Valentine’s Day

‘Graced’ and Taxed on Valentine’s Day 2021

February 14, 2021 by Grace Bennett

I’ve decided to add a new category to this site, for my most personal blogging a bit more, words that don’t necessarily relate to my role as publisher, and perhaps delve a little deeper without worrying about how this or that customer might react. Yes, that is a ‘thing’ in publishing, and I’m not immune to it. Officially declaring this space sacred from self-censoring considerations which can stymie so. I’m calling it ‘Graced’… because I’m hoping anyone reading and relating to any of it makes you feel just that. So this is a new home for my words that I’ll share into social media, too, whenever it feels right. When it doesn’t, my words will stay in draft, another set of the so called ‘morning pages’ writers everywhere are encouraged to keep. I’m choosing today, Valentine’s Day, to launch it. I normally jump on the ‘Valentine’s Day is just awesome bandwagon’ (which I basically believe it is), but on this Valentine’s Day, I just haven’t been in the best way or the best version of me. Not by a long shot. And that’s where the ‘taxed’ in the headline comes in.

In the fall of 2020, on Facebook, I described getting lost on a mountain in Beacon, NY, and being rescued. What I didn’t add was that incident immediately followed a soul searing, humiliating breakup, the death knell of a years long intimate friendship that is still too painful ‘to touch’, too confusing to make sense of, too personal to describe and certainly to recover from despite the longest walk on the most gorgeous days or beautiful trails. What I didn’t add either was a freak accident with a blender just a couple weeks later that nearly took off my pinkie–and the scars and nerve damage that remain. I understand it now as having been and perhaps still am in a continued state of being vulnerable following a psychic wound.

On #ValentinesDay2021, I’m alone but not alone with some dear family and friends to reach out to with a fun or goofy Valentine’s Day text, a glorious virtual company to lean on somewhat. I also know that anyone in or outside it with any heart and soul is considering the hundreds of thousands of Americans and millions around the world who have perished in this pandemic, the communities of first responders, and army of volunteers–and that there is just too much pain to process and too many completely broken hearts or hearts on the line–despite the promise of 2021, for so many, at least.

So… wishing a Happy Valentine’s Day to anyone who has suffered a devastating loss of a loved one, or injury, physical or psychic, during this past year. To anyone struggling with any aspect of your own health-emotional, physical, psychological and financial, too… one or more are so often interrelated, too–in a struggle that may still feel strangely new because… well, because no one prepared you or me or our kids on how to live through a pandemic and certainly not how to smile through it, and keep a stiff upper lip, not on any day, including and perhaps most of all, not on Valentine’s Day.

Here’s hoping you are mostly doing ok, maybe like I, taking this pandemic day to day, and remembering to believe that ‘I’m doing ok’ is a success story, too. I witness so many using this time to grow and learn too–in fact, to soar. I bow to your evolved sense of self preservation, and I follow closely and often for continued inspiration. In the meantime, listening too to the ever growing number of wellness experts (who’s not following at least a handful these days?) who insist we persevere when we cultivate a deeply held compassion for our own selves, too, and for believing in the exquisiteness and preciousness of our own survival. So here’s to compassion and believing washing over me, washing over you. Sending love. — Grace

Here at Home: Area Students Plan to Support Their Peers in Parkland

March 12, 2018 by Janie Rosman

Following a tragic Valentine’s Day shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, that claimed the lives of 14 students and three teachers, Women’s March Youth EMPOWER is calling for students, teachers, parents, school administrators, and allies to take part in a 17-minute #NationalSchoolWalkout at 10 a.m. across every time zone on March 14.

Parkland students made their collective voice unequivocally clear–breathing unprecedented youthful energy into a movement. They demand government get a grip on a gun and mass shooting epidemic. Their essential message: Enough is enough and that Congress must take action on gun control and pass legislation that will keep them safe from gun violence at school, home and places of worship.

Horace Greeley High School’s Hannah Fenlon was moved by the heartfelt response of Parkland high school students to organize a national student walkout.

“When my principal Mr. Rhodes asked whether I, student body president, was interested to help organize and plan Greeley’s student walkout, I surveyed the other members of student government,” Fenlon said via email. “We collectively agreed this event would be a great chance for our school community to come together and stand up for every student’s right to feel safe in school.”

