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grieving

Discover ‘The Memory Circle’: A Space for the Grieving to Gather

November 10, 2023 by Gracie Eisenberg

Editor’s Note: War and unrest in Israel and Gaza has most of the world experiencing collective and universal grief. We are in fact, in the midst of a grief pandemic. Where do we go to explore these feelings and emotions? We thought The Memory Circle might be one such place. – Grace

Barri Leiner Grant at Bedford Memorial Park on National Grief Awareness Day                       Inside Press Photo

Barri Leiner Grant is the self-proclaimed, Chief Grief Officer™ and founder of The Memory Circle. Grant left her career as a publicist and reporter to pursue full-time work as a Certified Grief Coach and educator. Grant has studied with the leading names in the grief space, including certification with Claire Bidwell Smith, Hope Edelman and David Kessler. She combines her writing background and yoga/meditation training to craft a one-of-its-kind way forward. She believes with her grief-tending techniques, we can better honor death and non-death loss.

Grant explains that she started ‘The Memory Circle’ as a place and space where you could gather–whether it’s been a day or a decade that you’ve experienced loss of any incarnation. She believes that “by sitting shoulder to shoulder with others who have experienced loss you create a wisdom exchange. A little bit of your story could help someone else, and their words, help your healing journey”.

While not a therapist, she has developed grief informed services she calls ‘grief tending’. “Just like you would weed or water a garden, we need a regular practice and tool kit to process loss,” she said.

As the holidays approach, Grant emphasizes how important it is to reframe the holidays in a way that feels right for us. “Writing your lost loved one (or ones) a letter around the holidays can be a beautiful tradition. It creates a continuing bond. A lot of my work is based on writing and processing through writing.”

“The holidays can bring up a lot of feelings of missing loved ones, or if we have ever experienced, let’s say a job loss, we may have less funding around the holidays for the kind of gifts that we used to give. If we’ve experienced a friendship loss, we may be feeling that over the holidays. Death and non-death losses alike can spike grief during celebratory times.”

“Be with what feels good to you,” states Grant, “which may mean that the day is not about gathering as you used to. Maybe the day can be about creating a new tradition. Think about reframing events in a way that feels like it will be comfortable for you. Sometimes that means saying yes or no to being included in somebody else’s celebration. Sometimes that means if your loved one was the place where you always went for that celebration, maybe it means making it your own home. Perhaps, you will volunteer somewhere and donate your time.”

Grant recently hosted a National Grief Awareness Day in Bedford Hills as an opportunity to explore ways in which we could come together as a community. Angie Cartwright started this day in honor of a loved one that she lost. As a new resident of this area, Grant worked with the Bedford Town Supervisor Ellen Calves to launch the day “to meet our neighbors, help understand their grief, and to help foste support and a feeling of connection.”

Grant notes that it can be very challenging to combine grieving and working. “Overall grief and grieving need a better place to live in modern-day society and especially in the workplace. She suggests inquiring about your company’s bereavement leave policy.

“I believe that everybody deserves to be seen, heard and witnessed in grief–along with paid bereavement leave,” said Grant. “If your company doesn’t have a policy, consider being part of a compassionate leadership effort in creating one.”

Whether at work or at home, introducing and extending compassion for those grieving “is a real gift we can give one another.” For more about Grant and The Memory Circle, visit thememorycircle.com

Filed Under: Cover Stories Tagged With: Barry Leiner Grant, grieving, Memory Circle

Beecher Flooks Funeral Home Owner Discusses the Impact of COVID-19

March 27, 2020 by Grace Bennett

March 27, 2020, Pleasantville, NY– “No time is a good time to die,” said Bill Flooks, owner of Pleasantville’s  Beecher Flooks Funeral Home which he has run for the last 16 years with his son Billy, Jr. “But this is not a good time at all.”

Flooks took some time out to speak with the Inside Press about the mandate to control coronavirus from spreading which limits public gatherings to ten people who must also follow social distancing rules. He commented that he and his staff are witnessing the impact among newly grieving individuals.

There are clear stages in the grieving process, Flooks explained, and they are disrupted by the new rules. “Individuals may feel they didn’t get what they wanted from the service. They are rescheduling a memorial service for a later date. He spoke of how “a wound may be reopened” to have the memorial service later, but that “many people may still wish to hold one for closure.”

With all houses of worship closed, there are mostly graveside services in which a family arranges for their own clergy to officiate at the cemetery. “Some of the cemeteries are even limiting the number of people who can come to the gravesite, even though it is outside.” Flooks added that he works with each cemetery service and will honor their rules and regulations.

He described it as “especially difficult when you have an elderly mother or father in a nursing home facility… You may not have seen them for weeks because the nursing home is on lockdown, and now they are dead. It is very upsetting.”

To date, Flooks said Beecher has held two funerals for persons with COVID-19 related deaths. “We are taking all the necessary precautions,” he said.

“First and foremost, we are helping families,” he added. “We are also being smart and careful. We have plenty of disinfectant; if we do have a gathering, we will bring in a cleaning service after the service to sanitize the building so we can keep the exposure to a minimum in case someone did have it.”

Flooks said that he and his son and his family are healthy and taking every precaution to stay so, too, and are continuing to meet the needs of those facing loss.  “It’s always a challenge, always a trying time, to help people navigate through a difficult life stage and the loss of a loved one, but with COVID-19, it’s even more difficult because of all the restrictions individuals face. But we are patient. We walk them through it and give the best guidance we can.”

Filed Under: Surviving COVID-19 Tagged With: Beecher Funeral Home, Bill Flooks, Funeral Home, funerals, gatherings, gravesite services, grieving, Precautions, public gatherings, stages

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