The Inside Press

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The Inside Press

“The Best Things in Life aren’t Things” – Art Buchwald

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Richard Burr Photography
Richard Burr Photography

By Rachel Levy Lombara, Ph.D.

“A memorable quotation is a precious thing.” –Me

Let me explain why. Have you noticed that Facebook has become host to a parade of quotes? Dressed in decorative fonts and set on handsome back-grounds, we seem to love them. Quotes in social media, like energy bars, seem to fulfill a need in the fast-paced culture in which we live. Information is no longer a scarce commodity. Good quotes help us in our journey, directing our attention toward those most important sights along the way, reminding us when to rest, when to push, and what is really important.

As a psychologist who has spent years helping people resolve problems and improve their lives, I agree with this Winston Churchill quote: “It is a good thing… to read a book of quotations.” Quotes often distill the best of what a given teacher has to offer. Sharing quotes from leaders in positive change can educate and then mobilize the rest of us to take constructive action.

Over a year ago, I formed an online group to explore whether a virtual community could be created through social media that offered some of the same benefits of an actual community. This community, however, consisted of more like-minded individuals than one might find a physical neighborhood. Could the tangible benefits of what psychologists call “social support” be achieved online?

We discovered it could. Participants soon began revealing more of them-selves, rewarded by the support, understanding and helpful feedback. We shared ideas, learned more about our-selves from the feedback we received and learned a lot about each other.

One member introduced us to the concept of “Anam Cara.” In Celtic tradition, Anam (soul) and Cara (friend) is a connection with someone that goes beyond physical or even temporal boundaries. With Anam Cara, you reveal the hidden intimacies of your life, your mind, your heart. This special type of friendship cuts across all conventions; it is an act of recognition and belonging that joins us above and beyond all else.

We agreed there is a great need in everyone’s life for an Anam Cara, a relationship in which you are understood as who you are, without mask or pretense. It is when you are understood, that you truly feel at home and can heal, awakening the vast possibilities within you.

In September, members of our Anam Cara group, many of whom had never met in person, travelled from as far away as Vancouver, B.C., Florida and Maine, to join me and local friends and family in celebrating my birthday. It was, in fact, the Anam Cara group that planned and executed almost all the party arrangements. Contrary to what I expected, I felt no apprehension hosting people I’d never met in person. In fact, any distinction between “real life” and “online” friends disappeared.

As my virtual friends appeared at my door the night before the party, I was struck that they each were EXACTLY as I had known them to be. They were, in life, precisely who they were in our group, an impression we all shared and marveled at in the subsequent days.

The party was extraordinary. When I looked around that night, I saw old friends, new friends and my family all delighting in each other’s company, talking animatedly, laughing, grabbing each other’s arms.

I received great gifts at that party: fragrant candles, hand knit scarves, a painting, glassware, wine, wind chimes, lovely books, and a silver engraved Anam Cara necklace. Most of all, I received the shared warmth of friendship.

A week after the party, when the last guest left for the airport, I sat at the kitchen table, enjoying the last of chocolate cake #4. I missed my friends, who had ended up staying several nights longer than intended. Bringing my empty dish to the sink, my eyes lit upon the large silver gift box I’d yet to open. A lovely Armonk friend had quietly left it the night of the party.

I smiled at the thought of her. She’s wickedly funny and unfailingly kind. ἀis woman tirelessly and assertively advocated for vulnerable children. I lifted the the top of the box and pulled out a frame. On it, artfully written, was this quotation:

The Best Things in Life Aren’t Things

The ultimate quote, it somehow captured everything I believed to be true. The quote danced in my head for weeks afterwards. An amateur artisan, I found myself hammering it into leather cuffs, inscribing it on silver bracelets, and stenciling it onto t-shirts. The irony of writing, “the best things in life aren’t things” on “things” didn’t escape me. It made me smile.

Dr. Rachel Levy Lombara is a NYS licensed clinical psychologist and former scientist at Columbia-Presbyterian Med-ical Center. She now works with people individually in her Chappaqua office. Like quotes, she believes that therapy is best when it’s brief and to the point.

Ken’s Bike Ride: A Coast to Coast Mid-Life Journey

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Ken’s office threw him a going-away party.
Ken’s office threw him a going-away party.

By Dan Levitz

We’ve all seen that guy. He’s of a certain age, past his chronological physical peak and trying just a bit too hard to look cool. Sure, the lines of the Porsche convertible are enviable and it must be just fantastic to drive that purring, powerful machine just a little too fast. Yet, it’s easy, as he speeds by, to knowingly snicker that guy must be having a serious Mid-Life Crisis.

The Mid-Life Crisis (MLC) has become something of a cliche. Fair or not, a young man (or woman) driving that very same car might be viewed as successful go-getter. However, change the driver back to the guy with a receding hairline wearing aviator sunglasses, and admiration is instantly replaced by amateur psycho-analysis with a certain diagnosis of MLC. 
And, perhaps, a mildly sad feeling that the driver isn’t the slightest bit aware of his transparent attempt to cling to his fleeting youth.

When Chappaqua resident Ken Fuirst began his amazing cross country bike ride (something he’d wanted to accomplish before he reached the age of fifty) it’s quite possible that people might have seen him on the road and thought to themselves, MLC. It might have surprised and even disarmed these folks to learn that he had entitled his BLOG documenting his journey as “Ken’s Bike Ride, My Mid-life Crisis” (www.kensbikeride.com). In talking to Ken though, the feeling that came through was that this adventure was not a reaction to the inevitable aging process, but a culmination of a lifetime of impressive physical and, in the case of this Bike Ride, also emotional challenges.

On June 16th, 2014, after flying to Seattle and ceremoniously dipping his bicycle tire in the Pacific Ocean, Ken began his bike ride in the town of Anacortes, Washington with the intention of biking the Northern Tier Route across the United States. After about two months, on schedule, Ken dipped the same tire in the Atlantic Ocean as he was reunited with his family and friends after not a small amount of peddling.

Ken’s BLOG really documents the trip quite nicely with lots of photos, insights and reporting. It’s a good read and highlights include a perfect wind-aided day where he cycled 170 miles (normal days goal about 70 miles), a surprisingly meaningful visit to Mount Rushmore, scarily avoiding tragic consequences as truckers aggressively hogged the road and, most significantly, an emotional visit to a Memorial site for his late close friend Captain David J. Sielewicz in Montana.

Ken ceremoniously dips his bike in the Pacific Ocean at the start of his coast-to-coast journey.
Ken ceremoniously dips his bike in the Pacific Ocean at the start of his coast-to-coast journey.

In reflecting upon the trip, Ken notes that “meeting people along the way was most definitely the highlight.” While biking 8 to 10 hours a day is a severely solitary endeavor, Ken enjoyed knowing that he wasn’t completely off the grid; he worked on his BLOG every evening and, interestingly, people he’d met on the trip began reading the BLOG and following along with the almost 1000 others who were tuned in. This aspect of the journey was something of a pleasant surprise and, most definitely, Ken experienced a somewhat unique slice of life of America.

I was interested in the logistics of arranging the trip, especially as my vision of MLCs almost always has someone exclaiming “Please do not do this!” However, Ken clearly had the support of his family and, with the BLOG, they were able to follow along closely. As for work, Ken is a partner at Levitt-Fuirst Associates Insurance and his supportive partner and talented staff allowed him to bike away with no real worries professionally.

Although it doesn’t conform with my pre-conceived notions, I really do admire Ken’s MLC. As a fellow man of that certain age, I’ve been considering, in a very preliminary manner, a variety of MLC options myself. Rejected contenders include a piercing (I’m way too self-conscious and infection-phobic), a tattoo (sadly, this is not even slightly rebellious anymore), baseball fantasy camp (depressing to see former pro players in worse shape than I am) and surgically enhanced calves (can’t deal with vanity and, believe me, my calves are the least of my problems). Ken was smart and fortunate; his MLC seemed to involve very little actual crisis other than trying not to get knocked off the road by an 18 wheeler. For better or worse, mine is still TBD.

Through pledges, Ken’s Bike Ride was able to raise a healthy donation for Habitat For Humanity. However, Ken explained that “it would be disingenuous to make the bike ride just about charity as this trip was for me.” Maybe that’s what a MLC really is about in whatever form it may take. Something solely for oneself–which really doesn’t sound crisis-like at all.

Dan Levitz has lived in Chappaqua for ten years and is an art dealer and writer 
with a blog on The Huffington Post.

Paws and Reflect Choosing, and Keeping, the Gift that Keeps on Giving

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With everyone in agreement, the Frasch family recently welcomed their newest addition–Buster.
With everyone in agreement, the Frasch family recently welcomed their newest addition–Buster.

By Eileen Gallagher

All across the country, parents hear the same refrain from their children– “Can’t we get a [dog/cat/rabbit/hamster/bird]?” As the holidays approach, the requests get more urgent, and increasingly difficult to resist. Who wouldn’t want to see a child’s eyes light up at the sight of a cuddly ball of fur in a festive box? And it’s not just children that receive pets as gifts for special occasions. Parents are surprised with a gift that keeps on giving, as well as spouses, significant others, siblings, and roommates.

