The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

motherhood

TikTok, Tick Tock …

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Deborah Goldman with her family

Over the most recent holiday break, one of my college-age daughters showed me a new TikTok where young women, seemingly in their twenties, not yet mothers, post themselves on social media immersed in some travel or adventure or significant life experience. The videos begin with an enthusiastic “Hey kids, it’s your mom,” a nod to this moment that one day they will hopefully show their future brood.

To my daughter’s dismay, I had to first go find my reading glasses but then proceeded to watch these videos over and over before they fled the screen just as quickly as they appeared. Each one really struck me. I felt a sense of wonder (and maybe a small pang of envy) for what these vibrant young women were doing in their “best highlight reels” before motherhood. But I think I was most struck by their self-awareness and desire to acknowledge themselves as mothers before they became one! Was this declaration a way to manifest their destiny to be a mom or was it a rebellion against motherhood‘s impending lifestyle, therefore relishing the adventure even more? I was also overwhelmed with their ability to mark the moment as a young person pre-motherhood, realizing age and the passage of time are beyond their control. To me, it felt like in that recognition, they were confirming proof of the present even as their future was unfolding.

The passage of time is a crazy thing and something I, and I think many others in midlife, ponder often. It is completely uncomfortable and out of our control. Sitting at my computer in mid-January 2026, after my nest had just emptied again post-winter college break, I easily recognized the long distance between me, a midlife woman with four grown children, and these young, adventurous women not yet even knowing what their future as a mother might look like. I do know that had a palm size video camera been velcroed to my hand when I was their age, I would have also wanted to have that documentation. “Hey Kids, It’s Your Mom…I did exist before you came into my life. I did adventure.” How beautiful to have the awareness that I would want them to see the “me” before our family became a “we.”

I find that at this stage of my life, similar to many of my friends, my emotions are constantly teetering on the brim of my cup, often spilling over with either an overwhelming feeling of fulfillment or of loss–an upending cycle that seems to be, not surprisingly, in sync with the home-from-college calendar. This revolving door often feels like an acceleration of time with an inevitable end, creating an urge within me to also document and mark moments–not necessarily with TikTok highlight reels, but rather with old fashioned words on the blank page that won’t disappear with a tap or a scroll.

So, “Hey Kids, It’s Your Mom” –

Not only to my own kids, but also to all of the young women hoping to be mothers one day, please know that although I, too, once paraglided off mountains in Switzerland before there was any way to have video proof (you will just have to believe me!) and I am old enough to remember when tick tock actually referred to the two literal hands moving between the minutes on a clock, I can confidently confirm in writing that being a mom is my greatest, most fulfilling adventure yet.

To be continued….TikTok, tick tock

The Changing Nature of Motherhood

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This Mother’s Day will mark the last one that I am a full-time mom. My youngest will be leaving for college at the end of August, which means that after nearly three decades, I will be an empty nester.

I am no stranger to the changing nature of motherhood. When my three boys were little, it was all about physical caretaking; making sure they were fed and clean. I read to them and cuddled them and covered their faces with kisses millions of times as I lifted them out of their cribs, high chairs, car seats, strollers, etc. We had outings to the park and playground and we were together almost all of the time. It was me and them and we made a great team.

As they began to walk and then run, I became their protector. This was no easy feat because my sons often seemed hell bent on self-destruction and I often felt as if I spent my days saving them from themselves. There was the time my middle son, who was almost two, ate goose poop on a soccer field. Although he was fine, more than two decades later I am still scarred.

Between my older boys there were a slew of gashes that needed stitches and broken bones that needed setting. I was in charge of triage, trying to figure out how serious each injury was, a job for which my degree in English literature did not prepare me. At one point, the nurses in the orthopedist’s office knew my name and I was concerned they might call social services on me. Luckily, most of my sons’ injuries happened when they were not with me; most were sports related. I told the doctors that I should get a punch card where the cast for the tenth break was free.

My favorite role probably has been that of teacher. I am proud that I taught my sons how to read and was even more excited than they were when they sounded out their first words. I taught them their first notes on the piano (always starting with middle C), how to tie their sneakers, poetry, and a million other things I’m not sure they remember. But I do.

When my sons became teenagers, my role felt as it had morphed into being a warden and disciplinarian-in-chief. All of a sudden, instead of it being me and them it sometimes felt like me against them. This may have been the hardest stage of all because I didn’t enjoy enforcing rules—I suppose most people don’t. After all, who wants to be checking on homework and grades and meting out punishment for broken curfews and other infringements? Parents of teens will most certainly understand the grueling and often unrewarding nature of that stage.

Resident Uber driver, playmate, nurse, tutor, cheerleader; these are only a few of the other hats I wore over the many years I parented.

As my two older sons have gone off to college and graduated, gotten jobs and left the nest, I have found my role shifting once again. This phase is less hands on and more advisory; I am mostly called upon to listen to woes, lend moral support and occasionally offer an opinion. I’ve also entered a phase where, in addition to being my sons’ mom, I get to be their friend and can enjoy them in a way that I was not able to when they were younger. When we are together, we talk about their jobs, politics, life, whatever. And it’s really nice. When they were younger, and we were at odds, I honestly couldn’t envision the relationships we have now. For those of you still in the trenches, hang in there.

