Cover Stories

by Jean Sheff

Near the intersection of Routes 117 and 120, just opposite the New Castle Firehouse, sits a stately brick building. Perched above the fray, those inside can watch as daily life whizzes by in Chappaqua.

The building is occupied by LifeWorx, a firm established six years ago by Bal Agrawal, a former Fortune 500 executive who has come to realize the sanctity of “home.” The offices are clean and sleek. Only a half wall separates employees, who appear to enjoy the transparency of the layout. The space is a perfect mix of business meets life. There’s a well-appointed kitchen, a white couch and white side-chairs, life-size white boards for meetings and walls lined with modern portraits by Venture Photography. Touches of black and brown ground the 1,000-square-foot space and healthy granola bars fill a silver serving-dish. The atmosphere is calm and organized.

What Came Before
Bal, 60, who was born in India, has spent more than half his life in the States. Meeting him, one is set immediately at ease. It would be hard to imagine his life as anything but streamlined and orderly. Yet this erudite gentleman, who has a Ph.D. (from M.I.T.) in material science, has seen his share of upheaval.

Bal says he was “somewhat naïve” when he fell in love with a young woman in India, who presented what he calls a “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” situation. Bal was raised in a traditional Hindu family and Candida was a Catholic Portuguese girl. The only way he could see the relationship working was to come to America. So, he applied to an American college and left India when he was accepted. They set up home in Michigan, which wound up to be a poor choice, and crisscrossed the country studying, living or working before finally settling with their young son Neel, in Briarcliff.

Bal was enjoying his work at Praxair, Inc. when his wife took ill. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and after fighting for two years she succumbed to the illness at age 42. Bal remembers coming home from one of their first medical appointments. “It was autumn. There was a beautiful moon out and I could see the leaves falling slowly to the ground just as our tears fell like raindrops down our face,” he says.

Not everyone can express their feelings as poetically and naturally as Bal. Even a cynic would find it difficult to take him to task. After only a few minutes it becomes clear that his expressiveness is a large part of his being. That’s not to say he is always serious. He has a lively smile and a hearty laugh. He enjoys his fun as much as he enjoys his work. “At the end of a stressful week, I look forward to my Saturday workout, a yoga class, maybe a massage, a good lunch, and then I am back to new.”
Although he doesn’t claim to be religious, if pushed, he does admit to being somewhat spiritual. Those who work with him are more forthcoming. Brian Martin, director of client relations for LifeWorx, readily uses the word spiritual to describe his boss.

Other Challenges
Losing a beloved spouse is one thing. Picking up the pieces is quite another, especially when a child is involved. Neel was 11 when his mother was first diagnosed. He lived with her illness through his tweens and entered his teenage years without her. Bal makes it clear that Candida was a caring woman who not only worked as an administrator for Ossining’s Open Door, but also established a home that was a haven to her husband and son.

Bal clearly appreciates the value women bring both to the home and to the workforce. He shared his passionate views on the subject recently when he gave a talk at the Women’s Empowerment Conference at the Hyatt Regency in Greenwich.

In many ways, the seeds of LifeWorx were planted as Bal tried to deal with his shattered life after his wife’s death. “My son was in bed depressed, the roof was leaking, my household help had just stolen the silverware and left,” he says. He knew he needed help, but didn’t know where to turn. Eventually he found a wonderful new household assistant but the thought that there wasn’t a centralized organization which could disseminate this information quickly and professionally would stay with him.
Neel, who is now 30, eventually moved west to attend the University of Southern California. While there, he became increasingly ill and required several hospitalizations. “It’s something I wasn’t comfortable talking about before, but now I can say that my son suffers from mental illness,” says Bal. It was at this time that Bal says he hit bottom. “It was like a one-two punch,” he says. Yet, it was also the time when Bal, who doesn’t belabor the point, says he felt “the presence of God and faith.”

Rebuilding
Bal brought Neel home, moved to Chappaqua and began the task of remodeling his new home and rebuilding his life. “It was the first time I had done any work like this,” says Bal, who became a regular Home Depot shopper. It’s clear that the work of creating a home appealed to him.

It was also the time to make a bold move. “I had a wonderful job, but I had always wanted to develop my own business,” he says. He took about six months to develop his thoughts and then committed himself to the challenge of building LifeWorx.

