The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

empowerment

Reclaiming Motherhood

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Sabra Staudenmaier  PHOTO By Carolyn Simpson

As a small girl, I had big ideas about being a mom on Mother’s Day.  The day would begin with breakfast served to me in bed by little ones in matching pajamas. We would cuddle together as I opened crafty gifts and read homemade cards. We would spend the day enjoying the beauty of our bond. It would be the best day of the year. A celebration of togetherness.

When I became a mom and Mother’s Day came around, a celebration was the last thing on my mind. What was there to celebrate? The never-ending pile of laundry I faced daily? The ever-present crumbs on the floor of my car? Yes, I loved my kids. But motherhood,  at least my motherhood, not so much. Reality came with a mess in the kitchen from breakfast preparation. There was glitter all over my bed from the home-made cards. Even more work that I didn’t want to be doing. What I wanted on Mother’s Day was a break from it all. I was trying to survive; I didn’t have the energy to celebrate. 

Before becoming a mom, I saw the role as a powerful place to be. I saw the mother as the leader of the home, loved and respected for her guidance. After a decade and a half, I was experiencing the opposite of this. I felt disempowered. How could I be strong doing something that was so draining? A 24- hour, seven days a week job with no vacation. Three kids taking turns having meltdowns and making messes all over the place. I didn’t need to celebrate motherhood, I needed to be rescued from it. 

What was happening? 

I was teetering on the edge of burnout. I had been so focused on my role as a mom that   I stopped taking care of myself. I thought that a good mom was one who sacrifices herself for her family. All I needed was for my kids to be ok and that would somehow make everything else, including me, ok. I was clearly doing something wrong. I could feel my foundation crumbling. 

The problem wasn’t motherhood, it was the way I was doing it. I was looking at it from the top down. It was like I was building a building starting at the penthouse floor when I needed to start at the foundation. I was the foundation.

I knew something had to change. The quality of my life depended on it. I had to start taking better care of myself. Once I understood this, I was able to rebuild my motherhood by strengthening myself.

The first step I took was I started lifting weights three to five times each week.  I became physically strong, and physical strength set me on the right track. My mood improved. From there, my entire motherhood fell into line. I became the manager of my house, delegating housework rather than doing it all. I took control of my finances. I built new skills. I rested and recovered as needed. 

And then what happened? My motherhood experience transformed from one of disempowerment to one of strength. When I felt physically strong, I felt capable. Every aspect of my life began to bloom. I was in a role I didn’t need to escape from, not even for one day.

Motherhood is a big job, and the circumstances continue to change. While old issues remain new ones, like managing technology, social media and Covid, accrue. I have discovered that having an amazing family and home isn’t enough. It all must be managed in a way that isn’t depleting and exhausting.

This Mother’s Day, look at where you are on your journey. Do you want to celebrate motherhood or escape from it? 

If your experience is the one you’ve dreamed of, fantastic. If it isn’t then it’s time to make some changes. I invite you to join me for my podcast Banishing Mom Burnout. This is a podcast dedicated to getting moms out of depletion and into a position of strength and power. There is a way to reclaim motherhood. If I did it, so can you. Now, that’s something to celebrate!

Overcoming Obstacles: Kelsey Childs Conquers Challenges, Physically & Emotionally, Inspiring Thousands

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In life you hit that brick wall and think it’s impossible to get over it. It’s about training yourself and training your mind to get stronger to get over that wall.
– Kelsey Childs

Wise words from Chappaqua’s Kelsey Childs, who found that by pushing her body to the limit athletically, she could also overcome personal struggles by proving to herself that she could do anything. In doing so, Kelsey has amassed a huge social media following inspired by her honesty, self-awareness, fortitude and perseverance.

