The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

Miriam Longobardi

It’s Only Rock N’ Roll… and these Parents LOVE it!

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Music is an outlet which provides a release for many people, but these local parents take it to a new level.

They are all over the County, and sometimes travelling beyond, all while working and raising kids. Whether a lifelong musician or just starting now, no matter how busy you think you are, you too could be on stage!

Adult Learners

Red Grenadine

Jenn Filardi and Jason Haberman of local band Red Grenadine just began taking guitar lessons as adults. Filardi, a stay-at-home mom since leaving a busy career in advertising to raise her children, studied at the Mike Risko Music School in Ossining. The upshot? At age 41, Filardi was performing vocals and playing electric rhythm guitar. The band rehearses once a week for about two hours, sometimes longer right before a gig.

The couple also took part in an adult music workshop and were able to stretch their abilities by working with musicians with varied skill sets. Over time their band evolved, some of the players changed, but since 2017, Red Grenadine plays in many local county venues. You can catch them at popular clubs/pubs like Lucy’s in Pleasantville or Garcia’s in Port Chester.

They are not a typical cover band that plays songs to sound exactly as they do on the radio; rather, they play different versions of classic rock songs and R&B, often versions covered by other artists. Sometimes the key is changed, or it has a funkier vibe, so it is very recognizable but not what people may expect.

“People are very pleasantly surprised a lot of the time,” Haberman shared.

They tend to select songs that feature different solo parts for the other members of the band to showcase their talents, such as Larry Yavner (drums), Rob Guglielmo (keyboard), Mike Bisceglia (lead guitar), Danny Golub (bass). Golub is a teacher with Music in Chappaqua. Occasionally they add horns by collaborating with the Horn Dogs.

On September 21st, they will be performing in the Battle of the Bands at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center.  Follow Red Grenadine on Facebook and Instagram for more information.

 

 

Planting a Farmer’s Market… One Neighborhood at a Time

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PHOTOS BY Donna Mueller Photography

Amidst a brisk March wind, vendors at the Down-to-Earth Farmer’s Market in Ossining greet regulars by name, showcase new products and make tailored recommendations. One of the few Farmer’s Markets open outdoors year-round, rain or shine, the rapport between customers and vendors is apparent.

Miriam Haas, the market’s founder, walks around, shopping and chatting with people. In the late 1980s,, Haas and a group of women ran a food co-op but wished there was fresh produce more locally available.

After researching local farms and working with the Ossining Chamber of Commerce, the first Farmer’s Market was finally launched. In 1991, on a small patch of lawn in the downtown area in Ossining; two farmers set out their wares and the Down-to-Earth Farmer’s Market opened for business!

The second year there were three vendors, and by year five, Hass received an award from the Chamber of Commerce for bringing people and economic development to the downtown area.

Once their own local market was thriving, Hass began to bring farmer’s markets to other nearby towns such as Pleasantville, Hastings, Piermont, Tarrytown and Bronxville, to name a few. Soon ever more towns began reaching out to Haas to help them start their own markets.

“Community markets revitalize downtown areas. People meet and discuss recipes. It’s a very friendly environment,” Haas says. This is evident as she smiles, nods hellos and waves to people while we chat.

Soon communities from outside Westchester County reached out to her and she helped found three markets in Manhattan: Hudson Yards, Chelsea and Morningside Park as well as two each in Brooklyn and Queens. In total she has founded around 14 farmer’s markets. “I guess I’m like the Johnny Appleseed of farmer’s markets,” she jokes.

Dakotah Russo, Director of Marketing for the Down-to-Earth Farmer’s Market, notes that more recently the growth of farmer’s markets trend nationwide has slowed. “There was a time when everyone wanted one in their town,” she notes. “Many towns now have one and the need is not as great.” Still, the markets that are already out there do very well. “Our vendors respond to what people around here want. Different towns want different products. It’s not a bazaar. It is tailored to what people are buying”, Russo reports.

Beauty of Outdoors

Being outdoors year-round is a big draw as people maintain their shopping routines without driving to a different location. They tried holding the market indoors at one point, but vendors preferred to be outside despite variable weather. It is easy for people to pull up and shop.

During the winter months they still have vegetables, pasteurized meats and fish among other other staples, such as pickle and bread stands. There is often live music in the winter as well. During the summer months, harvests are bigger and the vendor mix expands with upwards of twenty vendors.

The market’s summer season officially kicks off May 11th. The hours are 8:30-1:00. There are café tables, live music or a DJ, and the atmosphere is festive. After 28 years, the Down-to-Earth Market continues to grow and thrive. For information and recipes, please visit their website: downtoearthmarkets.com

Sparkle for a Cause Events at Crabtree’s Kittle House Continue to Shed a Light and Raise Funds for Area Non-Profits

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Photo by Grace Bennett

 

 

Envision the setting: It is a beautiful spring or summer evening, you are surrounded by lush plants and colorful flowers in full bloom, servers glide by with trays of tasty tapas and sparkly drinks held aloft and deliver them to your elegantly set table while acoustic guitar music plays in the background, mingling with the sound of animated conversations. No, you are not on a tropical island; you are at Crabtree’s Kittle House for Sparkle for a Cause on a Tuesday, supporting a worthy charity while enjoying a night out.