He opened the doors in 2004, and when a positive article in The New York Times ran in January of 2005, the phone started ringing and hasn’t stopped. At first, the firm focused primarily on pet care together with chef and organizing services. In dealing with clients, Bal found that once he got to the core of their issue, there were other services they really needed. Streamlining lifestyles by incorporating the right assistance in the home developed into a focus. Bal says he’s pleased that so many of his clients say, “You get it! You understand my issues and the challenges.”

Bal and his team (he has four employees in the Chappaqua location and two in a new location in Westport) have expanded to provide nannies, childcare, eldercare, personal assistants and housekeeping experts. “We see ourselves as a solution provider rather than a staff provider,” he says. At any given time, they have about 100 “experts” who can be assigned to a client’s need within 24 to 48 hours. Yet, Lifeworx does more than assign – they make matches.

Quality
Martin, who has been in the hospitality and service industry since his teens, says Bal runs a “top notch organization.” There are “reports, accountability and weekly meetings,” he says. LifeWorx takes what’s best from the corporate world, adds high-end customer service and superior experts to solve the daily challenges many households face. Martin says that while the staff is extremely professional, they are also down to earth. “We are not robots; we are people and encourage clients to just talk to us so we can understand their needs and help solve them,” Martin says.

LifeWorx has an extensive interview process. Barbara Bogart of Harrison is a LifeWorx eldercare expert. She’s worked with the company for four years and respects their procedures. “All experts are screened, go through a full background check and a detailed personal interview,” she says. LifeWorx seeks to know everything about an expert’s skills. Can they swim? Do they know CPR? So, should you want a housekeeping expert who can clean limestone, decant wine and tend an herb garden, they can supply you with the right person.

When Chappaqua resident Sherry Blockinger needed childcare for her daughter, she turned to LifeWorx to help her find just the right person. “They made it easy for me by taking a lot of the background work out of the equation, which gave me great peace of mind. They understood my needs, offered support and provided the help when I needed it,” she says.

LifeWorx sets their standards very high. “We never send someone out there with our fingers crossed,” Martin says. Their due diligence is a huge part of their success. “Our success rate is huge,” says Martin.

Serenity
Bal says his home can run on autopilot and that gives him a sense of ease and calm. It also gives him the time and energy to do what he needs and wants to do. He cooks about four hours a week and works to live a balanced lifestyle. “Health is such a gift,” he says. He’s been a devoted yoga student for the past five years. He brings his personal quest for a peaceful home to work with him everyday. “Life can be stressful, helping people create a functioning home that can be their respite is very rewarding,” he says. As for his own respite, Bal hopes to walk across America with his son and his girlfriend within the next five years.

Jean Sheff is a Chappaqua resident who would love to have a peaceful, organized home.

Suburbia Roller Derby does not need a Jimmy Dugan to dissertate on the incompatibility of skating and crying. But when it’s more than hurt feelings at stake, a salty discharge is certainly tolerated in the “league” Yonkers calls its “own.” One need only look to Chappaqua Mom and Suburban Brawl Jammer, Jane “Lesley E. Visserate” McManus, for the answer.

“Cry,” she said of breaking her tailbone in 2008, “I got back up and continued to jam because I didn’t want to be a baby about it.”The bravado is more a function of competitiveness than the theatrics of the past. The WWE component is gone, says the ESPNNY columnist, and bouts now consist of skill, strategy and endurance.

The objective is for each teams’ two jammers to pass the opposition’s four blockers, getting one point per pass. Otherwise, blockers play offense and defense simultaneously. “You’re trying to assist your jammers, and at the same time, block the other jammers,” she says.

Likening it to controlling the football line of scrimmage, it’s about positioning, as legal contact is limited between the shoulders and thighs. An elbow to the head is a major penalty that you want to avoid, she says. Her introduction came doing a story for The Journal News in 2006 on a Connecticut Roller Derby league. As a lifelong athlete, it appealed, but she had reservations about the contact–until considering her past playing pickup basketball with men. “I figured it would be about the same,” she says. Signing on when this skater owned league came to the rink on Tuckahoe Road in 2007, she regained the outlet lost to pregnancy and parenthood.

