Inside Armonk (Dec 2015)

Let’s Talk About It: Raising Resilient Kids

December 2, 2015 by The Inside Press

L-R: MHA’s Head of Personal Development, Education and Training Dr. Barbara Bernstein; MHA Board Member Sean Mayer; Educator Shari Applebaum; Byram Hills High School Principal Chris Borsari; and Reverend Frances Wise Grenley of Scarsdale Congregational Church

By Deborah Raider Notis

We live in a community in which everyone is hyper-focused on raising successful children. But do we spend nearly enough time teaching these successful children how to recover from disappointment, failure, and stress? How do we raise resilient children?

This was the focus of the Mental Health Association (MHA) of Westchester’s community conversation held in November at the Rosenthal JCC.

Moderator Sean Mayer, an MHA board member who lost his brother to suicide, asked a panel of experts, “In today’s high stakes, technology driven world, how do we help our youth develop strength and buoyancy?” The event, sponsored by The Inside Press, concerned reducing and identifying factors that cause anxiety, stress, depression, and the potential for suicide in children and young adults.

According to the MHA’s Dr. Barbara Bernstein, counselors are seeing more children with more mental health issues nowadays. Over one-third of college students polled said that they cannot function because they feel sad and hopeless, one half of these students suffer from anxiety, nine percent considered suicide, and 17% of high school students polled thought about suicide. She urged, “Early identification of these issues is critically important. We have to figure out why kids are not developing coping skills.”

“Teacup Children” Phenomenon

Panelist Shari Applebaum noted that resilience begins in childhood. “To build resilience with our kids we have to take a step back. Kids must find self soothing skills and must learn to handle disappointment on their own while still knowing that there is a support system.” She and Mayer believe that today’s parents are creating “teacup children,” children who are exceptionally fragile and break easily when faced with challenges. Applebaum feels that our community as a whole must reduce the emphasis on academic and athletic achievement as these pressures are overwhelming to many children–and don’t guarantee fulfillment.

Byram Hill’s Chris Borsari agreed that academic and athletic achievement are priorities in our community. When he started at Byram Hills High School, he wanted to understand why so many students were struggling. “We started out discussing stress,” as he was initially afraid to broach the subjects of mental health and suicide with his faculty and community. He developed Learn to Inspire workshops for his faculty and held coffees for parents to pinpoint what causes stress and anxiety for students. “Over time, people started to discuss suicide. There was a slow acceptance and realization that suicide is a health issue, just like broken bones and concussions but with potentially greater consequences.”

Reverend Francis Wise Grenley suggested that we prioritize kindness and compassion. She thinks local teens need to look beyond themselves and place themselves in a different context to give them some perspective on their problems. “In the modern era, we are the centers of our own attention, everything we do is so important to us.” To help give teens perspective, the Scarsdale Congregational Church takes teens on a Midnight Run to bring clothing and homeless into New York City and also takes them to a community in South Dakota living in trailers–with no windows, no indoor plumbing, and no heat. Grenley points out, “This give our teens a chance to see an entirely different reality.”

The hope is that experiencing this alternate reality will give them a stronger sense of priorities. Borsari notes that we live in “pinnacle communities” where people have found a unique level of success and prosperity. “The American Dream has always meant that you are going to do better than your parents,” notes Borsari. “If that only means money, then kids from these pinnacle communities are going to have a particularly tough time. We need to redefine success to make it more attainable for this generation.”

Technology: Too Much of a Good Thing?

Stress and anxiety are pervasive among children, teens, and young adults–some of whom are plugged in seemingly 24/7. So Mayer asked the panel whether they feel that technology is making growing up harder for our children. The whole panel agreed that it is extremely challenging to deal with texts, Instagrams, Snapchats, and all of the other apps that compel people to constantly compare themselves to everyone else.

Mayer also points out that many of these children have “duck syndrome,” they look perfect on the surface but are paddling furiously beneath the surface to keep up. He says, “It is hard to see all of these posts and think that everyone is having so much more fun than you are.”

Grenley acknowledges, “None of us are strangers to our smartphones. But kids are getting lost in their phones and missing out on face-to-face conversations. How many times have you seen kids sitting next to each other in the car texting each other?” Grenley and Mayer agreed that people are missing out on the beauty of the world around us and losing the ability to be present in the moment.

Teens and young adults need emotional downtime, away from social media outlets. Borsari believes,“ One of the hallmarks of adolescence is to be connected to the group. But you used to be able to go home and escape. Now there is no escape.” He is particularly concerned about kids’ inability to shut down and escape technology.

