• Home
    • Subscriptions to Inside Chappaqua and/or Inside Armonk Magazines
    • Issue Archives
    • Site Map
  • Cover Stories
    • Chappaqua Cover Stories
    • Armonk Cover Stories
  • Happenings
    • Westchester
  • Inside My New Castle
  • Just Between Us
    • Chappaqua Just Between Us
    • Armonk Just Between Us
    • From the Editor
    • Letters to the Editor
  • Health & Fitness
  • Single & Smart
  • Et Cetera
    • Worth a Thousand Words

Inside Chappaqua and Inside Armonk: The Magazines for New and North Castle

  • New Castle News
    • New Castle Releases
  • North Castle News
    • North Castle Releases
  • Gotta Have Arts
    • Book Excerpts
  • Lifestyles with our Sponsors
    • Sponsor News!
    • Words & Wisdoms From Our Sponsors
  • Advertise
    • Answers to Your Questions, or Contact Us!
    • Subscriptions to Inside Chappaqua and/or Inside Armonk Magazines

Chaotic is the New Happy

March 5, 2016 by The Inside Press

Jodi Baretz and her sometimes happy family.
Jodi Baretz and her sometimes happy family.

By Jodi Baretz

When Grace asked me to write an essay on “Happy Homes,” I chuckled a bit to myself! I’m not sure what goes on in your house, but in mine, it is certainly not always happy. I would describe my home as a loving, accepting, nurturing environment, but a bit chaotic and tense at times. Overall, we are a “happy” family but from the look on my teenager’s face, you may not think so.

I have a little problem with always striving for happiness. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, not a state that we should expect all the time. Families are messy. Life is messy. Kids are messy. Instead of happy home, let’s aim for a full adventure recognizing our full range of feelings; things may not always be perfect, but embrace the good, bad and ugly because they are there anyway. By being more aware that there will always be set backs, bad grades, tons of drama and spilled milk, we can certainly tolerate challenging times a bit more.

Having expectations of what activities we want our children to be involved in can create stress in a home. We may want our son to play baseball, but they want to take an art class. My son is a wrestler. I never would have picked it for him (and was shell shocked at the first meet), but it turned out to be one of his greatest experiences that had a huge (positive) impact on his life. Guess what? We don’t always know what is best for our kids. A common fear among my clients is that their child doesn’t have many friends or found an activity they enjoy. We can encourage, but not force this. We can expose them to activities, but ultimately, they have to be on board. They will find interests and friends in their own time. They are not always on our timeline. Accepting and making our child feel comfortable with who they are is the true key to a happy home and happy child.

“Instead of happy home, let’s aim for a full adventure recognizing our full range of feelings.”

On Facebook, it might look like everyone has a “happy home,” and we tend to feel “less than” if ours does not measure up. Most of you realize things are not always as they seem, but seeing those happy families on social media can have an impact. If you are struggling with issues in your house, chances are other families are too. They just don’t post it. Alternatively, we may want to be mindful about over posting. We all love and are proud of our children, and it’s great to share special moments, but if you are chronically posting familial bliss, it’s wise to stop and think about why so many of us have the need to do this, and how it affects others.

Instead of a permanently “happy home,” how do we create happy moments or create wonderful memories with our families? My biggest fear is one day my kids are going to look up from their phones and ask, “What happened to my childhood?” Kids don’t remember their best day of television. Creating memories has become increasingly difficult. We are rarely all disconnected from our devices at the same time and long enough to connect as a family. Thank goodness for dinner time, family vacations and carpools.

As my kids get older, these are the times I value and the only times I can get them to engage with me.

Creating memories does not have to be forced. One way to make them is by making the ordinary moments extraordinary. Meet every moment with your child as a new exciting adventure. Take a step back and appreciate them for who they are and how lucky you are to have them, without trying to change them. Gratitude goes a long way. The feeling is what you will remember. Life goes so fast and before you know it, the kids are gone. One memory from last month that stuck with me is my son getting out of the car, walking into a friends house and I sat back, watched, savored the moment and realized how very lucky I am. I hope

I always remember that!

Jodi Baretz, LCSW, CHHC is a psychotherapist and holistic health coach at The Center for Health and Healing in Mt. Kisco. She is a speaker on mindfulness topics and runs a Mindful is the New Skinny bootcamp to help women ease stress and get lighter inside and out. Jodi is a Chappaqua mom of two teenage boys. Visit jodibaretz.com.

Filed Under: Et Cetera Tagged With: Family, happiness, Inside Press, memories, theinsidepress.com

Follow our Social Media

The Inside Press

Join Our Mailing List


Search Inside Press

Visit Our Sponsors

Northern Westchester Hospital
William Raveis – Chappaqua
William Raveis – Armonk
Chappaqua Crossing
Houlihan Lawrence – Armonk
Houlihan Lawrence – Chappaqua
Chappaqua Performing Arts Center
Douglas Elliman Chappaqua
Douglas Elliman Armonk
Financial Asset Management Corp.
Harvey Cavalier Camp
Compass Real Estate: Armonk
Compass Real Estate: Chappaqua
Compass: Miller-Goldenberg Team
White Plains Hospital
Bueti Brothers
Corcoran: Robin Roy
Amy Singer – Houlihan Lawrence
New Castle Physical Therapy
World Cup Gymnastics
Club Fit
Rocks by Jolie B. Ray
Fantastic Finds
Bet Torah Nursery School
Wags & Whiskers Dog Grooming
tel:18555620715

Download our Latest Issues

Inside Chappaqua PDF Inside Armonk PDF

Links

  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Subscribe

Recent Posts

  • Three, Elaborately Costumed Magi Distribute Gifts to Children at Three Kings Day Celebration
  • Northern Westchester Hospital 2018 Annual Benefit Raises over $1.5 Million
  • Whole Foods Opens to Chappaqua’s Delight
  • ICD Holiday Fundraiser for Making Headway Foundation
  • Pete Harckham Celebrates Historic Win
  • Francesca Hagadus Win Paves Way to a Less Partisan Town Board

Categories

Archives

Subscribe

Did you know you can subscribe anytime for the print editions of either Inside Chappaqua, Inside Armonk–or both?

Voluntary subscriptions are most welcome, if you've moved outside the area, or a subscription is a great present idea for an elderly parent, for a neighbor who is moving or for your graduating high school student or any college student who may enjoy keeping up with hometown stories.

Subscribe Today

Copyright © 2019 The Inside Press, Inc. · Log in