The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Inside Thoughts

Three Sure Fire Ways to Succeed at High School

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Irene Byrne playing varsity lacrosse

Hey everyone! My name is Irene and I graduated from Byram Hills High School this past June. My sophomore year, just as everything was going right, Covid hit. As an extroverted and awkward 15 year old girl (I REALLY wanted to be a woman at that point) who was finally coming out of her shell, this was the worst case scenario. How did I manage to turn my junior and senior year into the greatest years of my life so far? Here are some of my tips:

Get a job. 

Getting a job, for me, was a non negotiable from my parents. At the time I was resistant, but I learned three key lessons that improved my life as a student and a person. The first lesson: good customer service is critical. With the rise of self check-outs and automated messages, having good customer service (the ability to talk on the phone, send emails and conduct conversations) can really set you apart from your counterparts. I found my confidence in the classroom immensely improved as well. I could vouch for myself significantly more because of my work experience. The second lesson I learned was to find your strengths and use them. An individual’s strengths are what make you an asset, so if you want to become invaluable, you need to learn how to use them in life and in your career. I tried several different jobs. I learned that I was great at working with children and not so great at wrapping gifts. The final lesson I learned was you have to finish your jobs. This wasn’t school anymore. I couldn’t procrastinate on my responsibilities and somehow pull off an A. The faster I learned this the more efficient I became in school. I was handing in assignments earlier, and I became much more proactive when asking for help. 

Get involved

Okay, so I was the captain of three varsity sports my senior year. Naturally, I encourage athletic activity to everyone. Sports helped me learn to work with others, taught me how to play fair and fostered healthy habits in my lifestyle. I can’t even begin to describe the countless friendships I formed from playing on teams in school as well. Now, for my unathletic readers/friends you can still get involved through clubs or community service! I had a lot of fun in the band, and my friends in theater are always looking forward to the next show (I can proudly say I never missed a winter show). There is no downside to putting yourself out there. You might just discover what you’re truly capable of.

Take Risks

And lastly, coupled with putting yourself out there, is to take risks. This can include talking to someone new, raising your hand in the classroom or even sticking up for someone against a bully. If you make mistakes, who cares? That’s how you learn. The biggest risk I am taking is attending college in Ireland. I knew how much I would have regretted not applying, and if I crash and burn- so be it. Taking a risk to achieve a goal requires courage to face the fear of uncertainty. No matter the outcome, either way, I will grow through the process and become more resilient and confident.

 

Good luck in High School!! Don’t blink. 

 

The Perfect Game Changing & Memory Making Dip

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Byram Hills Varsity Field Hockey team in 2016 wearing pink socks for breast cancer awareness in October.

 

A simple five layer dip can have a quite powerful unifying effect, to many’s surprise. The Byram Hills High School Varsity Field Hockey team made this discovery all the way back in 2016, and it changed the game forever for them. 

I, myself, was a member of this team from 2016 to 2020: my freshman year of high school. Our team was composed of an unproportionally large group of freshmen talent, and by talent, I mean we were losing all of our games. The team had previously been a force to be reckoned with in the county, but after losing much of the team at graduation, they suffered with a lack of experienced players along with a new coach that 2016 fall. The group assembled was young, unorganized, and very timid – understandably. 

The captains had organized a team dinner to try and increase morale and create a more tight-knit, cohesive team. My mom, Palma Manners, volunteered to make dip for the dinner; little did she know the impact this dip would have on the coming season and the following years. The dip itself is simple (and definitely worth trying yourself): it is a beautifully constructed five layer stack of (from bottom to top) 1 (16 oz) can of refried beans, 1 (16 oz) container of sour cream seasoned with a ½ package of taco seasoning mix, about 10 ounces of guacamole, 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese, and finally topped with 1 large tomato, chopped. 

“I only started making it your freshman year when you started doing team dinners,” she reflects. “I had offered to make it your very first team dinner, and it was such a hit that it was requested for every team dinner after. It became a bit of a tradition.”

A tradition indeed! It gave the team something to bond over, a sort of unifying ritual. Every week for the rest of the season, we would get together, over dip, and slowly form the close-knit team that we had wanted to be. We didn’t win many games still, we were still a young team with much to learn, but we started actually playing together, we found a rhythm. We even started writing “TOGETHER” on our legs in sharpie before every game as a reminder of this.

Every year for the next three years that I was playing and my mom was making dip, some players graduated and we gained new ones, but the tradition remained, and each year we would become a stronger team. The dip was such a simple tradition, but it became iconic for our group, and we still all reminisce about it today. I don’t remember any scores from that first year or the result of any of those games after, but I do remember the players, many of whom are still my best friends two years out of high school, and the memories we made over chips and dip every week.

 

You Are Not Cool.

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Photo courtesy of https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi05YWE4MjBkNzM5ZGYwYmZk/

 

When people think of social media, it is typically associated with teenagers and early adults being obsessed with likes and who can project their best lifestyle. Generation Z and millennials are usually linked with social media taking over their lives. The expression “phone eats first” and people, especially girls (I can confidently support this being a girl *wink* ), snapping a million pictures until getting the right one. However, I would like to argue that this logic is wrong. We are the scapegoat for the older generation to hide behind. We are not the true culprits of the epidemic of social media taking over. Adults, especially parents of teenagers, are the true OCD consumers of social media. 

The smallest family gathering happens and you already know all the mothers are going to line up and want to make a huge photoshoot to later post on Facebook, where their 76 friends will comment. Saying “So cute! My kids could never!”, “They grow up so fast!”, and on and on. Cut the BS. We both know you do not care that Sheryl went to Turks and Caicos for the fifth year in a row. And the same goes for Sheryl–stop acting like your kid did not just throw a fit because they missed their sleep away camp meet up in the city to go on this vacation. Social media portrays such a falsehood of what is reality. Simply commenting on someone’s post does not mean you are close with them. Send them a text or call to show you care. These moms are so obsessed with portraying a different (read: fake, or at best, idealized) perception of their family. I truly think that if these moms keep trying to portray their family dynamic like how it seems on social media, that maybe one day their manifestations will materialize. Get a reality check, but it has not been all smiles and a love fest at Thanksgiving with the in-laws. Maybe get some crystals and family therapy. Stop dragging everyone else into your family’s mess.

However, the moms of Facebook are not even the worst of them. The worst are the wannabe influencers. They just learned about Instagram a month ago and think making reels is revolutionary and they’ll become famous for showing their outfits every day in their story. It has been done. And yet, still few have actually become that famous. They think they are hip and cool being on Instagram, posting their lives, thinking that people are just WAITING at their phones for the next post. Like no, what do you think you are influencing? What does “influencers” even mean? What are you changing? The times people want to block you? Because that number is only going up. The only brands that reach out to you to promote are probably bots or a pyramid scheme. There is a reason no one has heard of these companies! Okay, maybe if Gucci or Versace is sponsoring you, then none of this applies to you. But to those of you out there not making this cut, fun fact but typically the number of likes usually lines up with the number of followers you have. We can tell, you buy your followers! Right, because you have 14.7k followers but on a good day get 53 likes, yes! Love the PEMDAS that is happening.

Social media does have its positives of allowing people to stay connected all throughout the world and depicting the time that has passed. But, people own up to the reality of your life and stop posting inspirational quotes that you do not even implement in your life. Time to make social media casual again.

 

Becoming an Eco-Warrior

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Photo courtesy of the ClimateCenter.org

Most educated adults are aware of the rapidly declining state of the environment, but many, if not the majority of us, find it easy to ignore the urgency of it. I, myself, did not confront exactly what is going on and what I can do about it until I started studying it in college. 

I did not go into college planning on studying the environment, I didn’t even know there was a major for that, but now as a rising junior, I have found myself as an environmental studies minor at Georgetown University. I had picked a random class to fulfill my “science for all” credit that I need to graduate, and it ended up inspiring my minor. Becoming environmentally conscious can be easier than you think, and it is becoming less and less of a choice. The world is suffering at the hands of global warming, pollution, and loss of biodiversity, among a variety of other devastating issues, but change, believe it or not, can begin with you!

The first step you can take to make a difference is educating yourself. There are plenty of resources both online and off that make this very accessible and interesting. A great online tool to bring your awareness to the impact we each individually have on the environment is carbon footprint calculators that take information about your lifestyle and living habits. They tell you in what ways that is contributing negatively to the environment. Being aware of this may be intimidating, but is also important so you can figure out how to change some of these harmful habits. Websites like footprintcalculator.org tell you specific ways you can reduce your footprint based on your results. 

Another way to educate yourself is by taking a trip to your local library (or an online alternative). There are great books that turn this invaluable information into an interesting read. Some suggestions that I have found to be helpful and fascinating reads are The Brilliant Abyss by Helen Scales, The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert, A Life on Our Planet by David Attenborough, and The Serengeti Rules by Sean B. Carroll.

Beyond educating yourself, you can also take action in your home by switching to a variety of reusable products. These products are usually fantastic swaps, with many of them being far more cost effective and better quality, all while being better for the environment. A lot of these switches are much easier to make than you might think: you can start just by using reusable water bottles, straws, and shopping bags. You can go even further by investing in wool dryer balls – a one-time purchase alternative to dryer sheets – eco-friendly tampon alternatives like the DivaCup, or making the switch to zero-waste shampoo and conditioner products that avoid plastic packaging. 

So many products in our home have sustainable alternatives, and all of these changes can go a long way for our planet. From educating yourself and others to taking action in your own home, these simple tasks can make you an eco-warrior – something our planet and our future generations will thank you for.

Goodbye Armonk: Gratitude, Reflection, & Vision for a Prosperous Suburb

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After a generation in the community, my family is moving on, which is bringing up a range of thoughts and feelings. In reflecting on how Armonk shaped me as a person, I’m struck by how much of a gift it was to grow up here: the natural beauty, sense of safety, abundant opportunities. And how no gift comes without its price. 

For me, a town like Armonk’s most potent gift is achievement culture. Like many families who flocked here in recent decades, we were drawn by the quality of the school district. My siblings and I dutifully jumped through all the academic hoops, orienting towards what seemed like a shared north star of get good grades, to get into good schools, to get good jobs, to afford good things, to have a good life and create a better one for our posterity.  

But because that cycle had been spiraling upwards for three or four generations, and then comes along little anxious Andrew in one of the wealthiest and most academically competitive zip codes in the United States, the story I internalized was that I had to do something BIG in order to feel complete, loved, accepted. Which would look something like brute force way into Ivy League, let loose to compensate for emotional and spiritual malnourishment, burnout and move to India for detox and balance. Then brute force way through Silicon Valley, get lost in the clouds of saving the world, go to my room to think about what I’ve done. In both cycles, I almost didn’t make it out alive. 

Acknowledging the multiplicity of backgrounds and ways that others experience this neck of the woods, I wonder why we don’t give more attention to the impacts of pressure of expectation and narrow definitions of success. Especially amidst an exploding global mental health crisis and increasingly destabilized society. It makes me wonder if poor mental health and resilience are the biggest prices we pay to live in a place like Armonk or countless other suburban, achievement-oriented communities around Westchester and the world. And if so, how can we acknowledge and shift that in a good way? 

Beyond mental health, what if overachieving atrophies our capacities for resilience? Rigid identities (“I am my job”) and expensive habits (“my net worth is my self worth”) can lead to isolating cycles of wealth accumulation in which we meet more of our needs through buying things instead of through community support, making us more fragile to shocks to the system and less adaptable to change. I’m not against wealth. I am for awareness of the tradeoffs; especially the unnecessary suffering in pursuit and as a result of wealth. 

I’m also curious about the impact of achievement culture in this historical moment when it has become clear that our Western consumerist lifestyles bear the bulk of the responsibility for the planetary crisis. With an estimated one billion humans displaced by 2050, will we environmentally, socially or spiritually be able to pursue a high earning career, that will afford a McMansion(s) life, with multiple new of every thing every time it breaks or the styles change, to then herd our kids into elite educational and professional paths that exacerbate the situation? Whew. The complexities of navigating life during the sixth mass extinction are heavy. Compassion all around.

Educator Zak Stein in Education in Education is the Metacrisis points out that when social systems are in periods of rapid transformation, the role of schools becomes contradictory. They teach knowledge that is no longer relevant, socialize individuals into roles that no longer exist, and provide the mindsets needed to continue ways of life that are rapidly disappearing. Zak argues that students deserve an education relevant to the world they inherit, and that the future depends on the articulation of a new vision of humanity. What might that look like? 

In 2018 I received a tear-jerking vision for Armonk’s future during a meditation session. I saw the possibility of: flourishing individuals, families, and community. Children coming alive, discovering their authentic passions, bringing their fullest expression forward, cultivating healthy lifestyles. Beautiful threads of love and healing, weaving the fabric of our social relationships into a beautiful tapestry. Joyful, educational, and supportive interactions between neighbors, generations, and unlikely friends. Group therapy for those wounded by the common thread of pressure of expectation to conform to a narrow life path and identity. Excess resources flowing naturally to the areas of greatest need. Courageous gestures of resistance and care amongst those in positions of power. A shared motivation to leave Armonk better than we found it. The potential of Armonk as a role model for upper class achievement communities. 

Utopian fantasy, or within reach and worth orienting towards? What is the role for a resourced, elite-adjacent (2%?) community like Armonk in the transition from here to there? I’m encouraged by initiatives like the Byram Hills Challenge Success program to center student wellbeing, and the Buy Nothing community on Facebook to promote sharing economy principles. I believe our religious institutions have a significant role here, with time tested wisdom that holds clues to the big questions, including how to build resilience. And I believe in every person. Any citizen can step into leadership now. We can choose what happens next. We vote everyday for the town we want with our words, dollars, choices and ideas. What would a Renaissance of civic engagement look like? What do you perceive is imbalanced in Armonk? What are you positioned to change? What is your unique perspective that gives birth to your unique gift?

What if all the achieving and wealth accumulation was in service of freeing up time so that we might focus on cultivating resilience, healing, self and community actualization of the next generation? I hope that children who have such a large safety net(s) may be fully supported in becoming artists, activists, healers and roles of service we can’t even imagine. That one of the primary goals of Armonk be to identify their true gifts, and help them bring them into the world in a good way.  

Many in Armonk have the privilege to think about these bigger questions, take risks, rest and play and create. Let’s play with the levers to balance things out: less virtue signaling, more vulnerability. Less wealth, more health. Less mundane, more sacred. Less consumption, more creativity. Less avoiding pain, more attaining joy. Less external power, more internal strength. Less speed, more depth. Less security, more choice.  

At the end of the day, there’s no perfect town. There are no easy answers here. Armonk is a mixed blessing for many. Perhaps this is our unique paradox to wrestle with: how to create the best life for ourselves and the next generation, without crushing them, atrophying resilience, and harming people or planet. Maybe it’s one we’ve been wrestling with since time immemorial. 

The unabridged version of this letter was first published on Medium in late 2021.