Roller Derby is an outlet she recommends to any woman who wants to escape the fitness paradigm at the gym. “It’s an awful experience where you listen to loud music and will yourself into losing a pound,” she says.That’s replaced with a competitive determination in which athletes practice two to four times a week for two hours each. Bouts consist of two 30-minute halves, which have skaters on for fifteen, twominute shifts. Either way, the centrifugal forces expended do not put as big a dent in the effort as it might seem.

“It’s exhausting,” she says, and having “puke” buckets handy is a comfort (even though she’s never needed one). Although, she doesn’t want to scare off women with fewer miles on their sports’ resume. There are women who have never played Lesley E. Visserate aka Jane McManus, getting ready to jam against Hammer City at ECE on June 27. Photo by Manish Gosalia September/October 2010 Inside Chappaqua 27 any sport, and after training for a while, they become incredible skaters, she says. Additionally, there’s room to learn on the “B” team with the Backyard Bullies. It’s a way for us to get our younger players competition, she says. Of course, the difference separating the A-team, which will be competing in the Eastern Regional Tournament in September at The County Center, is vast. If you’re an “A” player, you have a keener awareness of pack movement and a better understanding of how the action will unfold, she says.

The same goes for contact. Hitting isn’t as effective if you take yourself out of the play and get passed. “It’s contact but with more purpose,” she says. Regardless, skill level doesn’t mean less competitiveness. “Why would you be doing this, if you don’t want to be as good as you can be,” she asks. So an injured “A” player can create a welcome opening. Someone’s noticed you, she says, “and that’s the moment to shine.” But the dark side of black and blues is lightened by the support found on the rink and a camaraderie that’s not at a loss afterwards at the pub.

“It’s just completely wonderful,” she says. It’s a also a venue in which moms can model themselves in a role exhibiting strength. “Kids love watching their mothers do something powerful,” she says.

Nonetheless, kids know all about the constraints on crying in case mommy is knocked off her bearings. “They know it’s part of the game,” she says. As for her husband, he plays tennis and her belief is that singular pursuits make for stronger relationships when both partners have them.

Otherwise, new fishnets (which are worn so the skin does not get stuck to the surface in falls) can add a little something to the intramurals, she jokes. How’s that sit with fans attracted to the sexy power of Roller Derby? Not sure, she concludes, you have to ask them. The Derby in the Burbs at The County Center is Sept 24-26.

Rich Monetti has been a freelancer since 2003. He is just fine with the contact he gets with slow pitch softball and rarely cries.

By Marianne A. Campolongo

“It used to be, ‘Wow, Johnny’s on TV.’ Now everyone is there with their flips recording everything and putting their kids on YouTube,” said Barbara Kornreich, New Castle Community Television (NCCTV)Board President.

In such an environment, how does community television, whose mission is to provide an outlet for the community to produce and broadcast their own content, stay relevant?

By embracing new media, becoming more visible, and reaching out to community members–whether they want training in sophisticated video equipment and editing techniques, or simple movie software to fine-tune their home videos.

New Media and a New Location
There is “a two-fold transition going on” at NCCTV, explains Kornreich: a growing emphasis on new media/ digital and the launch of a leading-edge public access center, the New Castle Community Media Center (NCCMC) where community members, businesses, and organizations can learn to shoot and produce video for the Internet, mobile devices, video sharing sites, and television, right in town.

Most viewers are already watching NCCTV’s traditional programming on demand on the web rather than on their television, according to Kornreich. The emphasis on new media recognizes the value in alternative programming. “People should not be intimidated. You don’t have to come in and do a half-hour show every week,” says Kornreich. “We’ll help you turn your four-minute video into something we can show on our website, on facebook, and on TV.”

“The website will be like YouTube except super local and relevant to New Castle,” said Executive Director Carrie Krams. Although it won an award from the Alliance for Community Media in 2008, Treasurer Lyle Anderson says he is already redesigning the site to make it more of a “community portal” where in addition to uploading video and photos, “people can comment, add suggestions, and create their own channels to personalize their experience.”

The new studio, which began limited operations in mid- July with a grand opening slated for September, provides everything from a traditional TV studio set-up with greenscreen, teleprompter, lights, and multi-directional robotic cameras that one person can operate from a high-tech console, to iMacs equipped with both simple movie-editing software and the more sophisticated Final Cut Pro.