Is it wise to bring a pet home for the holidays? According to Stephanie Petruccelli, an long time assistant at Mt Kisco Veterinary Clinic, it’s all in the planning. “As long as the whole family is on board, especially the parents,” she advised. “It’s a whole family responsibility.”

“Avoid impulse buys,” continued Petruccelli. Taking the time to visit shelters or breeders is important in finding the right fit for your home situation. For example, some families have a more active lifestyle than others, and might do well with an energetic dog. Others might be more suited to have a calmer, more sedentary pet.

Charmaine McCleave, owner of Charmaine’s Dog Salon in Somers, stressed taking the age of the children into account. Her “pet peeve” is hearing people say that their dog is matted because their children didn’t keep up with the brushing and grooming. Parents are the ones who will ultimately be responsible for the care of any pet, reminded McCleave, herself the mother of three boys. “Children are children, and often forget to brush their own hair.”

McCleave brought up another point –cats and dogs are a 10 to 15 year or longer commitment. Your child might be going off to college and leaving you as the sole caregiver. Knowing this ahead of time makes the adjustment less jarring.

If you are unsure about surprising your family with the right pet, Petruccelli offered a creative suggestion. “Make up a gift basket with a picture of a dog or cat and some toys and supplies to put under the tree, and then go as a family after the holiday to pick out your new companion.”

Asked if she has seen many cases of returned pets after the holidays are over, Petruccelli said not really in this area. “People are making educated as opposed to snap decisions.” She stressed that the two most important factors in getting a pet for the holidays, or at any time for that matter, are to be prepared, and to avoid impulse decisions.

The Frasch family decided to take the plunge and recently brought home their golden-doodle puppy, Buster. Georgia Frasch, who happens to be one of the moderators of the Facebook group “Chappaqua Moms,” shared their story.

“We believe our children should grow up with animal love, compassion, responsibility, and empathy,” said Frasch, herself a longtime dog rescuer. For 30 years, she had either fostered or permanently adopted dogs she found abandoned in the streets of her neighborhood in Manhattan. She would have loved to rescue a dog for her family, but one of her daughters, seven year old Gracie Bea, is very allergic. “We needed to be really careful about the breed,” Frasch explained. After watching their friends’ puppy (a sibling of Buster) for 12 hours with no breathing issues for her daughter, Frasch felt comfortable having Buster join their family.

Was everyone in the Frasch family in on the decision? “This will be a member of our family,” Frasch had said to her husband. “If you’re not on board with this, I don’t want to do it.” Frasch’s three children, Honor, Christian, and Gracie Bea, had all wanted a dog for years, but their parents were waiting until the time was right.

Buster, named for the special nickname Frasch’s father Joseph had for 10 year old Christian, is very much loved and appreciated. Frasch told of the close relationship between her father and son before her father passed away, and how Christian always said that he would love to have a boy dog so he could name him Buster in honor of his grandfather. When Buster became available, with his sibling Bella living right down the street, the Frasch’s knew the time was right.

If you do decide to make a happy addition, keep it fun but do your homework first. It is best to have food, an appropriately sized crate, bedding, toys, a collar, and a leash on hand before Fluffy or Fido comes to stay. Arrange an appointment with a veterinarian and, if this is a first pet, a trainer as well. “Baby-proof” your home which might have such holiday hazards as small toys, ribbons, and wrapping paper. And enjoy the new member of your family!

Eileen Gallagher is an 11- year resident of Chappaqua and the mother of four boys, two of the canine variety. An avid dog lover, she recently joined the organization “Puppy Rescue Mission,” an organization which assists in bringing dogs home from war to their military companions.

A Literary Taste Of Chappaqua

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By Sarah Ellen Rindsberg

Gift giving isn’t always easy. Instead of lamenting the fact that Uncle Iggy has everything, why not rejoice in the knowledge that there is a universal present which is sure to please? Books! This season, as always, there are many standouts. The following are noteworthy not only as great reads, but because each is recounted by one of your neighbors and includes a reference–oblique or otherwise–to the very place we call home.

Ben Lieberman’s 
“The Carnage Account”

When Chappaqua resident Ben Lieberman worked on Wall Street, his morning routine was a bit unusual for the profession. Sure, he would head to the city very early in the morning. However, his early start wasn’t driven by his firm’s buy and sell list. Although that was certainly part of his objective for the day, his first stop was actually the coffee shop across the street from the office where he would write for an hour and a half before going into the office at 7:30. His investment in diligent determination led to the release of his first book, Odd Jobs, in 2010.

