The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

From the Inside Out

It Takes Courage

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Beth Besen
Beth Besen

Ever stare at a blank piece of paper, or, in today’s terms, a blank screen, and wonder what to write? Trust me, it can be daunting! Perhaps it’s what inspired Ernest Hemingway to pen Courage is Grace under Pressure.

Seriously though, what is courage? And where is it found? It’s been described by many, and in many ways. Our cover story speaks to the courage one family found to move on after the untimely passing of their son and brother. They, their friends, his friends and the greater Armonk community remember and honor Jamie Love each year with a 5k run. Most of us are deeply fortunate in that we have not had to experience the nightmare that is the loss of a child. To come from that dark place to a wish for others to laugh and smile in Jamie’s honor is truly an act of courage as well as love.

Giving of ourselves is another way we show courage. While we are all familiar with the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto to you,” it isn’t always easy to step up and make a difference in others’ lives. In simple Darwinian terms, we’re programmed to put ourselves first. Time is precious, and truly as big a gift as many other resources. Those who make time to volunteer are not only doing good deeds, but showing that they can put aside their atavistic me-first tendencies. Our story, Neighbors Feeding Neighbors in Body and Spirit, describes the many ways local lay individuals and clergy members make our world a better place.

On the other hand, there are those among us who find it quite hard to say “No”. Psychologically speaking, they’re called “people-pleasers”. In general, people pleasers want everyone around them to be happy and they also often crave others’ approval. It’s a perfect-storm way to over-schedule and under-care for oneself. Consider the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. We love and look forward to it year after year; the traditions, the feast, the time off from work and school…and the chance to be with our friends and family. But, what if we’re not a Hallmark movie? What if we can’t house everyone or set a Martha Stewart table? Let’s have the courage to say “yes” to what we can do, and “no” to what we can’t. If you turn to When An Air Mattress Just Isn’t Enough, you’ll find we’ve gathered a list of great local lodging options that can help ease the strain of holiday hosting.

And speaking of Thanksgiving Traditions, make sure to read our fun piece on this very topic. Discover what some of your neighbors plan to do, maybe find an inspiration or two you’d like to try for yourselves! Chez moi, I know we’ll watch the parade in our PJs while cooking and setting up for the holiday dinner. I’m especially thankful to have my family coming to me this year, including one of my brothers, his children and his ex-wife! I admire their civility, and, yes, their courage in putting negative issues aside in order to celebrate the positive and make the holiday family-centric for all the children.

Election Day fast approaches. Do you know what positions are up for the vote in North Castle?

We offer a very helpful overview in They’re up for the Vote!; I highly recommend acquainting or re-acquainting yourself with the candidates. I’m volunteering to help at my polling place for the first time this year, and, I don’t mind sharing, I’m a bit anxious about it. I attended two evening workshops, but they both took place last summer. What if I can’t remember all the rules? Still, my sense of reason tells me I’ll be ok, that others with more experience will be available to help me and, more to our point about courage, that I owe myself the chance to prove myself as well as fulfill a great public service.

When we try something new, when we take that first step into the great unknown, we’re actually making the proverbial “leap of faith’. If you think about it, courage and faith actually walk hand in hand all the time. Psychotherapist Jodi Baretz describes the process in greater detail in “Life Begins at the End of your Comfort Zone.” And, back in September, my rabbi, Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe of Temple Beth El, delivered a very thought-provoking sermon on The Meaning of Faith; among the many takeaways, I share the following with you: Faith springs from the large gap between the two poles of certainty and absurdity…occurs when I am asked to act irreversibly upon only partial evidence…is not a matter of belief, as belief does not ask anything of me…is a matter of action, in which I am called to make a commitment based upon my convictions.

When Inside Press Publisher Grace Bennett approached me to help her launch this magazine, we knew each other very little and had only worked together once or twice previously. She took a leap of faith, as did I. And you, our readers and merchants, showed faith and courage too. You welcomed us and gave us the opportunity to become The Magazine for North Castle and Beyond. I’ll be stepping down as Executive Editor but will continue to contribute from time to time. So, this is not goodbye, but a fond farewell for now.