Community members can learn to edit videos they take with their own cameras or with a variety of cameras available at the studio—from large professional models to easier-to-operate “prosumer” video cameras that fit easily in one hand. The current studio at Horace Greeley High School will remain intact, as will NCCTV’s traditional programming, which can now be shot at either location. The studio at Greeley was off-limits to the New Media Keeps an Old Medium Relevant Article and Photo by Marianne A. Campolongo Barbara Kornreich (standing) and Carrie Krams (seated) at the New Castle Community Media Center. The console controls multiple cameras in the studio. The top monitor shows one of the many virtual backgrounds that can be substitued for the plain green screen and table in the studio. September/October 2010 Inside Chappaqua 25 rest of the community during school hours. The new location at 400 King Street, Suite 2, in the shopping center at the intersection of Route 120 and Route 117, is open 9 am to 6 pm weekdays, and by appointment on Saturday, to make it easier to schedule shooting and editing sessions, workshops, and community meetings throughout the day, increasing accessibility.

“The kid’s stuff is so great. It’s quirky, fun and reflective of the community, which is really what it should be,” said Kornreich.

All ages are welcome but an important goal of the new media center is to make it easier for adults to get involved in filmmaking, so more of them can share their creativity with the community too, tapping into the town’s “vibrant, engaged, talented community,” said Krams. NCCTV has only two full-time staff members and several volunteers. Often, community members request someone to film their event, unaware that the station often does not have the manpower. They do, however, have the expertise to teach more residents how to film their own events, and equipment to lend those who need it. Krams and Kornreich said they hope the new media center will encourage more people to take advantage of what they have to offer.

Tap Into Your Inner Artist
Much is still in the planning stages as they prepare upcoming workshops. NCCTV has been an incubator for the career of many Greeley students who have gone on to top film schools and they plan to offer internship opportunities to further encourage students but you need not have serious aspirations to get involved.

The new media center is aimed at aspiring filmmakers of all ages who want to follow their artistic vision as well as at community members who simply want to learn how to record a town or group event. For more information you can check out the website www.ncctv.org, follow them on Facebook (New Castle Media Center) or contact info@nccmc.com to receive news of upcoming workshops.

Marianne A. Campolongo, a freelance writer and photographer (www.campyphotos.com) based in Chappaqua, has been dreaming about learning video. She cannot wait to take her first NCCMC workshop at a studio within walking distance of her home.

By Vicki de Vries

Readers may or may not recall the details surrounding the 9/11 Memorial project, which Inside Chappaqua covered in a 2004 issue. Now is a good time to review a bit of history. After the tragic events of September 11, 2001, many citizens thought about the need for a memorial, but not everyone had the determination of Michael Wolfensohn, a Chappaqua resident. In December 2001, he had contacted the City of New York for steel from Ground Zero to build a 9/11 Memorial. Nine months and scores of phone calls later, he was elated to receive two 18-inch eye beams.

A company in New Jersey donated their services to galvanize the metal, which thus would be preserved for at least 75 years. Wolfensohn and several friends then started Steel Beams, Inc., a not-for-profit organization to raise money for a suitable memorial. In February 2003, Wolfensohn met with the Town Board, and after several months of deliberation, the Board voted in favor of building a memorial at Duck Pond.

Sadly, a firestorm ensued when a dozen or so neighbors protested, and by August, sued the Town. Objections varied from if a memorial were built, “it would be as if Osama bin Laden had won.” Duck Pond would become a “tourist trap” or cause annoying traffic jams.

A Rocky Road
“I went through six years of craziness to convince people that building the 9/11 Memorial was a good thing,” Wolfensohn said. To his credit, he took the objections in stride. “I never took things personally,” he said, when people got very emotional and someacted rudely toward him. “You’re entitled to your opinion. I just disagree with it,” he would tell them. Instead of arguing, he tried to build consensus. Studying what other communities had done in building memorials proved helpful in making his case for the local memorial.