The group is working with student leaders and administrators to safely plan the event, and hope it will be a meaningful tribute in remembrance of the student and staff lives lost that day. “While we decided that our walkout shouldn’t adopt an overtly political agenda, I also hope students will leave feeling empowered and ready to use their voices to spark positive, tangible change,” Fenlon said.

Chappaqua Central School District Superintendent Dr. Christine Ackerman said the district is aware of the National Movement for students to ‘walk-out’ of school on March 14 for 17 minutes in response to the horrific shooting in Parkland, Florida.

“While the rationale for individual involvement may be different, from my vantage point the ultimate goal for an event of this nature is to bring heightened awareness to the public regarding student concerns over safety,” Ackerman said.

“This is consistent with Project SAVE law enacted by the New York State Legislature in 2000,” she said. “Our secondary principals are working with our students who wish to part-take in this movement.”

Ackerman said the district sent a notice to families — a different notice based upon the students’ ages — Friday prior to the walkout about how it will handle the day in each building.

“In Chappaqua, we are incredibly fortunate to work with a supportive and involved Town of New Castle leadership team… to collaborate on ways to ensure we are cultivating emotionally and physically safe spaces for our children,” she said. “I look forward to working together with all of our community partners as we continuously look to improve our school district environment.”

Byram Hills CSD Superintendent Jen Lamia said students have been forthcoming, expressing their thoughts, and what we care about is they do this in a safe environment. “Our job as educators has been to educate and keep students safe. As a community, having students work with the administration and share what they’re thinking speaks to us maintaining our schools as safe places.”

Lamia felt, “Students are seeking a way to respond, to be heard, and to unify. Educators must do what we can to hear what students have to say and to keep them safe.”

Although Fox Lane High school in Bedford CSD will be participating, neither district Superintendent Dr. Christopher M. Manno, nor Pleasantville UFSD Superintendent Dr. Mary Fox-Alter — whose district high school is not listed as a participating school —responded to a request for comment.

Robert E. Bell Middle School eighth-grade student Isabelle Good-Ricardo encouraged her peers to participate in the March 14 walkout. Below, Good-Ricardo’s statement shares an encouraging message about evoking positive change in a peaceful way and emphasizes today’s students are making history and are tomorrow’s voters. For Isabelle’s comments, please go to: https://www.theinsidepress.com/bell-school-student-explains-why-the-youngest-voices-protesting-gun-violence-must-also-be-heard/

For general info about the walk and participating schools, please visit https://www.actionnetwork.org/event_campaigns/enough-national-school-walkout

Choosing a Necessary Focus

March 7, 2018 by Grace Bennett

Photo by Andrew Bordeaux

I was planning a personal reminisce about 15 years of publishing for this 15-year anniversary edition.* Instead, my mind has been squarely focused on the massacre that took 17 precious lives at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida on Valentine’s Day. I’ll save going down memory lane for some other day.

In the week that followed, I visited a rally in White Plains quickly organized by Indivisible Westchester, Up2Us and Million Mom March, northern Westchester chapter. Erin Fuller, a 30-year-old survivor of the Oct. 1, 2017 Las Vegas massacre which killed 58 people, and injured nearly 500 more, spoke to hundreds gathered. Our story about the rally can be found online here.

More recently, I attended a roundtable of local teens (including ones from Greeley, Pleasantville, White Plains, among others) who joined several police officers to meet with Congresswoman Nita Lowey. To hear our kids grappling over what can be done was both heartening and heartbreaking.

Rep. Nita Lowey with a group of Westchester students and several law enforcement officers following a February roundtable. https://www.theinsidepress.com/westchester-students-voice-their-ideas-to-tackle-the-challenge-of-gun-violence/

Heartening–in that we are giving our kids a platform to voice their concerns and ideas.

Heartbreaking–in that it was a poignant reminder that it is KIDS who are on the front-lines, and too often, the victims of these shootings.

I asked a reporter to contact a group of area Superintendents for statements about campus safety and to speak with some of our students too; our story will be here at theinsidepress.com too as I try to stay current and share info into social media.

On March 14, high school students throughout the County will have an opportunity to express themselves–for 17 minutes to honor 17 lives. On March 24, many more will be advocating for overdue change too all around the county. Please visit marchforourlives.org for more info.

15 years ago, before Sandy Hook, before Las Vegas–before the reportedly 18 school shootings just this year–I was not, I must confess, preoccupied with these issues. I am now, however. So many are, including many who have not ‘stepped up’ before. A dear friend noted recently, “The winds are changing.” I believe that’s true, too.