Happy Holidays, best wishes and, until the next time,

-Beth

BACK TO COOL: A Balancing Act

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Beth Head shotWasn’t it just yesterday we were hunkered down, huddled and hibernating? Summer couldn’t come fast enough and then, blink, it’s almost over.

Unfortunately, we can’t stop time. But we can reframe our approach to its inevitable passage. In that spirit, we present our latest issue, not so much as a Back to School reminder but, instead, a Back to Cool primer.

There’s a growing sense of awareness that we’re becoming ever more over-extended, and that the very things that were supposed to make life easier are, instead, making it more stressful. Our smartphones were supposed to allow us more freedom, but, too often, we’re hostage to their ringtones, alerts, vibrations. We’ve gone from a largely understood and widely accepted schedule of work/play balance to an expectation of 24/7 availability. What’s more, these devices frequently separate us from each other, even when we’re actually together!

Additionally, we’re paying more attention to the long-term negative effects of pressure, and it’s affect on mental health, particularly that of our children. Where even one report is one too many, sadly, there has been a seeming onslaught of recent suicide stories focusing primarily on high school and college-aged children and young adults. While the media is varied–from newer online publications like the Huffington Post to venerable print publications like The New York Times–the message is consistent: Pressure, and in particular, performance pressure–whether social, education, sports-related and/or arts-related–is overwhelming our young people and making them vulnerable. Something needs to change.

We’re proud to have published two related articles last December, Time To Talk by Janine Crowley Haynes and When It’s Personal by Rich Klein, on this very topic; prouder still that the Mental Health Association of Westchester has chosen to honor the Inside Press and Publisher Grace Bennett with a “MHA Media Award” for consistent and in depth coverage on topics related to mental health in recent years. I know Janine and Rich’s stories resonated with our readers, and that they were further shared far and wide. Ultimately, that’s what makes us most proud; the opportunity to shed light, share information and help to bring about much needed change.

I have two college-aged children, and, while their paths have certainly had bumps along the way, I like to think they’ve both come to relatively “good places” in their lives. Still, it’s part of my Mom job description to worry. When kids are away at school, that worry becomes more abstract, but those aforementioned stories bring it up close, and make me long for my kids and for a real live hug, not a virtual xoxo.

No, virtual worlds just aren’t good enough. As an empty nester, I realize my kids’ time at home is ever more limited and I enjoy them all the more for knowing that. I felt particularly fortunate that my daughter returned home to work another summer as a day camp counselor. There’s still nothing like a casual car conversation or a shared day of shopping to truly open the lines of communication. I’ll admit that we do our fair share of small screen surfing, but, as she points out, her generation did not grow up on iPads. I read old-school, page-filled paper books to both my children every night, and “screen time” limits were really just about the TV.

It’s very interesting to hear my daughter’s perspective on the generation that’s up and coming. For example, she found it fascinating and, in her words, “a little scary”, that the campers on her bus seemed, initially, quite out of sorts without their handheld devices (per camp rules, these were not allowed). However, the brighter news is that she was able to redirect them; they played trivia games, she brought them lanyard, they listened to music, they engaged with each other. In other words, balance was achieved.

Maybe that’s what is truly best, truly special, about these two months that we so look forward to during the other ten. Balance! As we head into a new season, I wish everyone a sense of balance. Get out and take a hike; we’ve got some great suggestions in Adventures in Armonk. Let your kids and their imaginations run free in one of the many Playgrounds we’ve discovered. Join friends and make new ones at the annual Armonk Outdoor Art Show. Love present-day Armonk? Why not Celebrate the History of North Castle as well? And, when you’re ready, do take some time to get to know Dr. Donohue and the New Byram Hills PTSA; we’ve got these stories and more in the pages ahead.

