Last August, soon after returning from our final college drop off, my husband, Neal, and I decided to go for a short walk in our neighborhood to shake off the long day of travel and to decompress a bit. We immediately ran into our new neighbors as they were sweetly strolling their baby down the street. We were so happy to finally meet them, and I was thrilled to peek into the carriage to “ooh” and “ahhh” over this adorable new being.
As we continued to exchange introductions, I shared that we had just dropped off our fourth and youngest child at college and therefore, we were new empty nesters. Before I could get this “title” fully out of my mouth I literally burst into tears in front of this innocent, and now horrified, young couple. Neal put his arm around me with an apologetic chuckle and swept us the other direction implying something like “I will now remove this crazy woman from your path”– As we departed in separate directions, I couldn’t help but yell what so many once told me, “Enjoy it, the time goes really quickly.” The contrast of our new reality to their new beginnings was so evident in that moment and I was clearly overcome with emotion.
New beginnings, like back-to-school time, can be both exciting and daunting, always fraught with many emotions for both parents and kids. One universal sign of summer’s end and a drastic slap of reality is that ominous syllabus arriving home in the crisp new backpack or on Google Classroom that first week of school. The syllabus, defined as a document that outlines the main points of an academic course, learning goals, and assignment deadlines, also provides expectations and a structured schedule for the semester. In its own passive-aggressive way, the syllabus helps to prepare, while simultaneously throwing a punch to the gut conveying what lies ahead.
For many of us long out of school, the idea of receiving a syllabus with exam and project due dates may conjure traumatic memory recall. Or maybe, contrarily, we miss that kind of structured plan delivered to us in one clear document. As parents, we may ebb and flow with the required rituals of the new school year, but perhaps we should take a self-induced “syllabus second” in congruence with our kids’ September recalibration. A chance to pause, to reflect, and to create our own personal goals and expectations. Harnessing this back-to-school time can align beautifully with the opportunity to take a deep breath and to choose to pay attention to what matters most to you.
If you are currently staring at your children’s new syllabi with a touch of anxiety while balancing the school calendar like a Jenga puzzle game, try to remember that each chaotic morning, daunting project, helpful flashcard, big exam, dreaded dinner menu, busy car pool, exciting sports game, melodic band concert, and cherished bedtime story is a fleeting moment in precious time…the passage of which not even the exceptionally organized, multi-color coding-calendar-parent can control.
For my husband and me, and many others in an emptier nest, our new syllabus is now in formation. We have been able to delete packing lunches for unrushed quiet cups of coffee in the morning, while replacing late night carpools with after dinner strolls, where I am steadily attempting not to scare off any other neighbors. Show me your new baby, though, and all bets are off!