Ben Lieberman. Frank Farina 2010 Photo
Ben Lieberman. Frank Farina 2010 Photo

The inspiration for The Carnage Account, his latest crime thriller, came during a meeting at Lehman Brothers. The discussion centered on a new product: life settlements. These instruments result from the purchase of life insurance policies (held by third parties) in which the buyer continues to pay the premiums and collects at death. The seller is banking on receiving an amount greater than the cash surrender value of the policy.

Lieberman began asking questions: “Is it regulated? Is it confidential?” The intrigue led to a subsequent thought: “Abuse on Wall Street is a recurring problem…what will happen when the inevitable exploitation occurs from the moral hazard of a product wagering on human expiration?” The Carnage Account, published this past October, is the result of his musing.

The story centers on hedge fund manager Rory Cage, a particularly devious protagonist, who sets out to adapt life settlements to his own nefarious end. “He has the desire to expedite the process,” Lieberman hints.

In the first chapter, appropriately titled Triathlon Terror, the plot thickens right away: “There was the usual gridlock at the turn, and Rory used the opportunity to take a deep breath, go underwater, and hum the theme song to Jaws.” The triathlon, described in vivid detail, is based on Lieberman’s first-hand experience. To sate curiosity, pick up a copy of The Carnage Account.

Jeff Altabef’s “Shatter Point”

Storytelling has always been an integral part of Jeff Altabef’s life. Bedtime stories for his children spawned not only his own avocation as a writer, but that of one of his daughters as well. A voracious reader of three genres – young adult, thrillers and historical fiction–Altebef turned to storytelling full-time after living the life of an investment banker.

When his first book, the political thriller Fourteenth Colony, was released, readers clamored for more. “That was the impetus for doing Shatter Point,” Altabef says. Shatter Point, his new psychological thriller, is a stand-alone sequel to Fourteenth Colony.

Jeff Altabef. Donna Allan Photo
Jeff Altabef. Donna Allan Photo

Altabef’s story lines are character-driven. After creating a storyboard he takes his cues from the characters he has created. “It often goes in directions that I never would have imagined,” he relates. His story frequently takes “unpredictable” turns based on where the characters take it, and the surprises keep the action moving rapidly.

To further create suspense, Altabef employs a time-tested technique:  “It’s making sure you end the chapter at the place where the reader says I have to see what happens next.” His techniques are key to sustaining readers’ interest and his work embodies the definition of a compelling read.

From Shatter Point:  “Without extraordinary vines, truly superior wine cannot flourish. The same is true with humans. Only those with the proper genetic code can be truly exceptional.” These words are uttered during a supposed picnic in the park by Cooper, a man who has long tormented Maggie, the woman he has kidnapped. When Maggie hears these words, her fear is palpable. She senses her aggressor’s intention and attempts to break free of his hold but hears, “Struggling won’t help you. The restraints are electrified. If you struggle against them you will only feel pain.” Maggie’s only hope at this point is rescue. Her devoted sons Tom and Jack set out determined to find and free their mother.

For his next work, Altabef created a soon to be 16-year-old female protagonist. To insure the veracity of the character’s voice, he enlisted a co-writer the same age as his protagonist, his daughter Erynn. Together, they are crafting a Native American-themed trilogy of young adult novels. Wind Catcher (the first volume) will be published in March of 2015. On collaborating with his youngest, this Chappaqua dad says, “Working with Erynn is awesome!”

Sarah Ellen Rindsberg, the quintessential bibliophile, hopes you have as much fun giving and reading these books as she did writing this piece.

 

Ready… Set… Chappaqua Winter!

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Judy McGrath’s photo of a tree that fell on Hardscrabble Road near Douglas Road; the area was without power for many days.
Judy McGrath’s photo of a tree that fell on Hardscrabble Road near Douglas Road; the area was without power for many days.

By Eileen Gallagher

For some, winter is a time to embrace the cold and all the activities it brings. Skiing, skating, and sitting by a crackling fire are big draws for those that are more “snowbird” than “sun worshiper.” Though seasonal tufts of snow can be fun, many residents recall winters that were a significant challenge (Superstorm Sandy is still quite fresh in everyone’s memory).

During the first real storm of the season, on Sunday, November 2nd of this year, fallen trees left several homes without power for much of the day. Communication was steady as Supervisor Rob Greenstein updated residents via Facebook on the current status of ConEd service calls and road closures. Though the storm was unusual due to the sudden but predicted high winds, it was a sobering reminder of seasons past.