Part of the resistance, as Wolfensohn sees it, was based on a lack of understanding about the true purpose of the 9/11 Memorial: “to help people reflect on the day [9/11] and to focus on the warm feelings of community and unity that had surfaced during the days and weeks after the event. People had been more patient and friendly toward each other.” In January 2004, the lawsuit against the Town was dismissed, and a month later, the Town Board reopened the site selection process. For some odd reason, the Board chose Duck Pond as the site once again, but then decided to drop it altogether and search for a new location. In October, the Board began looking for a landscape designer and in February 2005, hired StevenYarbeck of Hudson & Pacific Designs.

A Time To Build
As the weeks and months dragged by, no suitable site for the 9/11 Memorial could be found. Until one day, while stopped in traffic on Route 133 near Gedney Park in Millwood, Town Supervisor Barbara Gar- How The 9/11 Memorial Finally Found its Home Making Michael Wolfensohn’s Dream Come True By Vicki de Vries • Photos by Sylvain Côté September/October 2010 Inside Chappaqua 23 rard “just happened” to glance at the empty caretaker’s house scheduled for demolition. “It struck me that the spot would be ideal since it would resolve the main problems which had plagued the Duck Pond site, including parking.” Things again seemed to be moving in the right direction. The Town Board approved the spot at Gedney Park, and Yarbeck continued working on the design. Then suddenly in December, the Board voted 3 to 2 to build the 9/11 Memorial without using the steel beams. Wolfensohn felt crushed. “I told the Board if they built the Memorial without the steel beams, then Steel Beams, Inc. would not be able to give them the $26,000.”

How could there be a 9/11 Memorial without the authentic steel beams from Ground Zero? Eventually, the Board came around, but precious time already had been lost. After the Groundbreaking Ceremony on September 11, 2007, Wolfensohn spent hours going over every detail of the design with Yarbeck.

The final design included the two eye beams mounted on gray granite platforms, a waterfall, fountain, and benches. Trees, bushes, and flowers would be added to enhance the peaceful setting. The construction was coming along through the dog days of summer. Just before its completion, another resident, Robert G. Coulombe, then chair of the Town Board’s Memorial Committee, suggested adding a plaque with the names of the 179 volunteers who been part of the massive relief effort from New Castle. “Every volunteer organization in New Castle had assembled trucks, blankets, water and other supplies. People had traveled back and forth to the epicenter of the tragedy to provide whatever help they could,” said Barbara Gerrard. Coulombe himself had been one among several residents who had helped to organize the volunteers.

Not surprisingly, the Town Board readily approved the plaque. Wolfensohn said: “It fit in perfectly with the whole purpose of the memorial or to bring to mind the sense of community and unity that had made friends of utterstrangers.” A plaque was also appropriate, said Gerrard, because the effortsof those dedicated people “should never be forgotten.”

A Special Dedication
On September 11, 2008, amid much fanfare and press, close to 400 people attended the Dedication of the newly constructed 9/11 Memorial. Everyone who had worked hard to make the dream a reality must have felt great satisfaction. Especially Michael Wolfenson, who always would remember what can be accomplished when people work together for the common good. Now, if anyone asks whether New Castle has a 9/11 Memorial, residents can point with pride to the one built for the “entire community” in Gedney Park. This year, September 11 falls on a Saturday. Why not plan to visit the beautiful spot and pause for a moment of silence?

[Note: The total cost of the 9/11 Memorial turned out to be exactly $250,060, and is being paid through a bond that will extend until 2014. Steel Beams, Inc., which raised $26,500, gave it to the Town Board to help defray costs.]

Vicki de Vries is a freelance writer/ editor who also teaches writing. The opportunity to write an historical drama for the sesquicentennial of a town in the Midwest has helped her more fully to appreciate the importance of local history and the need to preserve it.

By Vicki de Vries

If Indiana Jones were in search of a female counterpart, he could do no better than to select Jen Cook. While never forced to flee the Temple of Doom, Cook already has had her share of “nail-biting” moments— from becoming a certified scuba diver to taking flying lessons, from being first runnerup in the New York Teen Miss America contest to driving a fire truck. And those are only for starters.

Residents of New Castle will know Cook as the president and founder of Lighten Up Massage, which she started in 1995. Ever since, she has been on a crusade to help people realize that “massage therapy is for everyday life because it relieves stress and chronic pain and helps the body to heal.” To celebrate the 15th anniversary, she renamed the business Chappaqua Wellness Center, which now provides such related healthoriented features as chiropractic care, nutritional advice, and electrolysis.

