes that and so much more.

If you need more reasons to love Mount Pleasant, there is no shortage in this edition. We asked a long time savvy area resident and Inside Press contributor Jennifer Sabin Poux to compile ten, and she does a fantastic job of that too.

Two summer interns, Charlotte Harter and Madeline Rosenberg, have also helped turn our attention to community, with stories about how the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce helps support local commerce, coverage of the town’s dedicated conservation efforts plus a look back at Pleasantville Community Day and the town’s firefighter parade.

We know fitness figures ‘big’ around here too, so please don’t miss the piece about area marathon runners either, which includes a Pleasantville resident!

Finally, we also keep hearing the music. In our debut edition, we offered a preview of the Pleasantville Music Festival (another mega successful day!), and in this issue, we give a nod to the area’s vibrant ‘music scene,’ as writer Miriam Longobardi spotlights a couple Rocker bands led by area moms!   

Enjoy the edition, and we hope to see you again in 2020. Our plans for now are for at least four a year, so stay tuned!  Follow Inside Press Magazines on Facebook or insidepress on Instagram, and soon enough, another surprise pub covering your town will be hiding in your mailbox!   

Filed Under: Just Between Us Tagged With: Bands, Break the Hold, Caring, community, fitness, Gordon Parks, heart, Inside Pleasantville, Inside Press Magazines, Just Between Us, Mental health, Mental Health Association of Westchester, Mount Pleasant, music, Pleasantville, Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce, Pleasantville Community Day, pleasantville music festival

Get On Your Mat for Mental Health: TODAY at 5:30!

June 20, 2018 by Inside Press

 

 

 

Court Street between Main Street and Martine Avenue, White Plains, NY

Tell the world you believe #MentalHealthMatters and welcome summer under the open sky on Wednesday, June 20th at Get On Your Mat For Mental Health, an outdoor mega-yoga event benefiting MHA!

Participate in the open-level yoga flow class led by Sarah Platt-Finger. The fun-filled night also includes other activities that will leave you energized and focused:

  • Live music by guitarist and composer David Robles
  • Raffles with some great prizes
  • Our Photobooth and, new this year, our Message of Hope display
  • Chair massage/chair reiki from Bronxville Wellness Sanctuary
  • Karla McGuire’s Namaste Bus filled with goodies for yogis to purchase
  • A Peloton workout bike
  • And many more exhibitors…

Let’s come together as a community in support of mental health!

To register:

https://www.picatic.com/GetOnYourMatForMentalHealth

 

 

 

Filed Under: Inside Westchester Tagged With: community, Get on your Mat for Mental Health, Mental health, Mental Health Association of Westchester, white plains

Living Proof: An Evening of Hope & Healing to Raise Awareness About Suicide Prevention

April 21, 2018 by Kelly Leonard

The Living Proof Performers
PHOTO BY DAVID WHOLE

In early March at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center, The Mental Health Association of Westchester (MHA), The Lagond Music School, and Music & Miles: Changing Minds joined forces to present a new multi-arts evening of energizing performances that shined a light on mental health issues and the power of the arts as a vehicle in sharing individual stories of healing in the face of adversity.

The evening of expressive arts benefitted the Miles Applebaum Music Scholarship Fund at The Lagond Music School and The Mental Health Association of Westchester. Performances included nine musical and dance presentations along with three “Voices of Recovery” monologues. Radio DJs Coach and Bruce Figler of 107.1 The Peak, a media partner of the event, emceed the evening.

Shari and Ed Applebaum of Armonk, Miles’ parents, were the event co-chairs. When asked what she wanted attendees to take away from the evening’s performances, Shari, who is also a Suicide Bereavement Specialist at MHA said, “A sense of hope and healing. No one goes through life unscathed. Everyone has something that they’re dealing with whether it’s a mental or physical health issue.”

The Miles Applebaum Music Scholarship Fund was established to honor and remember Miles Applebaum, a guitar student who studied at The Lagond Music School and later the Boyer School of Music and Dance at Temple University. Miles died by suicide at the age of 21 in 2014, and the Scholarship Fund was created to carry on his dream by providing aspiring musicians the opportunity to ignite their passion and study music at The Lagond Music School, a nonprofit musical haven for students of all ages.

Shari and Ed Applebaum
PHOTO BY KELLY LEONARD

The 2018 scholarship winners were runner-up Audrey Pretnar, a guitarist from Mohegan Lake and winner Liam Kharem, a drummer and bass clarinetist from Sleepy Hollow.

Close friends of Miles who performed at the event hoped attendees would come away with a new awareness and understanding for those dealing with mental health issues. Annabelle Hiller in her onstage monologue said, “We live in a world where sensitivity is defined as weakness. Emotions are amazing, even the sh*tty ones.”

A unique element of the evening’s performances was each of the musicians, singers, performers, and speakers had been touched in some way by a suicide or an attempted suicide. They shared their experience, strength and hope from the stage through their words and artistry with the audience.

Roseanne Lanna, Lagond Music School Co-Founder and Executive Director, who also served along with Charlie Lagond as Show Director, said she hoped the evening would offer a “sense of awareness, of noticing when family, friends, or neighbors are not acting themselves or acting out of the ordinary and to especially watch out for neighbors. We’re all connected.”

In her remarks from the stage, Shari Applebaum encouraged the audience in “taking the time to notice [others] and ask, ‘Are you OK?’”

The Miles Applebaum Music Scholarship Fund was established to honor and remember Miles Applebaum, a guitar student at The Lagond Music School and later the Boyer School of Music and Dance at Temple University.

To learn more, visit the websites of The Mental Health Association of Westchester https://www.mhawestchester.org, The Lagond Music School http://lagondmusic.org, and Music & Miles: Changing Minds https://www.musicandmiles.org.

 Bruce Williams
(L-R): Bruce Figler,
Rebecca Haviland, Chris Rodriguez AKA Coach
Living Proof Scholarship Winners
Liam Kharem, Audrey Pretnar

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: Chappaqua Performing Arts Center, fund, Lagond School of Music, Living Proof, Mental Health Association of Westchester, Miles Applebaum, music, Music & Miles, Scholarship, suicide prevention, Winner

4/11 Book Reading: Westchester Resident’s Poignant Memoir, The Bridesmaid’s Daughter

April 4, 2018 by The Inside Press

The Mental Health Association of Westchester (MHA) is thrilled to host Pound Ridge’s Nyna Giles and co-author Eve Claxton for the exclusive Westchester reading of their poignant and unflinching portrait of Nyna’s mother Carolyn, whose glamorous life was sidelined by mental health issues. THE BRIDESMAID’S DAUGHTER: FROM GRACE KELLY’S WEDDING TO A WOMEN’S SHELTER—SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH ABOUT MY MOTHER (St. Martin’s Press; on sale March 27, 2018) is a riveting investigation to unearth the lost pieces of Carolyn’s remarkable life story, as well as tell the tale of the daughter who reclaimed her mother’s memory.

To be held on Wednesday, April 11 at 7 p.m. at the Walker Center for the Arts at the Harvey School in Katonah, the book launch reading includes a Q&A, book signing and refreshments; tickets can be purchased at www.mhawestchester.org for $25. This special event – a rare occurrence to hear from both authors in person – raises awareness for mental health issues and benefits MHA, a community-based nonprofit that provides innovative, person-centered treatment.

“We are thrilled that Nyna has chosen to shine a light on the importance of mental health and getting the right help at the right time. MHA is honored to partner with both authors for this exciting reading of their new release,” said MHA CEO Charlotte Östman, LCSW-R.

“Telling my mother’s story in ‘The Bridesmaid’s Daughter’ has been a highly emotional journey – laying bare the heartbreak and devastation mental illness can cause a family,” said Nyna Giles. “This project was extremely painful at times, but ultimately was one of the most fulfilling events in my life. It illustrates the importance of early intervention and treatment, and has enabled me to find a tangible way to give my mother’s life meaning by helping others. I hope that by sharing her story, I can start many important conversations about mental health advocacy. This is why I feel The Mental Health Association of Westchester is vital to our community, ensuring that mental health services are readily available to those who need it the most.”