Grenley implores parents to stick to their standards because kids do better with boundaries. “Hearing the word ‘no’ is not a bad thing.” These rules and boundaries against which kids fight can ultimately give them a sense of belonging and a foundation for success. Most importantly, people need to know about the many available resources throughout our community that can help those struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, and thoughts of suicide. Michael Orth of the Westchester Department of Mental Health said that the county offers peer-to-peer support groups for college-aged young adults, for example. The Scarsdale Congregational Church has a support council and works with neighborhood associations to foster a sense of community.

Byram Hills High School has an open door policy, Transformation Workshops, and is working to reduce the stigma associated with suicide. And, of course there is the Mental Health Association of Westchester. Just ask Mayer. Six months after his brother committed suicide he turned to the Mental Health Association for support, and today he works with them to create a network of support systems and conversations for others.

Deborah Notis is a writer and co-owner of gamechanger, LLC, a free referral service connecting Westchester families to highly qualified, competitively priced academic, athletic, music, and
art instructors.

RESOURCES

Westchester County Crisis Prevention and Response Team
914-925-5959

Mental Health Association of Westchester
Mount Kisco, 914 666-4646
White Plains, 914 345-0700
Walk-in Services; phone to confirm hours

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Bereavement Center of Westchester
914-787-6158

Westchester Jewish Community Services
To Inquire about a Support Group:
914-761-0600

Blue Notes

December 2, 2015 by The Inside Press

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art–write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” –Neil Gaiman

Snowy tree–NYBG (New York Botanical Gardens)

My blue reflection–The Mertz Library–New York Botanical Garden

Mary Kaye Catone is a Westchester native, and has lived in Bedford and Chappaqua. Her wanderings, family and work as a Licensed Real Estate Salesperson with Houlihan Lawrence in Bedford keep her on the run.

Carefree in Paris

December 2, 2015 by The Inside Press

By Grace Bennett

Paris is personal for me. It holds some special memories. It’s where my ex-husband and I spent our honeymoon. But that’s not my subject here. Summer of ‘77…I’m 17 ½ following a freshman year at Boston University and accompanying my parents to Frankfurt, Germany, for a Nazi war trial. My dad was called to testify against a low to mid-level Nazi commandant who oversaw his barracks in Auschwitz. He asked if I would write about it for the employee newspaper at Yeshiva University in Washington Heights where he worked as a maintenance supervisor. (I did.)

We stayed a couple days, didn’t tour…it was strictly business. The day in court, Mr. Schmidt roamed freely and even approached my father casually. “Hello, Jacob,” he said before court officiated, clearly recognizing my dad, using his name!, as if they had once shot a game of pool together.

My dad acknowledged him with a hello back. I asked my dad how he could even look at him; he said simply, “he wasn’t the worst of them.” For my part, I concentrated on aiming daggers his way through my eyes, but I’m not sure he saw.

From Frankfurt, we chose Paris to visit before our final destination of Tel Aviv; it was the one place in Europe that my mom, in particular, had dreamed of seeing as a teenager growing up post war in Poland, having survived after her immediate family escaped from Warsaw to Russia. My mom’s family was sent back to then Communist-turned Poland. Even after all they had been through, they had to wait years for visas to Israel, where she eventually met my dad.

So Paris was where we stopped to unwind following the time in Frankfurt…and we experienced the usual…a clear view of the Eiffel Tower, crepes and finer eats, a walk along the River Siene, a visit to the Louvre.

It was more than the City of Lights for us for a short time, It was a place to put the trial behind us, to let our hair down, laugh a little. Thoughts of the awful events of decades earlier were suspended and then shelved as we picked up souvenirs, sipped café au lait, and tried so hard to simply be “normal” tourists to Paris.

I think we succeeded despite all our baggage. There we were, two Holocaust survivors and their kid, in Paris, safe and carefree…as Paris is meant to be, as Paris should always be.

Do enjoy our entire Winter 2015 edition! The theme was “Express Yourself, “ as I did here in the aftermath of the tragic events in Paris. Together with our wonderful contributors, I tried to fill this issue with a variety of meaningful civic, artistic and personal “expressions;” they run the gamut, so see what resonates most with you! Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season.

The Magic of Frosty!

By the time you read this, you will likely have enjoyed one of Armonk’s most anticipated family fun days of the year: “Frosty Day!” Our online coverage and story by Stacey Pfeffer of the 2015 Frosty Day parade and activities can be viewed at www.theinsidepress! but these wonderful 2014 pictures from the president of Friends of Frosty, Robby Morris, highlighted all the fun Armonk residents can always anticipate.