Sparkle for a Cause is an organization sponsored by the Amy Marie Crabtree Foundation benefitting a wide variety of local, not-for-profit causes, such as brain and other cancer research, women and children’s issues, homeless shelters, helpless animals, and domestic violence, to name a few. The events take place in the picturesque Amy’s Garden, which, along with the foundation, are named for Amy Marie Crabtree, late wife of John Crabtree, owner of Crabtree’s Kittle House and president of Team Amy. She passed away in 2009 after a battle with brain cancer and the causes the Foundation supports were near and dear to her heart.

“She had always talked about fixing up the garden,” John Crabtree explains. Once Crabtree, along with the help of his sister, began the endeavor, word quickly spread throughout the community and offers of support came pouring in. “People donated time, fountains, a fire pit, and a group of neighbors had a plaque made,” he reports. He decided to incorporate charitable causes that were important to Amy.

Before long, Tuesdays became dedicated to charity. Restaurant patrons have the choice of eating outside in the garden (weather permitting), in the Tap Room or main dining room. If there is inclement weather the event is held indoors–it is never canceled. If diners identify themselves as supporting the Sparkle for a Cause event taking place, 30 percent of the proceeds (prior to tax and gratuity) from all participants are donated to the featured charity of the evening. Specialty wine-based as well as non-alcoholic drinks and tapas-styled appetizers are created for these events, but guests may order from the Tap Room or main dining room menus as well.

The SPCA, Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival, League of Women Voters and the Make a Wish Foundation are but a few of the local charities that have participated. Each August, there is a Backyard Barbeque at the Kittle House benefitting the foundation and charities representing their four core causes. Those charities are honored with the recognition of their diligent efforts and compassion, and each also receives a portion of the evening’s donations.

While Sparkle for a Cause was initially more of a ladies-night-out type of evening, it has evolved and now anyone from the community attends. It is perfect for date nights, group outings, friend get-togethers, or just a fun dinner out.

“I love the Kittle House, and supporting local nonprofits is important to me, so I have been going to Sparkle events since they started eight years ago. You never know who you will meet there so it’s a wonderful opportunity to bring the community together in support of the many local charities. A nice thing about it too is that you can feel comfortable coming alone and join a table because there is a great sense of community,” said Chappaqua resident Ronni Diamondstein.

Due to its growing popularity, reservations are highly recommended, particularly if you want to dine in Amy’s Garden where the entertainment is. If you are affiliated with a local charity interested in having your fundraising event there, there are some remaining dates available. Call the Kittle House (914-666-8044) or follow the link below for more information. Sparke events take place from June through the end of October. For more information, visit kittlehouse.com

Upcoming Sparkle for a Cause events:

June 4 NAMI Westchester (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
June 11 WIHD (Westchester Institute for Human Development)
June 25 Girl Scouts Heart of the Hudson
July 9 Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival
July 16 Mt.Kisco Childcare Center
July 23 Friends of Karen
July 30 914 Cares /Kids Kloset
August 6 League of Women Voters
August 20 A-Home
August 27 Adopt-A-Dog
September 24 Mt. Kisco Interfaith Food Pantry
October 22 Ronald McDonald House

Dear Dads: How to Keep Post Divorce Relations Amiable With Your Ex

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Amid the divorce horror stories most of us have heard at one time or another are those rare happily-ever-after couples whose divorces seem better than many marriages. Child support payments are on time and never questioned, regular visitation and paternal involvement in the children’s lives are a given, and the home and assets were divided fairly without contention. Who are these divorced dad unicorns? How are they moving through the divorce seemingly effortlessly and without acrimony? Luckily I happen to know such men and they were willing to share advice.

Put children’s best interests first. Tom, a divorced dad from Thornwood, says focusing on the emotional needs of children is critical. Tom acknowledges that his ex is a wonderful mother and speaks well of her to his eleven-year-old son. He lets his son pick out small gifts for birthday and holidays to give to his ex-wife so he has something to give his mom. Small gestures like that can help kids of any age feel more comfortable around special events that are no longer shared as a family.

Maintain timely payments if they are legally yours to make, per an agreement. Tom regards the financial end of his divorce as a business arrangement and treats it as such by honoring his obligations. “If an occasional payment is going to be late, give notice and explain why, then catch up as quickly as possible. Keep lines of communication open; if a question about an unexpected expense arises, discuss it calmly,” he advises.

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Decide you will have a positive relationship. Early on, Vincent, a divorced father of two daughters in White Plains, decided nothing that led to his divorce was relevant anymore and proceeded with a ‘clean slate’ mindset. “It’s a new chance to have a positive relationship with someone you once cared about. Collaborative co-parenting is not only healthy for the kids, it’s healthy for us,” he shared. “Letting go and being positive is a gift to yourself.”