Busy, Busy Hands
A psychology major in college, Cook “just happened” to work for a massage therapist during her college years. After graduation, she attended massage therapy school and then opened her own place in Chappaqua. But some people also know her as the generous, warm-hearted person who volunteered her massage therapy skills to help the clean-up volunteers after 9/11. “They were the most meaningful massages I’ve ever done,” said Cook. “I could just feel the pain and sadness through my hands as I touched their bodies. Some of them would talk about what they had seen, and others would just cry. It blew my mind that here they were doing something so tremendous yet were so appreciative of us.”

Then, soon after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, Cook again felt compelled to help: “Having the opportunity to make people feel less alone and more hopeful, just by simply being there with water and food was a time I’ll never forget.” She credits both of her parents for instilling in her a desire to help people.

From Le Creuset Pan into the Fire
Without a doubt, Jen Cook is an inveterate entrepreneur, someone who dreams big and is willing to take risks. While still keeping her massage therapy business in operation, she enrolled in evening and weekend classes at ICE, a wellknown culinary school in Manhattan. With a degree in hand, Cook began working as a parttime personal chef—something she had always wanted to do. Then last summer, she worked as an assistant chef on the TV program “Top Chef.”

In the past year, Cook spent an exciting two weeks with a master chef in Florence, Italy, How Jen Cook Lives the Dream By Vicki de Vries Photo by Bill Bramswig September/October 2010 Inside Chappaqua 14 to learn the art of pizza making. Upon returning to the States, she decided to start a mobile pizzeria that includes a custom-made wood-burning brick oven, which heats up to 850 degrees F. and can bake four small pizzas in two minutes. Thus was born her outdoor pizza business aptly called “Cooking With Fire.” Obviously, for Jen Cook, the expression “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” does not apply, since she has sought out heat in a very real sense of the word.

And as if life weren’t exciting enough, this summer Cook won a recipe contest that required a video submission. The “prize”? Being a guest chef alongside Bobby Flay on “Grill It,” [to air September 19 on the Food Network].

Now, could all of this passion for cooking be tied to her last name? “Absolutely,” Cook admitted. Kids would tease her on the school bus with the same question: “What are you cooking for dinner tonight, Cook?” Her answer was always the same: “Pizza,” one of her favorite foods—“a universal food.”

Massage therapy… cooking…. Most people follow one main pursuit but not Jen Cook, whose enthusiasm for life and ability to overcome challenges– and sometimes hunt them out– are bordering on legendary. When her beloved grandfather, a former fire chief, died ten years ago, her way of coping with the sad loss was by becoming a volunteer firefighter. “Some of my best memories are sitting with him in the fire truck on parade days,” said Cook. So, with a bucket of determination, this 5’ tall trailblazer applied as a volunteer at the Chappaqua Fire Department, which was “very supportive” and doubtless, not a little surprised, especially when she announced she wanted to drive the fire truck. “That was the only issue,” Cook said, but one she worked hard to overcome by spending many evenings at the firehouse studying every detail of the fire truck.

To sum it all up, Cook added in a humorous vein: “I can stand the heat,” and “I not only can start an oven fire, but I know how to put one out.” Thank goodness for multitasking.

Recipe for True Success
While being a female firefighter is an exciting “ride” and helps the community, another important benefit for Cook is serving as a role model. One day, while driving the fire truck, she overheard a little girl shout, “Look, Mommy, it’s a girl driving the fire truck!” and the mother reply, “You can do that too someday!” It should be obvious by now: Jen Cook also enjoys breaking stereotypes, a trait she credits to her mother, who was the first female EMT in Ossining.

“Having a very independent, courageous and confident mom has been the ultimate gift in my life,” Cook said. “She raised me and my brother, Chris [one year younger] to follow our hearts and dreams. And most importantly, to approach each new task or challenge with the mindset that whether you reach the final goal or not, you’ve just learned something you can take away and build upon.”

This attitude encouraged Cook and her brother to “grab hold of everything we can possibly fit into our lives. This is why I follow my heart with new ideas about how to experience it all.” But “going for the gusto” and breaking stereotypes, as important as they are, still don’t measure up to what Cook considers her supreme calling in life—being able to help people.