Enjoy,

-Beth

P.S.: A special thank you note for the terrific work provided by college intern Sarah Jane Weill; from a first-person report of Armonk’s new First Thursday event to a story on the annual Outdoor Art Show to an essay on college advice for freshman, Sarah Jane balanced it all with talent, enthusiasm and professionalism.

 

Good Things Come in Small Towns

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Beth Besen
Beth Besen

Ask anyone in town what attracted them to Armonk and you’ll likely hear some version of the American dream. Outstanding schools, pastoral beauty, small town vibe and values within commuting distance of big city lights. Young families move here with every hope that they and, especially their children, will put down roots, grow and thrive.

I too grew up in a relatively small town; one in Connecticut. When I mention this locally, is widely assumed that I’m likely referring to Greenwich or, more generally, Fairfield County. Not the case, not by a long-shot. But I have come to understand the assumption as not so much a reflection of me personally, but of a collective expectation–the fact is, many who live here now grew up here too; if not right in Armonk, then in one of the beautiful Westchester or Connecticut towns nearby. People return because what worked then, works now.

Take, for example, the many options available to families through the North Castle Recreation Department. There’s something special about a community pool; this year, run by town recreation, the Anita Louise Ehrman Pool promises to be that place. Day camp and sports programs for kids and adults alike mean town is the ticket to Ready…Set…Summer!

Of course, a community is about more than its public face. While most would agree that Armonk is, as the New York Times once called it, “an area of rugged beauty”, it is the caring community that makes it equally, if not more, attractive.

As Jason Rosensweig puts it in our profile piece Armonk’s Answer to UBER, people move here to be able to walk into any store and see a friendly and familiar face. His business is built on just that philosophy of neighborly goodwill and trust.

The same can be said for a business like Raymond James. Sure, one can get advice from the internet or an anonymous large city financial planner, but how much nicer, friendlier and, frankly, easier it is to know there’s a local business with a vested interest in town families’ lives and livelihoods. Whether your children are close to college age or still part of sandbox-set, College Planning 101 is a great reminder that we can all use a little help from our (savvy business) friends.

Speaking of college, let’s talk about Armonk’s schools. Widely recognized among the finer public high schools in the country, Byram Hills regularly sends graduates to many of our nation’s outstanding universities. However, while June graduation means pomp-and-circumstance celebrations, a BHHS diploma stands for so much more. Students work extraordinarily hard in this town. Parents and teachers do too. And, while college may be the ultimate goal for most, the years of committed focus are also about 
the learning process, and the students’ ability to synthesize knowledge while moving it and themselves forward in the world.

Armonk resident Betty Knoop would agree that education is paramount. A Holocaust survivor, Knoop’s own childhood was cut short by the horrors of war and the atrocities of concentration camp existence. All too aware that “that racism is evil…and it debases men,” she speaks about her experiences in order that others may bear witness, and think about how the past affects our collective present and future. Through her efforts, hundreds have heard first-hand about a chapter in history in which the world went dark. And yet, her message is one of Hope Not Hate.

When it comes to hope, another attention-worthy story comes courtesy of five of the most engaging eighth-grade boys I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Collectively, they’re known as the Robobenders. And, together with their parent-mentors, they’ve developed an internationally recognized iPhone App that helps those with Autistic Spectrum Disorders decode facial expressions and related underlying emotions. What’s My Face might very well help make the neuro-typical world become an easier place for ASD others.

And then there’s our cover story: Former President Bill Clinton was Guest of Honor at the Tina’s Wish Global Women’s Award evening. Clinton, recognized for his outstanding contribution to global healthcare through the Clinton Foundation, gave a passionate acceptance speech in which he praised local founder Andy Brozman and all involved in Tina’s Wish for their tremendous efforts in the funding of, and research leading to, early detection of ovarian cancer. As a woman, as a cancer survivor myself and as the mother of a daughter, 
I am moved by and appreciative of the vital importance of this work and the incredible people involved.

When John Cougar Mellencamp sings Small Town, I always smile to myself and picture towns like ours. Like him, “I can breathe in small town.” How about you? Please send your thoughts my way: Beth@InsideArmonk.com or post a comment to our facebook page.

Have a great summer!

Of Flowers, Mom and Memories

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flowerbarMay. It’s a month we all know and love for flowers (thank you, April Showers), and know and love too for that special day each year when many of us bring or send those flowers to Mom! Yes, May is famous for our celebration of flowers and women. Quite the dynamic duo.

Maybe it all starts with celebratory flowers when baby is born. Before long, those babes are starfish-fingered pre-schoolers earnestly drawing flowers with fat crayons and all their love. Mommy is their world. A little older, a little more independent, elementary school-aged children and pre-teens still sign their cards with hearts and flowers. But they’re, perhaps, a little more careful when they color, trying hard to stay inside the lines on their construction paper while testing lines and boundaries elsewhere. Mom may be cool one day, annoying the next. Teen years are a challenge for most parents–forget flowers, moms are often just grateful to be given the time of day! But, come college and after, smiles return. And so do the flowers. Circle of life stuff, my friends.

From my slightly clichéd meditations on motherhood above, to others’ somewhat more provocative inferences regarding women and flowers, connections between the two abound. Christian Dior is quoted as saying After women, flowers are the most divine creations. And who has not blushed, even slightly, at Georgia O’Keeffe’s resplendently feminine floral paintings?

Extending the metaphor, I suggest you think of this issue of Inside Armonk as a hothouse for exceptional blooms! Yes, the women we highlight on our cover and inside the issue are each unique and special. They’re mothers, daughters, sisters, wives. They’re friends, they’re co-workers, they’re women of courage, inspirational yet often very humble about all they’ve done and all they do.

In fact, speaking of our cover story, who doesn’t love a hero? Or, in this case, four dashing local SHEroes! Volunteers all, these wonder women serve in Armonk’s combined fire and ambulance service (one of only nine such combined services in the county) with the singular goal of helping others. They may not leap tall buildings in a single bound, but then again, they’re not comic book characters, but, rather, the real deal! And that’s our kind of superhero. All hail!

Helping others was young Arielle Levy’s goal too. As she prepared to become a Bat Mitzvah (that milestone event in a Jewish girl’s life as she transitions to adulthood), this graceful young woman decided that her lifelong love of dance could serve as a lifeline to others less fortunate. She gave of herself, and asked others to give on her behalf, as she worked with local schools to help create and sustain a dance program for children with special needs.

Treasures Thrift Shop volunteers are a committed crew too. Their purpose? To re-purpose clothing, jewelry, furniture, books, dvds and useful and decorative household items. A fixture in town since 1968, this St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church fundraising shop is a regular stop for so many. From those-in-the-know locals to antiques dealers who come often from far and wide, people hope to discover hidden treasure at Treasures. And very often, they do.

What else? Well, let’s not forget that May is also the month in which we honor, salute and celebrate the men and women who serve and have served our country. The stars and stripes fly high as American Legion Post 1097 hosts the annual Memorial Day Ceremony. The Byram Hills High School band plays patriotic music, names of memorialized soldiers are read, wreaths are laid and an invited speaker shares insightful thoughts and stories. It’s a moving and memorable event and all are most welcome to attend and show support.

Speaking of memorial observances, I too pause and reflect as this holiday approaches. Two years ago, I lost my father right after Memorial Day. A veteran, as well as a man who fought a brilliant fight against the horribly debilitating disease Parkinson’s, dad was inspirational to the end.

So, as we head into May, and its alliterative M-holidays, Mother’s Day and Memorial Day, I want to wish everyone a marvelous month! Tell mom how much you love and appreciate her. If you’re having trouble finding just the right card, may I suggest turning to our Et Cetera page and taking a tip from Dan Levitz’s homage to his mom. Even if you’re not inspired to put pen to paper (or tap a keyboard on your preferred device), at the very least I promise you’ll smile. And sharing a smile is as great a gift as any. Especially if you bring flowers too.