Embrace your new life. “Getting excited about something new is a great diversion at a time when you need one,” reports Vincent. Whether it’s working out, kayaking, or hiking, being physically active is a natural mood elevator. Oftentimes newly divorced men rush into new relationships, but Vincent cautions against this. “People expect to feel normal much more quickly than is realistic. Allow at least a year after the divorce is finalized. It’s hard to have a solid relationship that began before the last one was truly over.”

Mediation Pros and Cons

Not divorced yet? Consider mediation but be sure it is right for both of you. Katherine Miller, a mediator and collaborative lawyer in New Rochelle, weighs in.

“If one or both parties need a lot of individual support to understand and hold on to information to make an informed decision, mediation is not for them,” Miller shares. “The couples who successfully mediate are those able to honor the relationship they had and view the marriage not as a mistake, but a good thing that has come to an end.”

Mediation Mistakes

“We’ve done all the work ourselves.” “The better choice is when couples decide what they can work out on their own with their mediator, not beforehand,” offers Miller. “Deciding how you will make important decisions together is the single most important decision.”

Angry threats Threats in anger, like, “I’ll quit my job before paying maintenance!” or “You’ll never see the children!” are not realistic and only escalate emotions. You can get heated and angry and disagree, but do your best to work it through.

Power imbalance When there is a clear power imbalance, financially or emotionally, the party who never had a voice in the marriage tends to feel suspicion or mistrust during mediation. This may be because he or she has never truly understood the financial picture. Both parties must be able to trust the mediator. Some couples bring their own lawyers (or therapists!) into mediation.

Saving money What makes mediation go smoothly is the commitment to do what makes sense for the family, especially for the children–not saving money. Effective co-parenting enables both parents to be involved in their children’s lives, like attending games and graduations.

Positive family interaction post-divorce empowers kids, and that’s what really matters.

Question of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Surviving ‘Marriage Limbo’

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The author and her girls

Many of us are familiar with the old song by the Clash, “Should I stay or should I go?” Unlike the lyrics, which pose the question to a partner, I, like many women, asked the question of myself years ago when considering divorce. It is not an easy question to answer even when your gut is telling you to go. My feelings about the marriage were not in question, but many factors weighed on me. My top few were financial, my social life, and, most importantly, the effect divorce would have on my children.

Can I afford to live on one income?

Having just purchased a home, I had major concerns about whether I could manage the mortgage and all household bills on one income. A free consult with a lawyer quickly gave me hope when I learned what my ex’s monthly child support obligation would be. With a little belt-tightening and a strict budget I realized I would manage. I feel very fortunate that my salary plus child support enabled me to refinance the house in my name.

Ilene Amiel, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, advises that women fully understand their net worth, including equity on the home, debt, insurance policies, and their credit score. She urges them to establish their own credit if they don’t have accounts of their own. “Obtain the last three years income tax returns,” said Amiel. “Getting divorced may be a short or long-term plan depending on the circumstances, but do your research. Act slowly, think first, and file later.”

What about my social life?

Not only did I wonder how I would navigate socially as a single mother, I had trouble envisioning telling my friends, most of whom were married. How would I maintain friendships with the women I had come to know through my ex? How would I make new friends when work and my children took up most of my time? The answers did not appear overnight and it took active effort to develop my new social life. Being single does not preclude one from socializing with couple friendships, but it is critical to create a network of one’s own. Reconnecting with old friends was remarkably easy and they were supportive of my decision. Slowly, I developed new friendships which became some of the closest I have known.

Will getting divorced ruin my kids’ lives?

While it may sound melodramatic, it’s a question I pondered. Divorce is not easy on anyone, but kids have their own fears and concerns. I was referred to Mary Borowka, LCSW, who has a child psychotherapy practice in Chappaqua. Working with each of my children individually and in small groups with another child of the same age enabled them to express and learn how to process their feelings and recognize they are not alone in their experience. In a recent interview, Borowka reminded me that by the time parents are ready to share news of their divorce with their kids, they’ve already gone through the processing of that decision, but for the children it is just the beginning of a huge life transition. Along with feelings of sadness, kids often have concrete questions about logistical concerns, such as where they will live, when they will see the other parent, what will become of family vacations and what else in their lives will change.

As the divorce process ensues, she reminds parents not to lose sight of their child’s best interests. “How parents deal with one another has everything to do with how life after divorce will be experienced by a child,” she said. She encourages couples to avoid losing positive regard for one another, “Hostility between parents makes kids feel they have two separate parts of their lives that they need to figure out how to negotiate on their own.

“Kids want to like both parents and you should want them to as well. Healthy relationships with parents create a good foundation for healthy relationships throughout life.”

Kids can survive and resiliently move through a divorce when parents make the effort to conduct themselves in a manner in the best interests of the children.

I have never regretted my choice and my children are happy and productive young adults now. Having a supportive network of friends and family were key to logistical challenges and emotional support, all of which helped me to create a life of my own design that I treasure.

Miriam Longobardi is a freelance writer, fourth grade teacher and single mother of two daughters living in Westchester. A breast cancer survivor, she volunteers for the American Cancer Society, has completed four marathons and travels the world. Follow her on Twitter @writerMimiLong.