The weather is turning soon. With more sun, comes more brightness and reason for optimism, too. Enjoy the edition! So much hard work went into it, and always appreciative of that.

P.S. A special congrats to our newly sworn-in town officials! At a historic and packed ceremony at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center, President Bill Clinton presided, speaking of ‘A New Beginning,’ and the positive aspects of that.

*Fortunately, we have a terrific compilation of 15 major milestones in the community since 2003 on page 24 of this edition already, so do take a glance! The story is on our home page, and you can always download the entire magazine edition from there too.

Love that Sparkles

January 29, 2014 by The Inside Press

“A lot of men like to choose jewelry for their significant other on Valentine’s Day,” said Chrissy Chapin, the Mount Kisco-based jewelry designer behind chrissychapin.com. “They can pick up a beautiful lasting piece with semi-precious stones and gold-filled chains.” Chapin created her website a year ago, although she has been designing jewelry for about five years. Her inspiration often comes from the colored gemstones that are the centerpiece of her pieces.

According to the National Retail Federation, about 20 percent of Valentine gift-buyers select jewelry, spending more than $4.4 billion on gems, gold and silver. Put another way, 11.2 percent find their Valentine gifts at jewelry stores. (More than half of gift buyers buy candy and a third give flowers.) Men will spend an average of $175.61 on jewelry, flowers and a romantic evening out.

And in a 2008 online survey by commissioned by Teleflora, when given a list of the best Valentine’s Day gifts to receive, women selected roses as the best gift to receive (32 percent); diamond jewelry as the second best gift (29 percent); and jewelry other than diamonds as the third best gift (26 percent).

Of course, that survey was done before the Great Recession. Local jewelry designers and shop owners, recognizing that more people are watching their budgets, are offering Valentine shoppers both diamonds and more reasonable options.

The Beauty of “Timeless”

“We try to help people pick out simple designs, timeless and pretty to the eye when they open it up,” said Marjorie Troob, co-owner of Rocks by Jolie B. Ray of Armonk.

“For Valentine’s Day, people like diamonds, really simple pieces. People don’t buy hearts so much. Simple diamond pieces are probably the biggest sellers for Valentine’s Day.” Versatility is a key word for Troob when she designs jewelry. Her pieces can be worn for a casual lunch with friends or a Saturday night out on the town, she said. “People are conservative today in this economy. People want to buy things they are going to wear, versus a one-time wear,” she said. “People put money in jewelry they want to wear.”

When designing jewelry, Troob keeps in mind what’s in her customers’ closet. For example, she said, “Today’s woman wears a lot of black.” So for jewelry, something simple with “a little pop of color” works well.

In addition to carrying her own designs, Troob’s store showcases pieces by other jewelers. “We try to carry designers small like us,” she said. “And we try to make every designer we sell look different, so the designers aren’t competing with each other.”

Sentimental has its Virtue too

Varda Singer, owner of ICD Contemporary Jewelry in Chappaqua and who has been in the jewelry business for the last 40 years, said Valentine’s Day gifts tend to be more sentimental, celebrating the connection between the couple.

“I usually design a line for Valentine’s Day, that goes from less expensive to more expensive,” she said. “This year, I’m designing a line of little diamond solitaire pendants, either by itself or with a little design.” They will range in price from $100 to $2,500.

It’s a cliché, Singer acknowledged, but a diamond is still a girl’s best friend. “It shows that you care and love,” she said. An unusual approach is to select a colored diamond: blue and pink. “That’s a very special gift,” Singer added.

Singer also knows her market when she designs her jewelry and selects pieces for her store. “This is a conservative area,” she explained. “Women like simple, understated jewelry, not showy. They want to wear jewelry every day, and not put it in the safe. They wouldn’t buy a tiara, so we obviously try not to sell it in a window in Chappaqua.”

“Most people in Chappaqua appreciate fine jewelry. They buy less but finer made jewelry. And they buy timeless jewelry that will last for a long time,” Singer said. Singer keeps up with fashion trends in color and clothing design when she designs her pieces. To stock her store, she travels overseas to remote villages in places like Thailand and India. And she listens to her customers. When they started buying moonstones, she stocked more jewelry made with moonstones. “We sold more moonstones than anything else this year,” said Singer.