Peace, Beth

Letting Stories SPRING Forth

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IC-Cover-shotOverheard somewhere recently: “Books are TV for smart people.” Now, before some of you start patting yourselves on the back, while others of you get your backs up and come looking for me, please remember I wrote that I overheard this somewhere recently. I’m neither espousing nor taking issue with it. It’s glib. It makes a great sound bite. But, is it true? Is it fair? Which books? And what TV? Certainly, there are books that TV could never and should never touch, but, then again–and especially in recent years– there are also some terrific TV shows out there that are light-years away from the formulaic and proverbial “idiot box” offerings.

A former college French major, I’ve read some big and, classically considered important, works (Hugo, Montaigne, Racine, Stendhal, Flaubert, Balzac to name a few). I’ve read them in the original language and, sometimes and simultaneously, I’ve read them in translation as well. The stories –events, characters, themes–carry through in both languages. To be sure, one finds little slips here and there; a funny word, a missed turn of phrase, a soupçon of slightly altered attitude. As a language student, I appreciate the differences and enjoy noting them. But, for many people, such nuances are unremarkable. The significant thing–the overall message–comes through loud and clear.

By extension, can we not say the same about any and all storytelling, language and media? The story comes first! The medium matters, but it’s secondary. And ever fluid. We’re thrilled to continue to put out print publications, and very much appreciate all the positive feedback for our efforts. Realizing that some stories play better in social media format, we’ve ramped up our online presence as well. However delivered, we truly believe in putting the story first–communication is a beautiful thing!

For the purposes of this–our Spring Awakenings print issue–I’d like to suggest a comfy space and place that need include neither desk nor lap. No cords or batteries required either. Breathe deeply. You can almost smell the ink. Enjoy the feel of the lovely paper stock, the sound of flipping pages. There’s something special about a hard copy magazine, no doubt about it. Not saying it’s better. Just saying it’s something considerable. We’re proud to bring you a fresh look at the everyday world around us through stories shared page by printed page…

For example, please consider our article on Habitat for Humanity. Before you turn to page six, what are your expectations? A feel-good story about volunteering? Sure, we’ve got that covered. But we also suggest that things could be better, and more could and should be done by all of us right here at home. Let’s do as Voltaire famously penned in 

Candide–il faut cultiver notre jardin–and take care of our own.

I do mean that, and sans the usually-ascribed sarcasm. Perhaps it’s the optimistic “hope springs eternal” season upon us. But why not choose to cultivate our immediate garden; our literal and figurative backyards? Why not make things the best they can be right here at home?

Certainly, that’s what some young men in Armonk and Chappaqua did when they came together for the love of sport and sportsmanship. When you read “Armonk Warriors Welcome Chappaqua Players for a Dream Season,” it’s impossible not to feel optimistically inspired! Bravo to the players, parents and coaches who made a significant difference and saw some dreams come true in the process.

Speaking of parents who make a difference, I want to give a shout out to local mom and practicing psychologist Benna Strober who shares both her professional expertise and a personal story with us in “When it’s Time to Let Go.” Helicopter parenting is neither new nor, especially in communities like ours, newsworthy, but this self-described and real-life application of control may help others make the decision to roll out their own landing gear.

When it comes to applause, let’s also give it up for the many talented local folk who act, sing, dance, direct, costume, create sets, design lights and sound–in other words, cheers for our community theatre groups! We discuss how they came to be, the creative energies that continue inform the companies and the best way to see or become involved with productions in “The Show Must Go On.”

And the art of narrative must go on too. Start a conversation with your friends, open a discussion with your family. Tell us what you think! We love your emails, notes and online posts, so please keep the lines of communication open and flowing.

Happy Spring, everyone –