Style comes to Life with Sugar and Sazon!

November 28, 2015 by The Inside Press

Gumdrop Lane founder Jenny Amicucci / Photo by Holly Berfield

By Liz Susman Karp

She readily admits to a ribbon addiction and says she’s literally covered in glitter from the beginning of November through the middle of January. So it seemed natural for Armonk resident Jennifer Amicucci to launch lifestyle website Gumdrop Lane, gumdroplane.com, this past October, fulfilling her desire to make it easy for people to create beauty in their lives.

The product of a strict Dominican family, Amicucci speaks thoughtfully about the powerful influence her family, particularly her grandmother and primary caretaker, Tirsa, had on her. “When I think of her, I think of lights surrounding her like La Virgen de La Altagracia,” she says, referring to the Spanish version of the Virgin Mary. “She was so humble, so genuine, so extraordinarily talented. She was always helping others.

Watching her grandmother sew dresses for entire wedding parties, prepare large dinners from scratch and making her Barbie doll clothes from fabric scraps had a definite impact on the young Amicucci. She fondly remembers her mother creating elaborate décor for birthday parties and bridal showers and being part of the lively preparations for those big events in the Dominican culture.

After a move from Washington Heights to Pleasantville at age 14, Amicucci earned a BS and law degree from Pace University and worked as a medical malpractice attorney. The combination of career, caring for her three young children–Dario, now 9, Matteo, 8 and Christina, 6–and family illness prompted her to take stock and a step back.

Her husband, Dario, and friends encouraged her to focus on what she truly loved doing, so she considered buying a property in town to host children’s parties, which she had done before. She realized with a website she could manage her work schedule more easily while raising her children.

Gumdrop Lane is “a reflection of all that I have been through and all that I have learned and everyone that I have learned from,” says Amicucci. The tag line, “a sweeter life with a little sazon,” is a nod to her roots, reflecting her desire to add a little spice to people’s lives. Since friends always ask for her party planning expertise, topics range from recipes to décor and DIY & crafts and beauty tips (she’s a former makeup artist).

Her Roman Catholic faith and belief in positive thinking has seen her through difficult family losses and illnesses, including her own post-partum depression after having Christina. “When you project sweetness and love and light, that’s what you will be surrounded by. I’ve evolved in that full circle and now it is my time to be able to share all of these things.”

Without much fanfare, Gumdrop Lane saw 1,700 visitors in its first week according to Amicucci. She’s focused on the long term, planning a line of craft products within five years. She defrays the cost of the site by creating store windows in town and holiday decorations in homes.Amicucci hopes Gumdrop Lane will inspire people to tackle a DIY project or make a delicious dinner. “You know, just making life a little bit easier for people. Finding ways for other people to be able to enjoy a beautiful place setting or a great kids party. They can do this themselves and feel the same fulfillment that I feel. It’s actually more of a high I think!” she says, laughing.

Freelance writer Liz Susman Karp lives in Briarcliff Manor with her husband and two teenage sons. She could use some inspiration to tackle a DIY project.

Baked Empanadas

Courtesy of Gumdrop Lane

Ingredients:

1 pkg Goya Discos Para Empanadas (Dough for Pastry Turnovers, found in freezer section) thawed
1 tbsp Olive Oil
3/4 lb Ground Beef
1 pckt Goya Sazon con Achiote y Culantro (You can find the boxes of this seasoning in the Goya section)
1 tbsp Recaito
2 tbsp Goya Spanish Style Tomato Sauce
1 pinch of dried oregano
2 hardboiled eggs, chopped
2 tbsp Pitted Cocktail Olives, chopped
1 Egg, Beaten

For the Filling:

Heat the olive oil in a skillet. Season the beef with the packet of Sazon. Add the recaito to the oil and cook for a moment or two. Once the recaito and olive oil are hot, add the beef and brown until almost cooked. Add the tomato sauce and a pinch of dried oregano. Once the meat is cooked, turn off the flame and stir in the chopped eggs and olives.

Take one pastry disc and roll it out onto a cutting board to expand it slightly. Cut the disc in half.

Place one half of the disc and place roughly two tablespoons of beef in the center. Fold the dough over the filling. Using a fork, press down along the edges to seal the meat inside of the pastry dough. Repeat with other half, and then do the same with the rest of the pastry discs. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a baking sheet with non stick spray, and arrange the empanadas on it. Using a pastry brush, lightly glaze the tops of the empanadas with the beaten egg. Bake for approximately ten minutes, or until the dough is golden. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly before serving. Yield: 20 appetizer size empanadas!

Inside Armonk (Dec 2015)