Several residents were kind enough to share their winter woes, and ways to prevent a repeat of past misfortunes. Joyce Wong will never forget the blizzard of 2011. As a matter of fact, people often ask her if she is expecting visitors during the winter before making their own plans, because there is usually a travesty with the weather for Wong and her guests.

“I saw the power line snap,” recalled Wong, describing the tree limb that fell on the ConEd line to her home from the street. It was the year that 10 inches of snow fell very quickly, and the resulting loss of power prevented her from pumping water from her flooded basement. Six days without power left Wong cooking meals on an outdoor grill. Her husband was able to purchase one of two remaining portable generators from a hardware store, which enabled the use of either a toaster or a television. Visitors from Washington, D.C. had to stay with the Wongs while Amtrak and Metro North remained out of service.

The Wong family front yard was blanketed with Sandy’s October snow.
The Wong family front yard was blanketed with Sandy’s October snow.

“People had lived here for years and never lost power,” said Wong.

Hurricane Irene was very challenging for Judy McGrath. No power for three days kept her sump pump from operating, leaving a flood in her basement. Coupled with Sandy, which left her home with no power for four days, the storms were the reason the McGrath’s purchased a whole-house generator for their home.

One of McGrath’s neighbors had a generator during Irene, and was kind enough to allow other families to hook into it. “Three basements were kept pumped by one generator,” said McGrath. When she decided to install one, between the paperwork, variances, and fees, the process took much longer than expected, and was quite onerous.

Sandy caused problems for many, but some experienced much longer outages than others due to blocked roads. Shiyang Paskowitz had no electricity for two weeks in 2012, and her family was stranded in their home for the first few days with no ability to even phone or text. Neighbors worked together to cut downed trees into movable pieces and clear the road for accessibility. After that, the Paskowitz family was able to drive to Washington D.C. to stay with family.

Erin Ringham had just moved from one house in New Castle to another when Sandy struck. Unfortunately, her new home did not yet have a generator. The home she had sold was the only one in the neighborhood with power, however, and she heard from friends that the new owners were providing neighbors with hot cocoa and coffee during the outage. It wasn’t long before Ringham’s new home was equipped with a generator.

What do all of these women recommend others do to prepare for winter?

In addition to a generator, McGrath suggests roof heating cables, which are low-current electrical cables that can be turned on during a snowstorm to prevent ice from forming. This would allow homeowners to avoid frozen gutters and the dreaded ice damming many experienced with the snow of 2014. Wong urges people to fill gas cans at the first mention of a major storm, using an additive such as “Sta-Bil” to keep the gas in good condition for longer storage. Paskowitz recommends having insulation installed in the attic, as well as a tall ladder to allow for immediate removal of snow and ice from the roof.

Joyce and Stanley Wong captured this striking image of Sandy’s large tree destruction.
Joyce and Stanley Wong captured this striking image of Sandy’s large tree destruction.

What is New Castle doing to prepare for winter? According to Greenstein, the town is in good shape as far as salt supplies, with enough on hand to handle up to four storm events with more on the way. The town has added to the DPW plowing staff for a primary crew of 17 with five more as back-up, all having received the Cornell University operations and safety training. Two new salt spreaders are being added to the fleet, as well as rented sidewalk-clearing Bobcat. Most importantly, the town has established an Emergency Preparedness Committee. Per Greenstein, “There are many emergencies that can impact New Castle. The most common are severe weather, power outages and flooding. Although these emergencies cannot be eliminated, we can reduce the risk of injuries, property damage and economic impact through individual and community preparedness.” The purpose of the committee is to assist in planning and preparation for emergency operations.

“Be Prepared,” the famous Boy Scout motto, has its merit. Preparing ahead of a storm or blizzard benefits everyone. For instance, gathering necessary supplies before conditions get hazardous keeps people off the roads. Powering up phones and devices before a potential outage provides access to town and police updates. Keeping trees trimmed and monitored make falling limbs less likely to take down power lines or gutters.

Finally, Paskowitz summed up the best way to stay safe during winter storms; “When the weather is bad, STAY HOME!”

Eileen Gallagher, her husband, two sons, and two dogs have been happily living in Chappaqua for over 11 years. Previously an accountant and elementary school teacher, she is now a freelance writer and enthusiastic volunteer both in town and beyond. 

Standing next to the exposed roots of an uprooted tree, the Paskowitz children (Anna, Lyle and Kate) show, by comparison, the size of the loss of many mature trees, this one on Marcourt Drive.
Standing next to the exposed roots of an uprooted tree, the Paskowitz children (Anna, Lyle and Kate) show, by comparison, the size of the loss of many mature trees, this one on Marcourt Drive.