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Inside Armonk (Nov 2015)

Life Begins at the End of your Comfort Zone

October 21, 2015 by The Inside Press

Screenshot 2015-10-15 13.27.35By Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC

I received a candle with the above quote from one of my clients. I’m so glad that message resonated with her, as it rings so true for me as well. Most of us are afraid of the unknown and pushing ourselves beyond our limits. We are comfortable with the familiar, and have trouble with change, even if the “familiar” isn’t serving us so well. Doing something new or different produces anxiety by its very nature. Our brains have to switch out of autopilot (default mode) and focus on the new circumstances. Without this ability, there can be no courage.

Courage comes from the Latin words for heart and era meaning “the era of the heart,” symbolizing the conscious decision to follow your heart. Courage means willing to be vulnerable. To have courage means to “put yourself out there,” even if you may fail. Courage does not mean that you don’t get afraid. You feel the fear and do it anyway. It means that you start to master the fear and it doesn’t prevent you from following what you believe to be right or do what needs to be done.

No one is fearless. Being fearless sounds great and inspiring, but the fear always returns and the inner voice will always be there second guessing,(unless, of course, you’re Donald Trump). Our critical side is there to protect us from pain, vulnerability and failure. We have to acknowledge the voice, but not pay much attention to it. We can thank it for trying to keep us safe, and keep mov- ing toward our goals. The people we admire for being fearless are not. They are just good at managing their fears and keeping them at a distance.

Most people play it safe for fear of ridicule, failure and shame. This is a creativity and innovation killer. It is a travesty in the workplace because we are cheated out of wonderful ideas from employees who do not have the courage to take risks. Furthermore, those who go to Ivy League schools may not have the courage to take a challenging math or science course because of the fear of not having a perfect grade, cheating the world of their brilliance. As a culture, when we use shame to motivate, either in the workplace, school, family or even in The Biggest Loser show, it may work temporarily, but will eventually ham- per willingness to take the risk to do something truly courageous and mean- ingful. The same goes for our children. As parents, we may want to stop emphasizing achievement as the marker of self worth. They need to know they are special, win or lose. That way they will not fear failure and always be will- ing to take risks and know whatever the outcome, they are still worthwhile. We need to be proud of them for just showing up and willing to take risks.

Our core beliefs can also hinder us from being courageous. When I first started my business, I struggled with my belief about myself that I couldn’t speak in public. How was I going to get my message out there? I had to acknowledge the fear and do it anyway. My first “mindfulness” group was in my basement with six friends. I remember not being able to eat beforehand because I was so nervous (and nauseous).

The first ten minutes were awful and I’m sure my voice was shaky. What was I so afraid of? What would they think of me? That was my ego talking, the inner critic who always second guesses. When I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, and focused on getting my message out there, I was at ease. Just because I haven’t done it before, didn’t mean I wasn’t capable. It wasn’t easy, and still isn’t, but each time it gets easier. It also doesn’t hurt that I begin the workshops with a meditation!

Political candidates and public figures are no different. It is courageous to put yourself out there and subject yourself to endless criticism. Every- thing you’ve ever done gets rehashed, and people are always there to watch you fall.

Now with social media, people can be exceptionally cruel and more anonymous. It takes tremendous courage to stand up for what you believe and make changes. Maybe we can all think about that the next time we attack a candidate with whom we don’t agree. The courage is showing up and playing the game.

I will leave you with part of Theodore Roosevelt’s speech from The Man in the Arena that perfectly describes true courage.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC is a psychotherapist and holistic health coach at The Center for Health and Healing in Mt. Kisco. She specializes in helping busy men and women reduce stress and anxiety using mindfulness and meditation. Jodi runs a Mindfulness Bootcamp group called “Mindful is the New Skinny,” and speaks to various groups, schools and organizations on the topic. Please visit www.jodibaretz.com.

Filed Under: Inside Thoughts Tagged With: Inside Armonk (Nov 2015)

Neighbors Feeding Neighbors in Body and Spirit

October 21, 2015 by The Inside Press

Screenshot 2015-10-15 13.48.21
Jack Desmarais helps unpack fresh produce.