At 29 years old, Westchester native Nyna was in line at the supermarket when she looked down and saw the headline: “Former Bridesmaid of Princess Grace Lives in Homeless Shelter.” Nyna was stunned: her family’s private ordeal was front page news. The woman on that cover was her mother. The truth was, she barely knew who her mother had been before marriage. She knew Carolyn had been a model – arriving in New York in 1947 and rooming at the legendary Barbizon Hotel for Women, where she’d met the young Grace Kelly. The two had become fast friends, and Nyna had seen the photos of her mother at Grace’s wedding, wearing the bridesmaid gown that had hung in her mother’s closet for years. But how had the seemingly confident, glamorous woman in those pictures become the mother she knew growing up – the mother who told her Nyna she was too ill to go to school and kept her isolated at home?

Nyna Giles and Eve Claxton

THE BRIDESMAID’S DAUGHTER is a deeply personal memoir about friendship and motherhood, and a clarion call for improving mental healthcare. In telling her own and her mother’s story, Nyna aims to raise awareness for mental health advocacy so that no one else has to experience the issues Carolyn and her family did.

###

PRAISE FOR THE BOOK

“A fascinating true story.”

—Good Housekeeping

“Celebrates a lifelong female friendship while shedding light on a powerful, if at times painful and complex, mother-daughter bond. A poignantly compelling memoir about family, mental health, and revisiting the past.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“This is a fascinating story of the toll of mental illness and a daughter’s search for understanding and forgiveness.”
—Booklist

“Here is the heart-rending story of two beautiful and glamorous women, and the spirals of disaster into which one of their lives tumbled. As daughter and detective, Nyna Giles writes with moving sensitivity about the dazzling Grace Kelly and her best friend — Nyna’s own mother. The book unfolds like a novel — a tragic and deeply moving saga. Read it   and weep.”

—Robert Lacey, bestselling author of Grace: Her Lives – Her Loves

 

“Straight from the heart, and told with great bravery, The Bridesmaid’s Daughter is a fascinating and powerful story of a daughter’s love for a flawed parent and the struggle to understand a tumultuous childhood.”

—Wendy Lawless, New York Times bestselling author of Chanel Bonfire

 

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

NYNA GILES is the youngest daughter of Carolyn Scott Reybold, a Ford model best known as one of Grace Kelly’s bridesmaids. Nyna has worked in advertising sales with leading media organizations such as Westchester Magazine, 914INC, Westchester Home, The Daily Voice, Record-Review and Westchester and Fairfield County Business Journals. Today she is COO of Giles Communications. She is also an advocate for the mentally ill, having served as a vice president on the board of The Association for Mentally Ill Children of Westchester for ten years. In the spring of 2015, Nyna and her husband, Peter, co-chaired The Mental Health Association of Westchester’s MHA On The Move 5K Run/Walk. Nyna lives in Westchester with her husband, and has three grown children and three stepchildren.

EVE CLAXTON is a writer, editor, and Peabody award-winning radio producer. Since 2006, she’s worked as an editor or co-writer on popular non-fiction books for major publishers including the memoir “He Wanted the Moon,” co-written with Mimi Baird, described by The New York Times as “utterly impossible to put down” and currently being adapted for Brad Pitt’s Plan B with a screenplay by Tony Kushner. Eve is also the editor of The Book of Life an anthology of the best memoir writing throughout the ages.

ABOUT THE MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION OF WESTCHESTER

For more than 70 years, The Mental Health Association of Westchester has promoted mental health in Westchester through advocacy, community education and direct services. MHA offers a range of services that are recovery-oriented, trauma-informed and individualized to promote recovery and wellness. To learn more, visit www.mhawestchester.org.

Filed Under: Inside Westchester Tagged With: bio, book, Harvey School, Local, memoir, Mental Health Association of Westchester, The Bridesmaid's Daughter, Walker Center for the Arts

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