Consider the Receiver’s Desires

“I base a lot of the designs on the gems themselves,” noted Chapin. She also thinks of the outfits that she and her sisters, nieces and friends like to wear. When buying jewelry, Chapin recommends the gift-giver think about what the receiver already likes. “Get something that matches the style they like,” Chapin explained. Some women wear delicate, simple jewelry while others go for bolder, chunkier pieces. Do they have a favorite color? Don’t buy red jewelry for Valentine’s Day if her favorite color is purple.

“I think there’s been a nice trend in jewelry where there used to be only costume, inexpensive jewelry or fine jewelry,” Chapin said. These days, she emphasized, “There is more choice now than there used to be.”

Here’s to “Love Beyond Measure” and a PRESSURE-FREE Valentine’s Day!

January 29, 2014 by The Inside Press

I’m not here to argue that Valentine’s Day is a made-up commercial holiday that exists only to remind singles how sorry they are to be alone. In fact, it’s been around for perhaps some 1500 years–WAY before Hallmark ever existed. It’s not the romantic pressure of needing a “Valentine” that bugs me, but it’s the inevitable and underestimated and underreported social pressure in our schools while growing up that left me with a heavy heart on several Valentine’s Days.

In my otherwise happy-go-lucky life as an elementary school youngster at Roaring Brook, there were three occasions that gave me anxiety: 1) sporadic lice epidemics, 2) school play auditions, and 3) Valentine’s Day. Each year, with a stern expression, my teacher decreed that if we hand out any Valentines, we must hand them to everyone in the class. We also took home letters to our parents outlining this directive.

I basically agree with the premise: Every child should have the same number of Valentines so there is no one feeling left out. However, little did I realize, an arms race would ensue as to who could come up with the biggest and best Valentine. When I realized my Hershey Kiss taped onto printer paper heart cutouts could never measure up to my classmate’s six-dollar goody bags packed with Godiva chocolates galore and custom decorated cookies, I felt embarrassed by my own creations.

While I understand and appreciate the attempt at fostering equality here, it really just permanently etches materialism into kids’ vulnerable minds and puts pressure on parents to not let their child be outdone. To avoid this issue, I suggest that teachers have children write cards in the classroom using the same art materials to work with. It’s not like they don’t get enough candy on Halloween.

In middle school, the Valentine dilemma became only slightly less daunting. Some homerooms allowed students to exchange cards, but I don’t recall it as a concern. Even so, there was a new, perhaps greater problem looming: kids started dressing up super wacky for Valentine’s Day. Instead of your average red shirt, the halls of Seven Bridges were a swarm of colorful knee socks, pink boas, tiaras, heart-shaped sunglasses and layers upon layers of beads.

While this was festive and fun, it also seriously promoted cliques. It was up to you to establish a group to match with and shop for gear together, and dressing up alone signified being a loner. At an age where cattiness is at an all-time high, you can imagine how being left out would feel. Buy $30 worth of pointless tchotchkes solely to suggest your membership in a group? Now I’d say, no way! Then I’d say it was a requirement.

Fast forward to high school. The rule established in elementary school had disappeared and turned into the opposite: Valograms. They’re a great idea, as they fundraise for the American Heart Association, but they’re also a downright popularity contest. Each year, one purchases a number of “Valogram” cards for their friends, and senior-class volunteer “Cupids” hand them out in classrooms, accompanied with a flower per Valogram. This is literally a public announcement of exactly how many friends you have.

There is no being discreet here, as there are flowers to show for it. It’s just like the scene in Mean Girls where Damien hands out candy cane grams, “FOUR for you, Glen Coco! You go Glen Coco! Cady Heron, one for you … and none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye!”

If someone you thought was your friend sends a Valogram to all of your friends but you, what’s that supposed to mean? What if you send one and don’t receive one in return? How disheartening! Can’t we just have a simple bake sale or dance or something instead? Oh, and students continue  to go all-out with Valentine’s Day attire, so there’s still that hanging over your head.

Despite evidence here to the contrary, I happen to like Valentine’s Day. However, I like Valentine’s Day because it celebrates love for those you care most about, whether that is a significant other, family, or close friends. I enjoy yummy treats and teddy bears as much as the next person, but I believe the love you give and receive should not be laid bare for all of your classmates to observe.

Throughout childhood and into high school, kids are quite impressionable and vulnerable. I know I was. So, rather than make some children feel less than equal among their peers, I suggest we teach our children that love is beyond measure.

Anna Bennett graduated Greeley in 2010 and is a senior at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst.