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Residents Find Friendship and Intellectual Stimulation at Local Book Clubs

December 2, 2018 by Anna Young

When Chappaqua resident Kate Feher moved into the area four months ago she quickly missed the bonds she had made back home.

As a first-time mom adjusting to her new life in Chappaqua, Feher said she struggled to meet people and make friends. Her longing for friendship led her on a search to joining a group she had never been apart of before; a book club. But for Feher, her search for a friendly neighborhood book club turned into a grand effort to start her own group.

“I posted on the Chappaqua Moms Facebook page if anyone was part of a book club that needed new members. I thought I’d be meeting 10 to 12 ladies when I made that post,” Feher said. “I got over 100 responses and realized there was a clear and untasked need and excitement around joining a book club.”

As Feher began organizing her newest venture, she said it was imperative the club have equal ambition and wine. “People are looking for intellectual stimulation, but also social connection and book clubs have a good balance of both,” she said. “Reading is good down time and if you have a book club forcing you to take some down time hopefully it helps people take time for themselves.”

On Nov. 1, Feher kicked off the first meeting of the Chappaqua Moms Book Club, a group comprised of roughly 75 women from Chappaqua, Bedford, Briarcliff, Pound Ridge and other neighboring towns.

With 75 a large number for a community book club, Feher said the club will be broken down into five separate groups who will meet once a month at a place of their choosing and control their reading choices. While each group will run autonomously, suggestions will be made by Feher based on a survey she issued to members prior to the November meeting.

Suggested books include, Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng, The Incendiaries by R.O. Kwon, The Power by Naomi Aiderman, and Less by Andrew Sean Greer.

While the entire group will meet once a year to discuss their experiences and reading choices, she added that the club was less about books and more about meeting other people in the community and making new friends. Women like me with new children that really don’t know anyone just want to get to know other people, she said.

“I think a lot of people use social media to connect but it’s a digital connection, it’s not a person-to-person meeting and I think people are missing that,” Feher said. “I think this is a way for people to get to know others and feel more connected to the community. People in the community and so many women are so hungry for it.”

Book Lovers meet monthly at the North Castle Public Library as part of the Current Affairs Book Club. Photo by Grace Bennett/Inside Press

But women aren’t the only one’s hungry for engaging conversation. For Armonk resident Daniel Vock, it was his passion for history and topical news that served as the catalyst to launch his Current Affairs Book Club five years ago at the North Castle Library.

After attending a similar book club in Greenwich, Conn., Vock approached library officials with the idea of starting his own club in Armonk. Since then, he has collaborated with North Castle Library librarian Mary Johnson to obtain non-fiction reading material either listed on The New York Times bestseller list or suggested by the groups five core members.

With the group meeting on the second Tuesday of each month, excluding August, Vock said their 90-minute discussion will revolve around the book, and what’s happening in the news, which Vock said always results in a lively discussion.

“We learn from reading the book and we learn from each other,” Vock said. “If you don’t learn from history, history will repeat itself again. And that’s what we feel we’re seeing now, and we learn from debating.”

Along with reading books, Vock said they will occasionally invite the books author or other historical authors and specialists to join the book club in their discussions.

But while most book clubs are comprised primarily of women, Vock said his group, comprised of all men, struggles to attract female membership. With energetic discussions and debate a core value of the club, he added he also wishes residents who are in support of President Donald Trump would join the group to enable a more well-rounded debate. “We’re missing that component to the club because we can’t build on those opinions,” Vock said.

Despite the occasional controversial topics up for discussion, Vock said his group of “fair-minded” men gives senior citizens, like himself, the opportunity to get together and talk about the many national and international issues facing them. He joked it also gives his wife a break from his political gab.

“The men that are in this group I consider as brilliant and well-informed people who have led a full life, have seen a lot of things and have a lot to contribute,” Vock said. “We want to learn and exchange ideas rather than impose points of view.”

Chappaqua resident Holly Blum, who has been a member of Words with Wine Book Club since 2013, agreed that book clubs provide a night out and enlist members from all different backgrounds, education and upbringing to contribute and provide a more dynamic dialog.

“I’ve met a lot of great people through the book club,” Blum said. “What I really like about it is that it brings together a lot of different women who I would not have had the opportunity to know of otherwise.”

Blum said she appreciates her book club because they allow the reader to reflect on their experience with the book, while also giving room to reexamine the book with the roughly three-hour discussion that erupts during their monthly meetings.

“The women in the book club are not particularly shy about sharing their opinions,” Blum said. “It’s really an opportunity to get together with semi-likeminded people who enjoy a glass of wine, who like to read and hopefully have something interesting to contribute, book related or not.”

The need for stimulating conversation, friendship and community is exactly why Armonk resident Anita Luden Greenwald started Book Club Armonk three years ago.

