stillborn infants

A Dream Interrupted

As days lengthen and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day approach, Inside Press celebrates parents whose journeys to family were forged through resilience, hope, and unwavering love. For one Chappaqua family, the path to parenthood began with heartbreak but ultimately led to a life fuller than they ever imagined.

When a couple decides to begin a family, that dream is often filled with emotions from excitement to anxiety. For Melissa and Michael Levine, there was excitement mixed with the knowledge that she may have difficulty conceiving due to an earlier, adolescent diagnosis of PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS is a common hormonal imbalance affecting ovulation in an estimated 5-13% of women of reproductive age. Because of potential difficulty conceiving, she was prescribed medication, as are many women with a similar profile.

Melissa conceived quickly, but the first ultrasound revealed a corneal ectopic pregnancy, which means the fetus implanted partially in the fallopian tube and partially in her uterus, a life-threatening condition making termination mandatory. She was officially high-risk and began the grueling process of IVF.

Over two years, Melissa diligently saw various doctors and specialists, occasionally getting positive pregnancy results that did not develop. Throughout this process, her beloved mother-in-law discussed adoption possibilities, but finally Melissa was pregnant with twins. Closely monitored, the twins were developing beautifully.

Around 27 weeks, Melissa awoke with excruciating pain and drained of color. Michael took her to the ER immediately, where a scan showed her uterus had ruptured and she had been bleeding slowly. The twins had implanted along her scar tissue from the corneal ectopic pregnancy and had not survived the blood loss. On March 3, 2008, the twins, Eli and Samantha, were stillborn. Kept in the hospital over 2 weeks, Melissa underwent surgery, blood transfusions, and other types of critical care. Michael and her parents quietly handled legal and administration issues, death certificates, and cremation procedures. Prior to that, the babies were dressed and swaddled, and Melissa and Michael were allowed to hold and take pictures of their beautiful babies.

Paperwork, Prayers, & Patience

Shortly after grieving this heart wrenching loss, they began to pursue adoption via Kids First Adoption Agency in Indiana that worked with Teremok, a Russian orphanage. The agency worked closely matching children to families.

The process was rigorous and costly. Melissa immediately began filling out stacks of paperwork, and for over nine months, the agency sent social workers to inspect the home, interview them, and examine their financials. This all had to be translated, notarized, and then apostilled, akin to an internationally recognized notarization. They had to attend 60 hours of parenting classes and then wait.

On Thanksgiving 2008, they received an email stating there were twins they could potentially adopt. Melissa and Michael were not fixated on adopting infants and would have happily adopted a sibling grouping of up to three children. Along with their birth picture was a worrisome report concerning medical issues, but Melissa and Michael did not care. They sent the medical report to the International Adoption Clinic at Yale for review and input. Photos and videos were also sent for analysis.

The twins were 11 months old, and in the Jewish faith it is common to name children with either the name or initial of a deceased relative. Michael’s grandmothers were Marcia and Doris. The twins’ names were Masha and Dasha, now known as Meri and Dani. Melissa later learned that the twins were born December 29, 2007, kept in the hospital, then transferred to Teremok the same weekend their biological twins died. The signs were all there and, two weeks later, they traveled to Russia to meet the girls.

Love at First Sight

Upon arriving at Tver, a small town along the Volga River where few speak English, and the one hotel is more like a hostel, they dropped their bags, hired a translator, and headed to Teremok.

Melissa describes her twins, to this day, as opposites, not only physically but in their personalities and interests as well. Meri was tiny, skin and bones, like images shown in advertisements soliciting money to feed hungry children, with her fists seemingly permanently clenched. Among her diagnoses was the generic failure to thrive. In contrast, Dani had chubby cheeks, nearly unheard of in an orphanage, and was running around the room. “She was and still is an energetic spitfire full of life,” describes Melissa, and Dani has grown into a powerful athlete. Meri now is the chattier twin, with strong language skills and very intuitive.

In most orphanages, babies learn early to self-soothe, sensing nobody will pick them up when they cry, as personnel is limited. Russian orphanages are run similarly to a military schedule. Wake up at this time, eat at that time, and so forth. The good news for adoptive parents is that most babies come home ready to sleep when it is time to sleep and eat when it is time to eat. The issues Meri had were largely due to the structure of feeding time. With approximately 10 babies per adult, feeding was like an assembly line – a bite for you, a bite for you, and down the line. This type of feeding led to Meredith vomiting much of her food as it was not always delivered gently. There are no tiny, special coated baby spoons nor playful games like, “Open your mouth, here comes the choo-choo!” Thankfully, once in the US, she had accessed to many early intervention services. Eventually she was able to relax, unclench her fists, and thrive.

Generally Russian adoptions, which ceased two years after finding their girls, involved three trips. The first was to meet the babies and sign more paperwork, then go home and prepare for court in Russia. The second trip was to go to court. They spent two days in court as the judge interviewed them and assess their family’s plan. The third is to bring them home.

Despite the judge being a woman, she appreciated the fact that the girls would be raised in a “traditional” family, where Michael works and Melissa stays at home. They were approved, and finally ready to bring their girls home

A Full House

The girls bonded easily with Melissa and Michael, and one of the first signs was when they innately realized they did not need to self-soothe all the time. The recognition that loving arms were there to hold and comfort them deepened their bond, and they both thrived, physically and emotionally, with their new family. The girls have always known their history, and, amazingly, have a full, biological brother, 15 months younger from the same orphanage, and adopted by a single mom in Indiana through the same agency. The families agreed to meet and while the idea that this boy is their brother was abstract when they were young, the siblings are all in touch on social media, and they visited every year growing up. The girls graduate Greeley High School this June and look forward to college experiences.

As the girls grew up, Melissa was a very hands-on mom – active in the PTA, Girl Scout troop leader, and coordinating activities. She has a craft business, MashaDasha Designs, which thrived once the girls were in school full-time and she expanded her selections. Among her work are beautiful designs made from crayons, and the demand for gifts grows. She now shows at numerous seasonal craft markets, such as Crafts at Lyndhurst and Modern Makers in Bryant Park.

Nurturing is simply part of Melissa’s nature. For the past decade she has fostered dogs–something the girls also love–and she even considers fostering children in the future. “I provide the love they didn’t get,” she said. By speaking openly about experiences such as stillbirth and the often-complex path to adoption, Melissa hopes to remind others walking similar roads that they are not alone. In a home filled with compassion, resilience, and plenty of wagging tails, it’s clear that for this family, love truly has multiplied.