By Jodi Baretz
It is always more difficult to mourn when death is unexpected and tragic. The recent horrific train crash in Westchester this month from which six people were randomly taken from us, doesn’t make any sense. The impermanence and uncertainty of life is very difficult for us to wrap our heads around. Yet, sometimes it takes a tragedy to wake us up to how precious our lives are. When we face mortality, it puts everything in perspective. We all know of terminally ill patients who get a new lease on life, and often dramatically change the way they live. When we are faced with our own mortality, our whole view of life can change and we realize what matters. We live with more freedom and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Crisis as Opportunity
I learned about the fragility of life at an early age; I was just 15 when my father, 39, died tragically and unexpectedly. My life changed abruptly, and I have become the person I am today because of the many lessons learned from this shattering event. Sometimes, crisis can be an unbelievable opportunity to learn and grow. Its message may have been brought to all of us, so we wake up, enjoy the journey and be grateful for the gift of life.
We are always rushing to do more, and don’t often appreciate what we have. We wear stress as a badge of honor, and think: if we are busy, we must be important. We are in a race to nowhere. All this busyness can lead to depression, anxiety and lots of stress. There is no downtime anymore, and when there is, we have a multitude of screens that can distract us. When we live life in the fast lane, we don’t slow down enough to be present and live in each moment.
Our thoughts are stuck in the past, thinking about how we ended up in this unsatisfactory life, or in the future, being anxious about things that will probably never happen.
To experience peace, we have to intentionally slow down, connect with our current lives, and cultivate gratefulness. The practice of mindfulness is becoming increasingly popular in our culture, as one way to counteract all the “busyness” of our lives. It has been scientifically proven to decrease stress, as well as having a host of other emotional and physical benefits.
Today, technology gives us the ability to work around the clock, including weekends, and never turn it off. Mindfulness builds in a break for us, even from the constant chatter of our mind. It can bring us clarity, focus; an awareness arises when we pay attention to the present moment without judgment.
Meditation, as an exercise, quiets the mind; it literally can rewire the brain. People often say they can’t mediate because they could never slow down their mind. Guess what? Those people need it the most–myself included! Meditation is not shutting your mind off; that’s impossible. It is observing what thoughts are there, labeling them thinking, and then gently coming back to observing your breath. Simple enough. Five to ten minutes a day can make a huge difference. It may even bring you some peace to send thoughts of compassion to the victims of the crash, their families or others who are hurting. It also may be nice to send some much needed compassion to yourself and stop trying to always be better, smarter, richer. You’re fine the way you are!
Toward Peace of Mind
My heart goes out to the families of the victims. I know firsthand that, with time, they will survive, heal, grow and learn. I share my lesson and the lesson of the train crash with the hope that it helps you to appreciate life, slow down and change the way you relate to the mini-traumas of daily life. You cannot always change your circumstances, but how you respond to them defines your quality of life and peace of mind. What would you do differently if you knew you did not have a lot of time left?
In addition to being a Chappaqua mom, Jodi Baretz is a psychotherapist with a private practice at The Center for Health and Healing in Mt. Kisco. She leads a variety of mindfulness workshops including a Modern Day Mindfulness class for Chappaqua Continuing Ed, and a Mindfulness and Stigma workshop for “Stop Stigma Now,” both upcoming in March. You can reach her at jodibaretz@gmail.com, or visit her website, www.jodibaretz.com
Interfaith Council’s Blood Drive
In response to the tragic accident, the Chappaqua Interfaith Council organized a blood donation drive on February 8th at Temple Beth El. Representatives from the New York Blood Center were on hand to take donations at Temple Beth El at 220 South Bedford Road here in Chappaqua.
Robert Dirks Memorial Fund
The family of Robert Dirks has created a fund to help his wife, Christine, and two young children, Owen, 5, and Phoebe, 2, with immediate expenses. In the first 24 hours of the fund’s creation, almost $50,000 was raised, thanks to efforts by Chappaqua Cares and the Chappaqua Moms Facebook group. Friends and neighbors of the Dirks, as well as local businesses, have rallied to help.
A benefit is planned at Jodi’s Gym on March 15th.
Donations may be made at: www.youcaring.com
Robert Dirks Memorial and Family Fund
