The Inside Press

Magazines serving the communities of Northern Westchester

The Inside Press

The Dreaded E-Word

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The Dreaded “E-Word” and Helping Generation Me “Get it”
By Mara Weissmann

A “perfect storm” is an expression that describes an event “where a rare combination of circumstances will aggravate a situation drastically.” Allow me to describe the perfect storm brewing among our wonderful teenagers…those we call Millennials, Gen Y, or as one psychologist calls them, “GenerationMe.” They were born between 1977-2000. Research tells us that they have been raised in a child-focused world where we, boomer generation parents–who have witnessed some of the worst violent acts of our time–have had an undying need to protect and instinctually want to shield them from harm, failure, pain, and hardship.

Our educational system and society, in general, in the years after 1980, have placed a primary emphasis on increasing our kids’ self-esteem. How many “All About Me” or similar projects did your kids bring home throughout their pre-school, elementary, middle school, and high school education? Self-esteem is not a bad thing except when, “[it is] based on nothing [, it] does not serve children well in the long-run; it’s better for children to develop real skills and feel good about accomplishing something,” said Martin Seligman, PhD and Master of Applied Positive Psychology. Nothing exemplifies this better than a National headline a few weeks ago that read “8 Year Old Gets ‘Catastrophe Award’ for Most Homework Excuses.” Is this what our education system has come to–rewarding for failure? So, components of a “perfect storm” have begun to converge: over-emphasis on self, parents who admittedly over-protect, advocate every argument on behalf, pave the way, and shield from failure, harm and hurt, and an education system that constructively criticizes by giving awards and trophies to all equally for often not much.

It is of little wonder that our kids have high expectations of themselves and those and work places with whom they come into contact. Indeed, employers have characterized them as having “outlandish expectations.” Employers experience our kids to be the “E” word . . . not Energetic, not Educated, but Entitled. Surprised? High School English teacher, David McCullough, recently got national acclaim for his commencement address when he told the graduating seniors: “You’re not special, you’re not exceptional. Contrary to what your U9 soccer trophy suggests, you’re glowing 7th grade report card, despite every assurance of a certain corpulent purple dinosaur, that nice Mr. Rogers and your batty Aunt Silvia; no matter how often your maternal caped crusader has swooped in to save you, you are nothing special. Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble wrapped. If everyone is special then no one is.” All this teacher did was give them a heads up: it’s a tough world out there.

Many of our kids, from my mouth to G-d’s ears, will eventually enter or are in the working world, a world that is not as nurturing as the world in which they were raised and educated (mildly stated). Researchers, educators and employers have opined that our kids are “ill-prepared” and “less able,” from a behavioral and emotional intelligence perspective, for that real world.

And so, a perfect storm lies ahead, particularly when our kids are faced with the first round of criticisms, bosses who have bad personalities, challenging situations that call for thoughtful strategies, navigating changing jobs in an informed process, and promotions and salary increases not happening within the time-frame they expect. What can we, as parents, anticipate? Calls home conveying misery and disappointment, loathing “sitting at a desk job,” anxiety, depression, and the list goes on. It is not all bad. So many of our kids find wonderful jobs and pursue careers that are rewarding. Sometimes, though, they don’t have the in-house mentor to help them navigate the tricky political waters or the next move and parents, face it, are not as objective, under the circumstances.
With 25 years of practicing employment law, HR and workplace strategies, I have teamed with Harvey Robbins, PhD, an industrial psychologist (IP) who worked for the CIA, among other well known governmental agencies and companies. Together, we developed SharpenUrEdge™, a group and one-on-one behavioral-based training program and advisory service for young adults (ages 17-35).

Young adults today are part of the most capable generation on earth. Imagine, though, if they were cognitively smarter about people and the work world landscape, more clinically insightful about themselves and others. Imagine further if they were more psychologically equipped to drive outcomes and face real world challenges and the different personalities that make up that world. And then imagine them phoning home to highlight their successes instead of calling about defeat: awesome thought.These skills are important to acquire early so they become instinctual when needed. Our approach has proven successful with many young adults–they feel more empowered and equipped with substantive strategies to achieve their goals, they have obtained networking leads for jobs, they feel prepared for interviews, and they have gotten into graduate school and obtained jobs. They come in from the storm.

Mara Weissmann, a mother of two teenagers in Chappaqua, is an attorney, Human Resources Consultant, and President of WISE HR Strategies LLC where she advises people on positive and empowering career strategies when faced with challenging work situations, and companies on how to be a better place for people to advance their careers. To find out more about SharpenUrEdge™ write to mara@wisehrstrategies.com or harvey@harveyrobbins.com or visit their website, www.sharpenuredge.com, for more information.

[stextbox id=”info” caption=”Tips for Parents to Empower their Kids”]

Self-advocacy is a great skill. Build those skills in your kids and let them advocate for themselves.

Truman Capote once said, “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” Neither parents nor our kids can fear and avoid failure of some sort in their life-time. The key is aiding your child in building resiliency: the ability to pick oneself up, dust oneself off, and move forward.

Kids coming out of college today have yet to prove their “specialness” in the real world. Parents must help kids understand that concept. If they don’t, some boss will.

Our kids see themselves on par with those who actually have more experience than they do. Teach our kids the importance of deferring to those who have more experience and to speak with authority, conviction, and substantive knowledge before they challenge, question or discredit authority.

Approach every challenging or conflict situation involving your child with the understanding that they had a role in it or may have made a mistake or done something wrong. Give them a change to articulate their contribution and cause them to own that part. Defending your child in every situation where they have had conflict or difficulty does not teach them accountability.

Helicoptering gives parenting a really bad name and does our kids a disservice. Helicopter Parenting is defined as “a style of child rearing in which an overprotective mother or father discourages a child’s independence by being too involved in the child’s life: In typical helicopter parenting, a mother or father swoops in at any sign of challenge or discomfort.” Hover over something else.

Help your child understand their blind spot, weakness or, as we say, developmental area. They will be asked that question and that they “can’t delegate” or they “work too hard” isn’t the right answer.

Have a discussion with your child and help them understand their strengths: encourage them to play to those strengths in their future career pursuits.

Teach your child about managing expectations while being proactive in the pursuit of their desired outcome.

–Mara Weissmann

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Coyotes in the Neighborhood

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By Maggie Mae…with Ronni Diamondstein

Last fall I heard our neighbor Dana leave a message on our answering machine, “Please be careful when you take Maggie outside. I just saw a coyote walking on the road in front of your house.” Other neighbors had told my owner that they heard coyotes howl at night, but we had never seen one. As soon as I could, I contacted Officer James Moore, the New Castle Animal Control Officer to find out what my owner and I could do to stay safe.

The Eastern coyote has readily adapted to living in the suburbs.

Officer Moore said that the coyotes probably already knew where I lived. That really scared me, so I listened closely to his suggestions. So did my owner. He said to carry a whistle when we went out before daylight. If we saw a coyote, we should make noise and never turn our backs on them. If we ran away, the coyotes will think we were prey and go after us. He also put me in touch with Kevin Clarke, Wildlife Biologist with the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation. “Coyotes are part of our environment,” he said, “and we can live peacefully with them.”

Coyotes are out there, Clarke says, and people need to modify their behavior so they and their dogs, especially small ones, don’t have a bad meeting. He said to stop doing the things that attract them to our homes. Don’t feed pets or stray cats outside, don’t use bird feeders, compost food items or leave trash uncovered. If you do see a coyote, you need to make it afraid of you. Like Officer Moore, he said to make lots of noise, to throw rocks or sticks, wave your arms and make yourself look scary. Don’t let them hang around and feel comfortable. “Most coyotes around the state do exhibit a healthy fear of humans,” says Clarke, “but in more urbanized areas they are comfortable around people and become bold and curious.” He said the likelihood of coyotes attacking people is very low, but he warned us that there have been cases around the country when coyotes attacked young children.