“Into Every Life, A Little Rain Must Fall…”
It may be a truism, but every successful person has learned to deal with hardship in some way. Cook said she and her younger brother, Chris, had a wonderful childhood even though her parents divorced when she was 4 years of age, and a few years later, her mother shocked family and friends by revealing that she was a lesbian. “It was not spoken about until my brother and I turned 11 and 12 years old [respectively],” said Cook. “We felt we had to protect Mom from society, but it was not a struggle for us to personally accept her lifestyle choice.” In fact, “we were not traumatized by it except that there was a lack of acceptance by the parents of some of our friends, by the school we attended, and by family members.”

Cook sees the silver lining in that struggle: “Mom’s being ‘different’ was a gift to us in the sense that both Chris and I are not prejudiced and are risk takers.” Learning to adjust to society’s unwelcoming attitude toward her mother and to the feeling of being treated as different helped shape Cook’s outlook: “The world is a much easier place to live and succeed in, if you can accept all people in spite of their differences and try to find the good in everyone.” When turning 16, however, Cook felt so alienated from her parents, especially her father, that she tried to commit suicide. Fortunately, teenagers in a red Ford pick-up truck rescued her from an oncoming train. Eight months in a rehab hospital helped her to deal with her emotional issues, although she angrily told her father, “I never want to see you again!”

“The reason I’m sharing this personal revelation,” Cook said, “is to encourage families, many of whom are struggling with different kinds of issues. Many parents and kids feel alone and keep their struggles bottled up inside like a secret poison that hinders inner healing. Cook believes that many parents and teenagers could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome due to 9/11: “Teenagers today were in elementary school in 2001. Back then, the sadness could be felt thick as a fog.” Eventually Cook and her father enjoyed a restored relationship: “After a ton of self-reflection and very difficult personal growth on my father’s part and mine, I realized my Dad had been traumatized himself growing up. He needed love and support too, and we healed together.”

A Point of No Return
Cook now has no regrets, except for a tragically major one– August 9, 2007, the day her father, Greg Cook, was killed by a car that drove ten feet down a sidewalk in Chappaqua before hurling him into a nearby glass window.

Just the week before his death, Cook had decided to tell him, “I forgive you, Daddy.” Ironically, they had arranged to meet in town on the very day and at the very spot where he was killed. She also had planned to hug him–“something she hadn’t done since childhood” and now would never get to do. Over 300 people attended Greg Cook’s funeral. “The love and support from not only friends but also strangers gave me the will and determination to remain in town,” Cook said. News of the horrific accident also reached Hillary Clinton, who said it would be a loss to the community if she moved away. “That just really touched my heart!” said Cook, who is still struggling to forgive the driver whose gross miscalculation cost her father’s life and left her and her family devastated by the incalculable loss. Four months later, Cook bought a 1955 Ford pick-up truck, which she still enjoys driving around town. But the truck is more than a novelty: it reminds her of her dramatic rescue when she tried to commit suicide, and is a way to honor her father’s memory: “Dad would always tell me, ‘I really wish people would make eye contact with passersby and smile.’” Now when she drives down the road, everyone looks up at her and smiles at the truck. “I always smile back and think, ‘Dad, they’re finally doing it!’”

Her estrangement and eventual reconciliation with her father taught Cook that “kids can come to understand their parents also have struggles, while parents can realize they’re not alone” in their battles with themselves and their kids. But not being able to hug her father and say she had actually forgiven him is something Jen Cook will always regret.

Blazing New Trails
Thinking about her life, Cook said: “I never want to go through the rough spots of my journey again, but I also can’t imagine who I would be without my past.” Those very experiences–especially how she has handled them–have shaped her life. And her personal tragedy has made her more determined to help people, whether she’s at work or involved with her other pursuits that put her in constant contact with the public.

The Future for Cook
Rumor has it she and her brother want to create a fabulous health drink, an elixir that will help people feel better. The only drawback is the lack of novelty, since Jen Cook is already used to helping people, whether she’s in a red fire truck or her Ford pick-up or using her hands to soothe an aching back or prod some pizza dough.

Vicki de Vries is a freelance writer/editor living in Westchester County and also enjoys teaching writing classes and cooking.