While her kids were growing up, Greenwald said she was part of an Armonk-based book club for 16 years until it eventually disbanded due to residents retiring or moving out of the area. Some time later when her kids were all grown up and out of the house, Greenwald said she was in search for a new group of people who shared her desire for camaraderie and had a commitment to the community.

When a search on the Armonk Moms Facebook forum led her to a thread about reading and book suggestions, she decided to launch the Armonk Book Club.

“I got this resounding yes from people I didn’t know to join this book club,” Greenwald said. “I reserved a table at Beehive Restaurant and we all came with books we wanted to read. We had 12 to 15 people come and it was incredible.”

Book Club Armonk is comprised of 12 Armonk residents who meet monthly at a members’ home for snacks, wine and conversation. With books chosen a year in advance, the group will provide suggestions on reading material, and the books that share an overlap will ultimately be chosen. The rest is based on reviews, Greenwald said.

“It’s very democratic,” she said. “Somebody inevitably is always organized with questions from a book club guide, but someone will start talking about how they felt about a book and then everyone continues to chime in.”

While most book clubs choose their selection based on the book, Book Club Armonk centers their choice on the author.

“We choose an author, so you can read whatever book you want by the author and then compare notes and look at similar writing styles,” Greenwald said. “It’s really an interesting way to do a book club. Everybody was willing to try this, and through our Facebook page we poll to see who the author will be.”

Since she pioneered the group, Greenwald said it’s something she looks forward to every month, adding that the group encourages people to talk about more than gossip but share in intellectual discussion and get to know each other on an intimate and personal level. When you run into other members in town, it’s so nice, she said.

But as an avid reader, she said there’s nothing better than getting lost in a book.

“Books take you on a voyage to other locations, other cultures and other time periods,” she said. “There’s nothing like having a cup of tea with your book with the fireplace going. It’s perfect.”

From Cabin Fever to Spring Fever

April 21, 2015 by The Inside Press

Woman Discovers What Kind of Chair She is

By Janine Crowley Haynes

Ah…spring is finally here, but there’s no denying it was one heck of a cold and lonely winter. However, with the help of social media, I survived. Uploading TGIF photos of my dog wearing a Hawaiian lei propped up by a pink mai tai helped to temper my cabin fever. Also, I took up coloring again…as in…coloring in a coloring book. It’s only the first paragraph, so please don’t judge me quite yet.

I know I was not alone in my innocuous endeavors to maintain sanity. Last winter, I noticed a strong uptick of social media postings of crazy cat videos and unlikely interspecies alliances. The Youtube video of the cockatoo feeding individual strands of spaghetti to his canine companion is, not only adorbs, but a metaphorical template for ending world hunger. Also, tagging and sharing anything wine-related was considered a lifesaving ritual that friends did for one another. You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine was more than just a platitude; it was a public service announcement for the online adult community. I discovered that the Roman god of wine, Bacchus, is alive, well, and on the internet engineering kitchen faucets flowing with fruity, full-bodied pinot noirs. Now there’s a jobs program. We can build it. We have the technology. Let’s get to work, America.

But nothing kept away my winter blues quite like sipping and clicking. That is, sipping hot cocoa and clicking on the latest online quiz. My index finger robotically clicked on teasers like Let’s Play! and Take this Quiz!.…I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to know what kind of dog they’d be? Most of my friends are golden retrievers and German shepherds. I happen to be a husky, playful but tends to disappear for days at a time. Days is an understatement–I disappeared for an entire winter. I burrowed beneath the frozen layers of snow and nestled warmly in the cyber bosom of self-discovery. I suckled on the teet of BuzzFeed and PlayBuzz quizzes till my belly was full and my mind ripe with fantastical notions of who I really am.

Who knew the definition of an alternative lifestyle could be extended to life as an inanimate object? Isn’t everyone just the slightest bit curious about what piece of furniture they’d be? I’m an upholstered wingback armchair. Translation: I’m comfortably sophisticated and often found next to fireplaces. This is how I project myself in the world. It pleases me to know I’m not a beer-stained barcalounger with mystery meat rotting beneath my cushions, begging the question, “Dude, what’s that smell?” Ahem…FYI, I’ve been tested and actually smell like lavender which makes people feel relaxed in my presence. This is consistent with my purple aura results. Defining myself by my hue is not shallow–it’s cool and pairs nicely with my hippie name, Blossom, and my musical note, G.

Interestingly, from the countless hours of quiz taking, a pattern definitely emerged. A pattern of relaxed  sophistication, and I’m comfortable with that label. Speaking of labels, PlayBuzz told me if I were a suit, I’d be Jennifer Aniston’s Gucci scarlet red tuxedo–shirt optional. This is serendipitous because I also got Rachel in Which Friends Character Are You? quiz…and…and…I scored Bradley Cooper as a celebrity husband, who was Jen’s onscreen hubby in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You….Crazy, right? Not me, silly, my results. Coincidence? I think not. Jen and I are practically twins.