“To keep pets safe,” he said, “keep cats inside and keep dogs on a leash or in a fenced enclosure. Invisible fences are not a good way to keep them safe as coyotes will often come into a yard to kill a dog.” He also told us that small dogs like me should stay on a leash and in closed quarters–or bulk up. Coyotes don’t usually attack dogs larger than 35 pounds.

Over the summer, while I was writing this story, I realized how important it is. A little dog was killed by a coyote right in her own backyard in our town. The scary part was that the dog was right near the house.

Clarke says to enjoy wildlife from a distance. “We can never predict the behavior of wild animals with 100% certainty.” The best advice he offers is to change our behavior so we don’t attract coyotes and make them feel comfortable around us. You can find out more about coyotes and other things you can do around your home to keep these animals away from you and your pets. Just visit the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation website www.dec.ny.gov/animals/6971.html and the Westchester County website health.westchestergov.com/coyotes

Now I hear there was a Black Bear seen near the Duck Pond. I’d better find out what to do about them. Contact Maggie Mae Pup Reporter at maggiemae10514@gmail.com

Maggie Mae lives in Chappaqua with her adoring owner Ronni Diamondstein, who, when she isn’t walking Maggie is a freelance writer, PR consultant, award-winning photographer and a School Library Media Specialist and teacher who has worked in the US and abroad.

Photo Courtesy of New York State DEC

Are YOU What You Eat?

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By Rick Reynolds

If “you are what you eat,” and you’re able to read this, you’d have to be
 a cannibal.

Not all cannibals can read, of course, and literacy is not a defining characteristic of cannibalism. As for myself, I like being a human, and enjoy reading, but I prefer not to eat people when there are other items on 
the menu.

If, on the other hand, I’m on a life raft with you in the middle of the Pacific, and you’re telling me one crude joke after another, you could well end up on my dinner plate: a memory I’m not proud of. Hey, I was hungry. (Blame my boorish humor on that poor soul.)

Illustration by Rick Reynolds

When I eat oysters, my wife tells me I clam up at parties. And I do walk sluggishly after an appetizer of escargot–but still walk at a snail’s pace even after an entrée of lapin au moutarde, so I don’t know: I’ll never be fast as a jackrabbit, no matter what I eat.

My wife, a virtual-vegetarian, eats nothing but hummus and broccoli and thankfully she looks like neither. And who wants to be a cauliflower, anyway? They have extremely unfortunate complexions.

As my cousin Jared will tell you, “Food is my favorite dish.” For him, if it isn’t a rock, it’s food–and he does enjoy some rocks, like salt. He won’t eat wood, but he takes tree sap on his pancakes and brunches on more bamboo shoots than a panda. Omnivores like my cousin Jared will eat anything.

Where am I going with this? you ask. Wait, I know I had a point. It’s coming to me. Oh yeah.

Today, the media tells us more about our food choices than we ever wanted to know. One theory is replaced by another: More carbs, less carbs, more protein, less protein, all veggies, no veggies, organic/ hormone-free, genetically-modified, sugar vs. fructose, roughage vs. smoothies, whole juices, cooked/uncooked, par-cooked, sun-dried, refried, farm-raised, free-range, and free-range with privileges–it’s all so confusing. The only thing more dangerous to your health than eating is not eating.

The bottom line is, no matter what you eat, if you eat like a pig, you’ll not look like a string bean. That much we know. However, my dear 300 lb. grandfather lived to be 101, and he loved (and resembled) his watermelon, so who knows?

And speaking of eating like a pig, “Coning” is trending now, which is not a good sign for the human race. Pulling up to a drive-in window and grabbing the soft serve by the ice cream instead of the cone, just to get the server’s reaction, will hopefully not become part of the archeological record. (All YouTubes of this behavior must be stricken from the web before we go extinct.)

Thankfully, we are not what we eat, and neither are those creatures that eat us. But like those other beasties, our survival depends less on what food we eat than on the delicate ecosystems that sustain it. That we’re near, if not past, the tipping point of cataclysmic climate change is no joke.

Myself, I don’t know what we “are,” but our food isn’t “it.” One thing is for certain: Those critters that will eventually inherit the Earth will not be us. They won’t be inventing iPhones or writing loutish humor columns. And unlike us, they simply aren’t smart enough to do themselves in. No, 
these modest little survivors will not have to pay $2400 a year for a Smartphone family plan–and they will get the last laugh.

Chappaqua alumnus and 35-year resident of Chappaqua, humorist Rick Reynolds resides in southern New Hampshire with his wife, daughter,
and two dogs.

Chappaqua’s First Annual “Swim Across America”

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By Gina Faustini

Chappaqua held an inaugural Swim Across America of Long Island Sound event (SAALIS) on July 15th. The event raised money for cancer awareness, with proceeds going directly to charities according to SAALIS Event Coordinator Tony Sibio.

Swimmers of all ages participated in the event, swimming a mile or half-mile at the Chappaqua Swim & Tennis Club to support a cause that has directly affected many of them. The fact that many participants had a connection with cancer heightened the importance and value of the event.


According to SAALIS committee member Jean Fufidio, the Chappaqua Swim & Tennis Club’s leg of Swim Across America set a high standard for future events. Although this was the town’s first year participating, it’s likely that Chappaqua will have second highest number of swimmers for the 2012 SAALIS season.

“I think this is a record-breaker, especially for the first time an event is held at a new location,” said Fufidio. Bobby Hackett, a 1976 Olympic Silver Medalist in the 1500 Meter Freestyle, attended and hosted a swim clinic for the younger participants.

“I’m going to teach them swimming techniques–based on the fact that just being big and strong doesn’t help you in the water,” said Hackett. He also gave out Olympic pins at the end of the clinic, something that resonates well with the children being that this year’s summer Olympics could be the first that they remember watching.

Hackett, a Katonah resident, has been involved with Swim Across America in the past and says he really loves the foundation, the cause, and the environment of these events. Something he says he particularly liked about Chappaqua’s event was all of the young children who showed up. “I like to give the younger kids a good impression about being a successful swimmer and making it to the Olympics–if I can do it, anyone can do it,” said Hackett, a Yonkers native. It was certainly a family-friendly day; the lanes at Chappaqua Swim & Tennis Club were filled with smiling children, many with their parents and grandparents. Some were affiliated with the Chappaqua Swim Team, including Dan Levy, who has coached the team since 1999 and has a strong personal connection with the foundation. “This gives me a good feeling, because I started the team for my sister Karen, and then for the former Board President’s husband David Simon who passed a year later,” said Levy. “The children are learning that swimming isn’t just for racing and getting ribbons; it can also give back to the community.” The previously mentioned former Board President is Judy Simon, who helped organize the event. Her son Henry, 18, participated in Swim Across America in the past (he could not swim this year due to a back injury.)

“For Henry, it’s a way of fighting back against the disease that took his father,” said Simon. “Most people here have been touched by cancer, and although the smaller children didn’t know my husband, they do know my children and they know they are supporting a great cause.”

Twelve-year-old Chappaqua swim team member Gaige Elms swam a mile this year at her Swim Across America debut. She says she connected to it even more than she thought she would. “It may sound cheesy, but I got this warm feeling while I was raising money for the event, and I want to do even more next year,” she said.

Bobbie Pearce, 13, also weighed in on the event. “I personally don’t know anybody with cancer, and I feel like I am very lucky to have everyone in my family happy and healthy,” she said. “I want to help people who are not as fortunate as I am.”

From elementary school aged children to an Olympic medalist, this event was a light and fun way for attendees to help fight against the harsh realities of cancer. A common motive of every participant was the desire to help stop cancer in its tracks.

bobby-hackett-clinic-1
bobby-hackett-signing-towels
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Gina Faustini is entering her junior year at Quinnipiac University. She is majoring in Media Studies, and is working with Ruby Media Group for the summer.

Bringing Music & Academic Skills To Kids in the South Bronx

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By Rona Horowitz   Photos by Naliah Harris

The Renaissance Education, Music and Sports program began helping inner-city kids in 2001 and continues to expand. The program helps kids learn and build fundamental skills in all areas of life, in an informal educational setting. The program began with 65 kids in one music program and one basketball program. Today, during the school year, the program hosts about 1,200 students a week, said Howard Altarescu, Chairman of the Board and Chappaqua resident.

The organization’s Singing group is called Music with a Message (MusicWAM). Photo by Naliah Harris

In addition to the music and basketball programs, tutoring, and SAT/ACT prep is now being offered. The program also gives students real life information from mentors. The teachers and mentors consist of teens and adults who volunteer their time to these promising students. Lending their time helps instill necessary skills in the kids, and especially helps those who may not get as much attention to these pivotal techniques at home.

Altarescu and his wife Carol, an active volunteer in the program, were hosting a party at their house when Hillary Clinton was running for senator. On the invitation, the guests were not only invited to hear Clinton speak, but also to hear music from students in the Renaissance program. What started as a “come meet the kids,” idea as Carol called it, sparked the initiative of other Chappaqua families to get involved. The Altarescu’s have now made the party an annual event. The students in the program come to Chappaqua and perform for the residents, and the residents get to meet the students on a more personal level.

The center has become more to the Altarescu’s than solely helping these inner city kids: “It has become a process to help ‘bridge the gap’ between these two communities,” Carol said.

“The Chappaqua Nine”
Jessie Nadler, a Chappaqua resident, began getting involved in the math SAT prep program. Nadler recruited eight of her friends, then Horace Greeley attendees, and they each headed to the south Bronx approximately one Saturday a month. They became known as the Chappaqua Nine.

“I met a lot of really great people I wouldn’t be able to have met before hand,” Nadler said. He encourages everyone to get involved, but says the key to a good tutor is finding someone who wants to be there, so the kids being tutored are motivated too. As the program expands and becomes a more formal educational setting, our community’s interest grows.

“We have tremendous appreciation to the parents and the kids for the impact that Chappaqua has had,” Altarescu said. “It is invaluable to have hands on instruction from very bright Horace Greeley High School students.”

After moving to a larger location, the program is flourishing. Younger kids can now participate in a toddler basketball program. Older students can participate in a mobile music program called Music with a Message. These students get to drive around to perform positive music. Another part of the program called Music on Wheels goes into public schools where music programs have been cut and involves them in music. Altarescu says they have been seeing tremendous attendance and focus from the participants.

Another Chappaqua resident, Anne Hasegawa, volunteers her marketing and creative skills to the program. She said there are many different ways our community can contribute and benefit from the experience as well. “They [the students in the program] have a lot of energy and heart, and I just find it all very amazing,” Hasegawa said.

She continued by saying seeing them perform is inspiring especially because they don’t have the same advantages members of our community do. In efforts to continue to bridge the gap between these communities, the program will be having performances around town and in the gazebo, like the performance held on July 21.

Carol Altarescu and Valerie Levine at the late June party at Carol and Howard Altarescu’s home. Carol says she holds an early summer party as a way to express her appreciation to Chappaqua for all of the support given to Renaissance Education, Music and Sports over the past several years as well as introduce more people to the program. Photo by Naliah Harris

The Altarescus say that people making contributions by using their skills to help benefit others is a great thing. The program also always welcomes instruments, books/office supplies, and donations through Renaissance-EMS.org.

Greeley grad and IC intern Rona Horowitz is a Quinnipiac Journalism major, international business minor heading into her Junior year. She enjoys taking pictures, traveling to new places, and being with friends and family.

Naliah Harris is a graduate of the The Renaissance Education, Music and Sports program.