I won’t sugarcoat how hard it is to imagine all three of their bedrooms clean and empty and the house eerily quiet. After all, wasn’t it just a moment ago when they were little, making messes and noise? I am comforted by the thought that although my role has changed, two things remain constant; that I will always be needed in some capacity and how much I will always love my children.

This Mother’s Day, whether you’re peering at your baby’s first sonogram, opening homemade cards in bed with your little kids, joining your big kids for brunch, or even if you can’t physically be with your children, I hope you have a wonderful day. Because all of us who have nurtured, protected, disciplined and loved, have earned it.

Sweet Rene – The Good Enough Mother’s Next Chapter

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Rene Syler living dreams she never imagined. Photo by Craig Salmon
Rene Syler living dreams she never imagined.
Photo by Craig Salmon

When Rene Syler first graced the cover of Inside Chappaqua magazine in May 2007 she was embarking on a new chapter in her life. She had just lost her job at CBS’s The Early Show and published her book Good Enough Mother, a humorous look at modern motherhood.  Syler was on course to reinvent herself and did just that via the internet. Fast forward to May 2013 and Syler, who celebrated her 50th birthday in February, has given new meaning to the saying, “there is beauty in imperfection.” Her career proves that great new beginnings are possible at any stage of life. “I’m almost another person,” says Syler about the changes in her life since 2007. She has shown that dreams you may never have imagined can come true. A social-media dynamo as well, these days Syler is busier than ever.

Since she was fired from CBS in 2006, Syler has been through difficult times. “It was like a tornado ripped through my life. I lost a job, lost my breasts ( a preventive measure) and lost my hair.  All that loss shaped me to find myself and who I am.” Syler says she was down to the studs, but her foundation was the same: “I had to be true to myself.” Syler’s website, www.goodenoughmother.com, like Syler herself, has grown and transformed in the past six years. Serving up tips on parenting, home and family life, health and fitness, the site has migrated to Social Media: Facebook and Twitter where Syler’s audience has increased and her fans span the world.   Good Enough Mother’s mission is to improve lives through the shared parenting experience. Spreading her message of ‘perfect imperfection,” she speaks from her authentic voice. “When people come to Good Enough Mother, they are comforted by learning that they are not alone,” says Syler, whose goal is to uplift and empower her followers which include a significant number of men too.

Syler says a big part of her story is the amazing shift in how business operates today. “I built an empire using a MAC.  I went from a blog to having two paid staffers. One started as an intern and became a freelancer.  The other, her assistant and producer Ella Rucker, saw Syler on television and asked her to become her mentor. Syler told her she was too busy and Rucker asked if she could help her. She told Syler she didn’t need to pay her and that she wanted to write. They have been working together for more than a year, and Rucker has made amazing strides. “Since I am on the road two weeks out of each month, Ella Rucker and I have a virtual office using skype and all the tools of modern business.”  Syler loves the fact that Rucker took a chance on Syler and that Syler took a chance on Rucker.

“People ask me, ‘How many hours are you online? How long do you write? Aren’t you ever off?’” says Syler. Her response is that she is always connected. “I write all the time, when I’m not on my laptop, I’m writing in my head.” She asks them: “When was the last time you saw anyone build an empire putting in three hours a day, five days a week? Make an effort or make excuses.”

In her posts online, Syler has written about her family life from time to time, so her daughter Casey, 16, and son Cole, 14, have become part of her Good Enough Mother brand.  “Like most kids they are tech savvy so it’s a part of life,” says Syler. Now that they are older she is more careful about what she writes about them. But they enjoy the perks of her new business, including her affiliation with Disney, Nike and Quaker Oats. “Sometimes I take them with me and that part they like very much.

Syler has made guest appearances on such programs as The Nate Berkus Show, The Wendy Williams Show, The Doctors, and has taken over for Joy Behar as her guest host on her CNN primetime show.

Syler makes many public appearances and was a headliner at Disney’s 2011 Social Media Moms’s Conference.  “One of the fun things is to go to Blogging conferences and meet up with the people I’ve connected with online,” says Syler.

Host on “Sweet Retreats”

Her current hosting gig on Live Well Network’s Sweet Retreats came about on a circuitous route. Peggy Allen, an executive at that network saw an article about Syler a year ago in More magazine and contacted her about another project she had in mind for Syler.  Sweet Retreats, on Sunday evenings at 7:30PM, highlights a new trend in which people on vacation rent apartments or houses instead of going to a hotel. On the show, Syler takes a group or family to various locations where they examine three possibilities and  get to choose one.

Syler says the best decision she has made in her life was to marry the right person. Syler and her husband James “Buff” Parham, an Independent Media Consultant, have been married for 19 years. “Buff and I have built a life together. He’s steady Eddy and I’m emotional. I couldn’t do what I do without him.”

“I’m a multi-media brand,” says Syler who has come a long way in the past six years. Syler says the most gratifying aspect of her work is to have the opportunity to have an intimate dialogue with the people who follow her. “It’s talking back and forth,” says Syler. “If I hadn’t left network news I could never have done this.” Syler is happy for the relief she offers women today. “Women put too much pressure on themselves and live life on other people’s benchmarks.”  Doing it her way, Rene Syler is, by her own example, so much more than a Good Enough Mother in 2013.

Ronni Diamondstein, owner of Maggie Mae Pup Reporter is a Chappaqua based freelance writer, PR consultant, award-winning photographer and a School Library Media Specialist and teacher who has worked in the US and abroad.