• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

  • Home
  • Advertise
    • Advertise in One or All of our Magazines
    • Advertising Payment Form
  • Digital Subscription
    • Subscribe
    • Subscriber Login
  • Print Subscription
  • Contact Us

Let’s Talk About It: Raising Resilient Kids

December 2, 2015 by The Inside Press

L-R: MHA’s Head of Personal Development, Education and Training Dr. Barbara Bernstein; MHA Board Member Sean Mayer; Educator Shari Applebaum; Byram Hills High School Principal Chris Borsari; and Reverend Frances Wise Grenley of Scarsdale Congregational Church
L-R: MHA’s Head of Personal Development, Education and Training Dr. Barbara Bernstein; MHA Board Member Sean Mayer; Educator Shari Applebaum; Byram Hills High School Principal Chris Borsari; and Reverend Frances Wise Grenley of Scarsdale Congregational Church

By Deborah Raider Notis

We live in a community in which everyone is hyper-focused on raising successful children. But do we spend nearly enough time teaching these successful children how to recover from disappointment, failure, and stress? How do we raise resilient children?

This was the focus of the Mental Health Association (MHA) of Westchester’s community conversation held in November at the Rosenthal JCC.

Moderator Sean Mayer, an MHA board member who lost his brother to suicide, asked a panel of experts, “In today’s high stakes, technology driven world, how do we help our youth develop strength and buoyancy?” The event, sponsored by The Inside Press, concerned reducing and identifying factors that cause anxiety, stress, depression, and the potential for suicide in children and young adults.

According to the MHA’s Dr. Barbara Bernstein, counselors are seeing more children with more mental health issues nowadays. Over one-third of college students polled said that they cannot function because they feel sad and hopeless, one half of these students suffer from anxiety, nine percent considered suicide, and 17% of high school students polled thought about suicide. She urged, “Early identification of these issues is critically important. We have to figure out why kids are not developing coping skills.”

“Teacup Children” Phenomenon

Panelist Shari Applebaum noted that resilience begins in childhood. “To build resilience with our kids we have to take a step back. Kids must find self soothing skills and must learn to handle disappointment on their own while still knowing that there is a support system.” She and Mayer believe that today’s parents are creating “teacup children,” children who are exceptionally fragile and break easily when faced with challenges. Applebaum feels that our community as a whole must reduce the emphasis on academic and athletic achievement as these pressures are overwhelming to many children–and don’t guarantee fulfillment.

Byram Hill’s Chris Borsari agreed that academic and athletic achievement are priorities in our community. When he started at Byram Hills High School, he wanted to understand why so many students were struggling. “We started out discussing stress,” as he was initially afraid to broach the subjects of mental health and suicide with his faculty and community. He developed Learn to Inspire workshops for his faculty and held coffees for parents to pinpoint what causes stress and anxiety for students. “Over time, people started to discuss suicide. There was a slow acceptance and realization that suicide is a health issue, just like broken bones and concussions but with potentially greater consequences.”

Reverend Francis Wise Grenley suggested that we prioritize kindness and compassion. She thinks local teens need to look beyond themselves and place themselves in a different context to give them some perspective on their problems. “In the modern era, we are the centers of our own attention, everything we do is so important to us.” To help give teens perspective, the Scarsdale Congregational Church takes teens on a Midnight Run to bring clothing and homeless into New York City and also takes them to a community in South Dakota living in trailers–with no windows, no indoor plumbing, and no heat. Grenley points out, “This give our teens a chance to see an entirely different reality.”

The hope is that experiencing this alternate reality will give them a stronger sense of priorities. Borsari notes that we live in “pinnacle communities” where people have found a unique level of success and prosperity. “The American Dream has always meant that you are going to do better than your parents,” notes Borsari. “If that only means money, then kids from these pinnacle communities are going to have a particularly tough time. We need to redefine success to make it more attainable for this generation.”

Technology: Too Much of a Good Thing?

Stress and anxiety are pervasive among children, teens, and young adults–some of whom are plugged in seemingly 24/7. So Mayer asked the panel whether they feel that technology is making growing up harder for our children. The whole panel agreed that it is extremely challenging to deal with texts, Instagrams, Snapchats, and all of the other apps that compel people to constantly compare themselves to everyone else.

Mayer also points out that many of these children have “duck syndrome,” they look perfect on the surface but are paddling furiously beneath the surface to keep up. He says, “It is hard to see all of these posts and think that everyone is having so much more fun than you are.”

Grenley acknowledges, “None of us are strangers to our smartphones. But kids are getting lost in their phones and missing out on face-to-face conversations. How many times have you seen kids sitting next to each other in the car texting each other?” Grenley and Mayer agreed that people are missing out on the beauty of the world around us and losing the ability to be present in the moment.

Teens and young adults need emotional downtime, away from social media outlets. Borsari believes,“ One of the hallmarks of adolescence is to be connected to the group. But you used to be able to go home and escape. Now there is no escape.” He is particularly concerned about kids’ inability to shut down and escape technology.

Grenley implores parents to stick to their standards because kids do better with boundaries. “Hearing the word ‘no’ is not a bad thing.” These rules and boundaries against which kids fight can ultimately give them a sense of belonging and a foundation for success. Most importantly, people need to know about the many available resources throughout our community that can help those struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, and thoughts of suicide. Michael Orth of the Westchester Department of Mental Health said that the county offers peer-to-peer support groups for college-aged young adults, for example. The Scarsdale Congregational Church has a support council and works with neighborhood associations to foster a sense of community.

Byram Hills High School has an open door policy, Transformation Workshops, and is working to reduce the stigma associated with suicide.  And, of course there is the Mental Health Association of Westchester. Just ask Mayer. Six months after his brother committed suicide he turned to the Mental Health Association for support, and today he works with them to create a network of support systems and conversations for others.

Deborah Notis is a writer and co-owner of gamechanger, LLC, a free referral service connecting Westchester families to highly qualified, competitively priced academic, athletic, music, and
art instructors.

RESOURCES

Westchester County Crisis Prevention and Response Team
914-925-5959

Mental Health Association of Westchester
Mount Kisco, 914 666-4646
White Plains, 914 345-0700
Walk-in Services; phone to confirm hours

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Bereavement Center of Westchester
914-787-6158

Westchester Jewish Community Services
To Inquire about a Support Group:
914-761-0600

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: children, depression, growth, Inside Armonk (Dec 2015), Inside Chappaqua (Dec 2015)

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Geri Mariano says

    December 12, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    An important read even for those of us without children. Adults, too, need to realize that posts on social media don’t always reveal “the frantic paddling under the water” of others. I’m grateful that I didn’t grow up in the age of social media. I’m thankful as well that my parents taught from as early an age I could understand that life wasn’t fair and the world didn’t owe me anything. And probably most importantly, my parents didn’t try to “fix” everything for me even though they probably wanted to.

    Thank you for continuing to bring awareness to mental health issues, topics folks often are uncomfortable discussing.

Primary Sidebar

Please Visit

William Raveis – Armonk
William Raveis – Chappaqua
White Plains Hospital
Houlihan Lawrence – Armonk
Houlihan Lawrence – Briarcliff
Houlihan Lawrence – Chappaqua
NYOMIS – Dr. Andrew Horowitz
Raveis: Lisa Koh and Allison Coviello
Purple Plains
Compass: Miller-Goldenberg Team
Korth & Shannahan
Douglas Elliman: Chappaqua
Houlihan Lawrence: Harriet Libov
Elliman: Pam Akin
Houlihan: Tara Siegel
Armonk Tennis Club
New Castle Physical Therapy
King Street Creatives
Temple Beth El
Pinksky Studio

Follow our Social Media

The Inside Press

Our Latest Issues

For a full reading of our current edition, or to obtain a copy or subscription, please contact us.

Inside Armonk Inside Chappaqua and Millwood Inside Pleasantville and Briarcliff Manor

Join Our Mailing List


Search Inside Press

Links

  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Digital Subscription
  • Print Subscription

Publisher’s Note Regarding Our Valued Sponsors

Inside Press is not responsible for and does not necessarily endorse or not endorse any advertisers, products or resources referenced in either sponsor-driven stories or in advertisements appearing in this publication. The Inside Press shall not be liable to any party as a result of any information, services or resources made available through this publication.The Inside Press is published in good faith and cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies in advertising or sponsor driven stories that appear in this publication. The views of advertisers and contributors are not necessarily those of the publisher’s.

Opinions and information presented in all Inside Press articles, such as in the arena of health and medicine, strictly reflect the experiences, expertise and/or views of those interviewed, and are not necessarily recommended or endorsed by the Inside Press. Please consult your own doctor for diagnosis and/or treatment.

Footer

Support The Inside Press

Advertising

Print Subscription

Digital Subscription

Categories

Archives

Subscribe

Did you know you can subscribe anytime to our print editions?

Voluntary subscriptions are most welcome, if you've moved outside the area, or a subscription is a great present idea for an elderly parent, for a neighbor who is moving or for your graduating high school student or any college student who may enjoy keeping up with hometown stories.

Subscribe Today

Copyright © 2025 The Inside Press, Inc. · Log in