Sure, I could’ve spent the winter baking decadent red velvet cupcakes, which PlayBuzz reveals is my confectionery makeup, but nothing fed my soul quite like esteem-building scrumptious morsels of self-discovery. The brilliance of these quizzes is that you can never really be wrong, only alike or unalike from your friends’ results. For example, invisibility and flying–both awesome superpowers, just different. Cinderella and Elsa–equally respectable Disney princesses, just different journeys.

So, I’d say this winter, albeit long, was kind of a productive cerebral season for me. I’ve come away with plenty of insights, at least, enough to write this bizarro essay. Now that it’s spring, I can head back into the woods for my daily walks fully aware of what kind of woodland creature I’d be. After reading this, you might be thinking I’m a real piece of work, and you’d be correct. I happen to be the famous painting At the Moulin Rouge because, like Toulouse-Lautrec, I seek out alternative crowds and, apparently, alternative thinking. What piece of work are you? Go to PlayBuzz and take the quiz!

Janine Crowley Haynes is the author of My Kind of Crazy–Living in a Bipolar World.

What Have You Done For You, Lately?

April 24, 2013 by The Inside Press

“Friends keep me sane and grounded,” says Miriam. To the left of Miriam (l-r): Buddies Amy Mittelstadt, Jennifer Cahill and Genine Coccoli DiFalco.

Are you in a holding pattern caused by loneliness? Anyone can experience the painful awareness of not connecting with others–married or single. Strong, competent women rationalize being treated poorly by awful men to avoid loneliness. Others in healthy relationships feel isolated by the lack of true friendships outside that relationship. Loneliness is a state of mind that can be changed by connecting with yourself first.

My most profound loneliness was being in a marriage I had outgrown. After being married several years with two young children, I had drifted away from many of the friends I had growing up and in my early 20s. My emotions were in turmoil and I had nobody in whom to confide. Despite our sporadic socializing we reconnected immediately and I began rebuilding other friendships I had neglected over the years. My friends gave me strength to pursue my divorce and that step empowered me to start questioning what I want to do with the rest of my life.

If you are not doing things to fulfill all parts of your self–intellectually, physically, and spiritually–you are not truly living. For years, I coasted on auto pilot. I worked, took care of my kids and collapsed exhausted each night. I realized I wanted more and started setting goals. I have the same 24 hours in my day as anyone and I work full time, juggle the busy lives of two teenage girls and my own social life, yet I don’t just come to life on weekends. I ensure there are things I do for my mind, body and soul each day. What have you done for you lately?

Dinners and nights out with my friends are a given, but I belong to the Jacob Burns Film Center and enjoy seeing films alone. Running makes me feel good and that led to running marathons. Travelling the world alone connects me deeply to the moment and myself–quite the opposite of lonely. Between family, work, travelling and socializing, I met a guy. We clicked instantly and became involved. While happily enjoying my life I met someone, exactly how all the magazines said it would happen. My happiness was short-lived, however, when things ended abruptly six months later. Yes, I was sad, but I rechannelled that sadness into a freelance writing career which fulfils me creatively. Changing grade levels after 18 years challenged me professionally.

Can I pursue all things, all the time? No. Life is a balancing act. Deciding to learn a new curriculum meant publishing fewer articles, but planning new, creative lessons and teaching older students fulfills me in new ways. Some weeks I’m too busy to run as much as I ‘d like so I read or watch a movie. Actively pursuing things I enjoy gives me more energy than I had as a young mother, and strong friendships transcend any romantic relationship. So how can you reconnect with yourself and your old friends?

Take that first step. Send that message to someone you have been meaning to contact. Suggest after work drinks with colleagues and widen your social network.
Join a social website. Meetup.com has groups for any interest. Some are geared toward singles but I suggest finding groups geared to your own interests or create your own group!
Select an interest or two and devise a plan. If it’s travel, calculate costs and plan your trip. Thinking about learning a language, or taking a cooking or photography class? Check out Chappaqua Continuing Education or other community or city options.
Exercise regularly. Vary your exercise routine to avoid a plateau and remain physically challenged. Don’t belong to a gym? Put on headphones and go for a walk. Endorphins, those “feel-good” hormones released during exercise, are real!

Sometimes friends and pursuing goals are not enough and what began as loneliness veers into depression. If you feel overwhelmed, seek help. A professional, outside perspective can help you view life differently.

Loneliness is not a permanent state but only you initiate change. Make the time for things that bring you joy and the richness of your life will overflow. Happiness is magnetic, and while you’re busy living your fabulous life you might find that special person, just like all the magazines say it happens.

Miriam Longobardi is a freelance writer, fourth grade teacher and single mother of two daughters living in Westchester. wA breast cancer survivor, she also volunteers for the American Cancer Society and has completed four marathons. Also, check out her weekly New York Modern Love column at Examiner.com.