From Difficulty Fitting In To Spartan Star

By her own admission, Kelsey, now 21, was “impossible,” with ADHD and extreme impulsivity, disruptive in school and unable to finish anything. Medication did not help, and she struggled with sensory integration, PTSD, depression and anxiety. After Westorchard and one year at Seven Bridges, Kelsey changed schools several times before graduating from a nearby boarding school, needing that structure to force her to follow rules. At age 12, Kelsey’s then 16-year-old sister Alexis suggested they take karate together, and they both immediately fell in love: “it stopped being a sport and became a lifestyle,” Kelsey recalled. But it wasn’t enough; a year later, Kelsey transitioned to mixed martial arts (“MMA”), combining boxing, muay thai (a form of kickboxing), jujitsu and wrestling, before a friend encouraged her to try something new: Spartan racing.

Spartan is an obstacle course race (“OCR”) that includes running with obstacles including monkey bars, rings, wall climbing, mud crawling, and climbing under barbed wire.  Races range from three miles with 20 obstacles to 30+ miles with 60 obstacles.  Spartan and similar OCR events have millions of participants worldwide of all ages with up to 15,000 people per race.  It took Kelsey six hours to complete her first nine-mile race in 2016, but she met wonderful people and was hooked, phasing out MMA training and concentrating on weightlifting, calisthenics and running.

The impact of OCR on her psyche was profound, as Kelsey no longer “felt like a victim” in her own life prone to giving up when things got hard.  Whereas school and coping with emotions had been difficult, obstacle course racing helped her train her mind to persevere.  “OCR made me feel empowered,” she emphasized. “Look what I just did – I can do anything.”

Kelsey started racing competitively (“elite”) in June 2017 and started college, simultaneously training with a bodybuilder, a triathlete/marathon runner, and at an OCR gym to perfect her obstacle form.  With her parents’ blessing, she left school after a year and moved home, working at a gym, training, rock climbing, and running mountain trails on weekends, logging up to 60 miles per week. The Spartan company noticed, hiring her as a social media/marketing intern; she also teaches at an OCR gym and competes every weekend in a different state (or country), now averaging two hours per race.

“It’s OK to Not Be OK”

Kelsey developed her Instagram account (“storm_the_spartan”) realizing that her story of overcoming personal struggles through OCR was moving others to accomplish goals. Along with photos and videos chronicling her feats of strength and endurance, Kelsey shares words of inspiration with her 20,000 followers, reassuring that there’s “always someone there” and offering support. “The OCR world is a very close community, because you have to be somewhat dysfunctional to live such an extreme lifestyle,” she said, “but by proving to themselves that they can do it, they’re proving something to others.” “People approach me at races thanking me and saying my story inspired them to become a different person,” Kelsey said. “There’s so much stigma and hate that people don’t like discussing their struggles, whether it’s PTSD, depression, anxiety, divorce, helplessness.  From my posts, others see there’s a way.”

Proud Parents, Future Goals

“Marc and I are in awe of the person that she’s become – the kid who never felt she could succeed in life now inspires so many and there’s nothing that she can’t tackle,” Kelsey’s mom Randi says of her daughter’s strength (physical and mental) and resilience. Randi and her husband Marc are thrilled their daughter has discovered this community and endeavor that has changed her life, recalling when Kelsey’s childhood ADHD and over-enthusiasm frightened other children.

“She was a handful but also so delightful, just bubbling over with personality,” Randi recalled, adding that many of Kelsey’s Chappaqua teachers recognized that and kept in touch for years, even calling her every first day of school to wish her luck. Supporting Kelsey’s break from college, Randi and Marc are also proud that she is using her impressive writing skills to inspire others. “She went from the girl who always said ‘I can’t’ to a young woman who can do anything.”

But the extreme lifestyle of a dedicated Spartan competitor isn’t without pain and injury; Kelsey has thrown her hip out and torn her hands apart and burned them on hot metal. Despite the pain, though, she refuses to give up on an obstacle, aspiring to compete professionally and earn money doing what she loves. But she is compelled to keep inspiring people, committed to helping others as she has been helped by OCR. “I found my people, my community, my purpose.”

Instagram posts…

Sometimes, all it takes is ONE STEP forward.

The truth is – we are so small in such a big world, but the footprints we leave behind will stay forever.