By Miriam Longobardi

Thanksgiving is a time when we reflect on that for which we are grateful as well as share our abundance with others. The holidays can be a time of year when those in need experience a sense of lack more keenly than other times, but, thankfully, there are many local organizations and houses of worship that offer nourishment for bodies and souls. Although some programs are specifically geared toward the holidays, others are ongoing throughout the year.

Nils Chittenden, rector of St. Stephens Episcopal Church on Bedford Road in Armonk, said that the influence of the worshipping community is far-reaching. Members of his congregation participate in ongoing work with the Mount Kisco Interfaith Food Pantry.

AnnLee Malani and Sue Brown coordinate food deliveries to homebound adults, and, not only are the recipients grateful for the food, but, because the women have developed relationships with these people, they look forward to the weekly visits as well as the deliveries of food.

The sense of companionship and someone checking in on them is as important as the food itself. Each year before the start of the annual Frosty Parade in Armonk, St. Stephens holds a winter fair in their main hall, and there are family-friendly activities as well as tables set up for non-profit groups to promote their causes. There are roving carolers as well as a bake sale to raise money for a different charity each year.

This year the bake sale proceeds will go to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center for biliary cancer research. Another important ministry of his church is hosting one of the largest Alcoholic Anonymous meetings in Westchester. Hundreds of people attend weekly, and meetings are held every day except Sunday. “The holidays can be a time when people with alcoholism experience an extraordinarily high need for support and we are glad to be able to provide that here,” Chittenden said. St. Stephens also regularly hosts Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts and the focus on citizenship and volunteerism also positively impacts the community.

At Temple Beth-El of Northern Westchester in Chappaqua, mitzvahs, or any good or praise-worthy deeds, abound throughout the year. Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe shared some ongoing work as well as special missions happening near Thanksgiving. A group of his congregants will be collecting donations for the people of Cuba and will then travel there to help the Jewish community as well as the larger Cuban community by providing much-needed medical supplies. “They are a communist country so they aren’t starving. What they can really use are a variety of medical supplies and some types of clothing. We will be collecting donations through December and the group will go down over the holiday break.”

Meg Gregg (left) sorts food with other volunteers at the Inter- faith Food Pantry.
Meg Gregg (left) sorts food with other volunteers at the Inter- faith Food Pantry.

The group includes some families with children old enough to assist as well as older people. “It’s a mixture of people who want to help,” Jaffe said. Each year boys and girls preparing for their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are part of the Mitzvah Corp Program by choosing a nonprofit company for which to volunteer.

Current Mitzvah Corp assignments include Pleasantville Community Garden, where they will help plant foods grown for donation, Atria Senior Living, where kids visit and plan a Hanukkah party for the elderly, and the Miracle League of Westchester that provides opportunities for youth and adults with special needs to enable them to play baseball in a specially designed adaptive field.

Mitzvah Corp kids commit to volunteering for five consecutive months so they really form relationships with the people they are helping and learn the rewards of service. Temple Beth-El also participates in the multi-denominational Interfaith Council that takes turns hosting a service and free Thanksgiving meal. Temple Beth-El hosted last year’s dinner and this year it will be hosted by St. Mary’s Church in Chappaqua. The meal follows an interfaith service comprised of members from Catholic, Jewish, Protestant, and Muslim faiths. Additionally, Temple Beth-El holds a High Holy Day Food Drive so when many members are fasting, they are also donating food to the Westchester Food Bank.

The Church of St. Patrick in Armonk organizes a variety of social ministry initiatives with the purpose of involving as much of the parish as possible to help others. “Our area is so blessed and others are not nearly as fortunate,” said Val Sprague, one of the lay leaders of the church led by Father Jeffery Galens. “We began Project Embrace as a way to reach out to as many people in need as we can. Under that program, different lay leaders of the parish organized committees to address different people’s needs. It continues to expand each year.”

Sprague herself helped start F.I.A.T. , which stands for Faith In Action Taskforce. F.I.A.T. volunteers participate in Midnight Run, which provides clothing and toiletries for the homeless, and organizes pancake breakfasts and pasta dinners to feed people dealing with food scarcity and donate clothing to the Children’s Hope Chest.

The CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) teams each adopt a group of children and donate to them by buying gift certificates and clothing, as well as holiday gifts. The teams prepare beautiful food baskets which are donated to the Greenwich Food Pantry. The CYO motto is “Not just basketball.”

Also formed under Project Embrace is the Christmas Angel Program which connects to a sister parish in Peekskill that is very impoverished. Donations of winter clothes and holiday gifts are collected and sent to them. Christmas Angels also purchase $25 gift cards for the women in the Bedford Correctional Facility to give to their teenaged children who visit them.

Local clergy and Council members together at Temple Beth El for last year’s Interfath Council Thanksgiving dinner. Front Row, from left to right: Candace Downing, CantorStar Trompeter, Nada Bernstein, Rev. Katy Cates, Phoebe Washburn, Richard Laster, Elinor Griffith, Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe, Rabbi Maura Linzer. Second Row, from left to right: Rev. Leigh Pezet, Roo Streich, Kristina Sibinga, Rev. Dr. Martha Jacobs, Ellen Lewis, Joanie Ferroni, Rev. Msgr. Tom Gilleece.
Local clergy and Council members together at Temple Beth El for last year’s Interfath Council Thanksgiving dinner. Front Row, from left to right: Candace Downing, CantorStar Trompeter, Nada Bernstein, Rev. Katy Cates, Phoebe Washburn, Richard Laster, Elinor Griffith, Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe, Rabbi Maura Linzer. Second Row, from left to right: Rev. Leigh Pezet, Roo Streich, Kristina Sibinga, Rev. Dr. Martha Jacobs, Ellen Lewis, Joanie Ferroni, Rev. Msgr. Tom Gilleece.

“This allows them to be moms to their kids. Even imprisoned, we want to make sure there’s joy,” Sprague said. During a special mass on December 13th, parishioners bring in their donations of food, clothing, and gifts. Following the mass, everyone sorts through and organizes all the donations to be distributed, even the children. “It’s important that the children see that the holidays are not just about making a list of what they want, but to be involved in giving to others,” Sprague explained.

The Mount Kisco Interfaith Pantry is an organization that, as the recipient of food and resources from many local congregations, last year was able to serve over 31,000 thousand people. Kate Lombardi, the communications director, shared what makes the Interfaith Pantry so special.

“Unlike other food pantries, which hand out pre-bagged meals, we are set up like a regular market, and people are free make choices that suit their tastes and dietary needs. There is a dignity in making your own selections.”

Food is not the only provision, though. “We offer home deliveries to the homebound as well as a variety of helpful classes, such as cooking demonstrations, how to budget for food, food prep, bilingual nutrition, and best use of food. We are trying to build a healthy community,” Lombardi said. The volunteers shop for food at the Westchester Food Bank. The Food Bank does not serve clients directly; rather, they provide food for local pantries and organizations at greatly reduced prices.

Pantry Volunteers

Lombardi is proud of the fact that they are able to provide a huge variety of food, including a large assortment of fresh produce, truly a luxury for a food pantry. The Mount Kisco Community Garden maintains a space where they grow food specifically for the Interfaith Pantry. Lombardi reminded me that the entire Mount Kisco Food Pantry is run entirely by volunteers–their Board of Directors, the people that organize food distribution, those who maintain the website, the grant-writers and newsletter-writers, and of course,
everyone in between.

While they are grateful for all donations, the most helpful are financial donations. “For every dollar donated, four dollars’ worth of food is purchased, and this helps feed over 250 households each week. We are neighbors feeding neighbors, and you never know when families may encounter a crisis and need help providing food.” To learn more about how you can volunteer or donate, visit their website: mountkiscofoodpantry.org/donate

Whether you are hungering in body or spirit, in need of comfort or would like to serve others, there are places nearby where you can receive or provide help. You are not alone during this holiday season, and there is a community of people to whom you can turn for a variety of needs and with whom you can share your time and energy to benefit others.

Miriam Longobardi is a freelance writer, fourth grade teacher and single mother of two daughters living in Westchester.  A breast cancer survivor, she volunteers for the American Cancer Society and has completed four marathons and travels the world.  Follow her on Twitter @writerMimiLong.

Filed Under: Armonk Cover Stories Tagged With: donate, Food, homeless, Inside Armonk (Nov 2015)

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