You’re never going to please anyone. The feeling of not being good enough can become overwhelming but you have to untangle yourself from the expectations around you – and rediscover yourself as an individual.

Aim to make yourself happy and not to make everyone else happy. You ARE good enough, and you don’t need others approval to BE good enough.

One step forward, it’s just one step forward. Don’t overwhelm yourself with thoughts of the future. By thinking about everything that “could be” you are missing the simple joys of this current moment.

How Chelsea Clinton Inspires Kids to Make a Difference with New Book, It’s Your World

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Amanda with Chelsea Clinton at the Chappaqua Library book signing
Amanda with Chelsea Clinton
at the Chappaqua Library book signing

By Amanda H. Cronin

On Thursday September 24, I got the opportunity to speak with Chelsea Clinton about her new book, It’s Your World–Get Informed, Get Inspired, and Get Going! Chelsea is the Vice Chair of the Clinton Foundation, and is the daughter of our very own illustrious Bill and Hillary Clinton. Chelsea has traveled all over the world working on humanitarian projects where she met and was inspired by children of diverse socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. In this, her first book, she talks about the ways kids can make a difference in our world, and how they already are. Here’s the exchange I was fortunate to have with her prior to her Chappaqua Library book signing.

Amanda: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me!

Chelsea Clinton: Thank you for being interested in It’s Your World!

Amanda: What inspired you to write this book now?

Chelsea Clinton: I continue to be struck by the curiosity of young people. Adults should recognize that young people are taking charge and are en- gaged in making a difference. Knowing that I was going to become a mom lent a greater urgency to writing this book because I felt even more of a respon- sibility. I wanted to empower young people to make a difference across our country and across the world.

Amanda: In your book, you say that, “more than anything else, education is an area where adults should listen to kids,” and that you hope that students “will speak up and speak out about what we think education should mean in our schools.” Can you please explain more about this?

Chelsea Clinton: Yes! Oftentimes people say to me, “What do you think kids should care about?” And I say, “Well, just ask kids, they’ll tell you!”

It’s up to us as adults to support kids in engaging in making a difference. I certainly think that that’s true in schools. Kids spend more time in school than they do at home, so trying to listen–actually, not even trying–listening to kids about what they want to learn in school, and how they think they’ll best learn in school, is something that I believe every adult should do.

Amanda: Millions of kids are being held back from going to school because of their gender, their economic hardships, or because there is simply no school around. We are very lucky here in Chappaqua to have such an outstanding school system. How can we help girls and boys around the world who don’t have the same educational opportunities?

Chelsea Clinton: Since 1918, every kid in the U.S. has had the right to a free public education. In a lot of countries, kids don’t have that right, or there is that right but it is not put into practice because there just aren’t enough schools, or teachers, or materials. Organizations that build schools and provide funding to train teachers are so powerful because they are solving problems in places where communities clearly want their kids to go to school. At Horace Greeley, something that you can do is to sponsor the building of a school!

Amanda: You seem to be really hopeful and optimistic about the capability of today’s kids to tackle these huge issues. Why do you believe that
we can?

Chelsea Clinton: Because you already are! I hope that is apparent for anyone that reads It’s Your World. Kids are already profoundly impacting such things as the health of their families, saving iconic species like elephants, and helping school environments become safer. The strong answer to your question is all the stories that I am so grateful to be able to share about kids who are making real, tangible, meaningful impact across the world today.

Amanda: Now a hometown question… Do you like visiting your parents in Chappaqua?

Chelsea Clinton: It’s a beautiful place, and my parents love living in Chappaqua, even more than they thought they would. My husband and I love visiting; it feels very much like home. It’s really nice now that I am a mom to have a place to go where Charlotte [her daughter] can crawl around on the grass.

Amanda: Yes, I love it too! Thank you so much for talking with me today!

Chelsea Clinton: Thank you!

Amanda Cronin is a junior at Horace Greeley High School. She is news editor of The Greeley Tribune, a student of Writopia Lab, and a member of the iMatter Youth Council. She hopes to one day make a difference in our world.